Guys, you gotta watch how much you say. She doesn't understand this shit and no amount of talking is going to change that. Let her FEEL it. Keep up the OI, make it Real.
This is exactly what happens when you work your MAP. EXACTLY.
Put back on course via a 'One Hour Call' with Athol. Seriously worth 10 times the cost, but don't tell him that....
“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” - Victor Frankl
Dharma, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference. Progress not perfection.
Guys, you gotta watch how much you say. She doesn't understand this shit and no amount of talking is going to change that. Let her FEEL it. Keep up the OI, make it Real.
This is exactly what happens when you work your MAP. EXACTLY.
I will work on STFU for sure. I think my OI is pretty good. It helps me too as I internalize it.
On a side note, I've been reading NMMNG and it's insightful but not 100% applicable. I'm not that bad, and don't have as much of a problem asking for what I want, connecting with men, etc. I definitely see my brother in it though, he's the biggest Blue Pill bitch ever. We don't have that good of a relationship or I'd send him a few books.
Well perhaps shark week sex isn't for her. Don't make a big deal there. Just tell her she's missing out on Mr Awsome then STFU. Too much talking about control positions etc is DLV. If she doesn't want it don't push it. Pushing asking and extra yapping gets her hamster running.
Into Phase 3..
Those Who Dare......Win. "What gives you fear today...Gives you Strength tomorrow.."
So the weekend went well, we had sex Sat morning and Sunday morning. She basically initiated both times! This week I'll have to push for some sex as she's working late every night. I'd let it go till the weekend but it's good timing cycle-wise.
So, I haven't exactly been tracking frequency, I would assume it's around the same as it's been, but I feel like she's suddenly initiating often, and the quality seems to be going up. That's good!! I've been working out, losing a little weight. Feeling good about myself in general.
So this is to confirm that though frequency isn't where I'd like it, she's definitely initiating more often, which is awesome. Also, the less I "care" about her during sex, the better it is. Like the other night I initiated on the couch, she didn't seem warm for it, but didn't resist / say no. She was neutral, so we proceeded anyways. I was trying to get her going, kissing her neck, etc, and she was not reacting well. Started to correct me on how to kiss her neck. It was just not going down the right path. So I thought, what the hell, I just want to fuck. So I told her, let's cut the foreplay and I'll just pound you now, then ripped off her clothes and went for it. She was kinda taken by surprise, but she responded really quickly to the pounding and moaned herself to an O in like 5 mins. Take away, sometimes you just got to pound.
"Take away, sometimes you just got to pound." There, fixed that for ya.
My wife has had more intense orgasms since I stopped worrying about her. Good times for all.
And, by the way - Bravo!
Put back on course via a 'One Hour Call' with Athol. Seriously worth 10 times the cost, but don't tell him that....
“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” - Victor Frankl
It's been a while. I actually need to sit down and write out a series of posts. But first is a quick question about testing.
Frequently my wife asks me to do small things. I'm not sure if these are all tests or not. If I say no, or don't say anything then she always says that I'm closer (weird but it seems that I am always seated closer to whatever the task is at hand, I mean we're talking a matter of feet, but still) For example, we were prepping dinner or a snack or something. I don't remember what we ate, but I believe I actually made it, then we sat at our kitchen table and when we sat down she realized that we forgot the mustard in the fridge. Now I happened to sit down closest to the fridge, so she asks if I can grab the mustard. Pre-reading this site I would have thought nothing of it and grabbed the mustard. This time I say no, you can go get it. She then says, but you're closer. I say I don't want to grab it, and some other lame excuse. She throws a mini-fit saying, she'd do it for me if I asked, and that I'm not doing anything for her these days (in reference to me saying no to other things). Then she get's up and gets the mustard. Later it's not like she throws the fit for long so I figure it was a test.
This is just one example, but there's tons of them. Like when we sit in the living room I frequently sit on the left side of the couch, which happens to be closer to the door. So all the little things, like we want a snack halfway through the movie, or water or whatever, she's always asking me to get them. This is becoming a weird thing for me, as I figure 100% of the time it can't be a test. Sometimes, she may just be asking, but then I think, would I ask her? Do I ask her enough. And how do I say no?
I mean, her excuse of me being closer makes sense on the surface (though we're talking a mere few feet). But how do I say no? If I just say no, she starts up saying I'm closer. She'd do things for me if I ask, why this, bla bla bla. Like how do I say no?
The less you expect from people, the less they tend to respect you. Respect has a huge effect on female desire, so this is a yellow/red area in your Map.
Keep it light, keep it playful, but start expecting better behavior from your wife. She'll get angry with you as you change the established dynamics, but she'll respect you for it.
Alright, so on this same issue. Tonight we sit down to watch movie, and we had both just sat down, and she asks if I can jump up to turn the light off. Again I'm closer to the light, so I already know what she'd say. I just sit there for a minute, then got up and turned off the light. I couldn't think of what to say.
Just tell her, "Honey, if you want the light out, you need to do it yourself."
Keep it light, don't be angry. You're changing a long-term dynamic in your marriage and it's going to take her a bit to get used to it.
Quickly skimmed your triage .... I couldn't tell from what you wrote if you're pulling your weight around the house. Make sure you're doing what you need to do in terms of domestic chores without her having to ask. That way, you come from a position of strength and when you push back on unreasonable requests, she'll be able to accept the new dynamics.
Yes, I definitely pull my weight around the house. I cook, or clean about half. I may cook more, but hardly do laundry. I like the be light part, I just literally didn't know what to say. So I froze. It's like I just wrote you guys and that very night she lobs an easy pitch.
So what do I say after I say she needs to do it herself. Assuming she starts saying I'm closer, or she'd do it for me, or I never do things for her.
Say nothing. Or, repeat the last thing you said. If you feel the burning desire to engage, then first ask yourself what's driving that desire and then formulate your reply for your desired goal. For example...
I'm a master of what I call "presumptive conversationalism" -- in short, I respond to her as if she said something other than what she did. Think of it like purposefully mishearing her and then responding to that. It's A&A while also dislodging the discussion to a new track which makes it harder for her to get back on the track she wants it to be on. I'm married to a woman who's a fantastic trial attorney and this still seems to throw her off more than objecting twenty times during a cross-examination. Marriage by Dadaism!
An example:
Her: We have a lot of laundry to do. And, I'm so tired.
Me: I know. You want me to do all of the work.
Her: I'm not saying that.
Me: It's ok. I expect to do the work as the man and all. I know you like the vibration from the machine, and I promise to take you over the dryer but the kids are still awake.
Her: What?!?!
Me: it's ok. I'm not judging you. You like what you like. I'm just saying, we might want to wait for the kids to go to bed.
Her: That's not what I'm saying.
Me: Ok. I get it. You're willing to wait. I'm sorry. I should give you more credit for having excellent willpower, that's on me.
------- Doing the laundry is now a dead conversation, whereas doing her over the laundry machines is now the new topic. Presto!
Comments
This is exactly what happens when you work your MAP. EXACTLY.
Put back on course via a 'One Hour Call' with Athol. Seriously worth 10 times the cost, but don't tell him that....
“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” - Victor Frankl
Progress not perfection.
Well perhaps shark week sex isn't for her. Don't make a big deal there. Just tell her she's missing out on Mr Awsome then STFU. Too much talking about control positions etc is DLV. If she doesn't want it don't push it. Pushing asking and extra yapping gets her hamster running.
Into Phase 3..
Those Who Dare......Win. "What gives you fear today...Gives you Strength tomorrow.."I've been working out, losing a little weight. Feeling good about myself in general.
Also, the less I "care" about her during sex, the better it is. Like the other night I initiated on the couch, she didn't seem warm for it, but didn't resist / say no. She was neutral, so we proceeded anyways.
I was trying to get her going, kissing her neck, etc, and she was not reacting well. Started to correct me on how to kiss her neck. It was just not going down the right path. So I thought, what the hell, I just want to fuck. So I told her, let's cut the foreplay and I'll just pound you now, then ripped off her clothes and went for it. She was kinda taken by surprise, but she responded really quickly to the pounding and moaned herself to an O in like 5 mins.
Take away, sometimes you just got to pound.
My wife has had more intense orgasms since I stopped worrying about her. Good times for all.
And, by the way - Bravo!
Put back on course via a 'One Hour Call' with Athol. Seriously worth 10 times the cost, but don't tell him that....
“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” - Victor Frankl
Frequently my wife asks me to do small things. I'm not sure if these are all tests or not. If I say no, or don't say anything then she always says that I'm closer (weird but it seems that I am always seated closer to whatever the task is at hand, I mean we're talking a matter of feet, but still)
For example, we were prepping dinner or a snack or something. I don't remember what we ate, but I believe I actually made it, then we sat at our kitchen table and when we sat down she realized that we forgot the mustard in the fridge. Now I happened to sit down closest to the fridge, so she asks if I can grab the mustard. Pre-reading this site I would have thought nothing of it and grabbed the mustard. This time I say no, you can go get it.
She then says, but you're closer. I say I don't want to grab it, and some other lame excuse. She throws a mini-fit saying, she'd do it for me if I asked, and that I'm not doing anything for her these days (in reference to me saying no to other things). Then she get's up and gets the mustard. Later it's not like she throws the fit for long so I figure it was a test.
This is just one example, but there's tons of them.
Like when we sit in the living room I frequently sit on the left side of the couch, which happens to be closer to the door. So all the little things, like we want a snack halfway through the movie, or water or whatever, she's always asking me to get them. This is becoming a weird thing for me, as I figure 100% of the time it can't be a test. Sometimes, she may just be asking, but then I think, would I ask her? Do I ask her enough. And how do I say no?
I mean, her excuse of me being closer makes sense on the surface (though we're talking a mere few feet). But how do I say no? If I just say no, she starts up saying I'm closer. She'd do things for me if I ask, why this, bla bla bla. Like how do I say no?
Remember to play!
Do the right thing, whether anyone is watching or not.
Be married, until you are not.
Email address: angeline.greenwood@att.net
"That's great, sweetheart. Will you grab me the mustard."
The Secret to Why Your Wife Doesn't Initiate; Top Two Reasons Your Husband Doesn't Want Sex; Dominance-It's Not a Bad Word; Top 10 Ways to Increase Testosterone Naturally
Keep it light, keep it playful, but start expecting better behavior from your wife. She'll get angry with you as you change the established dynamics, but she'll respect you for it.
The Secret to Why Your Wife Doesn't Initiate; Top Two Reasons Your Husband Doesn't Want Sex; Dominance-It's Not a Bad Word; Top 10 Ways to Increase Testosterone Naturally
Keep it light, don't be angry. You're changing a long-term dynamic in your marriage and it's going to take her a bit to get used to it.
Quickly skimmed your triage .... I couldn't tell from what you wrote if you're pulling your weight around the house. Make sure you're doing what you need to do in terms of domestic chores without her having to ask. That way, you come from a position of strength and when you push back on unreasonable requests, she'll be able to accept the new dynamics.
The Secret to Why Your Wife Doesn't Initiate; Top Two Reasons Your Husband Doesn't Want Sex; Dominance-It's Not a Bad Word; Top 10 Ways to Increase Testosterone Naturally
I like the be light part, I just literally didn't know what to say. So I froze. It's like I just wrote you guys and that very night she lobs an easy pitch.
So what do I say after I say she needs to do it herself. Assuming she starts saying I'm closer, or she'd do it for me, or I never do things for her.
I'm a master of what I call "presumptive conversationalism" -- in short, I respond to her as if she said something other than what she did. Think of it like purposefully mishearing her and then responding to that. It's A&A while also dislodging the discussion to a new track which makes it harder for her to get back on the track she wants it to be on. I'm married to a woman who's a fantastic trial attorney and this still seems to throw her off more than objecting twenty times during a cross-examination. Marriage by Dadaism!
An example:
Her: We have a lot of laundry to do. And, I'm so tired.
Me: I know. You want me to do all of the work.
Her: I'm not saying that.
Me: It's ok. I expect to do the work as the man and all. I know you like the vibration from the machine, and I promise to take you over the dryer but the kids are still awake.
Her: What?!?!
Me: it's ok. I'm not judging you. You like what you like. I'm just saying, we might want to wait for the kids to go to bed.
Her: That's not what I'm saying.
Me: Ok. I get it. You're willing to wait. I'm sorry. I should give you more credit for having excellent willpower, that's on me.
-------
Doing the laundry is now a dead conversation, whereas doing her over the laundry machines is now the new topic. Presto!
Presumptive Conversationalism. It's awesome.