Need to VENT

Mongrel

Stupid Athol.

No, Stupid Jen. Why didn't she just tell him what she wanted so he could write the book sooner?!

I hate the Kays, except when I adore them.

CartB4Horse

Deleted for being repetetive.

Scarlet

BigDaDiesel said:

@Scarlet‌ My wife is an interesting individual. She knew but because of the wimpyness I displayed she didn't want to overwhelm me with the truth. Her history is one of dating what we call "ballers". Big money,  big houses,  big cars,  lawyers, doctors,  NBA and NFL players, etc. All of her dating life she only was with traditional alpha men.  As we matured in our relationship,  she began to share more of her past with me and the type of men and treatment she was used to.  But because I was petty and jealous,  I'd get offended and take it personal.  Instead of HEARING what she was trying to tell me. But at the same time,  she'd also tell me that she wanted sensitive and caring and gentle and kind from me.  Her offset sister used took tell me all the time that I needed to stand up to her and tell her how things were going to be.  Her SISTER told me that my wife wanted a man's man and to stop trying to placate her all the time.  Again,  I did not hear.  I could have had this taken care of by year 3 of my marriage.  I am kicking myself. 

I'm confused why you're angry at her, then.  She did tell you, but you shot her down.  Her sister told her, but you ignored it.

So now you're wondering why she didn't tell you?  

Does that make sense to you? 

Thaedron

Venting is therapeutic...  Let it out.  Then...  Keep Calm and Carry On

Persephone

lol @ 'a dose of Act Right'

Tiger

BigD, if your wife was not able to fool herself into thinking she wanted a safe sensitive guy she would never have married you.  She would have stuck with men who were more Alpha.

The only way you are married to this woman, having this future to look forward to is walking the path that you walked.

OneEyedDrunk

I understand what you are going through. My wife also dated some alpha guys before me. I was somewhat alpha, but have increased this quite a bit over time. Sex was lackluster, she ran the show, and I would simply say yes dear. Then the awakening. When I found the primer I was blown away. 

I spent 14 years of marriage dealing with a poor sex life, and with her making all the decisions. Now? A totally different story. You will be able to use the strategies to improve your marriage, and t get what you want out of life. Glad you found MMSL. 

BigDaDiesel

@scarlet...I'm just mad. I need to get over it. I am starting to see that my anger and resentment is causing serious issues in my household. I am lashing out and becoming short tempered. A recent argument just brought up a bunch of unresolved feelings surrounding her behavior with other dudes over the years, and how I was treated like crap during all of it. But she was secretly going out of her way to put other men on pedestals. I have never let it go. Too much time has passed, she's paid her dues accordingly. I need to get unstuck and move forward. I guess it's fear and I'm mad about it. I don't want to go through anything like that again.

BigDaDiesel

Thanks @Tiger. I appreciate that.

Scarlet

@BigDaDiesel we all fuck up.  All of us - either on the side of giving too much shit, or taking too much shit, or at different times the opposite.  We grieve what could have been.  That's totally understandable, so long as we move on to celebrate the good that came of all of it. 

CartB4Horse

My first marriage failed.  Ex-wife had an affair and the whole thing went down in a ball of fire.

I became a beta bitch because I thought that would make her happy.  That's what I was always taught.

Welcome aboard buddy.  Your journey isn't over yet.

BigDaDiesel

Got it @RoxyB. It's on my Kindle right this minute. Thanks for the recommendation.

@CartB4Horse: I am sorry to hear things did not work out with your first marriage. I have been on the brink, literally on the stairs, of divorce court 3 times in the last 21 years. I desperately want to make it work and continue to last. I know she feels the same. Now I gotta do MY part -MMSL style!

CartB4Horse

There's the spirit. And don't be sad over my last marriage failing.  My 2nd wife is soooo much better than the 1st one.  And I now have MMSL.

Persephone

BigDaDiesel said:

@scarlet...I'm just mad. I need to get over it. I am starting to see that my anger and resentment is causing serious issues in my household. I am lashing out and becoming short tempered. A recent argument just brought up a bunch of unresolved feelings surrounding her behavior with other dudes over the years, and how I was treated like crap during all of it. But she was secretly going out of her way to put other men on pedestals. I have never let it go. Too much time has passed, she's paid her dues accordingly. I need to get unstuck and move forward. I guess it's fear and I'm mad about it. I don't want to go through anything like that again.

How so?