Infidelity on the part of my wife. Me too... Now what???

The_Dude

I can't tell you whether you should stay or go.  I don't know the answer even for me.
But...  I can tell you that the one thing that made my life actually better after the shit hit the fan was to do a friggen map on steroids.  I pushed so hard and fast that i really swung the balance of power around 180 degrees.  It pulled her back to me in a very obvious and unquestionable way.  If you achieve that then a lot of the burn will subside. 

I really was stuck in the same place you are now.  Without the kids I would have been gone.  I just decided to stick it out long enough to soften the blow on them.  And I had heard enough stories where people did actually come through it stronger so I intellectually knew it was possible. So I figured I would just do everything full tilt assuming that I might get to a place where it was bearable.
I took all that anger at her and myself and directed it at MAP (although I had never heard of athol kay at the time).  Dropped a lot of weight, started working out, changed my looks, upped my game in bed, everything.  And within 6-9 months she was back super attracted to me again.  And it did make the whole thing easier to deal with.  I have still spent the following couple years teetering on the edge, but I'm a lot happier about my life and it's certainly better to have her really into me again than sorta wondering if she should leave.  
What do you have to lose while you make up your mind?  Nothing.  
Use that freedom to make big changes. Do things you were afraid to do before. What's she gonna do? Leave?  That fearlessness is the silver lining to this shit pile you found yourself in. Don't waste it.  

The_Dude

"Funny thing is I started mapping before I got confirmation of the affairs"

plural?

goldenboy

Thanks the dude. No not plural just a typo. 

The_Dude

Have you both opened up all communications to each other?  All passwords, etc. 

DarKeyes

goldenboy said:

Thanks the dude. No not plural just a typo. 

Freudian Slip? Intuition?

brendanoco

What was the reason her first marriage did not workout?

SMan

@goldenboy said:

The question is this. Should I be starting to MAP now?  

Definitely start mapping tomorrow (Friday, Sept. 19)

I'm not kidding.

I know you feel stressed, etc. . .

But what you'll find is, the MAP actually enables you to handle the upheaval better.

My major piece of advice as you start is: to start small. Don't be a perfectionist and assume you have to do a mega-MAP or nothing.

The start of you MAP on your first day could even be to sit down in front of a piece of paper and spend time listing your reds, greens & yellows.  Then create a list of small achievable steps for the next 3 days.