No More Christian Nice Girl

TPoke

@Athol_Kay‌ sure as far as dealing with lazy bear hubbies I totally agree. Like you said don't provide deluxe wife for crappy husband.

I took opposition to the concept... assertive demanding wife as being points making them more attractive.

I feel for the wives with lazy bears, I have yet to see one on here without low T.

Athol_Kay

TPoke said:

I took opposition to the concept... assertive demanding wife as being points making them more attractive.

Poor personal boundaries and an inability to say "no" are a Display of Low Value to anyone.

For the typical Nice Girl / doormat / mindlessly-passive-sandwich-making-cum-dumpster, adding an element of assertiveness is a huge positive effect on her attractiveness.

Katt

So. @TPoke‌ why don't you start a thread and see how the other Captains feel about this? I'm a little curious now ?

TPoke

@Katt‌ so looking over the thread and summing it all up...

A) laid-maid-treyed - sandwich making, cum enthusiast, un-assertive, sweet, loyal, nice girl

Vs

assertive - demanding, super confident, stands up for herself, uses the word "no" often, independent girl

More attractive A or B, holding all other things equal. Understanding that they are both extreme caricatures, I think the captains would decide this in a landslide.

Katt

@TPoke‌ It isn't an a or b choice, I'm guessing most men are looking for something in the middle and I'm curious what the range of opinions is.

Rapunzel

I'm sure it sounds great but I think with A they would be bored in a week.

ETA - Okay, maybe a month.

Maria

TPoke said:

@Katt‌ so looking over the thread and summing it all up... A) laid-maid-treyed - sandwich making, cum enthusiast, un-assertive, sweet, loyal, nice girl Vs assertive - demanding, super confident, stands up for herself, uses the word "no" often, independent girl More attractive A or B, holding all other things equal. Understanding that they are both extreme caricatures, I think the captains would decide this in a landslide.

False dichotomy.

You can be assertive, confident, set and enforce boundaries AND be sweet, loyal and caring.

Rico

Rapunzel said:

I'm sure it sounds great but I think with A they would be bored in a week. ETA - Okay, maybe a month.

Perhaps.  But I'd certainly like to test that assertion.

Athol_Kay

Maria said:

TPoke said:

@Katt‌ so looking over the thread and summing it all up... A) laid-maid-treyed - sandwich making, cum enthusiast, un-assertive, sweet, loyal, nice girl Vs assertive - demanding, super confident, stands up for herself, uses the word "no" often, independent girl More attractive A or B, holding all other things equal. Understanding that they are both extreme caricatures, I think the captains would decide this in a landslide.

False dichotomy.

You can be assertive, confident, set and enforce boundaries AND be sweet, loyal and caring.

Exactly @Maria.

Katt

I started a new thread in Displaying high value - women so we dont derail this one entirely!

Maria

@Maverick, the need to say no also stems from circumstances, it's not necessarily an innate desire of a woman. If it's appropriate you need both the capability and the willingness to say no. The more energy vampires around you - the more often.

growingafamily

I don't know if I should post this here or on the other thread, but it's interesting that cum enthusiast made it onto list A because in the book, at least as far as I got so far, it hints that being a "nice girl" can prevent you from getting in touch with your sexuality properly. So instead of cum enthusiast.. it would be more like.. cum receptacle? I'm thinking straight up starfish on that one.

Natalie_Lorin

@Simplegirl - I meant that to read something like "Even though they aren't explicit they do seem to have a positive view of feminine sexuality" and not that I though you'd appreciate mealy mouthed squeamishness

Also, I don't mind general discussion of the book and related concepts, but once we start on the questions I would appreciate keeping derails to a minimum. Says the nice girl. Who has trouble with boundaries. So please be nice and try not to derail this too far because we all know what happens when a nice girl loses her temper My husband likes me when I'm happy.

Avalinette

@Natalie_Lorin, maybe start a new thread for the actual book discussion when you start it. That way this thread can discuss things around the book and the other thread can stay focussed on actually reading and talking about the book.

Timitz

Katt said:

Many "nice" Christian women overextend themselves with various commitments at the expense of their family and well being.

Very true. A lot of christian girls are too busy to date. I'll also throw out there that the marrying beta in the church seems to come from the fact that the church doesn't really teach men how to be alpha. So the girls who want an alpha are "bad" girls. The alpha church guys get snapped up fast or go outside the church to find girls. I know church wouldn't be the first place I looked for a girl.

Timitz

Athol_Kay said:

TPoke said:

I took opposition to the concept... assertive demanding wife as being points making them more attractive.

Poor personal boundaries and an inability to say "no" are a Display of Low Value to anyone.

For the typical Nice Girl / doormat / mindlessly-passive-sandwich-making-cum-dumpster, adding an element of assertiveness is a huge positive effect on her attractiveness.

When problems with my wife started, one of the issues I had was the passivity. I tried to provoke assertive responses from my wife.

Natalie_Lorin

Ok, I'll start a discussion thread tonight probably because if I don't do it then it might not get done We just got back from a week at the beach with the little buddy and a friend of ours, so I'm having to pick up the pieces here and get things back to daily life mode. Pity life can't involve more sitting by the pool drinking rum and playing with giggly six month old boys, but at least I've still got my knitting

Maria

I'll pipe in as soon as my copy has arrived. Hopefully tomorrow.

dalef

The actively Christian women (Campus Crusade, IVCF, Navigators) I dated as often as not dumped me if they didn't get laid on the first date. All were available before marriage (in fact, one later told me the reason she trned me down was because I didn't make love to her.)

AntiGravityPress

@dalef

I have dated dozens of Christian women and have wondered about this.  Most of them pushed me to wait on lots of stuff including making out (I now know better).  I have wondered if I didnt push in the right way.  A few of them were very slutty, one even cheated on me.

I would've really liked to date  Christian woman and all that it stands for but as soon as the relationships got anywhere physical it was a rollar coaster ride.  One day we are together, the next day we arent, one day she wants it rough, the next day she says things arent fun.  I grew tired of the hassle and preferred to be single than with these girls.  I wish more Christian women would act like a ladies instead of children.