Husband turned down sex?!?

amblrgirl

Interesting moment this morning.

Background: We have a lawn service. We also have a large dog. All lawn services have a rule that you have to bring in your pets. Some crews enforce it, some don't care. When mowing season started this year, it was an issue. Every week, they would knock on the door and ask us to bring the dog in, and H would tell them not to worry about the dog and just go ahead and mow with him back there. 

Eventually, the owner called my cell phone (I set up the service, so my number is the one on file). I handed the phone to H and he agreed to start bringing the dog in every time. So when we hear the lawnmowers, we go call the dog in. In the last month, H has started having an attitude about it - whining, "forgetting", huffing about it. 

When I heard the lawn guys arrive this morning, I was wearing nothing but my summer robe - super short and made with very thin material. So I asked H to go let the dog in since I was not decent. He said it was fine when he didn't bring him in last time, blah blah blah. I started to push back, but then I STFU.

Instead, I walked over to the back door, opened it wide, stood in full-view in the doorway (the lawn guys definitely saw), and called to the dog. Dog came in, I shut the door, and turned to see H watching from the other side of the room.

I expect to find H much less argumentative about the dog thing in the future. I don't know why I wasted so much breath going back and forth with him on this every week. He told the owner we would bring the dog in, so that's what we need to do. A man keeps his word. It's also nice if a man doesn't make his barely clothed wife handle it with a lawn crew looking. But whatever. Hopefully, I've made my point.

IrishGypsy

Worth sticking in the IOI thread you reckon? 

amblrgirl

Fun story today. We scored a good deal on an adjustable bench and a squat rack on Craigslist. Went to pick it up and it was a young guy selling, maybe 18/19. He helped H carry the bench to the car and load it up (H could have done it on his own of course, but the kid was really sweet and just jumped right in to help). I watched them carrying it to the car and then tested the weight of the squat rack and decided I could manage it. 

So when they finished loading the bench, the guys turned around just in time to see me set the squat rack down in front of them for loading. The kid looked surprised, but H just grinned at me and shook his head.

#girlswholift

amblrgirl

On my MAP thread, said I would tackle sex here. So...

Two weeks ago, H surprised me with an unplanned date night. We dropped the kids at playcare and went to a great little restaurant/wine bar and had some fun conversation. After dinner, he invited me to go to a coffee shop we love that has live music. I declined and asked him to take me home instead, so we could "do something even more fun".

It was hot until... bright red, heavy bleeding, but it stopped before we went to bed. Got in to see the doctor Monday afternoon and she did an internal exam. "Your uterus is enlarged."  She told me to come back in an hour and they would get me in for an ultrasound. That's a quick turnaround, so I knew she was concerned. I was shaking, very scared it was cancer or something. Called H to let him know I wouldn't be headed home for awhile and to let him know what was going on.

Thankfully, everything looked healthy on the ultrasound and my uterus measured okay, on the larger side, but not out of the normal range (my babies were over 8 pounds).

While we weren't any rougher than usual Friday night, I guess our "usual" may be a little on the rough side. We were also using a new anal plug with a different shape and doing some vibe penetration between PIV. So we think the plug and vibe DP may have just bumped/rubbed/snagged/irritated something enough to cause the bleeding. Plus, I was near ovulation, so my cervix would have been lower and maybe more sensitive. But since I couldn't get in to see the doctor until Monday afternoon, whatever bled Friday night had already had lots of time to heal. 

We were just relieved there was nothing more serious. We spent the night after the doctor's appointment just relaxing and snuggling up together.


But the next evening... 


Tuesday was back to business. It was ovulation week, and I couldn't help myself, lol. We did our weekly check-in, then cuddled and chatted some. 

I started feeling horny, so I grazed his cock through his jeans. He seemed interested so I started some more aggressive rubbing/grabbing. Then I pulled his pants off and started a BJ. H was super into it. He asked if I learned something new with my tongue. I think it was just a slightly different angle, but now I need to figure it out because he REALLY liked it. He actually said, "I want to come in your mouth." (H rarely offers a verbal statement like that). I was happy to oblige, of course. After, he asked about me (such a gentleman), but I told him I was very happy with what we did and that I didn't need anything more that night. 

amblrgirl

Then Wednesday night, H and I were snuggling and he asked if I was as nervous to have sex again as he was. I laughed and said yes. He was touching me and I was horny. I could tell he was trying to decide whether he could/should escalate, so I told him the truth. "I'm open to it, but just understand that I might not seem as into it as usual because I'll be a little up in my head about the bleeding." 

"Will that get better if we wait a little longer?"

"No. I think it's better not to wait because that'll just be more time for the anxiety to brew. I just didn't want you to have high expectations of me tonight." 

Laughter. "Okay."

(giggling) "I just don't want you to be expecting porn star sex. So I guess what I'm saying is lower your expectations. .... And foreplay isn't going to warm me up or get me more excited." 

"So just skip all that and get down to business?"

"Yes, perfect!"

(Grinning) "I can handle that, no problem."

He starts taking off my clothes.

"Oh, and I'm unshowered, so no oral."

(Laughs) "Straight to sex, got it."

"I appreciate you hanging in here with all my restrictions." (Laughed at myself) "Okay sorry, I'll try to be serious now."

"It's okay, you don't have to be. Laughing helps you relax."

"Yeah, it really does."

And then he was in and it was great. He wasn't super rough, but he also wasn't overly gentle and I appreciated that. He knew that I wasn't going to chase my O, but I did actually really enjoy the sex and was very verbal about that.

Afterward, I thanked him and told him how great it was. He told me it was great for him, too.

Obviously, all the talk was super sexy. But after the Red Wedding Date Night, some honest communication was necessary to ease anxiety on both sides.

And that positive momentum carried us into Thursday afternoon, when I needed H to print something for me. The printer takes a few minutes to warm up, so I sat on the floor beside his chair and laid my head and hand in his lap. My hand may have wandered a bit. I looked up at him and said, "sorry, just passing the time."

"Feel free"

"Okay!"

I unzipped his pants and started oral. When the picture finished printing, I stopped, zipped him up, and said I would let him get back to work now. I thanked him for the printout and went back downstairs.

Understandably, he was copping a feel during our cuddling session that night. I was definitely DTF, but I really wanted some verbal dominance from him. Frankly, it's not within his comfort zone. He's only done it a few times and never more than a couple of phrases in those sessions before he reverts back to physical dominance/roughness, which he's much more comfortable with. But that's what I was in the mood for, so I decided to just ask for it. "Tonight, I'm really craving you verbal and bossy."

"Okay. Take that off." I complied. He got out the vibe and teased me for a few minutes. Then he stood up and unzipped. "Come here." I slid off the bed and into position in front of him. He handed me the vibe. "Keep this on you." I complied and began blowing him. He grabbed my hair and started controlling the movement (love that).

Then he ordered me onto the bed with my head hanging off the side. He took off my panties and stood in front of my face for more BJ (I love that position!) He took over the vibe and leaned over to give me oral.

After that, he did revert back to physical dominance/roughness. Pulling me up and repositioning me on the edge of the bed for PIV. He gave me two Os and then decided to pull out for his and make a mess of me.

It was so great! When we first snuggled up in bed, I was exhausted and feeling rundown. After sex like that, I feel happy and ready to take on the world again! It's just such a great stress reliever, and it's so energizing for me. 

We had sex again Friday night. I wanted it and threw out some signals, he caught them and responded appropriately. I just wanted a good pounding, didn't feel like chasing my O. He was good with it and we had a nice time, then watched a movie together.

So... ovulation week was pretty amazing! Now this week hasn't been quite so "busy", but it's been a little crazy around here so I think we're both okay with that. I'm just glad ovulation week resulted in positive momentum instead of a death spiral. And I'm also relieved we were able to bounce back from the blood bath incident so easily.

 

forestleaf

All my girlfriends who have had bright red heavy bleeding at an odd time like you described generally have found out they were pregnant a few weeks later. It could be a sign of implantation bleeding. If that were the case the ultrasound would find no signs of pregnancy that early. I can't remember your birth control situation?

amblrgirl

*Dodges bullet*  

Definitely not pregnant. We were (thankfully) able to rule that out quickly. This happened after my period and a little before ovulation (according to the calendar and what I felt - I feel ovulation -  and we saw the almost-ready follicles still in place on the ultrasound). 

H has a vasectomy, but I do still get nervous when I hear stories about vasectomies that don't "take" or that re-connect. 

I am done, done, done having babies.

UnBetaMe

Did your H have the test done after his Vasectomy? 
I'm glad that I did. My first one didn't take, so I had the unfortunate experience of having to have 2.

forestleaf

Luckily @UnBetaMe's experience is rare, so yeah, you're not likely pregnant if your H had a vasectomy.  Although FTR, if you had implantation bleeding, a pregnancy test would still be negative (too early). The embryo has to implant in the uterus in order to tell your body to make HCG which is what the pregnancy test detects. Fun fact.

HowlAtTheMoon

Fibroids would cause bleeding and enlarged uterus. Or a ruptured ovarian cyst. While some ruptured cysts are terribly painful, some just feel like ovulation.
Or uterine polyps. All have caused big bleeds for me and resolved themselves, but it was concerning at the time.

42andatowel

Great update.  Glad to hear things are going good for you.  Save those last two posts, and re-read them when things hit a rough spot to remind you of what you're working towards.

amblrgirl

@UnBetaMe - Yes, they had him test a few times, I think. I'm horrified by your experience, though.

@Forestleaf - Yeah, we didn't do a pregnancy test. Just knew due to cycle timing that I could not be pregnant.

@HowlAtTheMoon - Yes, I believe those are some of the things they were looking for with the ultrasound. They didn't find anything abnormal so whatever happened has hopefully resolved. Probably won't pair that particular plug with vibe DP again, though. Lessons learned.

StikkyEbi

How often do you have sex? I know my husband turns me down sometimes because we have sex too often at times. We're talking two to six times a day during the first year we knew each other and one to two times a day the last year and a half we've known each other. Of course this is on average sometimes it's less or more. Point is sometimes a guys sex drive isn't high enough to keep up even if he finds you attractive.

HildaCorners

@StikkyEbiwelcome to the forum. Please post an Introduction.

You've jumped into a long-running thread, and it's clear you don't understand amblrgrl's background.

Serenity

Hi @StikkyEbi and welcome to the Forum.

Please post an introductory thread so we can get to know you. 

It can be general, or you can use these questions as a starting off point. 

How often do you have sex? I know my husband turns me down sometimes because we have sex too often at times. 

amblrgirl

Mentioned in my MAP, but thought it was best to come to HES to elaborate.

My libido is starting it's usual post- SW rocket upward, and we're actually making good use of it for now.

H initiated Friday night when we got back from our road trip. It was good - oral, a pounding, and O's for everyone.

This morning, I woke up aroused. H was up already and had left the room. I sent him this text:

"I woke up horny this morning. Has your cock recovered from last night? I can play with myself any way you tell me to. Or you can fuck me any way you like. You know I do all the dirty stuff. "

He walked in a minute later to find me naked on the bed, touching myself. He stripped and joined me in bed. I grabbed his hand and moved it down so he could feel how wet I was. He played with me for a few minutes. Then I slid down to give him a BJ. He vocalized his approval. I was very ready for PIV, and I did something I rarely do - I got on top. Usually I tease him when I do that, but I didn't want to wait another second, so things got, um... bouncy? quickly, lol. He O'd, I made sure we had some eye contact and I kept him inside me for awhile. Then I did some brief, gentle oral with a comment about not wanting to waste a drop. 

After, I snuggled up and enjoyed the afterglow with him for a bit. Then I realized I was still horny. I started running my fingers across his chest and kissing/nibbling him a little. Then I told him I was horny again. He said he still had hands and a vibrator that worked. He started touching me and I asked him to put his fingers inside me. He did, and he kissed my breasts and neck while I moved in rhythm to his motions. He whispered that he liked watching me move. I told him that I liked how he makes me move. I was really close to the edge, but couldn't quite get over. So I started touching myself, too. That pushed me over and I had a great O. Then we snuggled a little longer.

Despite having sex last night and this morning, I still felt horny again by this evening. But I was out shopping, so I couldn't do much about it at the time. And I think H really needs a rest or I might break him, lol.

fordsvt

I'm jealous @amblrgirl  haha.  H is a lucky man 
can I ask how old u are and why you think you're sex drive is so high.  ?
im just curious.  Great thread and posts here. 

amblrgirl

@fordsvt - Lol, I'm 33. That ^^^ was probably hormonal. I have a 23-25 day cycle, so when SW is over, my drive is already ramping up for ovulation.

To some extent, I'm just wired that way. Different women will have different desire levels and the hope for most people is to operate on the higher end of your/her own personal peak level.

For most of the marriage, my husband thought I didn't want or like sex. And I would dismiss all my sexual thoughts/feelings as unproductive and mostly try to ignore them until they went away. I don't do that anymore. I try to nurture my sexuality. I try to own it. I try to push my own boundaries (like touching myself in front of my husband). So now, I tend to have and embrace a healthy libido.

And now my husband knows that I do indeed want and like sex very much. When it's good. And while H does sometimes get to enjoy the benefits of a hormone-driven session, he knows the best and most frequent sex happens when he is being attractive, which is a bit of a roller coaster ride at the moment.

Also, feeling safe to explore my body and my sexuality helps. That comes partly from me learning (still learning) how to let go of body image issues and fears of not being good enough. I had to learn to block all that out and just assume I was the hottest, best lay of H's life. Lol, that's actually true I guess, since I'm the only girl he's ever slept with. But it still took some time for me to get there mentally. I also needed to stop worrying that H would judge my sexuality poorly. 

Another aspect is my own health and energy. That includes workouts and healthy eating, getting enough sleep, making sure I include time for things that bring me energy and spark interest for me, but not packing my schedule so tight I can barely breath. I want to be excited and happy about life, but not completely exhausted by it. That's a tough balance and I don't always get it right (especially in December). If I'm too busy, I don't have energy for sex. If I'm not busy enough, my sexual energy can also weaken.

Lastly, I'm more aware of sexual tension throughout the day. I pretty much always look nice at home and when I go somewhere, even if it's just the grocery store. I get looked at a lot throughout the day. On good days, my husband is doing the looking (and hopefully some playful touching, too). On other days, well, I still pick up on the energy of male attention in other places, though I never respond to it outwardly. But it's almost impossible for my body agenda to ignore all that sexual energy feeding into my libido. Being ogled by men can be a good thing for women (as long as no one is being creepy, and the woman has good boundaries and doesn't respond/escalate with the men). It reminds us that we are sexual beings and makes us feel attractive. Or at least that's how it makes me feel. Then I take all that energy home to H. And when he's doing well, we can put all that sexual tension to good use together.

So I guess that's the long answer, lol!

TLDR: I'm 33 and I have a high libido because I'm awesome like that (wiring + MAP). And also hormones.

SaigoTakamori

You Go Girl!
You set a great example, I was not aware , until I found this place, how much negative programming about thier sexuality women endure.

Then men wonder why we cannot have an uninibited Vixen for a wife.  Since my journey here has begun, I have sought to "reprogram" if you will.  I/ we have made much ground,  allthough still a ways to go.
  We do it Together Though.

Rock On Chica!
Ba Bam

amblrgirl

I think that might be my first "Ba Bam"! Thanks, @SaigoTakamori!