Why be married?

12346

Comments

  • WarriorMonkWarriorMonk Member Posts: 52
    yea I am starting to agree regarding reddit, I learned a whole lot there though. But it may be time to take what I have learned and move on.  I am not negative like this with my wife or in general on a day to day basis at all, just when discussing stuff like this. The obvious answer is to move on from the negativity.
    AngelineChanged_Man[Deleted User]
  • never_againnever_again CanadaSilver Member Posts: 1,372
    edited April 2014
    @Joskin_Nodd‌ "David DeAngelo (big in the PUA field) made the point, and many of his fellow PUAs have made the point, that you need to be a high quality man to attract and be attracted to high quality women. That is, if you find yourself dating a lot of low quality women, the problem is not the women, it's you."

    Hope this doesn't take us too far off track, but this is part of my dilemma. I've dated immigrant women without a pot to piss in, hardworking factory workers, professional women, hell, I'm even dating an award-winning actress. All of them high-quality women in their own way, caring and respectful, but none who have (yet) shown the combination of qualities that are going to get me to take the next step. And honestly, in some cases I'm not the guy for them. I get that.

    AFA this thread goes, I'm up front in that I'm never going to marry again, but I am looking for a relationship with a woman who I can be monogamous with. Eventually, with the right person, I might consider common-law, but that will be a huge step for me.

    I want to have sex thousands of times with one woman, not sex once with thousands of women. I'm just not going to do it in the legal confines of a marriage.

    The man who gives his woman everything ends up with nothing. Not even the woman.
    MongrelHildaCornersJoskin_Nodd
  • Changed_ManChanged_Man ChicagolandSilver Member Posts: 1,965
    edited April 2014
    @Joskin_Nodd‌: "And, yes, the Man-o-Sphere is filled with men seeking catharsis. The problem is, catharsis never comes . . . it's just endless vomitting of negativity, and implicitly or explicitly laying the responsibility for our happiness and fulfillment on other people, individually or as a group."

    This ^^

    I enjoy reading Rollo's posts, but I keep them in context. Sometimes they're a bit over the top, the generalizations can be fast and loose, and his audience cynical & bitter, but I consistently find the 'pearls' to be worth the effort.

    That said, I don't stray too deeply into the comments... The negativity can be depressing

    When push comes to shove, you taste what you're made of. You might bend til you break, cause it's all you can take. On your knees you look up, decide you've had enough. You get mad, you get strong, wipe your hands, shake it off... And you stand!

    "Stand" by Rascal Flatts


    MiddleManJoskin_NoddMplsRS
  • AngelineAngeline planting seedsCategory Moderator** Posts: 14,500
    I stayed away from this thread (and the even more pointless 'what good are women' thread) because I didn't see how it could possibly be productive. In general, you won't improve your outlook on something by staring off longingly at that other, greener grass. Insisting on seeing marriage or women as the problem is a refusal to see the part you played.

    I'm divorced. After 30+ years, I got a year's worth of support and technically you could say I "got the house", a house with about 5% equity. My ex had siphoned of the equity by refinancing the heck out of it and using the equity on toys. By working 2 and 3 jobs, I got my head above water, and the house will be all mine shortly. I'm the one risking my future and retirement if I get married, because Cdr. Awesome was similarly stripped bare in his divorce. I'm not sure it would be smart to remarry either. Cdr. Awesome is, well, awesome, but there are some concerns. As someone stated elegantly in a PM, "I don't want to be someone's retirement plan". But I'm not all bitter and angry at those slutty menz over it.

    Complacency is a human failing, not a female one.
    "Speak your truth." - Scarlet
    Remember to play!
    Do the right thing, whether anyone is watching or not.
    Be married, until you are not.

    Email address: angeline.greenwood@att.net
    ScarletJoskin_NoddMplsRS
  • SManSMan Silver Member Posts: 1,126
    edited April 2014
    @Angeline ,

    Just so you know, my current partner doesn't want to get married either.  She was burned horribly by divorce in the past. It's not just men who are rejecting marriage.

    AngelineScarletJoskin_Nodd
  • WarriorMonkWarriorMonk Member Posts: 52
    edited April 2014
    Time for a vacation
    Joskin_Nodd
  • KathrynthegreatKathrynthegreat TeamAmazonWarriorPrincessMember Posts: 3,770
    SMan said:

    @Angeline ,

    Just so you know, my current partner doesn't want to get married either.  She was burned horribly by divorce in the past. It's not just men who are rejecting marriage.





    Right. But the women are the ones being patted on the head and told "There there, you don't really know what you want; you'll change your mind."

    redheaded_woman
  • Version3Version3 Silver Member Posts: 1,906

    I might actually be able to do the celibate thing if my marriage ended and it is probably a good overall solution, Christ might have actually been on to something :)


     

    It is both interesting and worrisome to me that you spend so much time thinking about your possible post-marriage life. Maybe that's normal if things aren't perfect, though.

    "The pain of discipline is a tiny thing compared to the pain of regret."
     
    It's an obstacle. Get over it.

    AngelinePersephoneChanged_Man
  • Version3Version3 Silver Member Posts: 1,906
    Mongrel said:
    I actually also think I would not adjust to a life of a bachelor, sleeping around without attachments. It seems like a viable alternative to marriage but then again it is repulsive at the same time.
     
    This is where I think I would fall. I may not do the marriage thing, or even keep someone under the same roof, but I would be monogamous with a particular partner. "Playing the field" and whoring around to notch my bedpost has no appeal to me. I'd date with whatever frequency it took to find someone worth sharing my time with, but then I'd stick with that individual until reasons surfaced to 'next' her (and with the constant hope I wouldn't have to). That's how I'm wired.


    Everyone has a plan until the battle starts. ;-)

    This has been interesting for me in my singles life because I've had both. Slept with three women somewhat simultaneously before deciding on one in particular, yes with an ultimatum. But that choice was a good one and a great relationship with lots of great sex commenced. After she backed out, I quickly got back to a similar spot with two women, except I kept it chaste until deciding. Again, great relationship, great sex for the duration.

    It's the dating multiple women period that is of interest here. Everyone's approach could differ. This time around I'm going to try to actively limit the numbers I meet at one time. Life is hectic enough. The risk-reward bit is not meeting someone and determining worthwhile before they leave the market. The upside is potentially a quicker read on sexual compatibility with the woman I'm focusing on.

     

    "The pain of discipline is a tiny thing compared to the pain of regret."
     
    It's an obstacle. Get over it.

  • WarriorMonkWarriorMonk Member Posts: 52
    edited April 2014
    Version3 said:

    I might actually be able to do the celibate thing if my marriage ended and it is probably a good overall solution, Christ might have actually been on to something :)


     

    It is both interesting and worrisome to me that you spend so much time thinking about your possible post-marriage life. Maybe that's normal if things aren't perfect, though.
    It's Red Pill 101, always have options or least see your potentials. My marriage is not perfect but it is far from being one the really bad cases I read about. I have the power because I have the higher SMV, but that can always change due to me losing a job, getting sick, or whatever. When I am weak my wife becomes something fierce to deal with. It would be stupid to just assume that my marriage will always be there.

    I also have years of blue pill behavior to unwind, she gained the upper hand for a long time because I did not realize my own power and value. It's better than before but she is relentless with trying to control me.


  • WarriorMonkWarriorMonk Member Posts: 52

    Athol_Kay said:
    You can't make a positive change with negativity.
    I actually don't agree, you have to see things for the way they actually are before you can really make positive changes. Everything you do has to be an informed decision. You have to see the negatives and positives or you will just run around blind.

    Improving yourself, being positive, and increasing your SMV is a good thing but won't prevent you from dating a bad woman if you are not careful. Positivity can be good but it can be bad too, it can blind you to reality. I think the trick is finding a healthy balance of optimism along with a healthy dose of skepticism.  Go too far either way and you can get yourself in deep, but much more so by being too positive with your head in the clouds.


  • WarriorMonkWarriorMonk Member Posts: 52
    edited April 2014
    I go through short stages of negativity from time to time but otherwise am positive, it is usually a period of growth where I see things that I did not want to see before.  I have made some significant improvements to my life through this, even this week I have done something profound to better my life, all due to this. 

    Occasional negativity keeps me out of trouble, positivity is great and all but must be balanced with reality. I've gotten in the most trouble in my life when my head is in the clouds with too much positivity.

  • Athol_KayAthol_Kay My Underground LairPosts: 8,046
    Athol_Kay said:
    You can't make a positive change with negativity.
    I actually don't agree, you have to see things for the way they actually are before you can really make positive changes. Everything you do has to be an informed decision. You have to see the negatives and positives or you will just run around blind.

    Improving yourself, being positive, and increasing your SMV is a good thing but won't prevent you from dating a bad woman if you are not careful. Positivity can be good but it can be bad too, it can blind you to reality. I think the trick is finding a healthy balance of optimism along with a healthy dose of skepticism.  Go too far either way and you can get yourself in deep, but much more so by being too positive with your head in the clouds.
    I don't have to care if you agree with me or not. Stop being mindlessly negative on my forum.

     One Hour Call   12-Week Guided MAP

    "The turnaround is tremendous.  And I'm lifting weights, eating better, and tackling projects.  I have all this great energy without a vampire sucking my life force.  :)  He's a lot stronger standing on his own two feet, as well."  - Scarlet

    [Deleted User]SerenityScarletEightbit
  • SerenitySerenity Senior Moderator** Posts: 11,358
    edited April 2014
    In the almost two years since the Forum opened, I've seen a lot of people come and I've watched them go.

    I can tell you that those who make the most progress are the ones who concentrate on actually running a Map. Those who speculate endlessly on the pitfalls of being married without doing the actual work of improving their value typically fall away after a while and find other places to vent negativity.

    @WarriorMonk , you joined on Feb 22 and since then have posted 48 comments, not one of which has included a Triage or detailing out your reds/yellows/greens. When you first posted, you hadn't yet read the books.

    If you're here to improve yourself and/or your marriage, the only way to do it is to read Athol's work and then start running your Map. There are no shortcuts. To get improvements, you have to do the work. 

    Recommend that you start a Triage thread and give the background to allow people to help you.
    I actually don't agree, you have to see things for the way they actually are before you can really make positive changes. Everything you do has to be an informed decision. You have to see the negatives and positives or you will just run around blind.

    Improving yourself, being positive, and increasing your SMV is a good thing but won't prevent you from dating a bad woman if you are not careful. Positivity can be good but it can be bad too, it can blind you to reality. I think the trick is finding a healthy balance of optimism along with a healthy dose of skepticism.  Go too far either way and you can get yourself in deep, but much more so by being too positive with your head in the clouds.
    ElaineScarletFrank_LondonAlphaBelle
  • WarriorMonkWarriorMonk Member Posts: 52
    Serenity said:
    In the almost two years since the Forum opened, I've seen a lot of people come and I've watched them go.

    I can tell you that those who make the most progress are the ones who concentrate on actually running a Map. Those who speculate endlessly on the pitfalls of being married without doing the actual work of improving their value typically fall away after a while and find other places to vent negativity.

    @WarriorMonk , you joined on Feb 22 and since then have posted 48 comments, not one of which has included a Triage or detailing out your reds/yellows/greens. When you first posted, you hadn't yet read the books.

    If you're here to improve yourself and/or your marriage, the only way to do it is to read Athol's work and then start running your Map. There are no shortcuts. To get improvements, you have to do the work. 

    Recommend that you start a Triage thread and give the background to allow people to help you.
    I actually don't agree, you have to see things for the way they actually are before you can really make positive changes. Everything you do has to be an informed decision. You have to see the negatives and positives or you will just run around blind.

    Improving yourself, being positive, and increasing your SMV is a good thing but won't prevent you from dating a bad woman if you are not careful. Positivity can be good but it can be bad too, it can blind you to reality. I think the trick is finding a healthy balance of optimism along with a healthy dose of skepticism.  Go too far either way and you can get yourself in deep, but much more so by being too positive with your head in the clouds.
    I have made an amazing amount of progress just by reading the book and other red bill blogs. I am in a different universe right now. I no longer feel I am in a situation than needs a triage or anything. I just like reading and talking with like minded people. I know what I have to do going ahead.

    I am a natural red pill who was misdirected by social pressure since I was young, it is easier for me to assume the role again as opposed to learning a completely new nature.

    My "negativity" is occasional and comes from a position of strength, it gives me resolve at times. I am very stoic in my daily life. Nobody can tell what is going through my head. It is funny because when I am the most negative and angry inside I display my most qualities that attract women. I look strong and resolved and with purpose.

    I guess that I am different than most people here in how I approach things which is fine, I should probably find another forum or blog to participate in. Every place has their own way and culture, there are other places I can go that share my same outlook. Take care it was great to talk to you all, no hard feelings.

Sign In or Register to comment.