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The "Shit I Say" Thread!!

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  • CowboyCowboy In the South, USASilver Member Posts: 1,994
    No one's put anything on this one in a while, so here goes...
    The other day, I was congratulating a friend of mine on a feat of athleticism while we were cliff climbing. I said "Awesome, dude! We all wish we could be as cool as you!"
    One of the girls arched an eyebrow, smiled, and said "What about Cowboy? Wouldn't we all like to be as cool as YOU?"
    I smirked and replied "One of me is enough. The world just couldn't handle that much awesome."
    "Men were designed to hunt mammoth. You need to go find your mammoth." --Serenity
    Pen_and_SwordUnBetaMeCallmeCat
  • amblrgirlamblrgirl ATXSilver Member Posts: 1,328
    H was waiting for his turn in the shower. I wasn't wearing much when I went to let him know it was free. I guess he liked the view because his eyes were glued to me when I walked out and said "It's all yours." So I followed that up with a little smile and said, "The shower, too." Got a big grin from him.

    Date night tonight, so a little teasing will do him good.  ;)
    amblrgirltx@gmail.com
    Fitocracy: atxchick

    Enneagram 6w5, married to a 5
    Pen_and_SwordCallmeCatnever_again
  • Pen_and_SwordPen_and_Sword USASilver Member Posts: 469
    Out on a date recently, we took a walk past a classically-influenced fountain covered with various sculptures. 

    Wife: [incredulous snort] She's wearing a bead necklace - but she's topless!
    Me: Well... yeah.  
    Wife: blushes

    A little later...

    Wife: So you like your topless women wearing beads, huh?
    Me: Actually, I just like my beaded women to be topless.
    Wife: Furious blushing

    The next day, wife's birthday dinner...

    Wife [teasing]: Name one thing you like about me!
    Me: You look great in a beaded necklace.
    Wife: [Still more blushing, play slap] You're a dickens!
    "James Bond doesn't have bad days."  - Tennee
    "The goal is to turn women on, NOT sex. If you become good at turning women on, sex can be assumed." - Tanooki
    Triage: http://marriedmansexlife.vanillaforums.com/discussion/13564/so-this-is-me
    M.A.P. - http://marriedmansexlife.vanillaforums.com/discussion/13574/pen-and-swords-map
    never_againMjolniramblrgirl
  • amblrgirlamblrgirl ATXSilver Member Posts: 1,328
    I was flossing in the bathroom when H walked in wearing only his boxers. He caught me checking him out and got a huge grin on his face.

    H: You like what you see?
    Me: Yes!
    H: (steps closer and puts his hands on my waist) I like what I see, too.
    Me: Yeah, my daily flossing is going to save us a bundle on dental bills.
    amblrgirltx@gmail.com
    Fitocracy: atxchick

    Enneagram 6w5, married to a 5
    Tennee42andatowel
  • never_againnever_again CanadaSilver Member Posts: 1,372
    I was away visiting family for a week.  The woman I'm seeing apparently really, really missed me.

    As I'm heading to the airport she texts "I just got my period. :disappointed:"

    I texted back "Constipated?" and got a "You're crazy!!"

    As soon as I walked in the door she says "I've got a tampon in.  Let's go."  

    Welcome back BJ and anal, ftw!!  :sunglasses:

    The man who gives his woman everything ends up with nothing. Not even the woman.
  • nubbynubby Right HereSilver Member Posts: 1,964
    My wife has been adding lemon slices to her water bottle lately. We were outside working and complained there was a seed stuck in the straw. 
    Me- "I guess then that you can't suck a golf ball through a garden hose?"
    W- "I guess not"
    me-"wanna start practicing?"
    w-"do you have any golf balls?"
    me- "yes, they're in my bag" as I grab my crotch.
    w-grin
    AngelineIrishGypsyCallmeCat
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