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MAP to get KittyMojo's mojo back
kittymojo
AustraliaMember Posts: 19
My introduction post: http://marriedmansexlife.vanillaforums.com/discussion/12764/new-here-not-attracted-to-my-husband-for-the-last-couple-of-years-but-want-to-be-again#latest
My MAP
Physicality and health (Primary area)
Reds
· Start working out. At minimum I can start walking, as a prelude to starting C25K again. Can use the rowing machine. Can do workout videos and have some weights upstairs. If I don’t get this started and chugging along nicely by mid Jan I will hire a personal trainer to get me back on track, but I SHOULD be able to get myself going on my own.
· Work on shed to clear space and set up proper home gym equipment out there.
· Start listening to ICMYT daily or more than once a day.
· Aim for 13K steps per day (2-3K increase).
· Start to minimize refined foods, bread and sugar. Habit work and redirect/delay.
· Work on Habit loops – find triggers, routines and rewards – work on habit replacement.
· Work on metaphors around this area – Clean language.
· Get blood work redone.
Yellows
· Get out and about one day most weekends to give DH home alone time.
· Make more effort to be in touch with friends and not entirely dependent on DH.
· Work on finding a space that works for me outside of the home, not anxiety inducing.
· Work on finding other ways to recharge to try to minimise needed time at home. Metaphor work may help here. Consider a guided session.
Greens
· Fresh air and water – encourage walks through the park, and weekend walking trips.
· Get water filter replaced.
· Supplements – get consistent.
Money and Materials
Reds
· Stop wasting money – shop to a list, stop buying junk food (habit work), make a budget, get my savings plan going, have work deduct more tax.
· Stop buying junk – ebay, sales sites etc NO MORE CLOTHES!!! Read my kindle books before buying more.
Yellows
· Use it or lose it – sort through my stuff and give away, pack up or sell clothes that I will never wear again due to either size or style. Go through art supplies and craft supplies and reduce hoarding. Likewise canning jars and so on.
· Encourage DH to go through his wardrobe to rotate out seldom worn or too small items, dead electronica, broken phone cases and so on.
Greens
· Have emergency Money
· Work a positive job
· Give from strength
· Invest in your marriage
Displaying Value
Reds
· Stop displaying low value – wear my bra at home, brush hair, lipgloss – generally try to present myself better. Work on improving self. Less complaining, less swearing, more encouragement, more consultation, continue efforts to hand back some leadership, or to create that sense.
· Stop emotional tunnel vision – try to branch out a bit instead of putting all my emotional needs on DH.
Yellows
· Dress better – more effort with at home wardrobe – underwear and bra at all times. This will get MUCH easier as I lose weight.
· Femininity – try to work up to wearing dresses/skirts in a feminine way this summer.
Relationship comfort
· All greens (Once I have done with Reds and yellows then I will write this all out and look at the greens).
Personality and preferences
Reds
· Stop fake relaxation – less TV/Games/Internet especially in evening, cut back on pot use - channel into exercise as that is genuinely rewarding and relaxing. Habit and metaphor work around boredom.
Yellows
· Control Electronic devices - as above really.
Greens
· Enjoy the journey
· Do what energizes you
· Flow states
· Complete tasks
The Last bit
Yellows
· Discover the 30% that works – get a bit more experimental, give things a try make more effort to push my own boundaries . Sigh.
· Work on Fitness/practice - increased frequency.
· Take turns - I think we mostly do this anyhow to the limited capacity we have given that I can't vocalize without totally killing my arousal, and he wants more of exactly that.
· Express yourself - will continue to push myself in this area.
· Play all day - need to reinstate this, rebuffed for too long and mostly dead now.
· Touch it - working on this
· Just make a move - I do and will continue to work on this.
GAH! So much to work on. Feeling a bit overwhelmed by this point.
My number one priority: Exercise and 13K steps
Number two: How I am eating (include ICMYT practice)
Number three: Habit/metaphor work
(plus re-establish good sleep patterns, that has takena dive the last month).
Comments
Basic health is so important. Your walking plan is great. IMO, walking is the best baseline exercise. It's functional and important. Cesar Millan (yes, the Dog Whisperer) says that forward motion is good for a dog's mind, and I think this applies to people as well.
If you don't have reasonable access to a gym, I highly recommend www.fitnessglo.com for unlimited fitness video streaming. It's $12/month and worth every penny. There's a huge variety of classes, for all levels of fitness.
I'm not familiar with "I Can Make You Thin." If you find it too complicated, check out the No S Diet: http://www.nosdiet.com/ There's nothing to buy, no fancy guidelines. Just: No Sweets, No Snacks, No Seconds, except for sometimes on days that start with S. That's it.
What's something non-work related that you enjoy? We all need a productive hobby that feeds our soul.
Exercise is such an important place to start - have you ever read 'Spark: The revolutionary New Science of Exercise and the Brain'? Really interesting stuff that leaves one in no doubt of the importance of exercise and that it is so very much more than burning calories.
On an average day I get between 9-11K steps (we don't drive so I walk everywhere anyhow), so I just want to bump that up with some longer batches of walking for the ake of walking, then bring back in C25K which I did earlier this year and LOVED. Who knew, fat girl loves to run.
ICMYT is the only thing I have found that I can successfully use to lose weight without triggering my old ED, it is incredible simple, very gentle, and focuses on getting you back into your body when you eat (really really similar to Intuitive Eating but less hippy-dippy, more hypno-salesy) which is the main issue with ED in my experience. 4 simple rules. Eat when you are truly hungry, Eat what you truly desire, Eat slowly and savour every mouthful, stop when satisfied. Plus at least 10K steps per day and a hypnotic/NLP audio track (and a workbook).
It/I have copped flack about it in the past because there are plenty of folks who see it as a license to binge or gorge, to indulge more and that you can't lose weight on it - then you have all the folks who think hypnosis or NLP are bullshit as well. Those folks tend not to 'get' it.
But for me it is perfect. It works, I don't go off the deep end. I get back inside my body, I start to think about what I actually want to eat instead of assuming that I will want chocolate; eating mindfully is the hardest/most effective part for me - for me the act of eating has always been a bit shameful, whether it was when I was Anorectic/bulimic or Binge Eating - the eating part is always 'unclean' so you rush it. Eating mindfully COMPLETELY changes what I eat because I find that all my usual go to junk foods are really one dimensional in flavour and unpleasant to eat slowly - they are designed to be shoveled down. Where as fruit, vegies, meat etc are perfect to eat slowly - so complex and rewarding!
Thanks for the link you provided: it actually looks pretty sensible.
Hobby wise: reading, gardening (this is the main one for the last few years), learning new stuff, many pets, exercise (when I am doing that)... I used to do art/crafts but haven't for a few years, cooking, canning....some boardgames/cards. I collect 4 leaf clovers
The great thing about focusing on exercise is that it will improve your mood and overall help you feel better about yourself. Once you are feeling good, it will be easier to make good food choices.
Good luck!
I went looking for my dreams outside of myself and discovered, it's not what the world holds for you, it's what you bring to it.
Anne Shirley - Anne of Avonlea
This doesn't work for me. I am the kind of strange person who needs to be 'productive' or I feel like I have 'wasted my weekend'. The problem is I ALSO get a bit miffed that I can't just sit down and relax, unless I have been productive first - it often feels like all I do is chores, chores and more chores. This is one of the reasons I am such a fan of pot, nothing like pot for letting yourself blob on the couch and not need to get up every 5 minutes to do another chore.
So the last two days were L-A-Z-Y and by midway through yesterday I was going stir-crazy with boredom... so today is going to be a more productive one again.
I often feel like there is a knife edge between boredom and anxiety, and I very rarely manage to balance on it.
Actually the last two days have been ihgher anxiety too - little bit of a money freak out as I am not being paid for this leave. I did talk myself down from it as this has been planned and budgeted for, but it is a stressful time as I am doing some xmas prep, and finishing off some garden projects and some other biggish things so money is going OUT faster than it is coming in for a while. I never like that. I'll be paying more back into the mortgage next year once I am back at work to make it up.
MAP progression stuff:
I have been ensuring that when my husband is home I am presentable - Underwear, bra, brushed hair, little bit of lippy - instead of effectively being in my PJs when he leaves for work and STILL when he gets home.
I got my shit together and went for a nice long brisk walk this morning. Felt SOOOOO good! How do I always manage to forget HOW GOOD it is?
DH is letting me use his old smart phone (I have a dumb phone) and I have put Six to Start's 'The Walk' on it and gave that a go this morning. That was kinda fun - I like things that track my activity so why not.
However the main thing is I want to walk a fair bit more and build myself back up for C25K again (last two attempts to redo hijacked by injury and illness respectively) and I am gonna give the Zombies Run version a go. This could go either way for me: I am slightly obsessed with and completely terrified of zombies, so it could be really entertaining and motivating, or it could just mean nightmares and patrolling the yard with a crowbar at 3am (sadly not even exaggerating).
Anyhow the walk this morning was great - it was quite fresh so I had to be brisk, and the place I walk is rather hilly, so I got a good puff going - and I walk through a nature reserve so I saw quite a few kangaroos, and some other wildlife and that is always heartening. Finished up with a GOOOOD stretch to cool down.
I always (well for the last 6 months) sleep curled up on my left side because I have a shoulder injury and it gives me hell if I sleep any other way (I DO need to go to a physio at some point and have this worked on) and as I am usually in bed before DH with either headphones in, or earplugs I think I have been seeming rebuffing. (Well no shit), but that was not actually my intention - I am just getting ready to sleep and that is my sleep routine... so I have been making more effort to be on my back when he comes in, and without earplugs etc so we can chat a moment. I still turn over, but he will now give me a squeeze or end up spooning me more often instead of curling up in the opposite direction. (I do spoon him during the night if I get the chance but can't do it for long because of my shoulder).
Anyhow, last night as he was spooning me I became aware of a bit of a tingle, the good kind... didn't follow through on it, but DID notice and realised if he had initiated I would have been up for nookie. So I am setting myself a goal of keeping an 'eye' out for that and if it happens again to try initiating. It has been ages since we have had bedtime sex.
Caveat for those against video games: Zombies Run has a component that lets you log into their website with your account to to set up a base and collect resources - the thing is, you can't progress in the game unless you do the walking/running. It's awesome. I walked miles and miles every week when I first got it. It's been updated with new story content so I'll be checking it out again if it ever gets boring being out by myself without the babies.
Very inspiring hearing your progress, @kittymojo!
Zombies, Run! 3
It's in its third iteration. It costs $3.99 and is an app you can put on your smartphone. When you buy it, you get the story/content upgrades for free - you don't have to pay when they come out with the next edition of content.
I started with the 5K version a while back because I was a total beginner and very soon after got the full one. It's great for people who can't run yet, too. Just walk as briskly as you can maintain and when you have to "run" from the zombies, walk as fast as you can until you're safe again.
Then in the evening I found a big lump under my cat's ear. Cue the stress.
I woke up in the night in agony from a pinched nerve which took a couple of hours to let up (Must look again into pilates hooks for self massage) and overslept this morning- normally I am up between 5am and 5:30am so I didn't go walking till DH had left for work. Saw fewer young joggers and more senior walkers. It was quite warm and humid so I was not as brisk as yesterday, but walked for 50min and got through another chapter of 'the walk'.
So today was all about getting to and from the vet and the associated stress of that. I have a hard time with the vet at the moment. We dubbed this year 'the carousel of death' because we have had a LOT of bad luck with our companion animals. SO many vet visit, such huge vet bills and ultimately death death death.
And we won't know for a few days whether this is just an abscess (best case scenario) or something much more concerning.
So frankly I was not up for much productivity today, though I was mooping about thinking it was nearly time for DH to come home and so I went and got myself presentable, picked up the house, vacuumed, did the bins, dishes, made the bed, and suddenly a whole bunch of productive stuff HAS been done, and that is nice. Really do want to get a bit more done, hopefully yard work or shed stuff tomorrow.
Have finished audiobooks of 'As you wish', 'The power of habit' and 'Spark' and need to find something else to put on soon.
Over 15K steps for today too.
Have been having problems with my sleep and a lot of anxiety this week due to sick cat - (who is now better!) so hopefully I will not be waking up at 3am with panic attacks now. Anxiety and insomnia have made my productivity take a nose dive, which I do not like, I only have a few days left of my solo leave before DH goes on leave too and I can't do as much when he is at home for fear of annoying him/getting underfoot while he is trying to relax.
Knackered today after a 3am start and a huge day spent cleaning the chicken cooop (not just a muck out, this was a strip it down to it's component pieces and pressure wash the whole thing event). Pretty chuffed as I am getting to be a lot 'handier' around the house. This means I don't have to keep on nagging DH when there is something I want help with because I am scared of power tools, loud noises, etc. Bruised the ever loving fuck out of my legs on a less than graceful decent form on top of the coop, but we should now be mite free!
I actually wore my sunhat (note,try to find it, hugely windy here and I think it has blown awaaaaaay...) for most of the day but have still ended the day visibly darker, no burn though which is pretty miraculous given that I was out in the sun between 10 and 4pm pretty much continuously.
Eating has been improving a little just from the exercise, but havenot started to focus on that side of things yet, want the exercise cemented first.
Great work on your Map! Keep it up!
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