Frustration,Frustration,Frustration!

Conrad

Telephones aren't the only way to reach someone.

Facebook, internet searches.... spokeo...

Dig in.

IceMan

Have you seen a lawyer yet? Up until you had proof that she was still in contact with him I wasn't going to suggest it because it has the risk of escalating into a game of chicken but you gave an ultimatum (A/B) right? You have to follow through. You need to protect your parental rights, your lawyer needs to make sure your child stays with you and is protected from being taken from you. Your wife is not thinking straight and your child needs you to protect him from this crazy.

Do you have OM's name? phone? address? Spokeo.com should have a list of relationships. What methods have you tried to find her?

Also figure out how she is using her phone to talk to him with out it showing up on the account. There is probably a burner phone, find it. 

You don't want to give her knowledge of the VAR but if that is all you have it is plenty.

CartB4Horse

DON'T REVEAL THE VAR!!  Critical mistake at this point, it's all that you've got.

Keep anything that you find in a safe location.  Forward emails to yourself.  Change your own passwords on comms so that your wife doesn't have access to them, especially if that's where you will forward information.

 

CartB4Horse

I just went and re-read this thread.  You have your wife FBing with the POSOM and you now say he is married.  Good, FB is where you can do a lot of your searching.

Follow the trail from your wife's FB to POSOM's FB to his wife's FB.  Let us know how that turns out.

Also, any luck with a keylogger?  Does your wife use a computer at home at all?  You need to get passwords without her knowledge.

IceMan

CartB4Horse said:

DON'T REVEAL THE VAR!!  Critical mistake at this point, it's all that you've got.

Keep anything that you find in a safe location.  Forward emails to yourself.  Change your own passwords on comms so that your wife doesn't have access to them, especially if that's where you will forward information.

 

^^^^This is correct, only reveal the VAR as an absolute last resort. The information to take away here is that you need something to confront her with that she can't explain away. You need at least one piece of evidence she can't explain away and several that you won't let her know you know so that you can collaborate her story when she finally comes clean.

CartB4Horse

Any evidence you gather can also be used to "prove" the EA to OM's wife beyond all reasonable doubt.  -- I had to do that in my case.

I believe your wife is sexting with this clown.  She shaves her pubes and wears nice panties.  Yup, sorry man.  Do phone records show pictures/data being transmitted?  It might be thru the other apps as well.

Keep the VAR's rolling.  Buy extra tapes if needed.  You shouldn't have to go on doing this very long before you go nuclear.

Eat, drink lots of water and get sleep.  Post here before you do ANYTHING.  We can help you out, we've got thousands of cumulative years experience with this shit.

Lothbrok

worst comes to worst start sending messages to his female friends on Facebook and sooner or later his wife will contact you. Be sure to copy their conversations in the messages.  Its a shitty thing to do but hey so is messing with another man's family.  Normally a wife is at least tagged in some of his pictues.  Hell send it to his mother and father if you have too. Show no mercy this guy is a pos and deserves none. 

If you can't find it ask your wife for his fb page.  Say you want to make sure she is not friends with him.  Then write the name down and start researching. At the very least get his number so you can call him.

Conrad

Dig in and blow it up... hard.

446

Address and cell phone number with no actual surveillance should be available at a reasonable price from a website or local private dick.

LazyAlpha

Along the lines of Athol's suggestion for strong, bold moves, no harm in requesting that your wife tell you the OM's name and contact info. Probably unlikely for her to cave in, but it might trigger some twisted fitness test to see if you will actually do anything. If she gives it, then call the OM right in front of her. If not, well then at least her response will be some more evidence as to how addicted and unwilling to let go she really is.

Guitarslinger

Just search OM's name on your local gov't website under marriage licenses. Marriage licences are publc information and you can usually find them at no charge.

Runnin_Man

Ok Im back.  Let me fill ya all in. I dont even know where to start.  Please tell me if I have done something wrong.  I like contructive critisism. That how I learn.  I blew it up even more.  I was pretty firm with her about wanting proof of their"breakup".  She sent me a text of there last conversation saying that there relationship was over and that she needed to be there for her family and her kids.  So as far as she knows, Im good with it.  But Im not.  I cannot trust her right now.  I need more proof than that.  Should I call him, or do you think he will lie about it?  I still dont believe her yet.  I want to believe her, but sadly I cant.  She finally told me(crying)that she is very sorry for what she has done.  And that she wanted to be the best mom she can be.  Now even though she has cheated on me(she still says its not an emotional affair), her first priority is her kids.  I know she can be a good mom.  But a good wife?  I want her to be a good wife!

She has the flu right now,so Im trying to be a bit easy on her right now. But is that the right choice.  Or should I keep pounding her with questions?  I have yet to contact him, just seen text messages that my wife has sent me.  Should I believe her?

Honestly I am trying to keep our marriage intact.  I love her so much! I now realize where I have screwed up in or marriage.  Thanks to mmsl, I need to be a leader in our family, and not take her for granted.  But she needs to meet me half way.  If not, our marriage will never work.

Please help me!  What should I do next?  I am so confused?  So many thought running through my head right now?

Olddog

I think you should contact the OM's wife - just request her as a friend on Facebook and once you send the request then you can send her a carefully crafted message. I suspect she'll read it...

What do you mean you need 'more proof'? (I don't think open access to electronic devices is unreasonable...)

@the_dude?

LazyAlpha

You should absolutely talk to the OM if you can.  But not to listen to anything he says (of course he will lie).  You do all the talking and tell him that regardless of anything your wife says to him, between you and him, it is over.  Without crossing the line into terroristic threats, make it clear to him that there are absolutely going to be consequences for messing with you and your.  Follow up with the first consequence being a little chat with his wife. 

The point is to get this guy out of your wife's life, immediately.  She is unlikely to do it voluntarily.  You are going to have to make it happen.  Blocking the OM's game by disrupting his own marriage is totally something you can control. 

Secondary goal here is to do it in a way that demonstrates clearly you are the superior choice.  He might be messing around on the side with some part time fantasy, but you are playing for keeps.

The_Dude

Let's get the facts straight.  I am confused by your posts and you haven't been perfectly clear.

1. Has she told you everything that happened?  What was going on with the shaving and underwear?  Do you have the full story end to end?  Spell out the timeline here.

2. Do you now have complete access to all her communications?  Every password, every account?

3.  What does she say this was if not an affair?  How does she describe what she was doing?

4.  Why haven't you contacted his wife yet?  That is absolutely in your best interest at this point.

CartB4Horse

You can't continue to "blow it up" in phases.  If you do it means that you really didn't nuke it the last time.

You need OM's wifes contact information.  Call her and tell her what's going on.  She will be the biggest asset you have, an aliance.

When I ended my Ex-wifes affair calling the OM's wife was the best thing I did.  Dude missed two days of work trying to save his own marriage and avoided my wife like the plague.

Like The_Dude said, what's up with the underwear and shaving?  Gotta look under that rug as well.  Pictures or video were sent out, or at least sexting.

Eat, sleep and drink water. AND FOR GOD'S SAKE POST HERE BEFORE YOU DO ANYTHING!!

al2682

LazyAlpha said:

You should absolutely talk to the OM if you can.  But not to listen to anything he says (of course he will lie).  You do all the talking and tell him that regardless of anything your wife says to him, between you and him, it is over.  Without crossing the line into terroristic threats, make it clear to him that there are absolutely going to be consequences for messing with you and your.  Follow up with the first consequence being a little chat with his wife. 

The point is to get this guy out of your wife's life, immediately.  She is unlikely to do it voluntarily.  You are going to have to make it happen.  Blocking the OM's game by disrupting his own marriage is totally something you can control. 

Secondary goal here is to do it in a way that demonstrates clearly you are the superior choice.  He might be messing around on the side with some part time fantasy, but you are playing for keeps.

I wouldn't wait for the future "first consequence being a little chat with his wife".  You should talk with his wife so there won't *need* to be a first consequence.

CartB4Horse

Yes, don't make the threat, make the call to OM's wife.  Do it for YOU.

Conrad

@Bozo13‌ ;

You seem reluctant to contact posOM's wife.

Is there a reason?

It is your single best move and this is puzzling to me.

PoundingTheRock

@Bozo13‌ listen to the people here.  Biggest advice I can have is to never reveal your sources of info.  This just gives the wayward spouse opportunity to drive it further underground.  Before you confront any more come here and get a plan.

MOST IMPORTANT: Do whatever it takes, including hiring a PI to find the OM's wife's info if needed.  As others have said, she will be instrumental as an ally.