Saying "I love you"

RedPillLearning

I have read in a number of posts about the concept of not saying I love you as much as your FO.  I am curious about this as we currently say it a lot to each other and not for specific reasons (I am working on this one). Often it feels like more of a habit rather than a true feeling.  Several have posted that they will only say it 1 time to 4 from their FO.  Is this a good rule of thumb or a potential landmine?  Also, does this mean you don't respond with an "I love you too" when she says it?

Thanks!

texascfguy

What would Han Solo do?

Katt

I think there is too much thinking about some of this! Sure you don't want to constantly pour ILY on her like a pathetic teenager, but I don't see any reason not to say it back if she says it to you.

Capster

Equation:

"I love you"  >  "I love you too"

RedPillLearning

@texascfguy A great line from a great movie.  It apparently wasn't part of the script, he was just improvising.

texascfguy

I learned everything I know from growing up watching Star Wars. And yes the line was improvised, he was supposed to say I love you too but Ford decided to change it because he thought that it's wasn't in line with the character.

RedPillLearning

I am certainly thinking about it a lot now (in 2014) but never in the past.  For me this question really comes from my MAP and knowing that I need to eliminate bad beta, give good beta from an alpha frame and generally show my alpha traits more.

fredless

I say it when I want to and make jokes (similar to Han Solo) at other times.  I recently leaned over to my wife for no reason, kissed her on the head and told her "I love you."  When she started to say it back I put my finger on her lips and said, "I didn't say it to hear it back from you.  I said it because I want you to know I love you." 

RedPillLearning

newredpillrecruit said:

RedPillLearning said:

I am certainly thinking about it a lot now (in 2014) but never in the past.  For me this question really comes from my MAP and knowing that I need to eliminate bad beta, give good beta from an alpha frame and generally show my alpha traits more.

I love you could certainly be bad beta if it's "I wuv you, I wuv you, I wuv you so much! I am nothing without you! Did I mention I wuv you?"

Or if it is a covert contract and you are only saying it because you expect reciprocation "I love you too" or because you expect for it to wet her panties.

It's definitely not a case of the "I wuv you's" and it does not wet panties.  It could a covert contract of sorts that works both ways as we both do it.

PandaBear7

My wife rarely says it to me....unless her BFF is around, then the long kisses, tickling and ILY comes out. Preselection, or something?

Monkeys_Uncle

My grandfather, who is one of the most alpha men I know, pounded this message into my head from a very young age:  It's a crazy world out there, and there is no shortage of stupidity, accidents, and evil.  You say 'I love you' to the people you love because today could be the last day you ever get to spend with them.

I approach it from that frame of reference, and it has never appeared to be a problem in regards to attraction.

RedPillLearning

@PandaBear7 I don't really have an answer to your question, but I am sure someone will have some sage advise.  Out of curiosity, do you say ILY very often or do you as a couple just not say it all that often?

Snoopy

This is the rule I probably break the most. I think I say I love you at about a 10 to 1 ratio. When I am on my game, I really pursue her hard through our daily interactions. Lots of "I love you", "I want you", "show me your ....." that sort of thing.  I try to give the whole Italian lover treatment.

PandaBear7

@RedPillLearning‌ I say it first more than she does. But W is depressed and that effects everything she does or doesn't do.

Mix it up with "I love you...with your ankles over my shoulders", followed by a swat on the ass. I guess it's all about frame.

Britguy68

Deleted..

RedPillLearning

@PandaBear7 sorry to hear that. Best of luck to you.  I definitely need to mix it up a bit.

Athol_Kay

RedPillLearning said:

Several have posted that they will only say it 1 time to 4 from their FO.  

If that's true, it's somewhat chilling that the MMSL forum is now dishing out advice harsher than Roissy's 2 times to 3 golden ratio.

http://heartiste.wordpress.com/the-sixteen-commandments-of-poon/

 

I think as long as you have sufficient Alpha in place, you can be as Beta as you like.

RedPillLearning

I am trying to find one of the posts I was referencing so I can reread it for the overall context.  No luck so far.

@Athol_Kay - I agree and as you know I need to keep building on the Alpha.

fordsvt

I think I was saying it way too often before. Way to Beta. I've slowed it down in the past 6 months. I aim for 2x per week. Unless she says it first. After sex 2 nights ago she said it with passion...so I said it back of course.

I'm just more selective now. She knows I do love her. So I focus more on the Alpha traits.

Mongrel

One thing I unknowingly did was not follow in my father's footsteps on this topic. My mother ran the show in our house, and my father often followed her around like a lost puppy spouting "I love you"s when they would have an argument. As a spectator to all this, I just learned that it was both pathetic and ineffective. I dish out the phrase with infrequency here; probably even less than I should. Mrs Mongrel isn't exactly a touchy-feely person, so I think it's generally not a big deal, but keeping it a rarely used phrase for special moments is the only way I can not gag when saying it. Using it with frequency would turn it into a parody to me.

BrianC

This is a fine example of overthinking.  When a guy first starts making changes to become attractive, he can develop a habit of worry way too much about what is Alpha, what is Beta, and what is squishy.

Honestly, this is not rocket science.  Nor is it a battle for your immortal soul in the face of an unforgiving demonic bitch-goddess.  Your wife will not fall into permanent vaclang just because you said "I Love You" more often than she did.  You can stress yourself out and embitter yourself towards your marriage with this level of focus.

And if you say it with a deep voice while you are looking good and have the devil's own smile in your eyes, I can't imagine it will be taken poorly.  And you can always make up for it by being awesome in other ways, like kicking her out of your kitchen, or smacking her on the ass.

There are some things where you need to give yourself a break and let the chips fall where they may, and this is certainly one of them.  I say it whenever I feel like it. Usually about three times a day.