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On Parlaying Duty Sex...

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  • TenneeTennee Next Stop: AwesomevilleSilver Member Posts: 5,963
    @Redford said:

    If duty sex means her laying there like a cadaver and obnoxiously rolling your eyes, that's a whole other ball game, obviously. 

    Agreed; the above to me is Vaginal Hate Sex, which I would absolutely pass on.  You're likely doing more harm than than good in this case.  

    I like your definition - In fact, I called W my 'fuck toy' during Tuesday's session.  She generally gets in to it, but after we're in motion.  Before that...meh.  Last night we even broke out a toy, but again, after things are moving.  Before that...meh, and some Hamster throw in for good measure.   I've half wondered if this is some type of fitness testing - see if I'm Alpha enough to blow through it and get her naked; it's definitely JV level Hamster so its no problem.  

    I've appreciated the perspectives throughout this thread, so thanks y'all...

    "Fall down seven times, stand up eight"  Japanese Proverb

    How will you live well today?
    UnBetaMe
  • CartB4HorseCartB4Horse Southwest USASilver Member Posts: 4,155
    edited August 2014

    Wife and I knocked some out last night.  She did it for me, didn't want an "O".  Reading @Redford 's comment above made me feel better about it.  I don't care for what I call "wake up sex" as it usually doesn't have much involvement from the wife.  I have to get over that Nice Guy feeling that she should want an orgasm every damn time and just have a blast. 

    On the good side it lasted about 12 minutes and I immediately went back to sleep.  Zzzzzz..... :)

    Put back on course via a 'One Hour Call' with Athol.  Seriously worth 10 times the cost, but don't tell him that....

    “Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” - Victor Frankl 

    TenneeUnBetaMe
  • UnBetaMeUnBetaMe Through The GatesMember Posts: 1,211
    Redford said:

    I actually quite enjoy duty sex.  It's a good time for him to experiment.  The reasoning, here, is that if I forfait being an active participant, then, by default, I become his fuck toy to do with as he pleases. So, for us, duty sex is not a bad thing at all.  He gets to have fun and I get my Alpha bucket filled. Win-win. 

    Hmmm.... I think I need to take more of this approach myself. Maybe I am missing a leadership moment here. 
    KattTennee
  • PrezPrez Member Posts: 471
    This is an old post, but I parlay duty sex all the time.  If it's late, she's tired, she's got laundry to fold, etc., she wants me to 'get to the point', meaning stick it in her.  she's not much of one for foreplay either.  She doesn't flip over and do lots of positions.  But usually she ends up having lots of orgasms, squirting, and having a good time.  Lots of foreplay and positions is kind of rare, but with a toddler in the room, what can I expect?  Last night, though, she wasn't feeling that great and wasn't in a great mood, and she just had one measly tiny orgasm with no squirting or anything.  Not enough to be a major mood changer for her. 
  • BabyMakes5_dadBabyMakes5_dad USA Member Posts: 375
    I know this is an old thread, but I missed it first time around and UBM revived it, so . . .  

    I thought i had had made nice headway recently in my MAP. Wife and I were getting along, knocking boots 1-2x a week for a stretch, laughing and generally happy. 

    We have 3 kids including a nursing 10 month old, so things were better than after either of the first two, or really ever in our marriage. Then, maybe 4-6 weeks ago I started hearing no. Most times she didn't say no, but I heard no. 

    Example. 1 or 2 flirty texts during the day, get home from work, some well received drive bys, verbal initiation (whispery "I'm going to tear you up tonight." Met with giggles or affirmation - I hope so). I would initiate after the baby went down, and it was generally late. 10 o'clock. She would lie down on the bed exhausted. 

    Many times me she would smile or giggle at my initiations and put up no physical resistance. None.

    She'd be face down on the bed, naked, with me massaging her all over and say "I'm really tired. Can't we do this tomorrow. I have to get up with the baby. I'm exhausted." Etc. rarely a no, but all these indications she's not interested. 

    Mind you, she's laying there face down not moving. Not nasty or snarky.

    or she would say "I'm so tired, I'll give you a bj or hj." To which I always say no. I think she assumes I'll say no, but regardless, I have trouble receiving and historically this would mean nothing more for 2-3 weeks. One orgasm per customer, so I want it to be PIV (even though frequency probably avgs 1x - 10 days now). 

    Or, when I'm trying to be playful, I'll say "you can go to sleep. I'll use you as my F you."  Many times she'll say "that's fine, just use some lube.

    But I generally take that as a no. This thread makes me think maybe in too dense. 

    Are the FOs really ok with this?  How is a BJ less work than PIV (if she was serious). Is living her up and just going for it a DLV for me?  Is it "using" her?  
    Tennee
  • BabyMakes5_dadBabyMakes5_dad USA Member Posts: 375
    I should stop posting from the iPhone. What I think I'm typing doesn't end up on the screen. Thanks for the insight. Sorry for the incoherent post. 

    F you = F toy

    living her up = lubing her up.

    in too dense = I'm too dense. 
  • redheaded_womanredheaded_woman USASilver Member Posts: 4,739
    @babymakes5_dad Also, why would accepting a HJ or BJ mean nothing again for 2-3 weeks? 
    "Fuck yesterday, make tomorrow awesome." - Tennee
    Tennee
  • BabyMakes5_dadBabyMakes5_dad USA Member Posts: 375
    redheaded_woman said:
    @babymakes5_dad Also, why would accepting a HJ or BJ mean nothing again for 2-3 weeks? 
    Muscle memory. What brought me to MMSL was a 3 year sexless period. As in, no thing. Not even kissing. This was once pregnant w/#2 through her 2nd birthday. 

    Prior to that, our whole marriage, sex was pretty non-existent. So, if I came, by whatever method, I knew that was it for a while. Several weeks. So, pre MMSL, a HJ meant nothing else for a long time. 

    I have to work on changing that instinct in my mind. It's not logical. But, it's my learned response. 
    redheaded_womanTenneeamblrgirlEightbit
  • RorschachRorschach "Just ask the axis ..."Silver Member Posts: 1,458
    Ms_Fit said:
    She wants to be wanted she's just too tired to move it forward. You need to move it forward and she is giving you every opportunity. Take it.

    This is right on point. Absolutely the shit in three sentences. I let my desire for her be known, I keep that pot simmering All.The.Time. Once I got this sort of idea at gut level, and stopped worrying about whether it was "right" or worth it quality wise, it changed and frequency went waaaaay up. If she really does not want to have sex now, she'll tell me, often in advance of any initiation on my part. Otherwise, my frame now is, we're having sex, unless I decide we're not (I'm too tired or stressed), or she actually says she doesn't want to. It frequently is not our greatest sex (we're both tired), but it's sex. Marriage glue.
    UnBetaMeTenneeBabyMakes5_dadWinter
  • BabyMakes5_dadBabyMakes5_dad USA Member Posts: 375
    What if she starts snoring? LOL!

    True story last night. I guess she really was tired. 9 hours later, she's still sleeping.  

    I'll keep pushing my mental boundaries/warped views on sexuality from upbringing. Thanks for bumping the thread @UnBetaMe - I must not have been ready for it a year ago. 
    UnBetaMeJellyBean
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