Need Some Advice - Wife had lunch with ex co worker

I need some perspective because I don't know if I'm being too paranoid or reacting the right way.
Since finding out about the Red Pill and reading MMSL I have become more paranoid. Please refrain from "awww your feewings got hurt you need to MAPP!" responses, i just need a straight up opinion weather or not I'm right to feel upset or not about this situation.

My wife and I have been doing GREAT! the last few months, sex has been very frequent and she has initiated more often. Things are great! except for this incident that happened yesterday.

My wife works downtown and she has come across an ex-coworker who was her leader at her old job. They never really got along at her previous work because the guy seemed to be insecure about his technical knowledge (they worked in an engineering firm). We were dating when my wife was working with him, and she used to complain all the time how defensive and how much of a baby this guy is at times. Anyways the ex-coworker is also married with kids and he messaged my wife and asked her to go out for lunch to "catch up".

My wife gives me a call and tells me the whole thing and that she was asked to go for lunch. I told her that it's kind of weird because they never really got along in the past. She said that she did not want to go either and so i told her don't go if you don't want to. In the phonecall i told her that he either wants a position at her company or the guy is up to no good. I told my wife that there is no such thing as a man and a woman being just friends and hanging out alone and she agreed. Then i told her maybe go for lunch and see what he wants, but if she does not want to go then don't. (this is a bit of a test on my part because I sensed that she called me to ask for permission and I didn't want to tie her down). I honestly figured that she would just decline the lunch since she said she did not want to go.

Then later on that day during dinner my wife told me that they were having lunch tomorrow. This pissed me off inside because it did not make sense to me. I did not want to make a big deal since we have been doing so well and she has been extra sweet to me. 

Fast forward to the next day, I watched her dress up. She didn't do anything special, it was normal work attire. She gave me a phone-call on her way to lunch and she could sense something was wrong in my tone. Then I told her straight up that I was not comfortable with the lunch. She was upset and told me that I should have been straight with her and I agreed. She called me right after the lunch but I was already brewing up with anger by then.

I felt pissed because if she did not want to go then why would she? the only conclusion is that she wanted to go but she told me she did not want to. Another thing that pisses me off is she never got along with this person, why have lunch now? I know i gave her permission, but I thought she would decline since she told me she did not want to and we both agreed that there's no such thing as a boy-girl just friends chilling alone relationship.

am I wrong to feel shaken or upset about this? my wife was really happy and sweet to me when I showed to her that it did not bother me. but now she is upset because she thinks i'm accusing her of things. I'm trying to make sense of it... was she testing if I was going to get jealous? testing my trust in her?

need some input about just the information given.

thanks in advance.

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Comments

  • 604Hubby604Hubby Silver Member Posts: 17
    Extra information: When we were dating she told me that this guy was a good looking guy.

    My wife is a very strong willed woman and I know she will never do anything to jeopardize our family. I know this for sure, she loves me and the kids (this is not blue pill talk). It just makes me upset why she feels she had the need to go to lunch with this person for no good reason. I know even if she wanted to she will never do anything... what gets to me is her wanting to in the first place.
  • 604Hubby604Hubby Silver Member Posts: 17
    thanks for the quick response guys
  • 604Hubby604Hubby Silver Member Posts: 17
    everyone is pointing out that it's a career move. This is something that I did not think of as a motive. Thanks for the input - it definitely gives more sense to her actions as to why she would have lunch with this person
    PhoenixDown[Deleted User]
  • SignorePillolaRossaSignorePillolaRossa mid atlantic usaSilver Member Posts: 4,079
    dont let that be relevant in this case, 604 - it is a distraction and hamster bait ... if she had a positive impression of his skills and career progression, maybe networking would make sense ... doesnt seem the case here ... just because some people are worth networking with doesnt mean everyone is ... 

    she didnt have networking on her mind when she brought it up ... she was looking to you to mate guard - wouldve been an easy leadership moment for you


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  • BlackwulfBlackwulf Leading the pack. Silver Member Posts: 1,782
    It could be a career move, but you should have voiced a stronger opposition to it before she went.  If you don't want her to go have lunch with someone, say so.  The thing is what was his motivation to contact her out of the blue?  Was he making a career move?  You don't know.  
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  • KattKatt USASilver Member Posts: 4,554
    edited February 2015
    Even a person who isn't a great worker themself can be useful as a reference (since he was a former boss) and/or for their connections in an industry, so I don't agree with completely dismissing the networking aspect.

    You already know that saying "maybe you could go to lunch and see what he wants" and then getting upset that she did was a bad move.  Next time, be honest with her and most of all this is a really minor blip so just move forward.
    magentaReborn
  • The_DudeThe_Dude Hollywood Star LanesGold Men Posts: 4,583
    Did she tell you what he wanted to talk about?
    stillasamountainRorschach
  • RorschachRorschach "Just ask the axis ..."Silver Member Posts: 1,458
    You put her into a no-win situation. You should have either just said no, or possibly said, "What would you possibly gain career-wise by going? If nothing much, I don't want you to go". But, yes, now that she has gone, stop being pissed off or anxious, but do follow up in a calm and straightforward way on where they went (business-like setting?), what he wanted/why he called and what they talked about.
    BlackwulfAngelineCowboycountrygirly
  • Athol_KayAthol_Kay My Underground LairPosts: 8,046

    She initiated a total of four conversations in 24 hours, around one moderately unimportant networking lunch.

    She asked her husband for permission to network.

    She said she didn't want to go, but then was happy when permission was given to go.


    I have a moderately bad vibe about this one.

    I suspect being upset is enough of a mate guarding reaction to dampen her doing much else though.

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  • 604Hubby604Hubby Silver Member Posts: 17
    Thanks for the input Athlon. That bad vibe is why I feel pissed off about the whole thing. They talked for 45 minutes she said it was about their kids, nothing professional.
  • JellyBeanJellyBean Sunny SoCalGold Women Posts: 5,054
    I'm looking for work and am coming to really appreciate the importance of networking. That said, maybe next time it would be better to just connect on LinkedIn, or have a group lunch instead of a "date."
    Enneagram type 9w1
  • CowboyCowboy In the South, USASilver Member Posts: 1,994
    I'm cynical, and to be frank I think anytime a man asks a woman out to a "business lunch" when there is no obvious professional/sales opportunity he's scheming to get into her panties. As @JellyBean says, LinkedIn, e-mail, and vocational meet-up groups are all easier ways to network, and certainly more professional than something that looks fishy. From the description, this guy wasn't claiming to be networking or talking business at all. "Catching up" is not talking shop.
    I often eat lunch with a friend of mine and his wife during the week. If he can't make it, I don't ever go to lunch just with her. It would probably be harmless, but why risk causing trouble?
    @604hubby , I am going to guess your wife was suspicious of his motives, and maybe felt a little guilty about it. That said, I think it's good news that she told you about it several times. If she had really been up to no good, she would'nt have said anything at all, or would've just asked once ("he said it was ok, so there's no harm in it").
    I would just make sure you are clear that you don't want her to do this again.
    "Men were designed to hunt mammoth. You need to go find your mammoth." --Serenity
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  • MilkmanMilkman SkyFallMember Posts: 36
    I think a male and female having lunch together is considered a date. There's no two ways about it. 
  • 604Hubby604Hubby Silver Member Posts: 17
    Hi Katt at hindsight I think you are bang on with the whole situation 
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