I got this one from Betty Dodson (she's an 85-year-old sex-positive bisexual-lesbian-straight feminist that holds group masturbation sessions for women... pretty righteous chick, actually):
Slow penetration. Like, really slow. Like, just tease the inside of the labia majora and the vaginal vestibule with the head of the penis - don't even let your whole mushroom-tip into her vaginal canal. Just a millimeter in, a millimeter out, stir it around and around, then maybe 2 millimeters in, 2 millimeters out. While teasing penetration, manually (or mechanically) work the clitoris.
Now not every woman will like this - but if you're a man with a woman who does, eventually her hips start bucking wildly and she begs you to pound her through the mattress - which you can oblige, if you like, or you can continue to subtly torture her with pleasure. Whatever floats your boat.
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It seems that sexual teasing similar to this is a significant part of building sexual tension. Which, is part and parcel of the female orgasmic experience - according to the various books I've read on the subject.
Fate favors the prepared.
i believe this approach would communicate that my man was being deliberate, contemplative, cerebral, and academic about his approach to sex. Those are all fine personality characteristics but they aren't very sexy. I want my man to be passionate, aggressive, lusty when it comes to sex. Pre-planning such a weird artificial approach to sex is pretty much the opposite of a turn on for me.
ETA: One big problem we have had in our marriage is that my husband tends to get lost in his head instead of being present and open to experiences in the moment. This probably weighs heavily in my visceral negative reaction to this.
Remember to play!
Do the right thing, whether anyone is watching or not.
Be married, until you are not.
Email address: angeline.greenwood@att.net
I get what you're saying because I find it hard to 'let go' in the moment and I think that plays a role in why my Wife lacks enthusiasm. But, it's hard for me to believe that anyone has never decided to try something in bed before they actually get there...but, maybe that's why I'm here.
ETA: So, just to clarify. you're turned off by the fact that it's possibly pre-planned. How do you feel about the actual thought of the teasing action itself? Because, well, you really would have no idea if it was pre-planned or not IRL.
And our situation is not much time during the week for anything but quickies or mutual masturbation, but slow romantic sex bores both of us. But slow, lazy teasing is fun. Sometimes we even try to pretend we're just watching a movie.
Remember to play!
Do the right thing, whether anyone is watching or not.
Be married, until you are not.
Email address: angeline.greenwood@att.net
LOL
Fate favors the prepared.
Remember to play!
Do the right thing, whether anyone is watching or not.
Be married, until you are not.
Email address: angeline.greenwood@att.net
I was taking joy in the spirited denials and then the 'well maybe" rebuttals
We gots ourselves some very out spoken FO's on here who have incredible and amazing insight into the woman's mind and even they don't know what they want!
I find this incredibly entertaining
LOL
Fate favors the prepared.
It appeals to me none on paper. Like zero. I was willing to concede that it is possible that the real life experience would be better. But in general, I don't like male teasing behavior, I want to be fucked into next week. Like, now. Gentle clit/vaginal stimulation generally tickles me, even if I'm horny. I do not find tickling arousing.
Sex that tantalizes you a little bit for a little while, and then is over, is far far worse than no sex at all.
Remember to play!
Do the right thing, whether anyone is watching or not.
Be married, until you are not.
Email address: angeline.greenwood@att.net
I think it is a definitely minority of guys on the forum who need more ways to have gentle sex. Maybe after things have settled into a fun place of exploration and "let's try this!" kind of place, but for most of the guys here, the last thing they need right now is another way to have near frozen, silent, passionless sex.
Remember to play!
Do the right thing, whether anyone is watching or not.
Be married, until you are not.
Email address: angeline.greenwood@att.net
I agree with your assessment in the quote above. I definitely don't need to have a course in anything gentle... believe me. What I do need to do is to figure out a way that the 'duty' sex (for lack of a better term here) can possibly be made better for Wife and, by extension, me.
If a little bit of teasing helps to move her through the sexual response cycle before we go to pound town, then I think it's worth a shot.
Furthermore, with respect to Oral sex techniques, all of the information that I can find online and in books (and my limited personal experience) on the subject suggests that the majority of women prefer a slower, gentler technique that ramps up in pressure and friction through the response cycle. If we replace the tongue with the penis, what the OP's post indicates sounds similar to me.
In addition to that, writings on Tantric rhythms suggest a variety of slow shallow strokes with intermittent longer deep thrusts as something that is sexually satisfying to many women. Obviously not all, of course. My wife doesn't seem to like too much of this technique.
For what it's worth, these threads are really helping me to find the balance of what I need to do in my own approach. I am constantly reconciling the opinions shared on this board with my own experience, so I do appreciate all of the candor.
In my experience - which I will refrain from trumpeting as extensive, because it's not - quality sex comes from being able to control the throttle. Yes, sometimes you need to put a hole in the wall with the headboard. Sometimes a little gentleness is okay. Different women have different preferences. But - and this is a big, juicy but - being able to have dynamic levels of activity in bed, from slow and gentle to fast and rough and back, and forth, and back, and forth... what was I saying? Yeah. Dynamics. That's right. Being able to do both can enhance pleasure for both partners.
And I find that teasing is fun. Sometimes I like to drive her crazy. Make her beg for it. There's nothing quite like hearing your FO try to stutter "Stick it in and fuck me already" in between her orgasms.