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So last night after round one of sex we are resting and my wife asks me if it's ok if she tells me something. I say it is. She says she would like me to be more aggressive with her during sex, her word was Stern. We take on a Daddy/Babygirl relationship during sex and I get more aggressive during that by default.
The only thing that happened during round one that I feel triggered this was I had given her a toy to use that I knew wouldn't bring her all the way to orgasm. After 5 minutes or so she asks if she can use her plug in toy. Which is code for her Hitachi Wand. She asked me please, so I let her have it. I am guessing that she wanted me to make her use whatever I wanted to, ie make her keep using the other toy until I wanted her to use another. Also I'm sure I could step up my alpha talk while making her cum. She always likes it when I talk dirty to her.
As some of you may have read in my other posts I was physically abused by my sister and psychologically abused by my step mom. So it's always been hard for me to be aggressive with women due to the PTSD from that. I admit I feel a little anxiety related to that in planning our next adventure.
I made her kneel before me once with a blindfold on and I teased her mouth with my cock. But this ended up being too much for her and she got scared and started crying. So...that was too far.
So does anyone have any advice on how to be more stern without being scary aggressive (which I can sometimes get)?
Comments
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it. ~Andre Gide
"If you love someone, set him free; if you have to stalk him, he probably wasn't yours in the first place."
Definitely loves to be dominated. She told me about a boyfriend that tied her arms to the headboard with scrunchys and she got really turned on by that. I was inexperienced with this at first. She said my voice would change like I was a different person. I need to walk that line between arousing and scary.
@KatherineKelly Agree with you though. I think it's more of a verbal domination than anything. We have handcuffs, blindfolds and a few different spanking devices. So I definitely have the physical part covered.
Thanks for your response
Just speak like this guy:
Scary can be fun but the experience of humiliation may have been the reason for the tears.
A man's penis is a very powerful symbol for a woman and with this power is the potential to strip away her humanity based on how the man uses it.
Dominance is erotic. That feeling of being handled and powerless but yet powerful.
The relationship a woman has with herself decides how she responds to dominance.
A strong self assured woman with a solid identity will respond differently to dominance than a woman who is less self assured.
I'm not aroused by someone trying to dominate me because I see through the attempt and it makes me laugh but I will willingly and erotically submit when I experience true attraction as the essence of his masculine power. Every woman knows this feeling at some point in her life when she encounters a man like this.
It is what he "is" that shapes what he "does" instead of him consciously "doing dominance" with intent, which comes across as fake.
I think this is where part of your problem may be. You do not feel your own masculine power but you are trying to act powerful so it is an act without substance which results in less or no attraction. Your animal emotion is missing.
If you have ever felt the power of your body, that is where you want to go to and come out of and from. The more you are disconnected from your own body the more you are disconnected from the woman you are trying to be sexual with.
If you do not feel the physical power of your own body than she will not be able to either.
The problem for men is that for most they are disconnected from their emotions and you need these emotions to have a relationship with your own body "as powerful" because this "is emotion"
The body and emotion are the same thing, so the more you are separated from emotions the more you are separated from your body which than separates you from sex.
Here is a link you may find helpful that explains the problem men have with emotions and why.
http://www.elephantjournal.com/2014/02/why-men-withdraw-emotionally/
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it. ~Andre Gide
"If you love someone, set him free; if you have to stalk him, he probably wasn't yours in the first place."
I think most any guy can pull off giving sexual "orders" in a commanding tone without any fear of sounding ridiculous. Just order her to get into a position or touch something or look in your eyes in a very firm tone. Super hot. Not every guy has the personality to say things like "I own that pussy". I can't picture some of this stuff coming out of my husband's mouth, but he is good at physical dominance and giving commands. There are different brands of alpha/dominance ( in and out of bed) and you have to find the kind of dominance that suits your personality unless you're going to do full on roleplaying.
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it. ~Andre Gide
"If you love someone, set him free; if you have to stalk him, he probably wasn't yours in the first place."
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it. ~Andre Gide
"If you love someone, set him free; if you have to stalk him, he probably wasn't yours in the first place."
@KatherineKelly thank you so much, your responses have been so helpful
It's very true about making your sex talk authentic. I have my W her first PIV orgasm with the help of super sexy love talk
@maxx138 I have been experimenting with this, and the dominant language is working, not getting any pushback, and got the best BJ of my life, but anything physical and she freaks/shuts down.
Mrs Hammer never really seems to get turned on/let's go. She is always very controlled and aware of herself. If I push her head down, trap her arms or hands , or manhandle her in any way she instantly is out of the moment and pissy.
This means I never really let go, I'm always censoring what I do to make sure I don't trigger this. I feel this makes me seem hesitant, hard to project Alpha when you are being so self-conscious
@Katt @KatherineKelly Any ideas how to get over this hurdle from an FO point of view?
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it. ~Andre Gide
"If you love someone, set him free; if you have to stalk him, he probably wasn't yours in the first place."
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it. ~Andre Gide
"If you love someone, set him free; if you have to stalk him, he probably wasn't yours in the first place."
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it. ~Andre Gide
"If you love someone, set him free; if you have to stalk him, he probably wasn't yours in the first place."
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it. ~Andre Gide
"If you love someone, set him free; if you have to stalk him, he probably wasn't yours in the first place."
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it. ~Andre Gide
"If you love someone, set him free; if you have to stalk him, he probably wasn't yours in the first place."
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it. ~Andre Gide
"If you love someone, set him free; if you have to stalk him, he probably wasn't yours in the first place."
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it. ~Andre Gide
"If you love someone, set him free; if you have to stalk him, he probably wasn't yours in the first place."
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it. ~Andre Gide
"If you love someone, set him free; if you have to stalk him, he probably wasn't yours in the first place."
Awesome response @KatherineKelly! Lots to reflect on here!
It definitely puts my W over the edge when I tell her that she's my only girl. If there's an orgasm in its way it arrives after I tell her this
Alright so an update to this
My W asked me what I wanted for dinner last night and I told her. She asked if I wanted anything else and I sent the smiling devil emoticon. She replied: lol, gotcha.
So I think ok, that's a yellow light at least. So when I get home she's at the stove just finishing up and she looks at me and says hi. I hold eye contact, walk over and plant one on her. I got a little squeal of delight and a surprised face when I pulled away. I told her how much I missed her.
Later after the kid went to sleep we watched some tv and smoked some "herb". Not too much though as Mary Jane can be a hell of a cock blocker.
Went to bed. She was obviously tired, but there was no going back. I started in with the foreplay. After a minute she reminded me to lock the door and then added that she didn't realize this was gonna happen (a callback to my more beta days when I would soft initiate and then turn tail at the first sign of rejection) I said something about the smiley devil being my assurance that this was going to happen. Then I pounded her into the mattress for a good 15 minutes. I was saying a lot if sexy dominant things until I felt I was ready then I growled that I was going to fuck her hard and cum. Which took another few minutes.
That is definitely in the top 5 sexual experiences of my life. It was so hot and it blew both our minds. She wanted to cum but was too tired she told me this morning.
Anyway not bragging. Just wanted to show what a sprinkle of alpha can do for the both of you