mrsthing's MAP

mrsthing

Hi all!  Here is my MAP.  I'd appreciate feedback and criticism.  Have been mapping for a few months now.  Sorry about the spacing!

FITNESS / FOOD/ HEALTH
Green:
I eat a very clean diet – little to no sugar, not much in the way of grains.  Almost no processed food unless we eat out.  Workout 4-5 times weekly. 

Yellow:

I have some minor health issues (pain in hip etc.) that need to be addressed and I keep putting off.

Must give up caffeine.  Makes me irritable.

Want to up workout frequency to 5-6 per week.  Add more weights.

Red:

My MH issues with PTSD and sex abuse.  I need to start EMDR therapy for PTSD issues (which are the big elephant in the room, the sex abuse I have a better grip on). I’ve been putting off calling the person I was referred to.

MONEY AND MATERIAL THINGS

Green:
Plenty of money in the bank and my earnings seem to keep going up.  We live below our means but this has not meant much in the way of sacrifice due to the choice to move to a very low cost of living area along with growth of my business.

Yellow:

We have no budget and even though money is not an issue for us at the moment (we are able to spend what we want within reason) and save I do feel we need to set one up.

I need to get my online marketing for my business working better.  The opportunity for me to generate more income is out there, I just need to take advantage of it.  I am working on this, going to see web design guys later in the week.

Red:

We have been talking about buying a home and my H has been putting it off for way too long.  He needs to finish our paperwork so we can apply for mortgage and do this already.  We pay much higher rent and this would actually help us save.  Our goal is a paid off house (we are big Dave Ramsey fans) and I think we will reach this if we are smart about what we buy.  We don’t plan to buy an expensive place even though our income is good.  I’m not one for keeping up with the Joneses, I like to feel secure.

 

DISPLAYING HIGH VALUE

Green:
I have nice clothes and jewelry and am considered very fashionable. I’ve had my photo taken by several fashion magazines as an example of “street style.”  This was never a hard area for me.  I always wear makeup, style my hair etc.  I had a makeup lesson recently that worked wonders, I look much nicer.  I am fit and working out most days in the week.  I had good “game” in this area already but I have stepped it up a lot.  This is fun for me!

Yellow:

I need to check into some anti-aging skincare stuff - skin is better since I started seeing a facial person but need more help. Also need to be better about doing my nails.

I need to wear heels and dresses more when with my H

Red:
I have had hair loss ongoing for years, but it has gotten really bad lately.  I am using Rogaine now though and it seems to be helping.  You can’t tell but it is becoming an issue.

BUILDING RELATIONSHIP COMFORT

Green:
I am good with certain household things – i.e. booking appointments for us and doggie, laundry, cooking.  I cook great food that fits into the diet restrictions my husband’s doctor has given him.

Yellow:
I am a terrible housekeeper.  TERRIBLE!  Things are always a mess.  I work so much it is hard to get to everything.  But I’m super busy and I just need to hire a cleaning service an stop trying to do everything myself.  In the time it takes to clean, I can be generating more income that will be more than it costs to have the cleaners.

I need to understand that my husband is an introvert while I am extroverted and me more accepting of this.

Red
I need to control my PTSD flare ups and know when my anger is towards the past and not take it out on my husband.  I need to be better at telling him when I’m having flashbacks/memories/bad feelings. 

Also need to keep mouth shut more in general.

 

PERSONALITY AND PREFERENCES

Green:
I like my job for the most part and I am excited about the future.

Yellow:
I need to limit my time on devices.  I surf the internet too much.

I need to do more things in line with my hobbies, like more dance classes.  I’d like to get into photography and maybe start playing an instrument again at some point.

Red: I need to be OK with the fact that my husband is an introvert and I am an extrovert.  I just need to do my thing and not be co-dependent and drag him along.  I need to trust my H is going to make his new business venture work and be supportive of this.

HIGH ENERGY SEX

Green:
Frequency is good but could be better.  I would love to have sex 1x per day but I’m still getting turned down about 50% of the time. PIV sex is easier now, not painful but still sometimes we choose something else. 

Yellow:
I’d like to bring more adventurous things into the bedroom.  I’ve started this and it has been great

Red:

I really need to stop trying to take the lead in the bedroom all the time.

 

 

Remus

I think as Americans we have this thing about hiring people to help out.  Somehow it seems elitist, or that we can't 'handle' basic common tasks like household cleaning.

If you have the money, and your time is valuable, it totally makes sense to hire a service or individual to clean your house.  Just like it doesn't make sense for Bill Gates put in his own drywall (unless its a hobby), it doesn't make sense for you as a business owner to be doing laundry and vacuuming many hours a week.  

Also, realize that most people who are doing household cleaning really need the work, and you are basically helping employ people.  One thing though, always tip well if you go through a service because you don't know how much of that money the actual people doing the work see.  My cleaner costs $100 a time (I have an apartment, not a house, but a big apartment), and I tip her $20 each time plus a bigger amount on Christmas.



What exactly happens when your husband 'turns you down'?

mrsthing

@Remus housekeeper had been called as of this morning many thanks for the push i needed. We have been playing phone tag  but am asking her to come next week. Am also going to ask her to organize my home office which is a mess.

As for being turned down it takes different forms.  Sometimes he says no bc of headache,  pulled muscle, he's tired. Sometimes (and this makes me most upset) he's gaming on the computer.  I did get angry and say at least once that there are plenty of guys who would choose me over a game and that he had better be aware of that but this was pre MAP.

  But he has also pushed me off him (not hurting me) and run away from me saying "on the weekend". He once told me sex was supposed to happen on weekends!  I finally got him to see how silly this is but I think 1 time a week he'd be fine with that. I would not be.

It has been a little better lately but it is almost always me initiating. He's very flirtatious all day and complimentary but there is no taking it to the next level. 

HowlAtTheMoon

Don't feel bad about saying plenty of guys would choose you over a game. I made the same mistake when rejected for in favour of Call of Duty. Video games enrage me.

mrsthing

@HowlAtTheMoon It makes me so angry the constant gaming.  I get so annoyed. I mean sometimes is fine but until very recently it was too much.  My H definitely had an addiction but it is reduced a lot since I began my MAP or at least it reduced in recent months.

Last week my H took me lingerie shopping.  We had sex exactly once since.  He has not initiated despite the big bag of lingerie I still haven't even had on.  Oh and when I got all dressed up for him in some of the lingerie with heels, he commented on my shoes being pathetic!  I wanted to throw the shoes in his face and leave the room. I didn't but I couldn't believe there I was in a garter belt and stockings and that was his comment. 

I have no idea what to do.  I am tired of throwing myself at him.  Men seem to find me attractive but then I come home and nothing. He says he finds me sexy and beautiful but nothing happens unless I make it happen.  Is this how it's always going to be?  If so I am not okay with that. Tonight I am really sad.

mrsthing

I thought I was high time I did an updated map.  Thoughts and insights would be very welcome. 

FITNESS / FOOD/ HEALTH
Green:

I was eating clean when I started the map, but thanks to signing up to train with a personal trainer last summer, she has tightened up my diet even more.  I feel like I really know what to eat now and it is much easier.  No sugar unless on cheat days. 

I also got diagnosed with gluten intolerance, and avoiding gluten has made a big difference in my overall health.  I had nasty acid reflux which was mostly under control, giving up gluten has made it a non issue. I also had many skin issues which seemed to vanish without gluten and dairy.

I had some minor health issues when I started my MAP including a pain in my hip that really bothered me, back pain and of course the aforementioned ones. I have been lifting heavy weights since summer and these have all disappeared.  I do have some tenderness in my shoulder which sometimes shows up when I lift, but it is not what it was at all, so I suspect this will get better and better.

I train 4-5 days a week.  3 with weights.  I would like to make sure I get in 5 but I feel OK about where I am now.

My work has been basically having me live in two locations since the beginning of the year.  I joined a gym in the second location and am getting in my regular workouts there now, which I was not doing before. I don’t have a trainer but I’m pretty good lifting on my own now.

Yellow:

I have been handling my MH issues with PTSD and sex abuse much better, but there’s still room for improvement.  I am in therapy.  I also have found that essential oils help me with PTSD.  I know it sounds hokey, but they are great for stress.  If I can smell where I am in the moment it helps keep me centered too.  I haven’t had a PTSD flashback or nightmare since last year at Xmas.  I have trouble with the holidays, so I’d like to try and prepare for the worst before in future.

Part of my last map was to ditch caffeine, and this has not happened.  In fact, I probably drink more coffee now.  That said, I don’t find it making me irritable anymore and my diet is so restricted now, that I feel like I am allowed one vice.

I would like to do more cardio stuff – I love lifting but cardio isn’t my favorite.  I have taken a couple of spin classes and I enjoy that, I just have to get there.

Red:

I am having some issues with painful PIV again.  I have been able to work through it in past, I will again.  It just goes on and off.  My H isn’t super focused on PIV anyway.

My husband was diagnosed with ASD/Aspergers since I came to this forum.  We have been seeing a counselor who specializes in this.  It is still very hard but things are improving.  One of the big issues is my being very assertive with my H which is hard for me, but I am getting better.  My H has told me that he loves when I am assertive.

MONEY AND MATERIAL THINGS

Green:
I have been growing my business and landed a slew of new clients – this is not only more $ but the new work is very cool projects, so I am really enjoying work right now.  We are saving towards a downpayment on our dream home and I think we will be there soon.

Yellow:

We sat down to create a budget and found many places to cut expenses. Of course then I landed all the new clients, but we are sticking to the budget anyway.  My H and I found over $1000 per month in savings and it barely meant giving up anything.

I still need to get my online marketing for my business working better.  My website is almost ready but I have been very negligent in getting the designers what they need.

Red:

We had a massive tax bill, which is paid but it wasn’t good for our savings of course.  This year we are much more on board with the payments so we don’t get slammed.  I’m poised to make more this year and last year was a surprisingly great year (hence huge tax bill).  IDK if this is a red.  We don’t have a lot of money issues right now.

My H has student loan debt which I’d really like to see pay off, we are debt free otherwise.

mrsthing

DISPLAYING HIGH VALUE

Green:
I have been stepping it up with workouts.  My body looks awesome and continues to improve – lift heavy weights ladies!! My H has followed suit.

I am growing my hair.  I am a diehard short hair person, and my H says he likes short hair (he actually had asked if I would shave my head in past!) but he seems to like it longer better.  I’m also going to order clip in extensions which I’m pretty excited about.

My skin has been really bad in past, I had cystic acne that was pretty serious, and even when I started mapping I was pretty clear but there were still issues.  Since giving up gluten I have way fewer issues with this.

I went ahead and got botox, filler and a peel a few weeks ago.  And new skincare.  I figured if I didn’t like it, I would just not do it again.  Well, I LOVE it and I wish I hadn’t been so scared to do it!  Everyone is telling me I look great but they don’t know what it is.  I’m totally ok to tell them.   My H did say I look nice too

I decorated our home which had been looking like we just moved in for over 3 years.  My H has issues with “stuff” and this is due to ASD, but I was able to explain my decorating “strategy” to him and even get him involved.  I spoke to him in a very ASD friendly way about this – I showed him some images of the decorating style I liked and educated him on the elements that are part of this style.  I also can get a lot of what I need at yard sales and paint it.  As it turns out, he LOVES doing this and loves painting furniture and it is an activity we now do together. Super fun.

Yellow:

My husband has stated that he finds it DLV when people “walk all over me” and treat me like a doormat – I think he’s reading the MAP book b/c he used both the terms DLV and not attracted.  He told me this is his #1 issue with me and when he sees this he gets both angry and totally unattracted.  To this end, I have been ruthless about kicking the vampires in my life to the curb – since Xmas this includes a toxic client and a friend of over two decades who is an alcoholic who treats me poorly.  Still very tough for me.

One of my biggest accomplishments with the above stuff was kicking my biggest vampire, my mom to the curb when she called me asking for “emotional support” recently which is code for money.  My mom is extremely abusive and a liar (and she has plenty of money). What was better is when she called, I remained calm.  I usually curl up in a ball, but I didn’t.  I maintained frame with her, which I have never been able to do.  She’s still harassing other family members but not me, I think she got the message.

I have gotten much better with OI and not orbiting my H, but I still catch myself doing it sometimes.

Red:
Still have very thin hair, working on that.  I think growing my hair longer actually makes it look better and I’m getting extensions to clip in which will help too I think.

 

BUILDING RELATIONSHIP COMFORT

Green:

One of my yellows was my lousy housekeeping skills. To this end we hired a cleaning person.  My husband has amazing organizational skills he organized all of our closets, and this makes it easier to be neat – or at least neater.

My H told me that one of the biggest issues he has with me is that I am very disorganized.  This is true, but b/c I was always successful at work/school etc. I didn’t really think it was an issue.  He is using his super organizational skills to help me get on track.  I have a weekly chart y’all that keeps me on track.  It really helps.

My H didn’t like all of my travel for work so I started having him join me sometimes on weekends.  We do fun things when he comes.

Yellow:
My PTSD stuff is way more under control thanks to therapy and just chilling out in general/getting my life together.  I don’t blow up at H so much anymore. Yes, has still happened a few times but working on it.

I need to understand that my husband is an introvert while I am extroverted and me more accepting of this.  I’m getting there.

Red

Still need to keep mouth shut more in general!

PERSONALITY AND PREFERENCES

Green:
I like my job for the most part and I am excited about the future.  But when work ends now, I stop thinking or talking about it.  If I decide to quit work at 5, no more work happens or is even thought about.

I have been very good about limiting time on devices.

I have been doing lots of things that I enjoy.  I love my training at the gym, I don’t take a dance class right now but I am signing up.  I have gotten involved with some volunteering that I just love being part of.

I have been reaching out to many more people and making many new friends!  I have been trying to be a better friend to everyone too.

 

Yellow:
I need to do more things in line with my hobbies, like more dance classes.  I’d like to get into photography and maybe start playing an instrument again at some point.

Red:

I’ve been doing way less “nerfing” of my personality, but I still need to watch this!

I need to be OK with the fact that my husband is an introvert and I am an extrovert.  I just need to do my thing and not be co-dependent and drag him along.  I need to trust my H is going to make his new business venture work and be supportive of this.

HIGH ENERGY SEX

Green:
Frequency is good but could be better still but my H intiates a lot more and I don’t get rejected now when I do unless someone is sick.  

I stopped taking the lead in the bedroom so often.

I explained to my H that I can do things to make him feel good and I don’t need to be having and O every time.  He didn’t seem to understand this and I think taking that pressure off him helped.  It’s pretty easy for me to have an O, I’m lucky that way, but sometimes I’m just plain not in the mood.  But I can still make him happy if he is in the mood, and I love that.  This is a big change.

Yellow:
I’d like to bring more adventurous things into the bedroom.  I’ve started this and it has been great but I have to be careful that I don’t scare my H! I think b/c of my past issues with sex abuse and painful intercourse, he was very timid and afraid to hurt me.  I make sure he knows that this has changed.  It’s hard for a person with ASD to see changes like this so he isn’t totally there, but I’m making sure to tell him a lot.

Red:

I have been having some pain again with PIV.

I'm also not feeling attracted 100% but I think it is improving a little.

mrsthing

My three monkeys this week:

- Stop being reactive to my clients/friends wishes.  Don't jump just b/c someone asks me to.  Make sure to put H's needs and my own before those of others.  I so far told a friend I would not do something for her that she should really do herself and said "NO" to two unrealistic clients.

- Sign up for new season of dance classes - bellydance for me, ballroom for both of us.  My H really liked the last ballroom class we took which I think shocked him even more than it did me.

- Spend 1 day per week when not traveling for business working at a coffee shop in town instead of in my home office - done today and really nice to have the change of pace and OI.

mrsthing

My updated MAP

FITNESS / FOOD/ HEALTH
Green:

My trainer has really tightened up my diet.  I am sticking to it and seeing great results.  I feel great also.

I got diagnosed with gluten intolerance late last year, and avoiding gluten has made a big difference in my overall health.  No gluten and dairy for me anymore.

I had some minor health issues when I started my MAP including a pain in my hip that really bothered me - pain is gone since weight training which I started last summer. 

I have after all of these years come to terms with the fact that my abusive past did in fact happen to me (see below) and that the things that happened were not my fault.  I really have done this due to my first yellow (see below).  Accepting everything instead of continuing to be shocked and saddened by it makes a big difference in everything.

Yellow:

I am in therapy.  We talk about PTSD and I have tools to deal with it, but it is no the EMDR therapy I tried before that I want to do, but I am putting this oh hold for now.  PTSD though has not been an issue since Xmas - which was caused by a huge and violent outburst by an alcoholic/substance abuser friend that would have upset anyone.  But I have tools to deal with PTSD now and they are working.

My husband was diagnosed with ASD/Aspergers since I came to this forum.  We have been seeing a counselor who specializes in this.  It is still very hard but things are improving. 

Red:

The gluten intolerance thing is a struggle.  I have been "glutened" a few times.  It takes me out of commission for a week each time.  I have to be much more careful.

I must keep on top of my mental health.  I am doing so well but I don't want to fall into old habits of questioning my feelings about my past etc.

MONEY AND MATERIAL THINGS

Green:
I have been growing my business and landed a slew of new clients – this is not only more $ but the new work is very cool projects.

Remain debt free other than car payment, which ended up being only $1000 more than paying for the car outright. 

We sat down to create a budget and found many places to cut expenses. My H and I found over $1000 per month in savings and it barely meant giving up anything

Fired the cleaning person.  Saving $200 per month there.

Weird benefit of gluten intolerance and diet from trainer is that we spend way less on food - b/c I can't really eat that much that is interesting and expensive LOL.

My husband put in a bigger garden and we grow almost all of our own veggies now. Major savings and tastes great.

Yellow:

My H is now slated to open his business in July.  He looks well poised to bring in $ with the business.  He has been working too.  I am trying not to get involved unless he asks for my help - which is hard.

I still need to get my online marketing for my business working better. 

There is so much more business out there for me.  I am limiting myself.  I can earn more and do more, I just need to push myself.

I put myself on a spending freeze for clothes and fun stuff (I shop too much and I have loads of clothes) until this month, but I did buy some things end of May for work that I needed for a client event but the business pays for this.  But spending freeze is back on.

Red:

We had a massive tax bill last year so I was worried, but this year is not so awful, thank goodness.  But I worry a lot about moneys still.

We need to buy a home this year.  We are spending too much $$ on rent.  I am making the appointment to go see the bank next week.  My H is scared of this (he freaks out every time a big purchase is made) but he told me it is ok to push him through this.

mrsthing

DISPLAYING HIGH VALUE

Green:

I conquered one of my biggest monkeys in this area - cleaning my house.  I fired the cleaning person and take care of things myself now with help from H.  It was great that I did not have to ask for his help - he just stepped up and helped.  It is great to be organized.  We are much more relaxed overall.

Another huge monkey - being assertive.  I have been doing very well with this in both work and personal life. Vampires are being removed left and right from my life b/c my former doormat self attracted these like crazy. My H told me that he is very unattracted to me when I behave like a doormat when he cannot help me - and I don't stand for it now either.

I recently took charge of a very difficult work situation that led one of the people trying to be passive aggressive to say they "never in their life" have been talked to by anyone like this - and frankly it was about damn time someone did speak to her this way b/c she was massively out of line.  I wasn't rude or anything, I just called them on their BS. I protected myself and my client and all ended well. 

Lots of physical changes for the positive - body, skin, hair, nails all looking better.  I have grown my nails longer and my H loves this.

Decorating the house continues and is going well.

Yellow: 

I have gotten much better with OI and not orbiting my H, but I still catch myself doing it sometimes.

Red:

I have stopped seeing myself as a low value person in any way.  If negative voices come into my head I tell them to be quiet.  It is hard.  I am trying hard to love myself.

 

BUILDING RELATIONSHIP COMFORT

Green:

My H told me that one of the biggest issues he has with me is that I am very disorganized - but I am much more organized after creating the household chore chart for us.  No more cleaning lady, places for everything.

Yellow:

My work travel has to slow down.  I need to get a better handle on it.  I need to say NO more. 

I need to understand that my husband is an introvert while I am extroverted and me more accepting of this.  I’m getting there.

Red:

I need to think more about my own work and not always so focused on what my H is doing or not doing.

I need to really try my best to understand my H's ASD, how different things feel for him, without being a doormat and letting him get away with BS.

PERSONALITY AND PREFERENCES

Green:
I like my job for the most part and I am excited about the future.  But when work ends now, I stop thinking or talking about it.  If I decide to quit work at 5, no more work happens or is even thought about. Client called me at 10pm last night and I was just like WTF instead of answering.

I have been very good about limiting time on devices.

I have been doing lots of things that I enjoy.   I have gotten involved with some volunteering that I just love being part of.

I have been reaching out to many more people and making many new friends!  I have been trying to be a better friend to everyone too.

Yellow:
I need to do more things in line with my hobbies, like more dance classes.  I need to get my business travel situation better in hand so I can actually be home to do this.  That is the biggest problem.

Red:

I’ve been doing way less “nerfing” of my personality, but I still need to watch this. Some friends tend to be critical of me b/c I like things that they don't understand and I need to not listen - or maybe kick some friends to the curb that are super negative.

I need to be OK with the fact that my husband is an introvert and I am an extrovert.  I just need to do my thing and not be co-dependent and drag him along. 

I need to trust my H is going to make his new business venture work and be supportive of this.

HIGH ENERGY SEX

Green:

Sex itself is very good when it happens.  I don't feel the issues with past sex abuse getting in the way whatsoever anymore.

Yellow:
I’d like to bring more adventurous things into the bedroom.  I’ve started this and it has been great but I have to be careful that I don’t scare my H! I think b/c of my past issues with sex abuse and painful intercourse, he was very timid and afraid to hurt me.  I make sure he knows that this has changed.  It’s hard for a person with ASD to see changes like this so he isn’t totally there, but I’m making sure to tell him a lot.

Red:Frequency is not what it could be.  I suspect their are deep reasons for this that I have not gotten to the bottom of with my H.

mrsthing

Hi everyone, I know that I write a lot.  I am just looking for feedback if anyone has any. Many thanks.

amblrgirl

RE: taxes - H does contract work and we always owe large sums at tax time. It used to be very stressful. We opened a separate account for tax savings and make deposits (based on our estimated taxes) every time he gets paid for contract work. So when it's time to pay up, the money is already there now. Bonus: We tend to overestimate a little, so there's a cushion. Occasionally, we've done something fun with a bit of the leftovers.

frillyfun

I like to have a good cash cushion set aside for taxes, unexpected expenses, and the like.

I always look at someone's monkeys to see if there's anywhere I can help.  What do have cooking?  What are you guys doing for fun now that it's summer?

mrsthing

@frillyfun and amblrgirl - it is funny that you guys zeroed in on the taxes!  I really didn't have many reds to add in the financial area We have a good sized emergency fund and we are always able to pay taxes. I feel somehow obligated to have a problem with money for some reason, but I don't really.  My attitude about money could change though.  I always worry about it even though I don't need to.  Got 99 problems but cash ain't one.

Summer is my busy work season so we don't vacation like most people.  We live in a beautiful area that is where many go on vacation, so we will have weekends away and such as well as get outside a lot! 

My biggest monkeys are the following:

Assertiveness - I need to be ok with asking for what I want and not feeling like I am being "mean":

Right now I have a business partner (not main business, new one I am starting) who isn't holding up her end of things and I need to cut her lose.  This is hard b/c she is very sensitive and will probably cry.  Seriously, she will cry. She is a friend and I shouod never do business with friends.  But I did.  I am super, super angry with her - so angry I don't even want to speak to her.  I need to tell her what is really going on.

I have a friend who I have been close with most of my life who is doing drugs and drinking and being very nasty.  I told him I needed a break from him -  this was in December.  We still have not spoken.  It is killing me not to call him, but at the same time, I don't want to endure his bad behavior.  Not sure what to do, my gut says keep him away.

Dealing with my husbands ASD, figuring out where to draw the line with his behavior.  What is ASD, what is just plain asshole?

Not asking for my husband's approval for things that do not concern him.  For example, I just hired a virtual assistant for my business.  It is my business and I felt this was a good move, so I did it.  I was inclined to ask him, but I realize this is not his choice to make.

mrsthing

Three monkeys for the week:

• I made a huge screw up at work.  I am not beating myself up about it, which would of course be my normal behavior.  I am just moving on.

• I went to a cardio class at the gym.  Usually I hate cardio and avoid it, maybe just treadmill, but when I do the class I am not only getting a better workout, but I do like it.  I will aim to do at least 1 more class this week.
• I have three potential new clients and I need to write proposals for them.  I have been dragging my feet.  Did one and have 2 more to get done.

mrsthing

Some good progress with my monkeys:

• I am getting better and better at disconnecting from work in general. Had spoken with a new client who asked me to do something as a "test" before hiring me, I said no and despite repeated urging from him I remain firm.  I don't need clients like you sir.
• Cardio has been one of my long standing monkeys.  I now do spin class at least 2x a week and other cardio on the 3rd day.  I often have to get up at 5am to make it to spin, but I have begun this and it isn't so bad.  It makes me feel energized for my day actually.  I am already seeing positive changes in my body.
• I have three potential new clients and I need to write proposals for them. I have more to work on now b/c more potential new biz!
• More good news - got pre approved for mortgage and have begun house hunting in earnest.  No pushback from H who had been terrified of house hunting b/c of $.  Found several potential homes that we will go see.
• My H is opening his business end of the month.  People are excited to see it open (it's a store) already so he is held to this timing.

Elise

What's your dream house?! What are the must have features? I think having both of those in separate categories before looking at a house is helpful! If not things "could work" but really they just won't make you happy. Also setting a #1 top priority helps because a house may have 3 out of 5 of your list but it just doesn't have that one thing isn't the right house. Enjoy the process. 

mrsthing

@Elise the must haves are 5 acres or more, house not newer than the 1970s (and preferably much older but I did see one custom contemporary from the 1970s that I liked), 2000 plus square feet.  Also in a certain area we like. We are rural and the top priority is the land.  For me I also wanted an old farmhouse or barn conversion (and we are looking at several of these) but I did see a that cool house from the 70s which I did like also - not my style but it was custom built and really stunning.

I am actually captaining the house hunting process since my husband admitted to me that he just gets crazy regarding large purchases and he wants me to have what I love.  . 

Luckily we have the exact same criteria for homes now.

Elise

To be on the same page is a great thing.

mrsthing

Oh I can't believe I left this out - vampire business partner is no longer a partner, ended that too.

mrsthing

Some progress and new monkeys:

• Found a potential house that we both love.  It is an older farm house in beautiful shape on beautiful property. Going back to give it another look over the weekend.  H is doing fine with this, it seems to be me who is nervous to spend the $ and he is calming me down this time.  Talk about role reversal.
• Cardio is happening - spin class 2-3 times a week.  I'd still like to do something physical more often - the spin class normally happens before I lift weights.  I am doing a total of about 8 hours per week of exercise right now so I guess that is good but I want to add in something like yoga at least 1x a week too.  I tried this one week and I guess I don't love yoga but I need something that is more stretching oriented.
• Signed new client
• H injured himself so his store opening is postponed for a few weeks as he can't walk around very well. It is ok, house hunting etc. lots happening already and I am not letting this bother me.  The store is his thing, not mine.

New monkeys:

• Need to figure out better schedule for working out.  When can I work in yoga or something not as "active" as spin/weights?  Would like to hit 6 days a week doing something physical.
• House cleaning has slid backward.  Need to get on top of this. 
• We have to scrimp and save right now and I am just not a saver.  I do it but I am resentful and I would like to change my ways.  My H is excellent with money which is probably why we aren't broke - also that we live in a rural low cost of living area now (not where I am from at all - I am from a big city where it costs $$$ to do anything) where designer shoes get mud on them    It's really hard for me to say to myself that I don't "need" new clothes for example.  And I definitely don't, trust me - I have closets full of beautiful clothes and yes, I found a few things with tags on them the other day.  I work in a field that is very focused on fashion but frankly I still could dress rings around anyone I work with if I never bought another item.  Yet it is hard for me to say no to a sample sale, the yearly sales stores have at this time.  I had to do this when I started my business.  I am doing it now as we buy a home.  But I would like to not spend like one of the Real Housewives anymore ever when that is not my lifestyle.