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Comments
Done. Can I ask what are some "soft-toss" leadership moments, and leadership moments in general?
@CartB4Horse ;
The line that worried me was this ""I'm sorry if I was so forward last Friday, you're hard to read sometimes""
But she responded appropriately. Gotta wonder what happened Friday though. And what he meant by "hard to read". But I wouldn't get all paranoid. Just amp it up. Drop the anger and think of it like a game you're going to win.
OMG. Anybody giving you advice on fixing this trainwreck of a relationship has obviously not read your prior threads.
I went to look at them, read one, and learned everything I need to know as far as what I would advise you to do. http://marriedmansexlife.vanillaforums.com/discussion/10051/she-gave-back-the-engagement-ring/p1
You aren't even married to her and you are putting up with an insane amount of drama. It is only going to get worse if you marry her.
Get. Out. If you marry this woman your life is going to become a living hell and you will end up considering it the worst mistake you ever made in your life.
You need to read No More Mr. Nice Guy and do counseling or coaching to figure out why you would want to continue a relationship with a woman with so many issues.
I only attach photos like this to the worst relationships I read about. I am attaching it to yours.
“I’m going to plead with you, do not cross us. Because if you do, the survivors will write about what we do here for 10,000 years.” General James Mattis, USMC
Yes I was very worried, but I know what he meant, she is very flirty, laughy and outgoing and sometimes boisterous, I've seen it since we've gotten together, she just get charmed by people, men especially, that pay her attention. I don't think she is doing it on purpose, because I've seen it happen since we first got together and she was totally on my nuts, she loves attention.
@Notheisenberg answered that one nicely. She asks "which shoes look better with these pants?" Pick a pair, it doesn't matter. Soft toss.
Other ones are ask her to do something for you. I ask my wife to iron a shirt for me to wear to work the next day. I try to ask her to do something for me every day.
Can anyone post the link?
Put back on course via a 'One Hour Call' with Athol. Seriously worth 10 times the cost, but don't tell him that....
“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” - Victor Frankl
Crashaxe unhelpful, unwarranted and unwanted. Go troll elsewhere, have you even posted a triage? why are you here?
He's trying to get your attention.
Detach from the moment and read the words you're writing about her.
They look like excuses for behavior that she and you both know is wrong.
She's likely very attractive and funny and you feel lucky to have her.
What Axe is saying - very directly - is that your relationship dynamic is upside down.
She's the leader.
That rarely works well for the long-term.
I'm sure that he's right, the path that were on we will crash and burn. I don't want that, I know it's wrong and that's why I am here.
I just read the thread @crashaxe posted and it was interesting. Even more reason to MAP like a motherfucker.
Couple things I picked up. Your fiance has a special needs child. Any other children for either of you? Do you live together, and if so is the child always with you? What's the relationship between the child and his/her father like?
Your snowflake has some serious luggage coming into this marriage; luggage that gives you leverage.
I won't recommend pulling the eject handle just yet, but be wary of its location.
Put back on course via a 'One Hour Call' with Athol. Seriously worth 10 times the cost, but don't tell him that....
“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” - Victor Frankl
She doesn't respect you. That's the #1 feeling a woman needs to have for her mate, love being the second. The only reason a woman marries a man she doesn't respect is for material support.
@_io So she did respect me at one point, and occasionally defers to me. Can I get it back? How?
@CartB4Horse My understanding of the child has grown since that post, he is not as special needs as I thought, but he is very needy, may have some ADD and ODD tendencies. He lives with us during the week, and visits dad most weekends. Our relationship is better, he shows quite a bit of respect to me now, even more than he does to her. No other kids for either of us yet, but she wants more and so do i. I know she has baggage, and I'm the one with the leverage, in the past I've just let her get away with murder because she's leveraged the p*ssy.
By stop being scared. What. The. Hell. You're afraid of losing a single mom who tends toward high emotion and irrationality who comes equipped with a high maintenance child? And bonus points, she treats you with such disrespect in public that your friends have noticed and think it's a problem? You sure don't want to miss out on THAT action.
You are undoubtedly part of the problem with your fear, betadom, and lack of respect for yourself. Maybe you can pull this out of the crapper, I don't know. But definitely do not marry a woman who doesn't respect you. You'll lose even more points in her eyes by being the kind of fool who lets a woman bamboozle him into supporting her.
Your understanding of the child has grown since that post.... How long have you been with this woman? How long have you lived together; and has her son always lived with you during the week?
As for the respect, yes you can get that back.
Put back on course via a 'One Hour Call' with Athol. Seriously worth 10 times the cost, but don't tell him that....
“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” - Victor Frankl
Lived with him about a year now. Was a toddler when I met him, he's talking now, 6, a lot bigger and mature. And I pay more attention to him. I was a bad stepfather for a while.
dubleyuteaeff Get out of this relationship while you still can, with no cost to you.
In my opinion nobody should have to work on a new relationship. On themselves maybe, but not on the relationship. Most people here have long established issues that they are addressing. Having the amount of drama you are experiencing before marriage and I believe in not much more than 2 years total relationship, that's crazy.
I believe a healthy relationship should come naturally. If you need to work right from the start with all sorts of outside advice, why would you do that? It's obviously not functioning.
And drop the pot, daily use is like a daily drinker.
If you marry her, I see alimony in your future.
Or you could give her/the relationship ONE last chance. But this will be an uphill battle all the way.
Have you set a date yet?
Put back on course via a 'One Hour Call' with Athol. Seriously worth 10 times the cost, but don't tell him that....
“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” - Victor Frankl
Why on earth are you even considering marrying a single mom?