Well, I guess it's about time

24

Comments

  • betafiedbetafied Boston, MASilver Member Posts: 49
    She was with her work girlfriends in New York City when all of the "he tried to kiss me but I didn't let him" stuff went down
  • betafiedbetafied Boston, MASilver Member Posts: 49
    @Mandrill‌ yes sir, great points. I certainly do need to look at it from a "this is for me" standpoint. And with the working out more I do. I like what I see in the mirror more. I've been noticing far more attention from other females lately too. Not sure if it's an attitude change or a combo of the nicer clothes/working out, but it certainly feels better.
    The_Dude
  • The_DudeThe_Dude Hollywood Star LanesGold Men Posts: 4,583
    edited April 2014
    Now that I reread this carefully, I think I have the accurate picture. Thanks. Listen, I did much dumber stuff, trust me.
    I assume you now know that she wants you to mate guard. She sees the lack of protectiveness as meaning you do t care, not that your so nice to be so trusting. Different women view this differently. Your wife (and mine) have a clear preference.
    My takeaway from this was to understand that I should set boundaries and not give a crap what her immediate reaction is. And if some guy starts flirting with her, use the opportunity. I've done that several times lately. It's kinda fun if you have the right mindset. Just don't worry about what the dude will do. Who cares.
    [Deleted User]betafied
  • Frank_LondonFrank_London in transitSilver Member Posts: 1,853
    I'm going to respond to a blend of both your maps - but this is for you, betafied.

    The drinking sounds under control. The wife even concedes that these days it's "a beer here or there" but she doesn't think it's "a good idea."
    I'm on your side on this. Learning to be an occasional drinker is a stronger achievement than never touching a drop again, and the AA model has been criticized for applying an extremist approach to people who are not hard-core alcoholics.
    This is perhaps a benefit of mapping for you down the track; she doesn't want you drinking because she doesn't trust you. And she doesn't trust you because you haven't demonstrated that you can be a responsible adult.

    I'm going to quote from your wife's MAP. I'm going to highlight the bit that I think you should focus on.
    Who is the Leader in your Marriage? I am. Definitely. I hate it and I do not want to be, but he is unreliable so I have had to step it up. Coming from the tough family life I did, I had to grow up quick and take on a lot of responsibility. Now it is my job to make sure all the chores and bills get paid. I can ask him to help out and he has gotten much better about chores, but with bills and other stuff it is a struggle where I have to constantly remind him. He makes jokes about me being the boss, but I hate it because I am only in this role because he won’t prove that he can step up to the plate.
    I don't know about you, but I'm getting the feeling that she hates it! Whatever gave me that impression, I wonder? So, just to recap. Your wife hates the role as leader. "Hates." She is crying out for you to step up and carry some of the load. She doesn't want to carry it any more.
    Having said that, if you try to make decisions she doesn't agree with, she will fight you hard. because if there's one thing that she hates more than being the leader, it's things getting fucked up and poor decisions being made. I suggest you start small, by picking your battles. Pick something that you think you can own as a decision and just carry it through the shitstorm.

    The way I see it, the number one responsibility that stresses her out is finance and money.
    I suggest you figure out a way to show leadership in that area, in some way. Talk through your ideas with us, if you like.
    Number 2 is chores. Maybe chores would be a better place to start, in fact, since it's a less emotional area.
    betafied[Deleted User]The_Dude[Deleted User]
  • betafiedbetafied Boston, MASilver Member Posts: 49
    Yes I think I see a pattern there. Truth be told, when I take care of shit it makes me feel good. And I think even she would vouch for this, it's not like I'm some slob that doesnt do anything aroubd the house or in the yard. I could just use a little extra push (from myself) to do shit rather than be asked about it. Thanks for all the insight so far from all of you. I look forward to my continued improvement and running my map
  • CartB4HorseCartB4Horse Southwest USASilver Member Posts: 4,155
    @betafied -- real quick comment: Your wife loves you and is running things while you haven't been. I believe that your issue(s) revolve around Low-T. You're getting that checked so good.

    Start a MAP. It wont be yuour last, trust me. Start to lift heavy weights TODAY.

    You got this.

    Put back on course via a 'One Hour Call' with Athol.  Seriously worth 10 times the cost, but don't tell him that....

    “Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” - Victor Frankl 

    betafied
  • betafiedbetafied Boston, MASilver Member Posts: 49
    So the results are in and it looks like my T levels are fairly normal but I have shockingly high levels of estrogen for a male. Anyone have any experience with normal T and high estrogen? I'm going to try to adjust my diet accordingly and get that estrogen down but guidance is welcome or experience shared appreciated!
  • RangerJohnRangerJohn God's CountrySilver Member Posts: 179
    edited April 2014
    start taking zink twice a day and 4000 milligrams of D3 see if you can get a prescription for Femara I take half a pill twice a month. fat cells will convert testosterone into estrogen also check on getting some DIM. what are your testosterone levels normal range is 450 -1100 my doctor say is it should be in the upper end of that they prefer between 1000 and 1100
  • Changed_ManChanged_Man ChicagolandSilver Member Posts: 1,965
    betafied said:
    So the results are in and it looks like my T levels are fairly normal but I have shockingly high levels of estrogen for a male. Anyone have any experience with normal T and high estrogen? I'm going to try to adjust my diet accordingly and get that estrogen down but guidance is welcome or experience shared appreciated!
    @betafied, could you elaborate on your present diet? Perchance, are you a vegetarian?

    When push comes to shove, you taste what you're made of. You might bend til you break, cause it's all you can take. On your knees you look up, decide you've had enough. You get mad, you get strong, wipe your hands, shake it off... And you stand!

    "Stand" by Rascal Flatts


  • betafiedbetafied Boston, MASilver Member Posts: 49
    edited April 2014
    Yes vegetarian, some soy based meat substitutes and I drink a ton of coffee as well which I have read may cause a spike.
  • betafiedbetafied Boston, MASilver Member Posts: 49
    Estrogen count was 200
  • SManSMan Silver Member Posts: 1,126
    @betafied said:
    Yes vegetarian, some soy based meat substitutes and I drink a ton of coffee as well which I have read may cause a spike.

    @betafied said:
    Estrogen count was 200
    Could you have a look at these articles @betafied

    http://wellnessmama.com/3684/is-soy-healthy/

    http://www.menshealth.com/nutrition/soys-negative-effects

    The bottom line for guys with estrogen imbalances is, they shouldn't be touching soy products with a ten foot pole.

    Also, some of the symptoms you've described could be related to lack of mineral absorption that can be cause by soybeans.

    In spite of the sales job done by the soy industry, soybeans are actually a very poor food, actually toxic to many people.  There's more, I could go on, but I'll let you research it  yourself.

    I wish I didn't have to say this, but vegetarian diets can be profoundly harmful to many people's health.

    Some people seem to do OK on vegetarian diets,  I know a few people who have had their helth go downhill, including one person who I would have to say suffered a health collapse.

    What I do know is that I myself and everybody else I know who has gone on the Paleo/Primal diet has lost weight, and improved their health.

    You might be interested in these articles:

    http://curezone.com/forums/am.asp?i=1728051

    http://www.wellnessforce.com/vb/the-science-of-why-vegans-get-sick/
    Angeline
  • RangerJohnRangerJohn God's CountrySilver Member Posts: 179
    Whey protein only! Leave the soy for the females.
    Changed_ManRedPillLearning
  • betafiedbetafied Boston, MASilver Member Posts: 49
    Total testosterone is at 812 ng/dl with a normal range of. 250-1100. Free t was 102.3 pg/ml with a normal range of 35-155z
  • betafiedbetafied Boston, MASilver Member Posts: 49
    Mandrill said:


    betafied said:

    Estrogen count was 200

    That's at the upper limit. When my Estradiol was in the 140s I was weepy all the time; I've got to think it's having some effect on you.

    What's your total testosterone?



    I wouldn't say I'm weepy perse. I haven't noticed any real difference in mood as of late, work has been somewhat more stressful over the past weeks, but as my initial introduction states, this has been a problem for a while. I'm going to go to the doc and see what his insight is as far as a potential AI prescription or other ideas.

  • betafiedbetafied Boston, MASilver Member Posts: 49
    Just got back from the urologist and he essentially said everything is fine physiologically despite my high estrogen levels. His concern in prescribing a aromatase inhibitor is the relationship between T and estrogen and that blocking estrogen would make my T plummet as well.

    Any thoughts?

    My next steps are to consider a counselor. Just another step in trying to fix this and be a better me.

    Thanks for your support all.
    RangerJohn
  • CartB4HorseCartB4Horse Southwest USASilver Member Posts: 4,155

    @Betafied -- Funny, I just posted on @BrokenRecord post.

    Your head's in the right place and the two of you are working on this.

    On another note, are you MAPing yet?  Losing weight or lifting heavy shit?  C'mon brother, your going to need more than a rock hard boner!

    Put back on course via a 'One Hour Call' with Athol.  Seriously worth 10 times the cost, but don't tell him that....

    “Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” - Victor Frankl 

    PoundingTheRock
  • betafiedbetafied Boston, MASilver Member Posts: 49
    @Mandrill‌ , I've been cutting the soy out of the diet big time lately. Not long enough to see big results, but am hoping it makes somewhat of a difference.

    @CartB4Horse‌ yes I am. Just got a promotion at work making about 20k more a year, lifting at least 3 days a week. I'm a leaner guy so putting in muscle weight is the goal, definitely not losing weight. Regretfully neither of those have seemingly caused much change in the wife's attraction. I'm gonna keep on keeping on until she has to notice.
    CartB4HorseAngeline
  • betafiedbetafied Boston, MASilver Member Posts: 49
    The doctor was rather adamant to not prescribe. Made comments about meditation and yoga. I wanted to tell him to shove that one up....yeah but I didn't. So here we are.
  • betafiedbetafied Boston, MASilver Member Posts: 49
    edited May 2014
    On another good note, just read the new 'how to initiate' thread and I really enjoyed it. Hoping to take someone those tips to heart... And to bed

    This is a piece of my map I have not addressed fully yet. Or much at all. The whole alpha up thing doesn't come as easy to me. So it's something I need to vest some more time and effort towards. Initiating and not giving up if I want sex. That's probably my biggest problem currently.
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