Lots of great sex, but not sure how to respond to this.

ForestForest Member Posts: 66
edited October 2014 in Married Life
After having sex everyday, several times a day for about a week now (after months of lackluster and infrequent sex) this conversation comes up today after our session...

Husband- "The sex we've been having this week is some of the best of my life." *big grin*

I come back with, "You keep being a good husband and I'll keep being a good wife. ;)"

"Like you're rewarding me? Like a dog?"

"No, not like a dog. I'm not meaning to reward you like a pet, but when you're doing what needs to be done and being all manly, it makes me happy, which makes me want to make you happy."

--

Similar conversation happened earlier this week when he was playing a video game with his friends while I took care of his laundry. "You are so amazing. Why are you so amazing?" etc. I responded, "A good husband gets a good wife."

I just want him to know that when he acts the way he's been acting lately (not being fazed by my emotional storms and handling/reassuring me like a pro, making needed changes and all in all just doing what needs to be done without being needy or desperate about it) it makes me attracted to him like I've never been before. I want him to keep up how he is acting, but I don't want him to feel like I'm rewarding him like some dog or a child. I'm just very, VERY attracted to this transformed husband of mine. 

What should I say in conversations like this to let him know to keep doing exactly what he's doing without making him feel bad? I want to get across to him that these changes he's made are making a great impact on me and not to stop!

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Comments

  • ForestForest Member Posts: 66
    edited October 2014
    @BetaTester‌ We are both in our early 20's so it's not unheard of LOL hormones are still high. If you couldn't tell I *really* want him to keep this up
  • ScarletScarlet Category Moderator** Posts: 7,542
    Just be appreciative.  When he does something for you, thank him.  More importantly, what's his love language?  You'll get far more mileage expressing your love via his preferred method.  
    Speak your truth. 
    HildaCornersCaptain_HammerLiquidSound
  • ForestForest Member Posts: 66
    @Scarlet‌ I'll make sure to go out of my way to thank him more. Physical touch and quality time are his love languages :) (he tested equal for both) 
  • ScarletScarlet Category Moderator** Posts: 7,542
    Try not to go overboard.  Let this simply be normal life.  :)  Keep on with the positive momentum of your relationship, which is a positive feedback loop all by itself. 
    Speak your truth. 
    Maria
  • ForestForest Member Posts: 66
    @Scarlet‌ What would you consider to be going overboard?
  • ScarletScarlet Category Moderator** Posts: 7,542
    That's honestly hard to say.  If he's responding to you like he is now, he might be feeling awkward and a little overwhelmed, so that would be a good cue to back off.  If his love languages are physical touch and quality time, focus on those instead of verbalizing more than typical thank yous and words of praise. 
    Speak your truth. 
    Persephone
  • ForestForest Member Posts: 66
    @Scarlet‌ You're right, he probably is a bit overwhelmed with this happening all of a sudden. I think I keep trying to verbalize it to him because I want him to connect that his actions are the reason for this improvement. Maybe I should let up a bit... So I guess I probably shouldn't jump on him when he wakes up in a little bit then haha. Let him come to me.
    ScarletAngeline
  • TungstenCarbideTungstenCarbide UKSilver Member Posts: 234
    Forest said:

    Husband- "The sex we've been having this week is some of the best of my life." *big grin*


    I find a "You're welcome" will often suffice! The act itself is thanks and reinforcement all rolled into one. 

    And with outstanding sex, rather than saying "thank you" as if Mrs C was doing me a favour, I'll say something along the line of "that was amazing", or "you were incredible" and conversely if she says "you were amazing", it's Han Solo time and I'll reply with a smirk "I know" 
    ForestAngelineHISgirl
  • ForestForest Member Posts: 66
    @TungstenCarbide‌ Taking note. I'll just say "same here!" next time. 
  • The_DudeThe_Dude Hollywood Star LanesGold Men Posts: 4,583
    @Forest‌  it's actually somewhat standard advice here for guys to not let their wife frame sex as a reward.  You don't want to create some sort of mindset that she is bestowing sex upon your meager head for being a good boy. 
    I know that's not what you intended but I think that's what you triggered.
    A guy with a solid self image views sex as much for her as it is for him.   And if you think about it, you wouldn't be attracted for long to a guy who viewed himself as a puppy dog looking for treats from you.  Again, I don't think you meant any of it that way but just pointing out what you bumped up against. 
    [Deleted User]LoisLaneLovesBatman
  • ForestForest Member Posts: 66
    edited October 2014
    @The_Dude‌  That's exactly what I'm worried about and you're right, I wouldn't be attracted to a man like that. So how do I reframe this to him? I feel like I messed up...
  • ForestForest Member Posts: 66
    I kept reading on here about 'rewarding good behavior' so I thought by talking about it it would reinforce it even more, but now I just feel like that was dumb. 
  • ForestForest Member Posts: 66
    @The_Dude‌ Should I stop initiating as well?
  • The_DudeThe_Dude Hollywood Star LanesGold Men Posts: 4,583
    Forest said:
    @The_Dude‌ Should I stop initiating as well?
    how is that connected?

    i don't know your whole background. For me, I like it when my wife initiates. She does it probably 1/4 of the time or less. But it's a fun change.  Once in a while she'll really initiate as in walk out in high heels and nothing else and ask me if I like her outfit.  Or something novel like that.  It's awesome and leads to some memorable sex. 
    Doing stuff like that now and then makes it clear to your husband that you enjoy it too.

    But I don't expect this very often and I think if she initiated all the time it would be weird.   Honestly I wouldn't overthink it. My 2 cents anyway. 
    [Deleted User]Eightbit
  • ForestForest Member Posts: 66
    @The_Dude‌ So he won't think I'm trying to 'reward' him in some way for something that he did. 

    I get what you're saying. It's been good for the first time in awhile and I just don't want to mess it up. I'll stop worrying about it. Thanks. 
  • KheldarKheldar IndianaSilver Member Posts: 1,565
    "I love having sex with you, too." I'm guessing that some variation of that is what he would like to hear or see demonstrated.
    ForestHISgirl
  • ForestForest Member Posts: 66
    edited October 2014
    Thanks @Tiger‌ I was thinking along the same lines as you. If he keeps bringing it up, I'll have a conversation along the same gist of what you wrote on here. Until then, I'll try to stop talking about it. Good point about the feedback loop, you are very right about needing to give sometimes. 
    Tiger
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