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Comments
what you say is something along the lines of "you keep making married life with you as awesome in and out of bed as you have been and i won't be able to help myself - i'll continue to need the hot sex we share as much as you do"
don't phrase sex as something you do to make/keep him happy - phrase it as something that he inspires in you - how his awesomeness in all ways makes you need him and want him and think hot thoughts about him when you're apart
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Fuck Culture. Live your life - Beatrice
He says: "...some of the best sex of my life."
You: "Mine too."
How does it look when you have an emotional storm and your husband is unfazed? How did he react before? How does it make you feel when your husband doesn't get sucked into the emotional storm compared to before?
1st: He would dismiss my problems as me being over-emotional, PMSing, just being moody, etc. (he wouldn't actually say that) and essentially blow me off. He would listen, sure, but I could tell he wasn't hearing me. He would say, "Oh no don't worry it'll be fine..." and that led to me feeling emotionally disconnected which led to infrequent and bad sex.
2nd: He would listen and take my issue seriously, but he would begin to plead with me. I would go to him with something that was bothering me for a long time and calmly state how big of a problem it was. He'd panic when he would realize I was being serious and would get visibly distressed, hold on to my arms in a begging way pleading, "Baby LISTEN to me! I promise it'll be OKAY!" which would absolutely turn me off and I'd pull away from him and all the drama.
He had been dismissing me for several months when I recently told him I think we should separate. He began to panic and respond with option #2 but I pulled away from his hands and said, "Don't. I hate it when you do that." Surprisingly, he stopped the begging motions and stayed calm and let me vent to him. He stayed caring throughout, actually heard what I was saying and apologized for his behavior, asked more questions about how I was feeling, reassured me we'd be fine, and told me he wasn't going to act that way again. So far, he has held true to his word.
It really impressed me that he was able to comfort me while keeping himself calm. It was like he was my rock. Sometimes I'm just being emotional, and sometimes it's a legitimate problem. I want him to be unfazed (calm) when I'm like this and have him help lead me back to a state of calmness and cool reassurance. It feels very manly to me when he's able to do that. (Just to point out that I'm talking about when I'm struggling with something, not when I'm just being a princess). - Don't play along when she does this.
"Awww, you okay babe?"
"I'm so sore!"
"Poor thing, I'll give you a break this weekend."
"NO PLEASE NO."
Stroked his ego pretty good
"Is the park open for business?"
"No. Moose out front is telling you it's closed right now."
This has bled over (pun intended) to general reference, and I can have endless fun with it.
"I'm looking forward to riding the rollercoaster with you. I like it when you scream."
"You must be this tall to enjoy this ride" (while holding my hand level with my crotch)
"Sorry, you can't say no. I bought a ticket to this ride."
...and so on. Maybe you can adapt this to use with your favorite ride (his penis), so when he asks his weird, unnecessary questions you can shrug it off with humor.
"Treating her like a princess didn't make me a prince, it made me a servant."
Link to triage questions: http://marriedmansexlife.com/triage-your-relationship-and-the-911-er-category/
If I had not joined this forum I don't think I would have ever learned this. Needless to say it has been really eye opening. Men spend a great deal of their time and energy hiding this vulnerability from women.
Your husband showed this vulnerabiltiy when he asked you if you are rewarding him with sex.
At it's core I think men want the woman in their life to want them sexually as much as they want them.
They want her to respond to their sexuality and they don't trust a woman who can hold her sexuality outside herself because not only does that mean she can use sex to manipulate them with it, it also "may" mean that she does not desire them with the same intensity they desire her with.
It is natural to want to be wanted as much as you "want"
The dilemma for women is we need men to act a certain way to create our "hot response"
Our core problem is how to have men turn us on without turning us off but we live between a rock and a hard place because what turns our sexuality on could turn us off as a challenge to our humanity.
We need to be intimately "fucked" unless we fear intimacy. Women who fear intimacy appraoch sex more like men in that they do not need intimacy to the same degree as other women.
They have an emotional hardness or distance so are not vulnerable to male sexuality to the same degree other woman are.
It is how each sex is touched emotionally by the other sex that makes sex wonderful or horrible.
The challange for a woman is to be aware of how sex makes her husband vulnerable but without letting him know it or using it against him.
She must be sensitive to his fear of her because of his sexuality without allowing him to know she senses (understands) his fear as how sex "makes him feel vulnerable"
In my opinion this is the key to understanding men and they are very good at not allowing you to understand this unless you listen between the lines for the deeper meaning in their words.
Masculinity is a paradox that keeps men from communicating clearly because they cannot afford to if they want to remain appearing as men. Women do not have this problem to contend with (as identity) so we can afford to place high emphasis on communication "sometimes"
She must protect him from herself because of the power of sex while also protecting herself by what she needs from him so that her own sexuality stays alive.
For something so easy to do, sex is complicated
Anyone can dance but only a few can do it well together.
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it. ~Andre Gide
"If you love someone, set him free; if you have to stalk him, he probably wasn't yours in the first place."
This is really important.
@LoisLaneLovesBatman If the BJs are just to keep him around, yes, he could be thinking divorce, although this is not Forest's problem.
My wife hates/loves that line.
Normally neither one of us specifically initiates. Normally what will happen is we'll both start flirting and getting touchy with each other and I'll either stop it from going further or not. Basically he's always doings drive-bys and it's up to me if I feel up to it. Although recently he doesn't really wait for my reaction
After a day break this weekend he tried initiating several times, but I couldn't because I'm feeling a bit irritated down there.