Was this a shit test? Did I pass?

August_West

Setting the scene: we're on our way home from dinner. I sent text messages earlier in the day indicating a desire to give FO something special when we got home.

FO: So by something special, did you mean sex?

Capt. West: Sex isn't special?

FO: Oh, it's nice, but it isn't everything. I kind of see sex as the icing on the cake of our relationship.

Cpt. West: I like that analogy, but I kind of see sex as the flour - without it, the cake kind of collapses.

FO: So do you mean that sex is the only thing that is holding up our relationship?

Cpt. West: No. There are other things that hold a cake together - butter, eggs, baking powder - and those are things like our friendship and our loyalty - but without any one of them, you don't have a cake anymore.

FO: So if your dick stopped working, our marriage would collapse.

Cpt. West: I have tools other than my penis that you know are perfectly capable of pleasing a woman - and I'm sure we'd find something else that works for me.

FO: It sounds suspiciously like the only thing that matters to you right now is sex.

Cpt. West: If we forget the flour, we fuck up the cake.

FO gave the silent treatment for two hours after that, then initiated some beta-style snuggling. Captain West went to bed feeling loved, but unsatisfied.

RebuildingHusband

Too much talking. 

Stop at the icing comment she made. Response would have been "oh yeah, sex icing. I knew I forgot something!"

You can't logic your way into her panties. 

And don't forecast that you're gonna go for it through text. That's a half-assed initiation if that's what you really meant. And she saw right through it. That's why you got a shit test. 

She saw what you were trying to do and attempted to test your resolve. You caved and started on with a stupid explanation of how to bake a cake. Less talking, more peeling her clothes off and fucking her like a rented piece of ass. 

Frank_London

This is the shit test/loyalty test coin. One side: shit test, the other side, loyalty test. Which is it? In this scenario, I vote loyalty test.

It reads like she was trying to send you a message.

Maybe you've been very focused on sex and she wanted beta affirmation (which she got).

OneEyedDrunk

It looks like too much back and forth. I probably would have gone dark and ignored her after the first push back. Remember, be cocky and funny. The more you talk about sex, then the less she will want it. 

Try this next time:

Her: By something special did you mean sex? 

Me: well, to be honest, I meant I want you to make me a sandwich. And then sex.

Her: Is that all it is? I like to think of sex as icing on a cake. 

Me: You want cake too? I'd be full after your sandwich. I'm hungry now. 

UMP

F.O. So by something special did you mean sex?

Capt. Yes.

F.O. Oh, it's nice, but it isn't everything. I kind of see sex as the icing on the cake of our relationship.

Capt.  OK. You can bake me a cake after sex.

FO. So do you mean that sex is the only thing holding up our relationship?

Capt. No, your cake baking skills is the only thing holding up our relationship.

F.O. So if your dick stopped working our marriage would collapse?

Capt. No, I would get a prosthetic dick.

F.O. It sounds suspiciously like the only thing that matters to you right now is sex.

Capt. No, great sex is the only thing that matters to me right now.  When we get home, go take a shower and put on those funky boots and I'll bake the cake.

Edit: In my example, the F.O. has spoken the exact same words, but the Capt. has defused everything and turned it into a fun light hearted exchange, probably leading to sex.

fredless

Agree with rebuilding husband--too much talking.

When she made the "icing on the cake" comment, Innuendo Man should have made an appearance.

And keep this in your back pocket--At some point, your wife will imply or state directly that you only want her for sex.  This, in my opinion, is a loyalty test.  Look her in the eyes and say, "If I just wanted sex, I know I can have sex with lots of different women.  I choose to have sex only with you.  I choose you."  Then kiss her. 

CartB4Horse

STFU.  When you sent the text it went straight to the hamster.  You told the furry creature you wanted some action that night and it got busy shutting you down.

Drive bys and initiation shouldn't be verbal (at this point in your MAP).  Get cerebral.

Good try on the sext though.

fordsvt

Too much talking.  Own your sexuality. Don't quantify it in words. Lots of good examples up there. 

RangerJohn

No baby...sex is the oven that provides the heat necessary to have a cake. The multiple O's are your icing!

August_West

Lesson learned, indeed. Had a good recovery that led to great times over the weekend. Played it cool, showed interest/desire physically instead of mentally. Took her out for music and tapas, dressed to the nines. Ran game on two other girls (had one on the hook and hanging on every word as the DW came out of the bathroom). DW was eating out of my hand for the rest of the night. Got home, pulled into bedroom for 100 minutes of crazy kinky sex trying shit we'd only read about before. The next morning, she smiles at me and says we need to do more of that.

Thanks guys.

fordsvt

Sounds like you had a great night. Ended it great too. Nice job. It's amazing how actions and leadership speak way louder than words. I've learned this too and it's a great feeling. 

CartB4Horse

And when you shut down a shit test...... That's just girl candy!