Well, I guess it's about time

betafied

@Mandrill‌ similar situation, this was the urologist. His answer was continuously "do some yoga, play more music, see a therapist". But if there is something funky physiological, I don't think attempting to be happier and more relaxed is going to help. I'll check out alternative options... And in the meantime stock up on my zinc supplements!

Guitarslinger

Post a MAP thread that triages your red, yellows and greens. Post your 3 momkeys for the weeks. It can help keep yourself accountable.

BrokenRecord

I am happy to bend over in front of him and see if it sparks any desire

SMan

@Mandrill said:

Maybe he thought watching women in yoga pants will raise your testosterone.

Everybody knows guys go to yoga classes for health reasons alone- LOL



Just like they read Playboy magazine "for the articles" >-

Serenity

@betaified

Your total T and free T actually look fairly good. Your estrogen is way too high. You want that in the low to mid 20's. You need to find an HRT specialist who knows what they are doing. Most urologists and endocrinologist don't know anything about balancing hormones.

If you decide to go that route, I'll be glad to help you walk through how to find someone good.

What's your porn usage like? That can also have a betaizing effect on guys. Cut all porn for 3 months and see if that makes a difference and gives you the edge you're looking for.

ETA:  I've seen a lot of guys in your situation turn things around and get the marriage they want. There's typically a cycle at play ....

Your wife is angry because she is the de facto leader --> She becomes sarcastic and bitter --> This is unattractive and so you become less attracted to her and mentally check out --> She becomes angrier and more bitter. 

On and on it goes. Vicious cycle.

It sounds like you're both tired of this cycle. As the husband, you need to be the one to break the cycle.

You won't get it perfect at first. It's a process and it's hard work. But it is possible. And ultimately, you'll find it very rewarding.

betafied said:

Total testosterone is at 812 ng/dl with a normal range of. 250-1100. Free t was 102.3 pg/ml with a normal range of 35-155z

Joskin_Nodd

Find a better doctor, don't eat any soy.  

Joskin_Nodd

And read the labels. Love the zero calorie butter spray. Made with soy? WTF? 

betafied

@Serenity‌ you have hit the nail on the head with your description of "the cycle". It helps to see it written out like this

Serenity

My guess is that you're feeling a little angry at her wanting you to change. You are trying to make these changes *for her* and inside you're thinking, "Why the heck can't she just be satisfied with the way things are? They've worked for this long, why change now?"

The truth is that things are never going to go back to her being content with being the leader. The genie is out of the bottle at this point and things can never be the same.

What you can't see at this point in the journey is how much happier and more satisfied *you* will be once you are leading. You may start this for her, but you will end up becoming the man you've always wanted to be.

You probably doubt your ability to lead, to be the type of guy she seems to be looking for, but there are specific steps you can take that will lead you down that path.

You've made some good first steps by working out and cutting down on alcohol.

A next step for you would be to read (if you haven't already):

• The Primer
  
• The MAP book
  
• No More Mr. Nice Guy (available as an audio book as well)
  

Remember that it's a marathon, not a sprint. You are trying to change behaviors that have been ingrained for years. Just keep working on it and you'll see progress.

CartB4Horse

@betafied -- Athol had a great post in his blog about "Leadership Moments"  Great read.  I use them every day, stuff I used to blow off.  Making decisions, even minor ones makes a difference.

I also have a thin frame.  I do pushups 4 days a week and currently do 40/25/25, going for one set of 100.  It not only works your chest and arms it works your core muscles.  My belly is looking great without doing a single sit up or crunch (I know, added to my work outs).

betafied

Just read it @CartB4Horse‌ and agree, something so simple but I havent thought much of before. I have a hard time with the "being alpha but not being a dick thing". Occasionally if I try to act alpha, I come across as an a-hole. It's good to think of the smaller steps like leadership moments.

CartB4Horse

@betafied -- I used to wonder why my wife would ask me which shoes she should wear. I didn't get it. Who cares? I'm a dude and have no clue.... Now I tell her "wear the white shoes" or "I like that top, wear it". She isn't asking you because she wants your opinion, she's giving you a freaking chance to make a decision. Take it Every. Single. Time. My wife usually asks my daughter after me and then goes with whatever. But I still made a decision!

And for fucks sake NEVER say "I dunno, what do you want to do?" I can hear her VJ clang shut from here.

This isn't on my MAP any longer. It is who I am now.

betafied

I got the old "which dress should I wear" yesterday and caught myself right before I was going to say "I don't know" and gave her a "that one, definitely that one."...small steps

I'm also looking more into the HRT route and have been looking up some options online. Anyone have any experience with Optimal health md?

betafied

For those with experience with HRT specialists and centers. What are the reasonable costs here? I've been reaching out to a few places today. I have gotten everything from "2500 dollar consultation and blood work fee with 1000 a month supplements charge" to 399 consult and 300 for 2 and a half months of therapy.

Given my T levels not being completely high and my estrogen of concern mainly I likely will not be opting for HRT in the testosterone boosting department but rather getting the estradiol in check.

Both specialists I spoke with today essentially said "holy shit!" When I gave them my levels. My urologist told me I'm normal...so we are 2:1 for "holy shit" here. Time to do something. 

Angeline

Holy shit to those numbers! How discouraging.

betafied

I don't think is discouraging at all. Only from the urologist it was. The specialist feedback gives me hope that maybe there really is something wrong physiologically and I'm not just a shitty husband. It gives me some more drive to really move forward and do something about it! : )

betafied

Oh, you meant the $$$? @Angeline‌ ;

The_Dude

I just posted on your other thread.  I used a normal endo and insurance paid for it. 

betafied

So you think just see different docs until someone will prescribe? I'm waiting for a call back from my urologist currently. Hoping he will see the light and help me with this. 

RangerJohn

i go to a nurse practioner she writes script for 10 ml test cyph. Costs $45 at the pharmacy, lasts 3 months. Give my self shots weekly. Take Femara 2x month to counter the aromatized estrogen. Fat will convert testosterone into estrogen. Why I lost 60+ since end of January. STAY AWAY FROM BEER! The chemical makeup of beer simulates estrogen. Always wonder why beer belly's, man boobs and lazy?