A healthy male will never ever win a sex stand off, even against a healthy female.
The best that can happen is the female will get sick of you being moody and step up and take charge and show you she is the leader in the relationship which is a lose for you and a DLV.
Holding out for some sort of emotional validation at the cost of getting to have sex is a bad deal for everyone.
Absolutely agree. I wish I had found this site 2 years ago before I racked up a bunch of DLV with this one. Oh well, MAP on!
After considering it more, that's exactly what I've been doing is seeking emotional validation at the cost of sex. Very insightful. Thank you
@Maxx138 -- I had to cut the validation part out of sex. I'd feel validated and emotionally fuzzy after we'd knock it out. That's a big part of being a Nice Guy.
Now I don't get my validation from it. It makes OI a hell of a lot easier. I look at sex from a win-win perspective. Either I get some (win) or I show my kick ass OI (win).
Put back on course via a 'One Hour Call' with Athol. Seriously worth 10 times the cost, but don't tell him that....
“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” - Victor Frankl
Wife came home yesterday and was here when I got off of work. I made sure to reframe and recenter myself. Came home and was happy to see her, but not too happy . She was clothed and laying on the bed. She motioned me to come lay on top of her. So I did and planted a nice ten second one on her then laid by her side. We talked for a bit and she cuddled me putting her head on my chest.
Exchanged I love you's then we went to our local dive bar to watch the spurs win the finals! The whole time I'm keeping myself slightly turned towards the game whole she is turned toward me with legs open (she had jeans on). Kept cool. Listened to her talk about the trip. Talked to the bartender and other guys while she was texting. She even told me about a married guy at her nieces birthday party that slapped her on the butt (I guess they are having marital problems) showed no reaction other than a little smirk. No jealousy. Stayed in frame the whole time.
After the game we got some Whataburger and came home. Went to bed naked like always talked a little then I started with the foreplay. No asking. No words. Just started.
Too much to tell so to sum up: last night she came about 4 times, once from PIV the others from a combination of my body and toys. I came twice. Pass out. Wake up this morning a little hung over with about 90 minutes before she goes to work. She's rubbing my hairy chest and I pull down the sheet to reveal my morning wood. Start up again. No asking. No words. She was already wet. I came once and she came 5 times. The last one bringing some tears to her eyes. She tells me how much she loves and missed me. We shower and wash each other and I send a happy wife off to work
I want to thank everyone for your advice and encouragement. I know I've been a pill the past couple days; a small beta relapse. But getting this reinforcement from my alpha game last night and this mornjng has made all the difference and renewed my resolve.
9
RedfordThe Great White NorthSilver MemberPosts: 679
"Realizing this I texted her earlier while she was at work and I was watching her son and told her that I was gonna love her tonight because I wouldn't get a chance to again til Sunday. All she texted back was "ok baby". Which kinda disappointed me. I realize she's at work but I was hoping for more than that."
*facepalm*
Dude, you have got to stop initiating by words. Especially by text. That is bad. No words, ok? Actions only.
"And I'm kicking myself for not taking initiative and saying, hey let's get to bed for some lovin or something. Which I know is what I should've done."
No! No, no, no. This is not what you should have done. No words, remember? Actions only.
I hate to tell you this, but you have got to stop talking so much. This is why men on this forum are constantly told to STFU. Think of the most confident, most awesome guy you know. How would he initiate sex with a woman?
The problem is not with you sending her a text, it's that you form a covert contract in your head that it's on for tonight! Then your wife goes thru her day and when you're ready to collect on your covert contract she's tired (and didn't know about your "agreement").
Put back on course via a 'One Hour Call' with Athol. Seriously worth 10 times the cost, but don't tell him that....
“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” - Victor Frankl
The problem is not with you sending her a text, it's that you form a covert contract in your head that it's on for tonight! Then your wife goes thru her day and when you're ready to collect on your covert contract she's tired (and didn't know about your "agreement").
Gotcha.
But what about just flirting texts nothing about a timeframe or anything. Just, "damn your ass is sexy in those jeans you wore to work". Sometimes I'll text her and ask her what color her panties are. The first time she asked me why I wanted to know and I said, why not?
Don't send a damn thing. Be busy doing some guy stuff, too busy to text lovey dovey. Then, when you're at home and can be with her take her to where you were yesterday ^^^^^^^^.
The let down is coming to your city very soon.
Put back on course via a 'One Hour Call' with Athol. Seriously worth 10 times the cost, but don't tell him that....
“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” - Victor Frankl
Comments
Absolutely agree. I wish I had found this site 2 years ago before I racked up a bunch of DLV with this one. Oh well, MAP on!
After considering it more, that's exactly what I've been doing is seeking emotional validation at the cost of sex. Very insightful. Thank you
@Maxx138 -- I had to cut the validation part out of sex. I'd feel validated and emotionally fuzzy after we'd knock it out. That's a big part of being a Nice Guy.
Now I don't get my validation from it. It makes OI a hell of a lot easier. I look at sex from a win-win perspective. Either I get some (win) or I show my kick ass OI (win).
Put back on course via a 'One Hour Call' with Athol. Seriously worth 10 times the cost, but don't tell him that....
“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” - Victor Frankl
Alright so updated news
Wife came home yesterday and was here when I got off of work. I made sure to reframe and recenter myself. Came home and was happy to see her, but not too happy . She was clothed and laying on the bed. She motioned me to come lay on top of her. So I did and planted a nice ten second one on her then laid by her side. We talked for a bit and she cuddled me putting her head on my chest.
Exchanged I love you's then we went to our local dive bar to watch the spurs win the finals! The whole time I'm keeping myself slightly turned towards the game whole she is turned toward me with legs open (she had jeans on). Kept cool. Listened to her talk about the trip. Talked to the bartender and other guys while she was texting. She even told me about a married guy at her nieces birthday party that slapped her on the butt (I guess they are having marital problems) showed no reaction other than a little smirk. No jealousy. Stayed in frame the whole time.
After the game we got some Whataburger and came home. Went to bed naked like always talked a little then I started with the foreplay. No asking. No words. Just started.
Too much to tell so to sum up: last night she came about 4 times, once from PIV the others from a combination of my body and toys. I came twice. Pass out. Wake up this morning a little hung over with about 90 minutes before she goes to work. She's rubbing my hairy chest and I pull down the sheet to reveal my morning wood. Start up again. No asking. No words. She was already wet. I came once and she came 5 times. The last one bringing some tears to her eyes. She tells me how much she loves and missed me. We shower and wash each other and I send a happy wife off to work
I want to thank everyone for your advice and encouragement. I know I've been a pill the past couple days; a small beta relapse. But getting this reinforcement from my alpha game last night and this mornjng has made all the difference and renewed my resolve.
@maxx138
"Realizing this I texted her earlier while she was at work and I was watching her son and told her that I was gonna love her tonight because I wouldn't get a chance to again til Sunday. All she texted back was "ok baby". Which kinda disappointed me. I realize she's at work but I was hoping for more than that."
*facepalm*
Dude, you have got to stop initiating by words. Especially by text. That is bad. No words, ok? Actions only.
"And I'm kicking myself for not taking initiative and saying, hey let's get to bed for some lovin or something. Which I know is what I should've done."
No! No, no, no. This is not what you should have done. No words, remember? Actions only.
I hate to tell you this, but you have got to stop talking so much. This is why men on this forum are constantly told to STFU. Think of the most confident, most awesome guy you know. How would he initiate sex with a woman?
Your latest initiations were much better. Yay!
@Redford
I have seen the light my friend! I fully understand the STFU principle now
What's a good way to not initiate but still tease and tempt via text? Or just not text that shit at all?
There is an excellent thread somewhere on here about sexting. Tons of awesome ideas in there. Look it up!
The problem is not with you sending her a text, it's that you form a covert contract in your head that it's on for tonight! Then your wife goes thru her day and when you're ready to collect on your covert contract she's tired (and didn't know about your "agreement").
Put back on course via a 'One Hour Call' with Athol. Seriously worth 10 times the cost, but don't tell him that....
“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” - Victor Frankl
Gotcha.
But what about just flirting texts nothing about a timeframe or anything. Just, "damn your ass is sexy in those jeans you wore to work". Sometimes I'll text her and ask her what color her panties are. The first time she asked me why I wanted to know and I said, why not?
Try this text...... " ".
Don't send a damn thing. Be busy doing some guy stuff, too busy to text lovey dovey. Then, when you're at home and can be with her take her to where you were yesterday ^^^^^^^^.
The let down is coming to your city very soon.
Put back on course via a 'One Hour Call' with Athol. Seriously worth 10 times the cost, but don't tell him that....
“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” - Victor Frankl
@CartB4Horse
Excellent. Thanks for your advice