Writing Personal Erotica

KickboxerKickboxer USASilver Member Posts: 1,120
Like many on here I have struggled to find someway to "unlock" my wife's sexuality and to get her to want more sex.  Since being here I have learned a lot about how misguided that concept can be.   I keep trying various things in an attempt to determine any fantasies and such.  I know now how she is into Captain America, not Chris Evans.  Which is great because you can do the basic Captain America thing long before you can get muscled like a movie star.

So today I jokingly asked her to write me a sexy story.  I did this because she has been trying to get a writing career off the ground for a couple of years now.  So I figured she would jump at the chance to write something.  No dice.

So I took a stab at writing a sexy story.  Naturally I just wrote a quick sex scene using the two of us as characters.  Since I had to do it on my phone I didn't get far into any kind of story.  I cannot tell what she thinks.  She seemed pleased and told me I could write erotica if I wanted a new career.  I told her I'm going to keep writing and then the two of us can act things out. She thought that was funny.

So that plan to instigate on occasion by sending her a story basically outlining what we are going to do.  I will use this to push her limits and try to sense her desires.

Thoughts?
TenneeSaigoTakamoriPersephone
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Comments

  • RorschachRorschach "Just ask the axis ..."Silver Member Posts: 1,458
    No opinion really, but following with purely scientific interest...
  • KattKatt USASilver Member Posts: 4,554
    Well, your wife's reaction seems to indicate a level of both attraction and interest in your erotica writing IMO so it seems like something that might work for the two of you.    It seems like it could be fun and interesting for the two of you. 

    I'm just trying to imagine what erotica written by Mr. Katt would read like :stuck_out_tongue:     I'm having a hard time imagining him writing more than 3-4 sentences about anything without being forced.  
    AngelineTenneeSaigoTakamori
  • Frank_LondonFrank_London in transitSilver Member Posts: 1,853
    Artistry is a hard-wired female attractor for women, and that includes all kinds of creative endeavors including writing.
    So if it's half-decent she's probably impressed, which raises her estimation of you.

    TenneeRorschach
  • KickboxerKickboxer USASilver Member Posts: 1,120
    In line with what @Mongrel‌ wrote I will have to call this experiment a failure.  While she was impressed that I could write something it didn't stroke any desire in her.  Despite getting worked up from reading the Twilight books and actually trying to act out a Harlequin Blaze book she read for research she didn't really respond.  

    I think this approach is not unlike trying to argue your way into her pants.  Actions count not words.  I am unsure if it was my timing or the basic approach but she chose to watch TV last night rather than doing anything to make herself available for sex.

    I plan next time that instead of writing a volume I will just give her the proverbial heads up instead.  So she is going to get a sext letting her know I'm coming for her tonight rather than a multi-page porn scene.

    As an aside she complained that my writing was no different than some of the romance authors she deals with and looks down upon.  My wife is writing mysteries and young adult books.  She complains a lot about the girls she knows writing "trashy romance novels" that are published while she can't get a break.
    Katt
  • SaigoTakamoriSaigoTakamori FLSilver Member Posts: 3,075
    Hmm.  Ideas

    I will report back.
    Sweat More...bitch less
    Fate favors the prepared.
  • TenneeTennee Next Stop: AwesomevilleSilver Member Posts: 5,963
    edited January 2015
    Hmmmmmm....you throwing in the towel a smidgen early man?  Don't beat a dead horse,  but if at first you don't succeed. ...???
    "Fall down seven times, stand up eight"  Japanese Proverb

    How will you live well today?
    KattSaigoTakamorijon
  • ShepardShepard Gold Men Posts: 563
    It's much easier if you are dealing with someone you know because you can tie the story to something that has happened to them. I'd give an example, but I'm not sure if that would violate the posting rules  o:)
    Have you ever sailed across an ocean Donald? On a sail boat surrounded by sea with no land in sight. Without even the possibility of sighting land for days to come. To stand at the helm of your destiny. I want that, one more time.
    TenneeSaigoTakamori
  • MetamorphMetamorph CanadaSilver Member Posts: 231
    I haven't read all the responses, but I thought I'd offer my own experience... I have written personal erotica (using myself and my partner as the characters) and it got me super hot. It did a lot for the man I wrote it for, too. 

    The other way i/we have used words to make things hot was when we were apart due to business trips, we sometimes had voice sex or sexted. We would each reach orgasm while talking to the other. It served me very well, kept my fires burning for him, so to speak. 

    If actually writing a sexy story is too far out of her comfort zone, maybe try reading some together. Literotica is a good website with short (and some longer) erotic stories. The categories are varied as well. 

    You could also huddle under the blankets together and read from Fifty Shades of Grey. Make fun of it all you want... If I were a man, I would not ignore something that made the bestseller list of things that make women's panties wet. As a woman whose career has been in writing/editing type work, I can tell you I didn't give two flying farts about whether it was "literature". :wink: 
    Persephone
  • HildaCornersHildaCorners Winter? You call *that* winter?Gold Women Posts: 3,377
    I might try this again, but in a silly way.

    For example, you might set up a series of text messages, each with another line of your story. Or maybe ask her to write a story with you, via text messages. Tell her in advance, use false names (which is why you tell her in advance!), then build the story together, like a role play.

    This will work best if you don't turn the story into real life action ... but if she wants to, roll with it!

    Or, if she's literary enough, write a sonnet jointly (each does one line), or a haiku series (smutty haiku? Hmm ...). If you were both artists, I'd suggest starting a private text comic. The trick is to keep it 100% fictional and don't add any covert contracts.

    [I'll have to save this for when I next have a partner ... that next guy is going to be one lucky bastard! :wink: ]

    Enneagram 5w4.  I'm researching what that means, before designing t-shirt art about it.

    "I feel no shame in making lavish use of the strongest muscles, namely male ones (but my own strongest muscle is dedicated to the service of men - noblesse oblige). I don't begrudge men one whit of their natural advantages as long as they respect mine. I am not an unhappy pseudomale; I am female and like it that way." RAH
    SaigoTakamoriKattTennee
  • JellyBeanJellyBean Sunny SoCalGold Women Posts: 5,054
    Maybe you could start with http://www.hoochymail.com

    GE and I did this during our separation last summer. 
    Enneagram type 9w1
    TenneeSaigoTakamori
  • MongrelMongrel Pennsylvania, USASilver Member Posts: 1,869
    Kickboxer said:

    As an aside she complained that my writing was no different than some of the romance authors she deals with and looks down upon.  My wife is writing mysteries and young adult books.  She complains a lot about the girls she knows writing "trashy romance novels" that are published while she can't get a break.
    Publishers buy what sells. Trashy romance and erotica sell. Some people I know on other forums sell erotica to pay the bills while writing 'real' stories. It's very, very, very hard to break through into the publishing world. That's why I self publish in e-book format and view it as a hobby, not a career path. I do it for the joy of writing. I understand the desire to 'make it' but the reality is it happens to very few of us.
    "If you're not happy with your life, you've got to identify why, and do something about it." -- Mandrill
    "Treating her like a princess didn't make me a prince, it made me a servant."
    Link to triage questions:  http://marriedmansexlife.com/triage-your-relationship-and-the-911-er-category/


    Persephone
  • KickboxerKickboxer USASilver Member Posts: 1,120
    Update:

    When the subject comes up, which I specifically try not to mention it, she says she liked the scene but it's not her thing.  We "kind of" acted out the scene I wrote.  I put a lot of effort into picking something easy and a very plausible setup that we would likely find ourselves in during the week.  Right from the start she stated, "See?  All you had to do was ask."  

    I'm mixed on my reaction.  It worked in that it pointed her mind towards sex.  I think maybe I just went to far in being explicit.  It was a lot of work just to do what I did and there are far easier ways to get a woman going (drive-bys, sexts, etc.)

    So I'm going to keep doing this maybe every few months, timed for her peak ovulation.  It is going to be my way of communicating fantasy to her, ask @Mongrel stated.  I'm also going to use a more direct approach more often.  If I want to dress up or have her wear a wig then she is probably just going to get a text to that effect.  But if I'm looking to re-live our little adventure mid-day in the minivan I'll write something up.
    TenneeKattKnifesEdge
  • MongrelMongrel Pennsylvania, USASilver Member Posts: 1,869
    Kickboxer said:
      But if I'm looking to re-live our little adventure mid-day in the minivan I'll write something up.
    Sure, just leave us hanging on to that...
    :p
    "If you're not happy with your life, you've got to identify why, and do something about it." -- Mandrill
    "Treating her like a princess didn't make me a prince, it made me a servant."
    Link to triage questions:  http://marriedmansexlife.com/triage-your-relationship-and-the-911-er-category/


    TenneeSignorePillolaRossaKickboxerPersephone
  • marriedfiremarriedfire USAMember Posts: 5
    As somebody who has writes erotic stories on my blog, I can give you some advice:

    #1 - Use all the senses. What does her hair smell like? How does her skin catch the light? How do you compare the feel of her breasts against your hands? What sounds does she makes that turns you on? How do her lips taste against yours?

    #2 - Tension, tension, tension. Tease the sex for a while. Put yourselves in a situation where you can't have sex, but are driving each other crazy. Make it it a frenzied pitch in the story before things get crazy.

    #3 - Don't make it a sex manual. Too much action gets boring. It starts to become, and then I placed my hand here, before moving there, and positioning...etc. This is where blending senses come in handy, but also realize you can pull back on the detail. The detail should be about how amazing it feels and what it's doing to you, not so much the exact numbers of time you penetrate her and the exact speed.

    #4 - Turn it up a notch. this is a bit of a fantasy, so make it the best versions of yourselves. If she's a little guarded in bed, make her a bit more fearless. If you are a bit cautious, make you more assertive.

    #5 - Don't stretch too far. This might be fantasy, but it's going to look like over compensating if you go on and on about how long you last if you usually are a minute man, or if she orgasms immediately upon entry, when it's usually something that only happens during oral sex. Again, don't negate the fantasy, but try to keep it within some reality.
  • Husband3point0Husband3point0 Gold Men Posts: 3,294
    First, make sure this isn't just another way to violate STFU, because it sure sounds like that's part of what your intent is here. If it's a bad idea to talk about it, then writing it down doesn't transform the idea into a good one. Texting it, writing it in a letter, leaving it on a voicemail, turning it into a story, recreating it on Bazooka Joe gum wrappers, etc. are all just different incantations if the same bad idea. It smells a lot like you're trying to talk her panties off, via the story. Is that what you're doing?

    Second, your wife is a professional author, and you sent her your story? That sounds like asking for trouble. Were you expecting 'red pen' treatment? Because I would. I generally avoid sending amateur products of things my wife does professionally to her. That never ends well for me. Perhaps this is a YMMV case? I dunno.  I'd be leery of this plan, in general. (Full disclosure -- she'd never send me her grand ideas on Math or Finance either, for the same reason.)

    Lastly, are you trying to find out what kind of erotica turns her on?  Because if so, it would seen the more efficient method is to have her name the books and then just go read them. (I read those "50 Shades" things btw, enlightening.)
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