Don't get discouraged, this really works!

merton

I have been a long time lurker and occassional poster on this forum.  I don't engage more, mainly due to a lack of time, but I wanted to post and offer encouragment to all the men on this journey.  The ideas here really work.

I began mapping in February of 2013.  My wife and I had been together for 13 years at the time, married 11 of those years, and sex had fallen way below acceptable levels for me.  What we did have about 3 times/month was strictly duty sex.  

In the last two years, I have lost 43 lbs. (218 -> 175) I have bought into the business I worked for and became a partner, increased my income over 100%, and taken the lead, not just in my marriage, but in a lot of areas of life.  

I was frustrated after the first year, because I felt like I had improved so much, but I wasn't getting the results from my wife I was looking for, as can be seen by some of my posts here.  Then in the fall of last year, things really changed.  We are now on a default yes and she follows my lead in the bedroom.  Obviously, if she is extra tired from something going on with the kids or is ill there are still times when she would ask if we could postpone, but I am confident she would have sex everyday if I wanted to.  The lingerie issue I complained about on here is over as well.  Now if I ask, it happens, and she has even done it spontaneously a few times.  Once even wearing something under her clothes on a date night and then seductively showing it to me halfway through dinner.

It is like a switch flipped.  She is attracted to me again.  The critical moment came at a party with some of her friends when I was getting serious IOI's from one of her good friends.  Even though she was married, it was almost unconscious behavior on her part.  My wife saw, and this friend even later told my wife that I was quite a catch. (as my wife later told me)

The sex that night was unbelievable.  Like we were 22 again.  I have raised my value and she has noticed.  I can see the realization on her face now, that I am the higher value partner in the marriage, unlike 5 years ago.  

Here are some things I have learned on this journey.

1) Being a man women are attracted to is hard work.  Staying in shape, keeping on top of things at work, leading the house.  This is not for weak men.  Ultmately it is very rewarding, but it requires discipline, hard work, and most of all, frame control.  You cannot lose your temper, sigh, or roll your eyes.  Maintaining control and not slipping into old habits is the hardest part for me.  

2) Once you reach your goals, you will not be prepared for the temptations.  I have never in my life had more interest from women.  Even women who know I am married.  I am 38 years old and I'm experiencing this for the first time the last year or so.  I would never cheat or leave my wife due to religious beliefs and my kids, but the temptation is real.  I used to think guys made up those stories, but i have had women openly approach me at least 4 times in the last year.  Mostly on business trips.

3) It is lonely at the top.  Your wife will not understand the stress of your work or of being in charge all the time.  Don't discuss it with her, that is what your male friends are for.  I've found that I had to change my group of friends to other disciplined, successful guys in order to keep my friends from dragging me down.  A bourbon and cigar with two of them in particular are one of the greatest rewards of this whole journey.

4) The one month of MAPping to each year of the relationship rule to see success is a minimum in my book.  I thought I could speed it up, but it took about 20 months to get to the tipping point in a 14 year relationship.

5) You will have regret about not having done this sooner.  Why was I never taught about being a man.  I feel I wasted years of my life.  I'm trying to figure out how to teach my son these values.  Maybe Athol will write a book targeted to young men, high school and college age about being a man good women are attracted to.

Finally, I'd like to thank Athol for writing the blog and the books.  They helped me tremendously in understanding my relationship with my wife and have improved my life.  For that, I am indebted to you.  Good luck to all the guys on the journey.  I wish you the success that I have had.  It really is worth all the work seeing your wife look at you with admiration again.  I'm no expert at this, but there are a lot of insightful people here and I thank you all for your posts and input.  

Keep on MAPing!
Merton

SaigoTakamori

ROCK ON!

Athol_Kay

Very much appreciated @Merton.

Thank you.