RedBeard, MAP Life

CapnRedBeardCapnRedBeard The EtherSilver Member Posts: 37
Hello all, I'm no longer lurking and prepared to start mapping in earnest.


Link to my intro and triage: http://marriedmansexlife.vanillaforums.com/discussion/12332/new-to-the-forums#latest

Update since then:

I've been working on things hit and miss, some have stuck and others haven't. I've been upping my alpha leading our family etc, but my OI and frame have been suffering just recently. I sold my laptop that i spent exuberant amounts of time and energy on. I was doing well on dropping porn for a while but when sex dries up i tend to fall back on it, i intend on stopping again, today is 3 days clean. On the positive side my company offers 5 free sessions with a therapist and I've been to 4/5 so far. Bad news, I'm not certain I can afford to continue when the sessions my job covers are over with. I've come to see that I have had a lot of addictive behaviors and I've cut them out almost completely, so that's a plus. I am also conscious that I have played a bigger role at fault in my relationship than I had previously thought. Counseling and a lot of introspection has opened my eyes to how much damage my girlfriend and I may have suffered from our childhoods, and that worries me some.

My biggest red attraction wise I feel is my weight, and it's been my hardest map item. Today I weighed 313... I've been steady around 310 for a few months, and not sure how I am managing to gain weight. My girlfriend is finally on board with eating healthy and exercising. I've been taking salads to work and eating healthy in general, cutting out 95% of my sugar intake, walking the track by our house, doing HIIT cardio as well, and lifting two days a week. Not sure where the weight is coming from and not happy about it.

Anyway, I'm back and am committing to the forums as a means of accountability and to hopefully gain from the collective knowledge and support offered here.
[Deleted User]

Comments

  • CapnRedBeardCapnRedBeard The EtherSilver Member Posts: 37
    My MAP Items

    Physicality and Health
    Red - Stop slacking on exercise 
    Red - Stop eating processed food 
    Yellow - Find new places and friends

    Money and Materials
    Red - Stop wasting money 
    Red - Debt drains
    Red - Stop ignoring broken items
    Yellow - Use it or lose it 
    Yellow - Make more money
    Yellow - Get control of your time

    Displaying High Value
    Red - Stop DLV 
    Yellow - Start passing fitness tests
    Yellow - Maintain frame
    Yellow - Learn to parent
    Yellow - Teach "no X until Y"

    Relationship Comfort
    Red - Stop demanding pampering
    Red - Stop being lazy
    Red - Stop fighting dirty
    Red - Stop ignoring people
    Yellow - Start passing loyalty tests

    Personality and Preferences 
    Red - Stop nerfing your personality
    Red - Stop fake relaxation
    Red - Stop people pleasing
    Yellow - Learn your personality type
    Yellow - Start paying you first
    Yellow - Decide what you want
    Yellow - Control electronic devices

    High Energy Sex
    Red - Stop blaming them about sex
    Red - Stop outside sexual sources
    Red - Stop trying to force it
    Yellow - Discover the 30% that works
    Yellow - Take turns

    I left my greens off for now because I need to focus on my reds and yellows.
  • CapnRedBeardCapnRedBeard The EtherSilver Member Posts: 37
    My 3(4) monkeys for this week are things I've already been working on and intend on seeing through long term.

    1. Red - Stop slacking on exercise
    2. Red - Stop wasting money
    3. Yellow - Use it or lose it
    4. Red - Stop outside sexual sources

    How I plan on implementing them:

    1. I will do sprints and walk around the track 3 days this week, and lift at home twice. I will also implement a simple calisthenics routine every morning.

    2. In the past have wasted a lot of money on energy drinks and coffee. I won't purchase any of these items going into the future, I will drink more water and make lunch to bring to work, and if I need to I will make coffee at work.

    3. We have been going through clothing etc. and donating to goodwill. This week I will finish going through my dresser separating winter and summer clothing and donate what I don't need.

    4. I will not use pornography going forward from this moment.
  • CapnRedBeardCapnRedBeard The EtherSilver Member Posts: 37
    edited April 2015
    Lol I did something weird trying to quote @generalzod ;
    Lol tried to fix - Angeline
  • AngelineAngeline planting seedsCategory Moderator** Posts: 14,500
    edited April 2015
    I think you had the quote function selected, and then hit quote on his post. Double negative FTW! :)
    "Speak your truth." - Scarlet
    Remember to play!
    Do the right thing, whether anyone is watching or not.
    Be married, until you are not.

    Email address: angeline.greenwood@att.net
  • AngelineAngeline planting seedsCategory Moderator** Posts: 14,500
    edited April 2015
    I actually came here to say, be sure and check out the Porn Detox thread, and try to replace the wording of that with a few positive things to do instead. The idea being that negative framing makes you feel deprived, but positive framing makes you feel powerful and like you CHOSE it.
    "Speak your truth." - Scarlet
    Remember to play!
    Do the right thing, whether anyone is watching or not.
    Be married, until you are not.

    Email address: angeline.greenwood@att.net
  • CapnRedBeardCapnRedBeard The EtherSilver Member Posts: 37
    At the request of the general, I present my greens so they don't fall on the back burner.

    Green is Gooood

    Physicality and Health
    Green - Fresh Air and Water
    Green - Supplementation

    Money and Materials
    Green - Functional, Beautiful Things
    Green - Give From Strength 
    Green - Invest in Your Relationship

    Displaying High Value
    Green - Be Playfully Dominant
    Green - Masculine and Feminine

    Relationship Comfort
    Green - Express Affection
    Green - Say Thank You
    Green - Have Integrity
    Green - Most Important People First

    Personality and Preferences
    Green - Complete Tasks
    Green - Quality Beats Quantity

    High-Energy Sex
    Green - Committed to Your Partner
    Green - Express Yourself
    Green - Play All Day
    Green - Just Make a Move

    Angeline[Deleted User]
  • CapnRedBeardCapnRedBeard The EtherSilver Member Posts: 37
    @Angeline will do, I've read through yourbrainonporn in the past as well. Porn is probably one of the harder addictions I've tried to kick... I've dropped alcohol to an average level, kicked pot, kicked tobacco, kicked internet gaming, I seem to get somewhere with porn and then have no sex for a while and masterbate a half dozen times then I start rationalizing how I'll just watch it once and then a week later its been a dozen times and I tell myself enough is enough and go cold turkey again.  :/ 
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