Pushing the back door boundary

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  • SlipangleSlipangle MichiganSilver Member Posts: 1,544
    2 days in a row of morning butt sex. Yesterday she was kinda tired so it was for me. Today was for her,she orgasmed so I got pushed out when her legs locked up. 

    I'm thinking her enjoyment has a huge psychological component, like 60 to 70% of her enjoyment is from being dominated. The old me would never be able to pull this off because hearing her say no would be it, I'd stop and go limp with no chance of recovery. But the way I am now I acknowledge her words but my actions are guided by her body responses, and if she's clearly enjoying my finger in her butt it's a bright green light.

    I bring this up because my experience tells me I'm reading her right, but it's so opposite from what I used to think (blue pill if you will) I'd really appreciate hearing if this makes sense and/or others have had the same experience. 

     

  • codename_duchesscodename_duchess AustraliaSilver Member Posts: 222
    Slipangle said:
    I'm thinking her enjoyment has a huge psychological component, like 60 to 70% of her enjoyment is from being dominated. The old me would never be able to pull this off because hearing her say no would be it, I'd stop and go limp with no chance of recovery.

    Kiche Said:
    I don't understand anal sex as being a barometer of red/blue pill, so I'm not sure I understand you're question?
    From what I understand, blue pill is listen to her hamster saying no, red pill is listening to her body saying yes and batting down a fitness test. Of course that's just how I read Slipangle's comments and how it links with red/blue pill.
    [Deleted User]
  • SlipangleSlipangle MichiganSilver Member Posts: 1,544
    From what I understand, blue pill is listen to her hamster saying no, red pill is listening to her body saying yes and batting down a fitness test. Of course that's just how I read Slipangle's comments and how it links with red/blue pill.
    Yes, although I hadn't thought about fitness testing coming into play. I don't really notice that she does fitness test me, but if I think about I guess she has small ones that come naturally now for me to handle. 

     

  • codename_duchesscodename_duchess AustraliaSilver Member Posts: 222
    I was worrying that we should make it clear that it's not pushing past a hard no, but rather buying into the game that she's a good girl and good girls don't do that sort of thing. A subtle but important difference.
    LadyOrTheTygerSallyMander
  • KattKatt USASilver Member Posts: 4,554
    edited February 29
    I was worrying that we should make it clear that it's not pushing past a hard no, but rather buying into the game that she's a good girl and good girls don't do that sort of thing. A subtle but important difference.
    Absolutely!    

    As a side note, I want to point out that not all resistance to AS is a "good girl" thing (obviously some is), and it seems like that's the standard thing to chalk it up to.   Some of us just didn't (or don't) find the idea of having something shoved up our anus particularly appealing :tongue:    
    LadyOrTheTyger[Deleted User]Tennee
  • CallmeCatCallmeCat DownsouthSilver Member Posts: 236
    Okay I have a question for the people who have successfully had backdoor sex, I have been working on this with my H for a while a couple of months maybe and I have read lots of stuff on the subject but we are making very little progress. This is something my H really wants so I thought well okay We will see but he has started with anal play and has used a small plug which kept popping out. Then he used a slim jelly like dido which I really had to calm myself breath deep and use lots of lube to get that in.  Then when moved up to a glass plug that was some larger than the dido but he could not get it all the way in without it hurting me. Now mind you during this session I even had a drink to help me relax but it was just so uncomfortable. He stopped and said I don't want to hurt you. When I compared that plug to his penis I freaked out thinking that's never gonna work. Is it possible to move past this or is it just too painful for some women?. Hope maybe you ladies can answer this for me.
  • zookzook melbourneMember Posts: 333
    @CallmeCat Im not allowed to use toys because they hurt... But the real thing is fine, it squishes and moves to the shape it needs to be.

    SLOW is key. (And lube, pjur is awesome) You have a muscle around your anus that says no entry, but after a few minutes of a small amount of pressure it relaxes and he will just slide on in. Forcing before that will cause pain.


  • LadyOrTheTygerLadyOrTheTyger EarthSilver Member Posts: 892
    edited March 7
    @CallmeCat do you have an anal trainer kit?   I'd strongly recommend doing it by yourself for a bit.  It worked much better for me because there's no added tension or pressure to "perform."  Every day I'd just slide the plug in and wear it for an hour or so.
  • CallmeCatCallmeCat DownsouthSilver Member Posts: 236
    @LadyOrTheTyger do you think just wearing it for a while made it easier to relax? How long approximately do you think it would take wearing that to move on to the real deal? For me this is really pushing the boundaries but I am hoping it will be pleasurable at sime point for us both. I feal like this is something that I can give to my husband that I have never done with anyone else. I also want to keep things good in the bedroom. Thanks for the tip
  • LadyOrTheTygerLadyOrTheTyger EarthSilver Member Posts: 892
    CallmeCat said:
    @LadyOrTheTyger do you think just wearing it for a while made it easier to relax? How long approximately do you think it would take wearing that to move on to the real deal? For me this is really pushing the boundaries but I am hoping it will be pleasurable at sime point for us both. I feal like this is something that I can give to my husband that I have never done with anyone else. I also want to keep things good in the bedroom. Thanks for the tip
    I think it depends on your body and your husband's body.  My guy is, um, girthy and it took about a month.  I wore one for an hour or two in the evenings a 2 or 3 times a week.  
  • SlipangleSlipangle MichiganSilver Member Posts: 1,544
    Wow, cool. So read through and look at dates to get a real time perspective on the progression. I started this thread on May 2015 from giving my FO one of her first ass gasms from fingerings her rim during cunnilingus. Now I can just pull out b while fucking her pussy and move down to her anus and she'll take it right in. It's 10 months later, and it was 7 months or so for the first time I put my dick in. 

    I've only really used one small plug on my FO, it's called candy rimmed or something like that. Silicone,  small. Always with lube, usually silicone although I did get a water based one for toys.

    Have you orgasmed from finger play? That seemed to be where my FO learned how to open up and take it.

     

  • Husband3point0Husband3point0 Gold Men Posts: 3,294
    @CallmeCat -- did you read this entire thread? We went through a few different iterations of what various couples did on their way to the backdoor frontier, as it were. 

    You indeed very well might have to work yourself up to it over time. And, he needs to be rock-solid awesome to get you feeling good and safe going there, TBH. 
    RedPillRonKatt
  • EightbitEightbit DruidiaGold Men Posts: 2,410
    CallmeCat said:
    Okay I have a question for the people who have successfully had backdoor sex, I have been working on this with my H for a while a couple of months maybe and I have read lots of stuff on the subject but we are making very little progress. This is something my H really wants so I thought well okay We will see but he has started with anal play and has used a small plug which kept popping out. Then he used a slim jelly like dido which I really had to calm myself breath deep and use lots of lube to get that in.  Then when moved up to a glass plug that was some larger than the dido but he could not get it all the way in without it hurting me. Now mind you during this session I even had a drink to help me relax but it was just so uncomfortable. He stopped and said I don't want to hurt you. When I compared that plug to his penis I freaked out thinking that's never gonna work. Is it possible to move past this or is it just too painful for some women?. Hope maybe you ladies can answer this for me.
    We progressed very slowly.  One finger then small plug, two fingers, larger plug over the course of a few years before we did true anal intercourse.  Fingers and plug are now pretty standard although we don't do true anal very often.  She needs to be really really exceptionally horny for it to work well.  But it is quite enjoyable for both of us.
    Insert witty, insightful signature here.
    UnBetaMeamblrgirlHusband3point0shibari
  • Husband3point0Husband3point0 Gold Men Posts: 3,294
    I'm sure you could get almost any formula to work that was along the general principles:

    (1) increasingly larger items, but slightly so (i.e. slow gradual increase)
    (2) massive comfort and reassurance 
    (3) enough solid frame to hold all the paintings in the Louvre
    (4) tons of stimulation for her along the journey; I almost hesitate to say this, but at times I felt like I was executing some sort of Orgasm-induced CBT on her by giving her lots of Os with any sort of back door action (Pavlov's anal?)
    (5) prep like a dirty Boy Scout and take care of everything

    I am not an expert per se, but that seems to me to be the key elements. 
    For @CallmeCat -- this was my formula posted earlier back in this thread, on page 5-6 or so. I believe my process was similar to what @Eightbit was describing. However, I must admit my timeline was much more compressed because honestly I'm not nearly as patient as he is. 
    shibariAngelineEightbitShepard
  • EightbitEightbit DruidiaGold Men Posts: 2,410
    shibari said:
    My favourite beginner plug, the Fun Factory Bootie:


    High quality soft silicone. 35$ at amazon.
    That's a nice one.  Might have to try one like that.  This one is our new favorite: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0035AY92W?psc=1&redirect=true&ref_=oh_aui_detailpage_o05_s00 although not really a beginner's item, heh
    Insert witty, insightful signature here.
    LadyOrTheTygershibari
  • EightbitEightbit DruidiaGold Men Posts: 2,410
    Lol!!!!  I'm not sure I'm even comfortable with that!  :wink: 
    Insert witty, insightful signature here.
    KattshibariUnBetaMeamblrgirl
  • CallmeCatCallmeCat DownsouthSilver Member Posts: 236
    Okay so it has been a while since a post of this thread but I am asking as we are still having some issues with this act, or I guess I am still having issues. I have read all the suggestions on getting this act to work but I cannot seem to get past the pain involved. Is it possible that some women are not designed for this?. We have used different size plugs and even a small dido to loosen things up and I am always in a pretty relaxed state when trying bit we just cannot seem to get the bus band all the way in without me experiencing actual pain. It's like he gets the head in and doesn't get a lot further than that. We have tried this in many positions trying to see if that will help, spoon style, doggie style, me standing bending over and nada. As of late I have noticed the husband not even trying any more , I suppose he is frustrated,  not at me just that it's not really working. Has anyone else had this issue and just gave up? I have even tried to just endure the pain thinking well once he is all the way in surely it will stop hurting but it feels like he is hitting a brick wall. 
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