Like many on here I have struggled to find someway to "unlock" my wife's sexuality and to get her to want more sex. Since being here I have learned a lot about how misguided that concept can be. I keep trying various things in an attempt to determine any fantasies and such. I know now how she is into Captain America, not Chris Evans. Which is great because you can do the basic Captain America thing long before you can get muscled like a movie star.
So today I jokingly asked her to write me a sexy story. I did this because she has been trying to get a writing career off the ground for a couple of years now. So I figured she would jump at the chance to write something. No dice.
So I took a stab at writing a sexy story. Naturally I just wrote a quick sex scene using the two of us as characters. Since I had to do it on my phone I didn't get far into any kind of story. I cannot tell what she thinks. She seemed pleased and told me I could write erotica if I wanted a new career. I told her I'm going to keep writing and then the two of us can act things out. She thought that was funny.
So that plan to instigate on occasion by sending her a story basically outlining what we are going to do. I will use this to push her limits and try to sense her desires.
Thoughts?
3
Comments
A guy doing this in a situation where there is no attraction / problematic structural issues would likely not fair very well.
I'm interested in opinions on this...
How will you live well today?
I'm just trying to imagine what erotica written by Mr. Katt would read like I'm having a hard time imagining him writing more than 3-4 sentences about anything without being forced.
So if it's half-decent she's probably impressed, which raises her estimation of you.
Anyone can write sex scenes and sell it as erotica. Five minutes on Smashwords will prove that. It's a very lucrative market IF you can write it well. I've written two books, one of which has a couple of rougher sex scenes, and I found putting this on paper in such a way that it wasn't just porn extremely difficult. Simply describing sex acts is fairly easy. Writing it in a way that is tantalizing and--dare I say it--tasteful was one of the hardest things I had to learn. I mean I really, really struggled with creating something that wasn't a cheezy Penthouse Letters submission.
So it kind of depends on what you want. Sex or erotica...it's kind of two different things. I'm going to suggest that most women are going to gravitate towards the latter; writing where they are tantalized at first and then drawn in to the sex scene vs just having two people banging one out. It equates to porn; most women (I believe) don't go for the right-to-the-PIV stuff. You still have to build the responsive desire.
You also have to be careful about the content. No matter how fantastic a fantasy may be (and unlikely) you're still revealing something about yourself that you secretly want. Is writing about yourself smacking your wife's ass and calling her a good little whore while you pound her into next week a vision she is going to find positive or negative? Probably depends on the level of attraction. You'll need to write for your audience and not yourself.
"Treating her like a princess didn't make me a prince, it made me a servant."
Link to triage questions: http://marriedmansexlife.com/triage-your-relationship-and-the-911-er-category/
I think this approach is not unlike trying to argue your way into her pants. Actions count not words. I am unsure if it was my timing or the basic approach but she chose to watch TV last night rather than doing anything to make herself available for sex.
I plan next time that instead of writing a volume I will just give her the proverbial heads up instead. So she is going to get a sext letting her know I'm coming for her tonight rather than a multi-page porn scene.
As an aside she complained that my writing was no different than some of the romance authors she deals with and looks down upon. My wife is writing mysteries and young adult books. She complains a lot about the girls she knows writing "trashy romance novels" that are published while she can't get a break.
I will report back.
Fate favors the prepared.
How will you live well today?
If it's just a method to get your wife into bed, forget it.
My h's whole story would be along the lines:
He banged her.
It was good.
Fin.
"Hickory Dickery Dock..." and go immediately to Ridiculous Speed. Make this short, absolutely outlandish, and completely outrageous. Then stare at her deadpan, with furrowed brow, awaiting her serious consideration.
No matter what the response, I'd A&A this into next week, with absolutely no expectations whatsoever, and conclude the whole thing with an ass smack as I walked away. Laughter being the goal here. With, not at...
Then seriously revisit it later, experiment more, etc.
YMMV, but that's how I roll. Also, W is used to outlandish nonsense from me, and I can usually get her laughing like a schoolgirl if I really try.
How will you live well today?
The other way i/we have used words to make things hot was when we were apart due to business trips, we sometimes had voice sex or sexted. We would each reach orgasm while talking to the other. It served me very well, kept my fires burning for him, so to speak.
If actually writing a sexy story is too far out of her comfort zone, maybe try reading some together. Literotica is a good website with short (and some longer) erotic stories. The categories are varied as well.
You could also huddle under the blankets together and read from Fifty Shades of Grey. Make fun of it all you want... If I were a man, I would not ignore something that made the bestseller list of things that make women's panties wet. As a woman whose career has been in writing/editing type work, I can tell you I didn't give two flying farts about whether it was "literature".
For example, you might set up a series of text messages, each with another line of your story. Or maybe ask her to write a story with you, via text messages. Tell her in advance, use false names (which is why you tell her in advance!), then build the story together, like a role play.
This will work best if you don't turn the story into real life action ... but if she wants to, roll with it!
Or, if she's literary enough, write a sonnet jointly (each does one line), or a haiku series (smutty haiku? Hmm ...). If you were both artists, I'd suggest starting a private text comic. The trick is to keep it 100% fictional and don't add any covert contracts.
[I'll have to save this for when I next have a partner ... that next guy is going to be one lucky bastard! ]
Enneagram 5w4. I'm researching what that means, before designing t-shirt art about it.
"I feel no shame in making lavish use of the strongest muscles, namely male ones (but my own strongest muscle is dedicated to the service of men - noblesse oblige). I don't begrudge men one whit of their natural advantages as long as they respect mine. I am not an unhappy pseudomale; I am female and like it that way." RAH
GE and I did this during our separation last summer.
"Treating her like a princess didn't make me a prince, it made me a servant."
Link to triage questions: http://marriedmansexlife.com/triage-your-relationship-and-the-911-er-category/
When the subject comes up, which I specifically try not to mention it, she says she liked the scene but it's not her thing. We "kind of" acted out the scene I wrote. I put a lot of effort into picking something easy and a very plausible setup that we would likely find ourselves in during the week. Right from the start she stated, "See? All you had to do was ask."
I'm mixed on my reaction. It worked in that it pointed her mind towards sex. I think maybe I just went to far in being explicit. It was a lot of work just to do what I did and there are far easier ways to get a woman going (drive-bys, sexts, etc.)
So I'm going to keep doing this maybe every few months, timed for her peak ovulation. It is going to be my way of communicating fantasy to her, ask @Mongrel stated. I'm also going to use a more direct approach more often. If I want to dress up or have her wear a wig then she is probably just going to get a text to that effect. But if I'm looking to re-live our little adventure mid-day in the minivan I'll write something up.
"Treating her like a princess didn't make me a prince, it made me a servant."
Link to triage questions: http://marriedmansexlife.com/triage-your-relationship-and-the-911-er-category/
#1 - Use all the senses. What does her hair smell like? How does her skin catch the light? How do you compare the feel of her breasts against your hands? What sounds does she makes that turns you on? How do her lips taste against yours?
#2 - Tension, tension, tension. Tease the sex for a while. Put yourselves in a situation where you can't have sex, but are driving each other crazy. Make it it a frenzied pitch in the story before things get crazy.
#3 - Don't make it a sex manual. Too much action gets boring. It starts to become, and then I placed my hand here, before moving there, and positioning...etc. This is where blending senses come in handy, but also realize you can pull back on the detail. The detail should be about how amazing it feels and what it's doing to you, not so much the exact numbers of time you penetrate her and the exact speed.
#4 - Turn it up a notch. this is a bit of a fantasy, so make it the best versions of yourselves. If she's a little guarded in bed, make her a bit more fearless. If you are a bit cautious, make you more assertive.
#5 - Don't stretch too far. This might be fantasy, but it's going to look like over compensating if you go on and on about how long you last if you usually are a minute man, or if she orgasms immediately upon entry, when it's usually something that only happens during oral sex. Again, don't negate the fantasy, but try to keep it within some reality.
Second, your wife is a professional author, and you sent her your story? That sounds like asking for trouble. Were you expecting 'red pen' treatment? Because I would. I generally avoid sending amateur products of things my wife does professionally to her. That never ends well for me. Perhaps this is a YMMV case? I dunno. I'd be leery of this plan, in general. (Full disclosure -- she'd never send me her grand ideas on Math or Finance either, for the same reason.)
Lastly, are you trying to find out what kind of erotica turns her on? Because if so, it would seen the more efficient method is to have her name the books and then just go read them. (I read those "50 Shades" things btw, enlightening.)