Men... what signals have worked to get your attention to problems...

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  • TheatreMommyTheatreMommy CanadaSilver Member Posts: 959
    At once, I am so happy I posted this, but also very worried that he'll come online and read this. I didn't exactly go to him first, as he has asked. I'm more figuring out how to go to him... But, the stress I felt yesterday has subsided, and I think I'm getting some really good advice here.  

    @frillyfun, thank you!  I think you are right.  What I should say when it comes to everything is that we (together) should eliminate spending on luxuries (and specifically include all alcohol) before we sell things.  I don't know if I'd be able to go right to the "i feel" statement about him drinking too much, and it may open him up to criticize me (i.e., the extra gas I spend if I go out to visit friends)... but if we stop buying alcohol, that would likely be at least 40/wk saving.  
    I could do a better job at not buying lunch, too (though, to be fair, I only spend on myself out of my 2nd or 3rd income monies), and going to the ultra savings store vs the closer store when buying groceries.

    AND, since we had been doing well, we ordered chickens for the summer.  I'm going to get slammed for that, since whenever we get into money issues, he attacks the farm spending.

    But it is going to have to be  a hard conversation, and as long as I'm ready for it, I think we can survive it.  At the very least, I'll survive it.  Because I'm at the point where I 100% know I could live without him.  The money won't suck less than it will suck now, though it will suck. 

    I just have to loose that last little bit of not wanting to split. Cuz I don't want to go. When it is good, it is good.  But hey.  I think I"m not the first person trapped in that logic.

    Thank you for following up on my story, and thank you for anyone who has read or commented. 
  • AngelineAngeline planting seedsCategory Moderator** Posts: 14,501
    If you're worried about him seeing this, it can be moved to Gold or deleted.
    "Speak your truth." - Scarlet
    Remember to play!
    Do the right thing, whether anyone is watching or not.
    Be married, until you are not.

    Email address: angeline.greenwood@att.net
  • TheatreMommyTheatreMommy CanadaSilver Member Posts: 959
    He also has gold. 
    I figure, we'll come to a natural conclusion in the discussion sooner or later.  I'll risk it until then.  Get a good idea about what to do. Then delete it. 

    To be honest, I don't mind it being out of the gold zone. I don't know the newbs that well here. I've been hiding in the Women's room a lot on the site, and while I love my ladies a whole tonne... fresh perspectives are valuable too.
  • frillyfunfrillyfun East PodunkGold Women Posts: 3,386
    edited April 2015
    I really like You Need A Budget software.  Graphs and spreadsheets can help take a lot of the emotion out of it.  

    I just gathered up the bills and entered them in the software.  They have a really nice "rainy day fund" so you can budget for things like Christmas, or vacations.

    Once you know how much you need it makes it easier to allocate funds.

    I would imagine the chickens save you money rather than cost you money.

    I'd use the frame of "we're working together to fix this".  The truth is that it took both of you to get into this mess and it will hopefully take both of you to get out of it.

    If you're the one figuring it out really go all out and make a formal budget.  Check out Dave Ramsay if you have to.

    You got this!  Big hugs :)
  • TheatreMommyTheatreMommy CanadaSilver Member Posts: 959
    @frillyfun , would you marry me!?!?!  That's exactly it!  They save money in the long run, plus keep lawn area short, fertilize the lawn, keep the bugs down, and act cute.  They are a good tool for teaching responsibility to the kids, and they're only around for 3-5 months (because we only bought meat ones).  They eat scraps, so teach composting and repurposing of waste, and if I kill one myself, I can do a biology lesson for the kids.  I remember getting a great anatomy lesson from my mom when I was a kid and she did a goose.  They help me get a baby fix too.

    Bah!

    I take-ah your hugs!!! *glomp*

    Okay.  Yes. No easy way to fix this.  
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