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Comments
I think wife knows something isn't right, and that she may have something to do with it...she initiated and performed sex on me last night, despite my cool attitude. (I put 0 energy into it) and so far today she has sent 4 emails to my 0.
She's planning on picking me up for lunch at 12:15. I'm nervous and have tingles all over my body like I get when I have a fever, or am deeply depressed. It's probably all mental, but it is interesting how the mind thinking a certain way can absolutely make the body feel physically ill.
One downside to me going into STFU mode is that then there is an unresolved issue that festers and grows. Sure, it avoids a frontal confrontation which may result in DLV for me, but it still sucks.
My mother's day was great. My darlin' son made me a cappuccino, his beautiful face two inches from the top of my cup as he carefully dusted chocolate over the frothed milk. It was perfect. Then; "better get ready ma, we're going down the street so that you can torture me." (It's a tradition that I am allowed this wonderful torture-dragging him around the shops - twice a year on Mother's Day and my Birthday - I do love it and so does he.)
Little son then came out and wished me happy mother's day and announced that he was getting me a "big diamond necklace". "I'm going to get daddy to buy it". Strangely, that didn't happen, can't think why.
A huge bouquet of flowers arrived from my daughter with a card saying, "Lots of love from far away" and that made my lip quiver a tad. I miss her so much.
After Shopping Torture was over, big son informed me that he had booked a table at one of my favourite restaurants. We had a lovely dinner and as I drove home that wonderful young man said, "I hope you've had a nice day Ma, you deserve it".Yes son, I had the best day. How the hell did I get so lucky?
"Spotted dick is a pudding" - Mandrill.
@JLB I hope my kids turn out so well. Lucky mom.
Two fingers parallel to each other and touching at the tip is supposed to mean "smooth sailing", but we never use that one. I think it only exists to emphasize what the other gesture means.
"My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy, if not, you'll become a philosopher." -Socrates
Sorry some of you had a crappy day. Hugs to all of you.
@JLB: "Yes son, I had the best day. How the hell did I get so lucky?"
Start with Grade A Fresh eggs and superior swimmers. Birth a baby and marinate in love, toughen with chores, and be engaged in their lives. It's like magic!
"There are no right biscuits." – Mandrill
@Joskin_Nodd ; I don't care much for special days either. They set up too much in the way of pressure and expectations.
Her, the night before: "I want you to take the kids out so I can sleep in all morning. I want one day of not having to feel responsible for these kids and I need some peace and quiet."
At the end of the day: "That wasn't the day I wanted. I feel like we didn't get to spend any time together as a family."
@Katt: It's sets up near-impossible to meet expectations (one of the reasons I think marriage often ends up in divorce is the Princess Wedding™ marriage culture that doesn't at all evoke a sense of marriage being, at it's very best, a combination of hard work and compromise + hot sex. It promises a sort of magical fairy tale ever after that is doomed to disappoint both partners at some level. It generates expectations of a magical before/after change that just doesn't happen. Thus, the not uncommon "post marital" depression.
Birthdays and anniversaries often do the same thing, where we develop expectations and rite covert contracts in our heads, and anniversaries (and Valentines day) have the twin problems of two people having simultaneous the expectation of something magical happening while having the onus of making something magical happen for the other. Disappointment almost assured, as both end up disappointed with their experience, and pissed off that the other didn't appreciate "all they did" more.
None of the best days of my life have ever happened on a "Special Day™". Not one. The only "special days" that were any good at all were usually ones where externalities prevented much attention being paid to the special day, and other events made the moment special, with no reference to the day.
"There are no right biscuits." – Mandrill
Are you shittin' me?!?!?
1) Woman tells you what she wants.
2) You give it to her.
3) She complains.
Typical, or is it? (Is this a perfect case study on why what women SAY doesn't matter, it's what they DO?)
How did you respond?
From what's written, I don't see anything too bad about what the wife did, just an unfortunate outcome. Sounds like she thought she wanted one thing, she got it, it wasn't what she expected, she communicated that fact. Lesson learned. Next year you know better.
Now, if she was attaching blame to @PaleoDad for giving her what she asked for, then that's a problem.
Here's a question. Is it wrong to ask your wife what she'd like to have for Mother's Day dinner? Not asking her to cook it, just..."What would you like to have for dinner on Mother's day?"
Apparently, that constitutes no planning on my part. I asked about a week in advance, and then again on Friday when we were planning our meals for this week. (Her response: First time, "I dunno, I just don't want to cook." Second time, "Oh, I'm supposed to decide that?" Well, yeah, if you want a meal you'll actually enjoy.)
I don't care too much about mother's day because it's sandwiched right between my birthday and our anniversary. I'm not a gifts person, but my husband did get me some flowers. He had the day off so I expected we would do something as a family. We have some sick kids so we were limited to the house. We went to church separately so the sick kids could stay home. My niece was baptized so I went to that with some non-sick kids. Then out to a restaurant after with whoever was there. My kids that I brought with were awful and I nearly left them there. Traffic was awful too. I came home and my husband was falling asleep on the couch. I said we could at least barbeque or something. But it was rainy so instead he went out to a barbeque place and brought some back. My mom came over with half a cake she had brought to my grama's earlier. My kids watched some shows in the basement and we really didn't spend any family time together. I hope my complaints aren't petty.. I didn't have anything specific in mind, just quality time, and I don't feel it really happened.
@IfOnly
Women want you to pick/lead. Sometimes they don't care if it's chicken or fish, as long as YOU pick.
Maybe next time you let on what you are planning for her, and give her a chance to object. But then if she objects, it is up to her to tell you what she wants.
Ok, I guess I'm just a complete fuck up then.
I think @cinnamon was unfairly harsh to you just then. No need to call him cabin boy. He's trying to learn how the irrational sex thinks. Give him a break.
Her preference for either chicken or fish isn't as important as you picking one. She doesn't want to have to make any decisions. You think you're being extra attentive by letting her pick, but really, she will resent having to do "your" job for you.
@cinnamon wasn't harsh -- the cabin boy comment didn't offend me at all. My "fuck up" comment was more just self-pity from realizing that I can't seem to get anything right, even when I think I'm making a decent effort.
Wife just wants you to pick for her. Pamper her by letting her turn her mind off. If she has to pick, she isn't being pampered, and you're not doing your job. (That's the theory, anyway)
@IfOnly: Here's the tree.
Hopefully you know the kind of stuff she likes. You make that. You take care of it.
Tree then branches. She either (a) likes meal, thanks you, your done (b) doesn't like your choice, complains about it. You then: STFU. Wait expectantly. Until she gives you something actionable (which you can decide to act on or not) your only response, if prompted (only!) is: "Go on." "Looked like you had more to say." "Tell me more." Ball is still in her court until she says, "I really wanted a cheeseburger."
But just make that first decision. And get in the habit of it. She will probably try to undermine it. Come back here when she does for better quality advice than mine on how to deal with the undermining.
And always a chance she doesn't, and then it's been a full leadership moment, and you're golden.
"There are no right biscuits." – Mandrill
well she told you what she wanted ... she just didnt tell you ALL she wanted
you were supposed to just know that
you were supposed to plan and execute a funfilled family afternoon and evening where all she had to do was enjoy herself and you took 100% responsibility for the kids mixed in with time for her to enjoy the exact amount and timing of peace and quiet ... you would provide all her meals in addition to those of the kids and yourself
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Fuck Culture. Live your life - Beatrice