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Comments
I don't think I want to contemplate "no dating" for two years.
Point being, "separated" might have too much wiggle room. It made them feel less dishonest because they weren't lying and saying they *weren't* married, even if they were lying about everything else.
Seriously though, being separated means many things to many people. And women will have valid concerns.
Are you going to patch things up with the ex?
Are you still sleeping with the ex?
Will you be involved in fighting over the division of assets?
Is the ex BSC?
Do you have shit sorted out?
Are the papers signed?
And let's face it, there are plenty of shifty guys out there being less than honest. Married and sleeping on the couch is not separated unless you actually discuss it with your spouse.
When I started dating my STBX I was separated. I was ready to date, but my online profile wasn't going over well with separated in it, so I took it out. Met the STBX, didn't mention being married, had a good date, then let her know by the next date. She was hooked by then.
The problem with online dating is that you list a bunch of shit that your potential date wouldn't know if you met in real life. If you don't list separated, you're dishonest, if you do, then you're not an option.
"Hi, I think you're cute, here's my number," does not carry the same info stream as a page long profile that lists whether you would date a woman who lists herself as a BBW.
@JellyBean ;
Have you had experience dating while separated? What about dating separated men?
I'm in the same boat as you. I'd like to date eventually, but it would be easier to wait.
Might be easier to look for some younger women in the "not looking for a relationship" category.
It can mean anything from:
"I've decided to stop having sex with him and will file for divorce when the kids are grown but meanwhile we're sleeping together" to:
"I have a restraining order against the abusive BSC bastard but he's fighting and things have been dragging out forever." [I know a woman whose divorce took 10 years ... fortunately she found a man who understood.]
The trick is to figure out 1) where in the separation continuum your date is; 2) if they are being honest; 3) where your own boundaries are.
The women who have an unbreakable rule against dating separated men have probably been burned. You can try convincing them or just accept the fact that there are plenty of others out there and move on.
Also ... while you are separated may be the time to look at very short term relationships. I mentioned picking up single businesswomen in hotel bars half jokingly in another thread ... I was half serious.
Enneagram 5w4. I'm researching what that means, before designing t-shirt art about it.
"I feel no shame in making lavish use of the strongest muscles, namely male ones (but my own strongest muscle is dedicated to the service of men - noblesse oblige). I don't begrudge men one whit of their natural advantages as long as they respect mine. I am not an unhappy pseudomale; I am female and like it that way." RAH
Personally I'm not sure if I could do the whole one night stand thing on a regular basis, but maybe consider posting that you're looking for a FWB relationship for a while.
You should be dating, but lightly, not looking for "the one", and avoiding women whose first criterion is that the man is immediately available for marriage.
And IME when i was dating someone physically separated and just waiting on the paperwork, even though the paperwork really did come through in both cases, they were both kind of sad and defeated for several months when it became official. Even though both were sure they had moved on. The number of years separated isn't even a guarantee, as that indicates some kind of batshittery in the works somewhere for divorce to get so tangled up, which has repercussions that I personally want no part of.
People who won't date you because you're still married aren't perpetrating something upon you to make you annoyed, and they aren't trying to lock you down. They're just avoiding drama.
Being so laser focused on dating simply because you havent had sex in X months is totally the wrong focus, and is going to set you up for all kinds of bad decisions and nutcases. You will survive.
Remember to play!
Do the right thing, whether anyone is watching or not.
Be married, until you are not.
Email address: angeline.greenwood@att.net
You're but trying to find an LTR, right?
I dated a lot of guys while separated, typically only one or two dates. The first separated guy I dated kept going on and on about how he met his wife, the details of their wedding, and how she was being a total bitch about custody of their child. Yikes.
Another "separated" man I dated briefly turned out to be very married. Scumbag.
When I was dating while separated it meant my husband had moved out and was living with his new girlfriend.
Yeah...roight.
Pretty much what I think most women are afraid of.
So what made you go on those one or two dates? Something they wrote? Or were they attractive enough that it didn't matter?