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Incessant demands for pictures
Is this a new thing? Phones with cameras weren't around the last time I dated. Connected with a guy on a Match last week. Long phone convo, then met in person. Good date. He keeps asking for pictures. And he claims not X rated ones. Why? Maybe it's part of being ADD, but I hate stopping what I'm doing to primp for a pic and try to find a flattering angle. I don't think I'm particularly photogenic, either. A belief backed up by most of the guys I've met online exclaiming "wow! You're better looking than your picture!" Or "You pics don't do you Justice!" New guy keeps telling me not to worry about what I'm doing or look like and just send a pic. But we all know that guys don't really mean that.
What gives? I could understand if we hadn't met in person yet. But we have. And he's not the first one to so this. Am I hopelessly out of touch with societal norms here? Is everyone snapping dozens of selfies a day? Lol
What gives? I could understand if we hadn't met in person yet. But we have. And he's not the first one to so this. Am I hopelessly out of touch with societal norms here? Is everyone snapping dozens of selfies a day? Lol
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Comments
Remember to play!
Do the right thing, whether anyone is watching or not.
Be married, until you are not.
Email address: angeline.greenwood@att.net
If he wants a photo, he can save the one off your Match profile. If he wants to see more of you, then he can ask you out more often.
Enneagram 5w4. I'm researching what that means, before designing t-shirt art about it.
"I feel no shame in making lavish use of the strongest muscles, namely male ones (but my own strongest muscle is dedicated to the service of men - noblesse oblige). I don't begrudge men one whit of their natural advantages as long as they respect mine. I am not an unhappy pseudomale; I am female and like it that way." RAH
Remember to play!
Do the right thing, whether anyone is watching or not.
Be married, until you are not.
Email address: angeline.greenwood@att.net
Pics are like remote-control drive-by's. A light but steady effort to build a bit of responsive desire that he can multiply when you get together.
Effective but can be over-done, as I'm suspecting you're starting to feel creeped about it. Too much pressure comes across as needy.
Like how often is he asking for pics? More than one a day?
I definitely used the pic request as a compliance test and screening method. If she would not send a pic, her IL was low; if she offered nudes, she was a tr@mp and I wasn't interested. But no more than one or two per week for sure.
He asked 5 + times on Tuesday evening. even after I sent one. Sort of a joking tone to the requests. I really don't mind if I have time. But I was hustling around trying to serve the kids dinner, help them gather their school stuff to take when their dad arrived to pick them up, and pull together $1000 in product to take to the farm market in the morning, dealing with an angry business associate, etc. And it was 90 degrees. With all of that action taking place outside or in my house with no central AC and the window units I'm fighting to get to work right. So I looked sweaty and dirty, lol. I'm all for revealing the "real me" , but let's get maybe a month of dates under our collective belts first?
So, my socially inept question to the captains in the group is this: how should I be responding? I like him, we have another date set for the weekend. Objectively, I'm attractive. My boss at the music studio uses my picture in ads all the time because he thinks it catches people's attention. I also realize that being camera phobic is part of me being hyper-critical of myself. But I do think that men expect a primped picture, even when they claim they don't? Subconscious thing for them?
If you don't enjoy it and don't feel comfortable doing it, just tell them no.
"I don't do pics, sorry."
Remember to play!
Do the right thing, whether anyone is watching or not.
Be married, until you are not.
Email address: angeline.greenwood@att.net
Me: Send me a pic.
Wife: [Pic of her face]
Me: Lower, dude.
Wife: [Pic of her feet]
Me: Touche.
Make sure you're meeting people in real life and dating them at about equal numbers to online contacts. Dating sites are notoriously full of people who aren't actually ready to date, just browsing. Honestly it sounds to me like he's using the dating site like a live porn source.
Remember to play!
Do the right thing, whether anyone is watching or not.
Be married, until you are not.
Email address: angeline.greenwood@att.net
Enneagram 5w4. I'm researching what that means, before designing t-shirt art about it.
"I feel no shame in making lavish use of the strongest muscles, namely male ones (but my own strongest muscle is dedicated to the service of men - noblesse oblige). I don't begrudge men one whit of their natural advantages as long as they respect mine. I am not an unhappy pseudomale; I am female and like it that way." RAH
I'd strongly consider dropping this guy at this point. If for some reason you really want to keep seeing him despite this annoying behavior, I'd give him one clearly-worded chance to cut it out ("I like you, but I also have a busy life outside you; this constant texting and requesting pics is turning me off.") and then drop him if he doesn't stop.
ETA: Some women really are beautiful in real life but not very photogenic, just like some women photograph well but have flaws that are harder to hide in real life. I have no way of knowing whether you're the former, and neither do you, really, since the people who have told you so are not objective sources. So if you believe that you're one of those, I don't think there's any harm in it, but I'd also not say so overmuch to others or use it as a reason not to get your picture taken; women (and men, but you don't see it as much in men) who are excessively photo-shy tend to come across as neurotic.
In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king.