Pushing the back door boundary

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  • MiddleManMiddleMan Chicago BurbsSilver Member Posts: 1,898
    edited May 2015
    This is an interesting thread for me. I don't have any particular desire to have anal sex with Mrs. MM. Part of that comes from seeing just how much pushing I've had to do to (almost, but not quite) get a BJTC from her. And part of that is the fact that I tried it with a former girlfriend, so it's been checked off the to-do list. 

    While I don't necessarily want anal to be a part of my sex life, I would like to have the kind of sex life where it isn't absolutely out of the question. 
    SaigoTakamoriRorschachTennee
  • RebuildingHusbandRebuildingHusband Southern USASilver Member Posts: 1,953
    MiddleMan said:

    While I don't necessarily want anal to be a part of my sex life, I would like to have the kind of sex life where it isn't absolutely out of the question. 
    This is something I've just had to accept. It will not be part of my sex life no matter how awesome of a sex life that I cultivate. Sometimes you just can't overcome physics. 
    give a shit and try, or go be miserable by yourself - AlphaBelle
  • RebuildingHusbandRebuildingHusband Southern USASilver Member Posts: 1,953
    edited May 2015
    Chief_TC said:
    MiddleMan said:

    While I don't necessarily want anal to be a part of my sex life, I would like to have the kind of sex life where it isn't absolutely out of the question. 
    This is something I've just had to accept. It will not be part of my sex life no matter how awesome of a sex life that I cultivate. Sometimes you just can't overcome physics. 
    Is this some kind of big dick humblebrag?
    No. If I were to say that the vaginal delivery of my big headed first son has allowed us to partake in a sex life where she no longer complains that I am always hurting her, that would probably be one. I'm genuinely disappointed about the fact that anal is off the table. 
    give a shit and try, or go be miserable by yourself - AlphaBelle
    [Deleted User]
  • SlipangleSlipangle MichiganSilver Member Posts: 1,544
    Angeline said:
    Yep. Calling her a liar is obviously the pro move here. 
    I can see why her inconsistency is frustrating. But getting angry at her is not going to get you closer to the goal.

    Would also hold off on intimating that the anal stuff is really all for her because she seems to want it so much, but you could take or leave it. That's pretty much a recipe for nuclear hamster. 
    Anger? Y'all really are reading stuff that isn't there. 

     

    [Deleted User]
  • SlipangleSlipangle MichiganSilver Member Posts: 1,544
    SaigoTakamori said:
    But yet.. You did ask for advice...    Advice is provided to knock off the sophomoric teasing and you push back, 

    Do you want the advice         or          do you got it all figured out?    I cannot tell
    Yes, I asked for advice. Not about teasing. Not about initiating anal sex. I asked for advice about having anal sex.

    I have not been getting advice about teasing or initiating anal sex. I have been getting criticism. And it's based on information that the critics don't have. Including you. You know that my teasing is sophomoric how exactly? Because I described my sex life as unsatifying and inadequate? No. Because I never said that, and I've said I don't have any difficulty in this area, and I don't need advice about it. Yet here we are, people insist on giving me advice I didn't ask for and not giving advice I did ask for.

    Are you having anal sex? If so, can you offer pointers on what the best way of introducing it so it's an enjoyable experience instead of one that leads to soreness or injury? If not, then maybe just read what others can offer and learn in case it is useful to you some day when you unexpectedly find yourself in uncharted territory.

    So no, I get laid every morning and every night except when I am not in the same house or there is some issue like soreness that would make the issue unpleasant, and the things I do that make that possible are not going to be changed just because somebody on the internet tells me to without knowing the details.

    I don't even know if teasing is the right word. What the right word is hasn't been a priority for me at all, I'm away from home for work. That's been the case since Sunday. I don't return until Thursday. And today's unusual because I'm not at the plant while the sun is still up.

    I say things to my SO that get her thinking about sex. It works. And after I go get dinner, I might do that, but really I'd be more likely to start winding that up on Thursday so that when I get home after my flight, she's wet, naked and ready.

    Actually having time to try initiating anything anal? Probably not until late June. Because I'm going to have her really wound up when I try, and I wouldn't go for it otherwise.

     

  • SlipangleSlipangle MichiganSilver Member Posts: 1,544
    Lubricant. Saliva works well, coconut oil better. Your finger before a butt plug. More control and you can manipulate a little bit for better stimulation. Draw rings around the outside with the tip of your finger to massage the muscles. Plus, with your finger you'll be able to feel her relax and even start seeking it. Yes, you will know.

    I need to ask about coconut oil, because I use it for cooking, and it's apparently got a melting point near room temperature but is generally solid in the jar I use in my kitchen. I get mine from Trader Joes. I probably should seek out coconut oil threads, but is there some form that's generally liquid or are people using the solid that probably is liquid when contacted by body temperature...

    We keep a bottle of astrolabe by the bed. Usually it works, although she sometimes can have some sensitivity to it - and in that context we're only using it vaginally, although in times of soreness she uses it for handjobs.

     

  • CarrotcakeCarrotcake east coastSilver Member Posts: 353
    Slipangle said:
    Angeline said:
    Yep. Calling her a liar is obviously the pro move here. 
    I can see why her inconsistency is frustrating. But getting angry at her is not going to get you closer to the goal.

    Would also hold off on intimating that the anal stuff is really all for her because she seems to want it so much, but you could take or leave it. That's pretty much a recipe for nuclear hamster. 
    Anger? Y'all really are reading stuff that isn't there. 
    You were considering calling her out as a liar, non? Was this going to be a playful neg? I just assumed anger because, well, that's how it reads. It's harsh. I'm not sure there is a "nice" way to play an overt accusation of lying about sexual pleasure. So if this was about delivering a playful neg, I would simply advise against this particular language. 
    AngelinePhoenixDowncountrygirly
  • KattKatt USASilver Member Posts: 4,554
    What you do and outside of the actual act matters as it will affect her receptiveness to backdoor activities. 

    The AS boundary was broken down for me sometime ago and I have described the process involved elsewhere.   I think I linked it on the "baby steps" thread.  Perhaps the process won't be as long and painful for you as she seemed to enjoy anal play physically which I never did.  it certainly wouldn't have worked for me if i had EVER had it brought up in
    any manner outside of the actual sex.  

    As as for coconut oil, it works fine for us for PIV but not for AS.   It turns liquid with body contact because it is only solid up to a certain temp (76 I think?)



  • SlipangleSlipangle MichiganSilver Member Posts: 1,544
    edited May 2015
    Slipangle said:
    Angeline said:
    Yep. Calling her a liar is obviously the pro move here. 
    I can see why her inconsistency is frustrating. But getting angry at her is not going to get you closer to the goal.

    Would also hold off on intimating that the anal stuff is really all for her because she seems to want it so much, but you could take or leave it. That's pretty much a recipe for nuclear hamster. 
    Anger? Y'all really are reading stuff that isn't there. 
    You were considering calling her out as a liar, non? Was this going to be a playful neg? I just assumed anger because, well, that's how it reads. It's harsh. I'm not sure there is a "nice" way to play an overt accusation of lying about sexual pleasure. So if this was about delivering a playful neg, I would simply advise against this particular language. 
    A typical exchange goes like this. Her "I'm not addicted to sex."me:  "Then you won't mind sleeping on this wet spot you didn't just leave"... or her: "I don't really get that wet on my own,  you just salivate too much when you go down there." Me: "I know you like it when I eat your pussy, but the wettest I've seen you get is when you Suck my dick. You get so wet from being a giver. Her:"shush!"

    Now that I had time to go into more detail is it more clear?

     

    RedPillLearning
  • never_againnever_again CanadaSilver Member Posts: 1,372
    For the coconut oil I melt it and pour it into a silicon ice cube tray then when it solidifies I put the cubes in a container. Small container for the kitchen (easy portion sizes for cooking) big container for the bedroom :wink:
    The man who gives his woman everything ends up with nothing. Not even the woman.
  • SlipangleSlipangle MichiganSilver Member Posts: 1,544
    Sarcasm is such a DLV. 

     

    soa2005
  • Moon_GirlMoon_Girl FLSilver Member Posts: 117
    edited May 2015
      Slipangle said:
    I need to ask about coconut oil, because I use it for cooking, and it's apparently got a melting point near room temperature but is generally solid in the jar I use in my kitchen. I get mine from Trader Joes. I probably should seek out coconut oil threads, but is there some form that's generally liquid or are people using the solid that probably is liquid when contacted by body temperature...

    We keep a bottle of astrolabe by the bed. Usually it works, although she sometimes can have some sensitivity to it - and in that context we're only using it vaginally, although in times of soreness she uses it for handjobs.
    The coconut oil is solid at room temperature.  We keep a jar next to the bed and just scoop out a bit when needed.  It melts quite quickly once it is on contact with flesh.  And since you already use it for cooking, you should have plenty on hand.  I would suggest using a high quality oil. Cold-pressed, expeller-pressed or centrifuged are methods of extracting oil from dry or fresh coconut and can be used for both refined and unrefined varieties. All methods can create a good, healthy oil. Expeller-pressed and cold-pressed don’t always mean ‘raw’ as sometimes these oils are heated to rather high temperatures during the extraction process, which is not a problem as coconut oil is a highly stable fat and will not go rancid. It does however mean that the flavour will be more coconutty. If you want a more mild and delicate coconut oil, look out for a centrifuged oil which is less likely to be exposed to heat during extraction.  Personally, I just look for "Virgin" on the label as that usually indicates a better method that leaves a mildly coconut flavor in the oil.  But experiment with brands until you find one that you both like for use in the bedroom.  I think you will find that you replace your astrolabe once you try the coconut oil.  ;)

    "Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forward." Soren Keirkgaard

  • Frank_LondonFrank_London in transitSilver Member Posts: 1,853
    edited May 2015
  • RedPillRonRedPillRon New York CityGold Men Posts: 642
    Also, I would advise silicone based Lube for Anal play. It lasts longer and does not get absorbed by the body as quickly as Coconut oil or water based Lube. It is harder to clean though and I have found that not all brands are created equal. I have used Pjur and Wet with much success. links below.

    http://www.amazon.com/dp/B009GHE6AS/ref=wl_it_dp_o_pd_nS_ttl?_encoding=UTF8&colid=2W0CLFD66AG4Z&coliid=I1DXV2TQFZXCAW&psc=1

    http://www.amazon.com/dp/B003BIFS0A/ref=wl_it_dp_o_pC_S_ttl?_encoding=UTF8&colid=2W0CLFD66AG4Z&coliid=I365W3R2ARHGYQ&psc=1
    Triage Posted here

  • SlipangleSlipangle MichiganSilver Member Posts: 1,544
    Hey everybody, thanks for the information, I've got a lot of reading, so it will help. Just wish I could get internet in the air, because the flights back and forth will be about the only free time I might get over the next few weeks.. But that's not all bad either anyway, and as I said I'm just going to take baby steps over time because I'm not in a big rush to make this happen.

     

  • SlipangleSlipangle MichiganSilver Member Posts: 1,544
    Yeah, I moved slow. Not unbelievable slow. I was just like, 'holy shit, I'm in. And she's letting me. I better get more lube... now she knows what I'm doing... if she stops me I'll know she's not ready... HOLY SHIT! She isn't stopping me!' In my head. 

    I'm feeling pretty damn good. This is a boost to my sexual confidence I never knew was possible, 

     

    MiddleMan[Deleted User]fordsvt
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