Standing in line at a counter service restaurant yesterday, the man behind me says completely out of the blue "I don't know who's next, but I know I'm after you."
Well, thanks Captain Obvious, yes, you are after me. But also, it's crystal clear that there is a Man. In. Front. Of. Me.
I turn back to him and said "Yeah, that guy is next".
Him: "Well, you're a redhead and I know better than to make you mad!"
Me: "Clearly, you have experience with redheads."
/:)
I was traveling for work and it was a McDonald's in absolute middle-of-nowhere no-cell-service Indiana.
So, maybe it wasn't an IOI....maybe he was actually just excited there was a stranger in town!!
I really don't think he caught my snark when I said he must have experience with redheads...he went on to tell me about his redheaded 2 yr old niece and her temper. 8-|
@Chief_TC you can tell your son that Uranus was originally called George when it was first discovered, true story...Google it! (Geeky astronomer here).
"And a man....a man provides. And he does it even when he's not appreciated, or respected, or even loved. He simply bears up and he does it. Because he's a man."
Me, speaking quicker than thinking..."I know Mommies."
I have to think you meant "Mommy's", otherwise I'd be asking why you know about the anuses of women who have had children.
Grammar Nazi Alert!
_____________________________________________________________________________ If you want us to be unapologetically feminine, be unapologetically masculine.
We have this kind of ongoing joke about my pretend girlfriend named Shirley. Shirley is an overweight, mentally distraught, redneck, homeless type person. But she's really into me, you see.
Today's text convo:
Wife: Do you want to just meet at the office? Me: Shirley Wife: Shirley is not invited tonight. Me: Shirley doesn't use me for sex and then abandon me for the evening like you do. [no response] Me: Of course, that's why I live with you and not her. Wife: Also because she lives under a bridge. Me: That too.
Sometimes it sucks living with someone who can be wittier than you.
"My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy, if not, you'll become a philosopher." -Socrates
We have two Australian Shepherds. The running joke in the house is no more Aussies, because the first and oldest one we have is, frankly, an idiot. so today I post this on my FB feed:
Saying that my first stop of the day the person had this left over from a litter and would give it to me for free.
Man, you'd have thought I'd set off fireworks in the house. She's showing it to all her co-workers and asking me if I have the little bugger with me and can bring it by her workplace (via text). So I text back:
Did you remember to change your calendar today?
Her reply: "You're cut off!" (This was in fun, but I think I really did piss her off)
I let it run it's course on FB until lunch time, then post: "April 1, the day husbands who tantalize their wives with non- existent puppies say goodbye to their sex lives. It might really cost me a puppy to get out of this one."
She tells me tonight that it was 1) a very good prank, and 2) the funniest response on FB evah.
Hubs was *gasp* scraping his own plate off into the sink after dinner last night. I came up behind him and poked him in the butt with my fork. He told me to "watch it", so of course I did it again. He grabbed a spoon out of the sink and splashed water from the faucet in my general direction.
Him: I didn't get you that time. It was a warning shot. Next time, you're getting a mouthful!
" I came up behind him and poked him in the butt with my fork"
You forked him. Nice.
True story: It is almost a nightly tradition in our house when DW is dishing up dinner that I hand her utensils from the drawer. I ask, "Want to be forked?" then hand it to her. It's silly, but still gets a giggle more often than not. Obviously, this sets up the ball for "I love forking you", "Nobody forks me like you do", etc etc etc.
I need to set the scene: DW and I are walking the dogs on the rail trail. She stops to point out a woodpecker to me. Where I live, we have them in two distinct sizes. She says it's the big version. I'm standing behind her as we both look up at it in the tree.
DW: I think it's the big one.
Me: No, that's the little pecker.
DW: Oh. I was sure it was the big one.
Me: The big pecker is behind you.
DW turns around to look at me, making some kind of disgusted face with her mouth gaping open.
Me: I said the big pecker. You'll have to open your mouth wider than that.
Was at a meeting with my boss and some govt officials. Lunch was catered but in a small ante room that only two could comfortably fit into. My boss and the most senior gov official got in first and, as women (sorry FO's) are wont to do, started oohing and aahing over the dessert pastries, holding up the line "I want a little of this and a bite of that". @-)
As the line behind grew and became more impatient, I growled "Let's go ladies! You're not picking out engagement rings!!"
The man who gives his woman everything ends up with nothing. Not even the woman.
wife texts about coworker giving notice and therefore her workload doubling. she's already been stressed from work/school so she said she had to go outside and cry.
I respond: "fuck it, let's go bowling."
"lol. i'd love to but i can't. miss you."
This was a nice accomplishment for me as I used to always offer solutions to every problem she had with very little effect. It still surprises me when I get such a better response with so much less care.
oh thanks for the feedback. i was more looking at it from just the humour perspective, but from the woman-needing-a-rock perspective it makes a lot more sense.
you lost me at "remember the movie 'Failure to Launch" but I think I might plan for us to go to the shooting range this weekend.
"Failure To Launch" = the low point of mine and my wife's attempt to make some new "Couple Friends" after we moved back to my hometown. We went out with two other couples who all voted to see this movie (we wanted to see V For Vendetta). After sitting through that mess we decided maybe we should just have our own friends individually.
"My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy, if not, you'll become a philosopher." -Socrates
"Failure To Launch" = the low point of mine and my wife's attempt to make some new "Couple Friends" after we moved back to my hometown. We went out with two other couples who all voted to see this movie (we wanted to see V For Vendetta). After sitting through that mess we decided maybe we should just have our own friends individually.
Yeah, I remember there's that old football commentator guys naked butt in one scene. And there were a few funny moments with zoey deschanel and the bird. But bleh on the movie in general. Sarah Jessica Parker. That's her name. Just remembered.
Anyway.
Y'all talk now.
"Failure To Launch" = the low point of mine and my wife's attempt to make some new "Couple Friends" after we moved back to my hometown. We went out with two other couples who all voted to see this movie (we wanted to see V For Vendetta). After sitting through that mess we decided maybe we should just have our own friends individually.
Yeah, I remember there's that old football commentator guys naked butt in one scene. And there were a few funny moments with zoey deschanel and the bird. But bleh on the movie in general. Sarah Jessica Parker. That's her name. Just remembered.
Anyway.
Y'all talk now.
That "old football commentator" is Terry Bradshaw who played for the Pittsburgh Steelers and won 4 Superbowls in 6 years. He is one of the greatest quarterbacks to ever play in the NFL. It's said when living legends get turned into "old football comentators".
You want it, You take it, You pay the price The Boss
Comments
Standing in line at a counter service restaurant yesterday, the man behind me says completely out of the blue "I don't know who's next, but I know I'm after you."
Well, thanks Captain Obvious, yes, you are after me. But also, it's crystal clear that there is a Man. In. Front. Of. Me.
I turn back to him and said "Yeah, that guy is next".
Him: "Well, you're a redhead and I know better than to make you mad!"
Me: "Clearly, you have experience with redheads." /:)
I was traveling for work and it was a McDonald's in absolute middle-of-nowhere no-cell-service Indiana.
So, maybe it wasn't an IOI....maybe he was actually just excited there was a stranger in town!!
I really don't think he caught my snark when I said he must have experience with redheads...he went on to tell me about his redheaded 2 yr old niece and her temper. 8-|
Remember to play!
Do the right thing, whether anyone is watching or not.
Be married, until you are not.
Email address: angeline.greenwood@att.net
If you want us to be unapologetically feminine, be unapologetically masculine.
Today's text convo:
Wife: Do you want to just meet at the office?
Me: Shirley
Wife: Shirley is not invited tonight.
Me: Shirley doesn't use me for sex and then abandon me for the evening like you do.
[no response]
Me: Of course, that's why I live with you and not her.
Wife: Also because she lives under a bridge.
Me: That too.
Sometimes it sucks living with someone who can be wittier than you.
"My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy, if not, you'll become a philosopher." -Socrates
"Treating her like a princess didn't make me a prince, it made me a servant."
Link to triage questions: http://marriedmansexlife.com/triage-your-relationship-and-the-911-er-category/
Him: I didn't get you that time. It was a warning shot. Next time, you're getting a mouthful!
Me: You promise?
You forked him. Nice.
True story: It is almost a nightly tradition in our house when DW is dishing up dinner that I hand her utensils from the drawer. I ask, "Want to be forked?" then hand it to her. It's silly, but still gets a giggle more often than not. Obviously, this sets up the ball for "I love forking you", "Nobody forks me like you do", etc etc etc.
"Treating her like a princess didn't make me a prince, it made me a servant."
Link to triage questions: http://marriedmansexlife.com/triage-your-relationship-and-the-911-er-category/
"Treating her like a princess didn't make me a prince, it made me a servant."
Link to triage questions: http://marriedmansexlife.com/triage-your-relationship-and-the-911-er-category/
As the line behind grew and became more impatient, I growled "Let's go ladies! You're not picking out engagement rings!!"
I respond: "fuck it, let's go bowling."
"lol. i'd love to but i can't. miss you."
This was a nice accomplishment for me as I used to always offer solutions to every problem she had with very little effect. It still surprises me when I get such a better response with so much less care.
you lost me at "remember the movie 'Failure to Launch" but I think I might plan for us to go to the shooting range this weekend.
"My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy, if not, you'll become a philosopher." -Socrates
chick flick blah blah blah chick flick blah blah blah????
The Boss