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Comments
I think, in general, an orbiter will have a lower sex rank, but I don't think that's always the case. Someone can probably argue that merely acting like an orbiter automatically makes your sex rank lower, and I think that argument may have some merit. I can think of a few cases where someone who should have had a higher, or at least comparable sex rank, orbited someone else. Usually, it was an older, successful man who was in an unhappy marriage, and he got attached to a younger woman, usually at work. The other woman may not have been particularly hot or interesting, but the dude was so starved for good treatment and attention from a woman that anyone who talked to him looked good. At my office, there is a young lady who really isn't all that pretty who has still managed to get at least three older executives to orbit her. They all compete for a few minutes of her time and attention, even though they arguably could get a much hotter woman if they tried.
@Cowboy, I see what you mean. Thanks for the clarification. I don't think I have many orbiters in this meaning of the phrase, then. I do have quite a few guy friends, but they aren't orbiters in the sense that they often put themselves out for me, but I do know that if I said, "Hey, let's fuck!" they'd be all over that. I don't get the sense that they are acting like puppy dogs either. I think it's just an inescapable fact that, like in the Can women and men be friends thread, any guy friends I have will want to bang me. They'll just vary in how much attention they give me.
I ended up fooling around with the friend again. I'm going to call him K. We were at a halloween party and alcohol lowered inhibitions, and led to heavy making out at our friend's place then going back to his. Although again, no sex. We were both extremely tired. I'm giving up thinking about this too much! I'm enjoying spending time with him, he's enjoying spending time with me, we're both open about what we're wanting from it. I told him about wanting more aggressiveness in the sack and he said that he was holding back because his last girlfriend hated that, but that's his preference as well. Anyway, I'm not too worried anymore, we're both grownups and can handle what happens.
My biggest monkey right now is my thesis. I am behind. I was supposed to have a full first draft done 5 days ago and am only about 70% done a full first draft. I am definitely starting to panic. My primary focus right now is making sure I eat healthy, get enough sleep, and have just enough exercise and fun activity to keep my stress down enough to maximize productivity. To that end, my monkeys are:
- On weekdays, go to sleep by midnight at the LATEST, preferably by 11pm. To help accomplish this I will set alarms on my phone to go off at 9:30 (to start thinking about wrapping the day up), 10:30 (to do my getting-ready-for-bed routine), 10:45 (to be in bed), and 11 (to actually go to sleep). No late partying on the weekends - 2am at the latest.
- Exercise once per day. Should be at least 30 minutes of vigorous biking, running, lifting weights, or at least 45 minutes of dancing.
- Have at least one fun or social activity every day. Ideas: talking with a friend or family member in person or on the phone, dancing, watching a movie with a friend, or a party.
- Take many breaks during working which include walks outside and/or talking with a friend.
ETA: I did some shopping on the weekend that I needed to do, including buying a new wallet (lost it recently), cross-body purse, and two new pairs of jeans that fit more comfortably with the slight weight gain I've had in the last several months. And I cooked a ton of food last night so healthy eating during the week shouldn't be a problem.As long as there is some honesty involved, and she is not stringing him along with the promise he can be her #1 option someday, it is his choice to make if he wants to go that way or not.
From her point of view, I think it can be counterproductive. Kind of like porn for men. Taking the edge off with the easy emotional fix of a beta orbiter is going to distract her from her primary husband-hunting mission. We have seen plenty of high SR women like that in our lives. Surrounded by all beta orbiters, yet constantly bemoaning the fact they can never find the real man they are looking for.
And, do you know what he wants?
@lazyalpha has a point. From a glass-half-full point of view, he may be achieving his goal. Getting to 2nd or third base in a carefree, commitment-less relationship is still better than nothing. Careful, though, because he may still want and/or think he's going to get more than what you want from him.
Cowboy said: I want a part-time boyfriend, non-exclusive, with some benefits. But nothing serious or with any expectations of being serious. I think he would like an exclusive relationship with me if I wanted that too. He hasn't pushed the sex aspect too much. I'll be very up front and honest with him (he's away right now so we'll talk when he gets back on Friday).
Adjustments: Go to bed immediately when I get home from the office. If struggling to stay on track, go for a walk/call or see a friend and then write ideas out on paper (that helps stimulate ideas).