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Dinner reservations are made at a fun pub near the theatre and then we have tickets to Star Wars. Sadly I couldn't get a Leia costume delivered in time (not that I could have brought myself to actually wear it in public) but it could have been fun after...so I picked a new cute dress and corset style jacket that I will wear with my tall suede boots instead.
I can't wait to see Hubby's reaction when I subtly give him a preview of what I've got on UNDER this cute dress...hopefully we get a booth at the pub and the theatre is dark lol!
With any luck this princess will get pounded into the new year!
New Guy is playful, funny, strong, smart and a beast in the bedroom...wait a minute...we never even made it to the bedroom!
Now before anyone gives me a penalty for misconduct...let me explain
Hubby got to the restaurant before me so I got to make an entrance rather than him finding me already seated at the table. His eyes got big when he saw me walk up and he told me how great I looked - YAY. We had a great meal with a bit of flirting and best of all NO PHONES. We had a bit of time after dinner before the movie so we walked around the mall a bit. I took Hubby's arm and it felt a bit like he was showing me off...in the land of sneakers and jeans the girl in the dress and boots is queen lol.
When we went in to the theatre Hubby sat to my right and after a few minutes I commented that it felt kind of weird to me because I couldn't remember ever not having him on my left. He smiled and said "Hi, I'm New Guy". Well...that was too fun to let slide...so I started the evening with Hubby...but New Guy followed me home...
Let's just say I hope New Guy stops by regularly in 2016 ;-). Although I will need to manage my schedule a bit better so that dates with New Guy don't fall right before my horse weekends with my coach. Let's just say it was a bit tricky riding my horse today after the ride I got from New Guy last night! LOL...by sheer grit and determination I narrowly avoided an awkward conversation with my riding coach! LOL
Massage Monday was awesome! No mixed messages or missed signals this time. I sent Hubby a text suggesting salmon for dinner and massages for dessert. He agreed and said he could use a good rub lol! We had a great dinner when he got home and after that he was ready to go. Let's just say we both had happy endings lol. Afterwards we were cuddling on the bed and I said Massage Mondays are a good way of alleviating the stress of going back to work on Mondays. He said if we were going to use it for stress relief we may need to add sessions on Wednesdays or Thursdays!
I'm going to keep up with the subtle initiations and encouraging Hubby to take the lead from there. I will be watchful for signs of the return of the lazy bear but overall Hubby has been much more motivated and engaged since his surgery. He is getting stuff done around the house, drinking very little and seems more energetic overall so I'm hoping if we get a track record of great sex for a while he will be more confident initiating.
As for me the focus for the next while will be:
Health -
- Less soda/caffeine (I had a caffeine withdrawal headache from hell yesterday so I know this is a RED for me). Luckily the 'massage' helped with that lol.
- Workouts! I have slipped back into weekend warrior mode and need to get my weekday workouts back on track. Monday's will be a rest day (except for the massages lol) but I will do lunchtime workouts Tue / Wed / Thur.
Money & Material- The focus for the next while will be paying down debt. I will be diligent about this to get the the unexpected water heater bill paid off asap.
- Clean one area of the house each day.
DHV- Girl game every day. I've been doing pretty great with this lately just need to keep up the momentum. I want to get some lipstick...don't ever wear any and struggle with finding a colour that works for me. I'm thinking I just need to lighten up about it and test drive a few in the bedroom before I try them in public lol.
- No orbiting!
Relationship Comfort- Hubby's LL touch bucket is likely very full right now. I need to keep up with the touching in non sexual ways too. The new furniture is more conducive to cuddling while we watch TV. I need to take advantage of that.
- Less screen time for me after work. No computer after work unless for a specific purpose (paying bills etc). No random surfing all evening.
Personality & Preferences- Keep up with my hobbies (riding on the weekends, dog training, photography, woodworking)
Sex- I will continue to flirt and initiate (as subtly as possible) when I want sex
- I will encourage and reward strong and dominant responses from Hubby
- I will be OI and STFU if Hubby doesn't take the bait.
Onward!awesome update!! You're rockin' it
Health - I'd say yellow. I'm doing well with diet and have been taking care of other odds and ends, physical, blood work, dentist. But I have been a SLOTH as far as my workouts go. I've been active in general but missed too many actual workouts!
MM - doing well within the budget and have been doing 'ok' with cleaning house...again yellow. Could be doing a better job cleaning.
DHV - Yellow trending to green. Got lipstick (haven't actually worn it in public)...want to get some lip liner first. Ball cap is now for horse / dog activities almost exclusively.
RC - Yellow. I haven't been very touchy with Hubby. He hasn't been touchy with me either. I'm struggling with this a bit as I'm worried I'm feeding the lazy bear? Things are not ok with the intimacy between us (in my opinion) but he seems fine with things. If I keep filling his LL bucket what incentive does he have to change? I've been about 50% better with reducing unnecessary screen time in the evenings
PP - GREEN! I've been rocking my hobbies. I'm doing some very cool woodworking projects right now and am hoping they may lead to a few $$ if I can bring my self to sell them when they are done. I'm also on the list for a new puppy! I've had my camera out a lot lately at both dog and horse events so lots of good stuff here.
Sex - Orange...maybe Red. No sex for over 3 weeks again. One failed massage Monday (well...not really a fail as we both got massages...but no sex). No hints at initiation from him at all in any way. I have been paying attention to my cycle a bit more too. I really want sex most the week after shark week...I would like sex for the following two weeks and am fine without leading up and through shark week. I'm not sure what help it is knowing this but I'm more aware of it now. Right now I should be ready to tear hubby's clothes off but quite frankly...I'm a bit meh about it. I am just tired of having to do all this work trying to figure out how to get him interested and he just gives minimum effort in response to me (no initiative on his own).
Hubby has been doing his stress homework from his stress coach so that is good but he is really bringing home a lot of work baggage each night. He has been late coming home and then he unloads all of the stressful stuff that happened that day onto me. I have been VERY careful to just cheer the heroes and boo the villains but I'm really struggling to breathe under the load of negativity that he dumps on me. Last night for example he talked for about an hour about work. At the end I asked him if he could give me an example of ONE good thing that happened during the day...he got a funny look on his face but did come up with one. I find this very exhausting and it stresses me out hearing all this negative stuff. Not quite sure how to handle this. I want to be supportive but holy crap it took me two hours to get back to feeling normal / happy / less stressed after he unloaded.
It may be time to really look into some coaching for us together. I'm also thinking of going Gold and then dragging him onto the forum. I don't think he thinks there is anything wrong. I have seen some changes / improvements in him for sure (less drinking, more motivated with his hobbies etc) but I don't see effort in improving our relationship. No dates or anything planned this month or into the future. He just seems so comfortable with the status quo.
If he repeats stuff, in a very upbeat, cheerleader tone, slap your thighs, stand up, and say, "Well, we're back to the beginning, aren't we? Let's go do something fun for a while to let go of some of that." Examples would be go for a walk, shoot some baskets, play a (physical) game, turn on the music for an impromptu dance party. Changing position and rooms is important , as is shifting to something physical after all the talk.
If he won't go with you, you go anyway. If he follows you but continues to kvetch, turn and say gently but firmly, "In the future, we will have about 10 minutes apiece of "vent" time, when needs to be followed with 20 minutes apiece of positive stuff."
Nothing more. NO arguing, no justifying, those are your limits. Set a timer. I am totally not kidding.
Remember to play!
Do the right thing, whether anyone is watching or not.
Be married, until you are not.
Email address: angeline.greenwood@att.net
In our northern latitude, it's pretty easy to get down in the dumps. I'm fighting that now. We need more sunshine.
How about a couple pics of your woodworking projects??
The Secret to Why Your Wife Doesn't Initiate; Top Two Reasons Your Husband Doesn't Want Sex; Dominance-It's Not a Bad Word; Top 10 Ways to Increase Testosterone Naturally
@nubby, yes I do have a tendency towards hibernation this time of year. I've been combatting that by keeping a focus on my hobbies. I would LOVE to share some of my recent woodworking stuff but am afraid it would be too recognizable as it is quite unique to me. Think intarsia style stuff based on dog and horse sport.
@serenity he got his T tested but hasn't been back to the doctor for results. The doc would only have called him if the results were abnormal so I'm assuming he fell within the normal range. He will have to go back in a month or so to get his prescriptions refilled so I will push him to get the actual numbers then. His doctor was very reluctant to test his T (says it is the flavour of the month excuse for everything these days )
My slothful ways will be over this weekend. I'm supposed to have a load of hay delivered on Saturday so will be staying home and stacking bales in the hay shed. THAT will be a kick ass workout for a couple of days
One more interesting thing that almost sucked me back into my old 'mother/caretaker' role. For the last two days Hubby has come to say good buy in the morning with no shirt on. (this means he has no clean shirts not that he is trying to be sexy - he had his shirt in the dryer to 'freshen up'). This morning I came down to several baskets of his dirty clothing in the laundry room. So...he was able to put a shirt in the dryer to freshen it up this morning but couldn't put a load in the washer? I ALMOST caved and did his laundry...and then...went back to work. He is a grown man. I need things to be less comfortable around here if he will ever be motivated to change. I am a bit afraid of fallout from not doing his laundry but I will hold my frame. He is an adult and adults do wash when their clothes are dirty instead of waiting for someone else to take care of it!
Until you know what's going on medically, it's tough to make progress.
The Secret to Why Your Wife Doesn't Initiate; Top Two Reasons Your Husband Doesn't Want Sex; Dominance-It's Not a Bad Word; Top 10 Ways to Increase Testosterone Naturally
@nubby thanks for asking :-)
Holy cow…I haven’t put an update here in 4 months??? Ok here we go.
First of all Hubby got his T results back and he is right in the middle of the range (can’t recall the numbers) so no additional action taken on that. With the progress we’ve had over the last few months I’m also pretty sure T isn’t the issue.
Overall things are pretty great between us now. We are getting along great. Hubby is now working out two days a week in addition to the active hobby we share. I make sure to cheer him on when he talks about his work out routine. He actually sent me a pic from the gym to show me how much weight he is lifting which is awesome. My workouts have been hit or miss but I’ve been very active in general so I’m not too concerned about that. I’ve been good about getting to the chiro/massage each month to keep ahead of problems instead of trying to fix things after they are broken. We are eating well on the nights we are home and I cook but we tend to eat too much crap when we are out doing our hobbies. Not a red but definitely something we could be doing better. Girl Game! Now that the weather is warmer I’ve been wearing skirts around home more than ever before. I picked up some cute little skirts for next to nothing that are comfy to wear and paired with form fitting tank tops are pretty sexy too. I haven’t mastered the art of wearing lipstick yet but found some tinted lip balm that I like so baby steps there. I’ve been doing a pretty good job with keeping up with housework (probably a B+). Still have more crap that can be thrown out or donated but when the weather is nice it makes more sense to do stuff outside instead of clean closets / cupboards.
The only area where we still need improvement is the bedroom. We have had sex a grand total of 1 time since January. A couple months back (after a long stretch of very little touch or any physical contact beyond hello/goodbye kisses) he sends me a text out of the blue (he was in the basement and I was upstairs) that I should come down and jump on his cock. You probably all heard the vaCLANG around the world. I was shocked, angry, sad and the farthest thing from turned on. There had been nothing for weeks that would have remotely kindled any responsive desire in me so that text was like a splash of cold water. I simply replied, ‘not tonight heading up to have a bath before bed’ or something similar. I didn’t show him my feelings just had a bath. After my bath I went down to say goodnight…I so badly wanted to ask him WTF he was thinking but held my tongue. Instead I said I’d like to sit down with him and have a talk about ‘us’. I asked him to figure out a time for us to do that so I wasn’t ‘ambushing’ him and gave him a kiss and went to bed. It just so happened that he had his appointment with his stress/counsellor the next day so apparently he talked to her about his ‘unhappy wife’. She recommended we read Gottman’s Seven Principles book so Hubby sent me a text after the appointment and said we should read the book. I was delighted! I downloaded the book and we are slowly working our way through it (remember Hubby isn’t a reader lol). We are having fun with the exercises and it is highlighting how little we were talking about things other than the daily grind. That has opened up a bit more communication between us. I believe now the biggest barrier to our success in the bedroom is fear of rejection on both sides. It makes things a bit awkward…we both want sex and when we get past the initiation stage it is awesome but it is like we are both fumbling teenagers who are embarrassed to make the first move.
SO…I know in order for me to be ready to accept tentative initiations from Hubby (which I think they will be for at least a while longer) I need to make sure I’m getting more touch from him to keep me warmed up. Enter the short skirts, tight tank tops and more clear…think 2x4 clear…communication. I clearly pointed out the calendar where I mark shark week. Clearly said that only day 1 and 2 are days I’d prefer to skip sexytime - other than that it's game on. I explained how he needs to keep me plugged in like the car in winter…he can’t expect me to fire right up after months of sitting unplugged lol. We talked about sexting more and we exchanged sexy ecards this week (which lead to end of the sex drought). I suspect I will still need to start these interactions for a bit until Hubby gets the confidence to do it himself. He said that he is a bit paralyzed and thinks of things he would like to do but then gets stuck in his own head and doesn’t act. I’m ok with tipping the first domino for a while as long as he engages and steps up after that (which he did this week). I’m planning a little text game to play with him on Thursday night when I’m out of town where we ask 20 sexy questions or ‘finish this statement’. Things like: ‘It makes me hot when you…’ and ‘One thing I want to try with you in bed is…’ and ‘Where do you want to have sex that we haven’t tried yet?’ We will have the night alone together on Friday when I get home so hopefully the warm up on Thursday will lead to some fun on Friday night and if it doesn’t (no covert contracts here!) at least we will know more about each other’s sexual preferences. Hubby also said we could watch the MGGTW series together so I’m thinking we need to watch the sexual flavors one asap! While there is still heavy lifting to do here I think we are on the right path to sorting it out. We need to keep communicating and keep trying. I’m hoping with some successes under our belts momentum will build as we go along.
It helps that Hubby is back to his active awesome self too so we are doing cool stuff together and really supporting each other with our hobbies. He is riding his bike again which makes him happier and more relaxed (and is pretty sexy too!). The exercises in the Gottman book have had us talking about the future, dreams, goals etc and that is exciting because we had been stagnant for so long.
Oh...AND I'm getting a new puppy next week as well so we are pretty excited about that. My positive frame will be tested after a few nights of broken sleep while house training the little guy! It has been a LONG time since I raised a pup lol.
Now I need to go send my Hubby a teasing text so he is ready for our sexy text-a-thon tonight when I'm out of town ;-).
i have been watching the news and the devastation is incredible to say the least.
We've had local firefighters head to the area to help out as well as a lot of local relief efforts.
My puupy training was pretty easy. Outside before bed and then into his travel kennel for the night in the laundry room. We got him at 4 weeks as his mother stopped feeding the litter. We bottle fed until he could eat regular puppy food.
Now when he hears the tv click off at night he heads straight for bed.
What breed of dog are you getting?
Im glad you and h are doing things together. That will help strengthen your bond with one another.
It sounds like you have a pretty good handle on things. I hope your next update is even better.
I must say I had mixed feelings when I got the email about the forum ending. I have been reading here regularly but was finding myself doing things with the thought of what I would say about them on the forum (yikes...wrong motivation or what!) so I stepped back from posting. With that said I really am going to miss the community here. So many good people and great support!
As far as life around here...it is good :-). Even the bedroom is heating up. Sex twice a week is our normal now and I've found that is about perfect for me. The quality is awesome and we have been trying new things and have checked a few firsts off our lists as well. We aren't perfect but we are miles ahead of where we were when I found this place.
Hubby just got offered a promotion at work (so proud of him...he works so hard and it is super to see that he is being recognized for it).
I brought my show horse home a while back so that means no more weekends away for me which I think was a big help in hubby and I reconnecting :-). It is also a boost to our finances as no more paying for board or gas driving back and forth to see him.
My plan is to dust my map off in January after we get through the holidays and get my focus back on workouts! Since my new pup arrived in the spring I have been doing a lot of dog stuff but that is far more exercise for him than it is for me!
I am on the fence about whether or not I'll ask to be part of the refugee group...the accountability for my map will be good for me but I still spend too much time online...so I'm presently undecided...but will decide soon!
Big thanks to everyone who has been a part of making this place great, Athol and Jen who made this place possible and all of the moderators who kept us on track. I wish the best for each of you and hope our paths may cross again.