What's My Deal, Anyway?

MiddleMan

Thanks, all. 

Last night we we had pretty much the exact same setup. But I was feeling a lot more energized after my workout. So I initiated, knowing that I was going to have to provide all the energy. (I had done a few drivebys earlier in the day, too.)

My wife wasn't excited about it; she was neutral. We had a quickie. I was able to stop thinking too much and didn't get hung up about her lack of response. And it ended up being a positive experience overall. She seemed content and even happy afterward, even though she didn't seem to get into it during the act (which was 2 minutes or less). I didn't have any ED issues, even though conditions were ripe for that possibly happening. 

So while this wasn't my ideal sex scenario, it went as well as I realistically could have hoped for. And maybe this will be a +1 for the next time. 

CartB4Horse

That works @MiddleMan.  Sometimes it's just for you.  Our wives get that, hell, mine has even said those words.

Our ansestors didn't sit around the fire wondering if the Princess wanted to get poked, they took it.

hppyirsh

MiddleMan said:

Scarlet said:

MiddleMan said:

So, as ever, MiddleMan should just suck it up. MiddleMan shouldn't want BJTC. That's for other people. Not MiddleMan. Why can't MiddleMan just stop wanting this?

Well, you're telling us that your wife should just suck it up and do something that she finds repulsive and upsetting.  

Marriage should be about a mutually beneficial relationship, not just about getting your way.  No one owes it to you to make up for the universe being a bit unfair.  That's a huge and unreasonable burden to place on your wife's shoulders. 

We don't know she feels that way. How would we, she's never tried it?

And Jeez, I don't think the forum is getting an accurate picture here. I see my wife's unwillingness to give me BJTC as a rejection. Which it undeniably is, on several levels. This rejection hurts. I'm trying to change myself so that I don't get this rejection anymore.

I'm hearing a lot of reasons why I'm simply wrong for feeling this way. 

I think I am most likely in the minority here but I can completely sympathize with how MM is feeling. I would see it as an act of rejection too, and especially after putting the work in on MAPing 

hppyirsh

Capster said:

To my male brain, it is unfortunate that we have to go through all these mind games just to flip a switch in our wives.  As men, whenever we have a problem, we study the solutions and fix the problem.  If women were wired like men, they'd be the ones doing internet searches about how to unlock their own sexuality.  

So that's what's been the most frustrating part.  It's the fact that they don't take the initiative to figure out a solution, even when they realize there's a problem.  To the male brain, it's almost as if there's some secret code that they are intentionally keeping from us.

I know, I know.  I've read the books.  I know there's a difference in how they're wired compared to us.  That doesn't mean we can't be frustrated at all the rigmarole we have to go through sometimes.

I am a woman who came to mmsl to figure myself out. It's also tough for a woman who is much more highly sexual than her H and doesn't know if upping her game will change him, but at least I'll feel great. 

Capster

hppyirsh said:

Capster said:

To my male brain, it is unfortunate that we have to go through all these mind games just to flip a switch in our wives.  As men, whenever we have a problem, we study the solutions and fix the problem.  If women were wired like men, they'd be the ones doing internet searches about how to unlock their own sexuality.  

So that's what's been the most frustrating part.  It's the fact that they don't take the initiative to figure out a solution, even when they realize there's a problem.  To the male brain, it's almost as if there's some secret code that they are intentionally keeping from us.

I know, I know.  I've read the books.  I know there's a difference in how they're wired compared to us.  That doesn't mean we can't be frustrated at all the rigmarole we have to go through sometimes.

I am a woman who came to mmsl to figure myself out. It's also tough for a woman who is much more highly sexual than her H and doesn't know if upping her game will change him, but at least I'll feel great. 

I must've been having a rough day back then!  We're all a product of our own personal situation.  Whatever we are accustomed to seems like the norm sometimes.

MiddleMan

@Athol_Kay @Jen_Kay ;

This has been my big issue. I've come a long way since this thread was active. Or so I thought.