For the love of Beta...

betalovebetalove USASilver Member Posts: 122
please don't feel bad about who you are. I know your wife walks all over you but that's not because you are lacking it's because sometimes people are opportunistic, ugly. They use and they take advantage. Animalistic. It's so ugly. I know you need to change your ways to get more of what you want out of life but just know that there are people in this world who think you are great the way you are. Vulnerable and sensitive people... People who care...people like you. You are a whole person. You have the courage to be vulnerable. That's very attractive. That makes you real. You don't hide behind a veil of fronting. Well, yeah, now you do, because, well...you know...people. It's other people's ugliness that makes you have to hide who you really are. The law of the jungle. Anyway, just wanted to show my appreciation for people who have a heart. 
JellyBeanHildaCorners

Comments

  • JellyBeanJellyBean Sunny SoCalGold Women Posts: 5,054
    edited June 2015
    Have you read MMSLP? Everything you say seems to indicate either you never read it or don't understand it well. 
    Enneagram type 9w1
    MariaKatt[Deleted User]Blackwulf
  • HowardHoward EuropeSilver Member Posts: 618
    I see you've been here almost a year. Without reading everything, your first post was about how "over-Alpha" your H is (was). So is this post maybe a message to him? If so, being more specific about what's actually happening would be helpful. (Not sure whether you are MAPping and whether you have an actual MAP thread which puts everything in one place).

    I kind of know what you mean- at first I found all the Alpha emphasis one-dimensional too. I was asking myself "where's the tenderness"? If you take the time to read Athol Kay's writings, you grasp that Alpha and Beta are both essential to the mix.

    Gentleness coming from strength is a wonderful thing. Softness coming from fear is usually just paralysis.

    Another way to describe vulnerability is "self-knowledge about my own weaknesses". Once I've recognised vulnerability, I can choose to stay in it or choose to acknowledge it and keep doing what seems right.

    All very abstract perhaps. @BrianC would be a great person to communicate with if you need specific help on this. This is his website http://www.google.com/url?q=http://wildmanproject.ca/&sa=U&ei=rvhrVY_KNI207QaXyoGwBw&ved=0CBQQFjAA&usg=AFQjCNG7iKJL_udwuNTthJ3yL7pF7hwXzQ
     
    "Do or do not. There is no try." - Yoda
    "Do more of what you love."
  • HowardHoward EuropeSilver Member Posts: 618
    PS have you read Cupids Poison Arrow?
    "Do or do not. There is no try." - Yoda
    "Do more of what you love."
  • ScarletScarlet Category Moderator** Posts: 7,542
    @betalove were you trying to send someone a PM?
    Speak your truth. 
    Athol_Kay
  • betalovebetalove USASilver Member Posts: 122
    Why would you ask me that? I realize that there are a good number of people who go beta because they are mistakenly indoctrinated and they erroneously believe that's the path to success. But I also think there is a sizable number of people who have a more softer natural temperament and they have to mask who they are to get what they want out of life. It's reality, but I think it's unfortunate. I think it's unfortunate that a person who would fall into this category would probably feel like they have to change who they naturally are. That there is something wrong with them.
  • betalovebetalove USASilver Member Posts: 122
    I also think that there are a number of people on the opposite end of the spectrum. People who can't tap into beta if they tried. I realize that to have a good relationship there needs to be a mix of the two. I am struggling with that. I think that people come here mainly because they have exhibited too much beta and are dealing with the consequences of that. They were probably just trying to be good guys and it blew up in their faces. When I wrote that I was having a moment of weakness. I was feeling sorry for myself. With all this epidemic, "problematic" betaness in the world, why can't I even have just a little bit of it?
  • SignorePillolaRossaSignorePillolaRossa mid atlantic usaSilver Member Posts: 4,079
    edited June 2015
    you can stay wrapped up in this 'change who we naturally are' hooey, or you can get with reality, and 'change what we intentionally/purposefully  *DO* ', and get somewhere
    Sr. PR

    ============================
    sapere aude

    Fuck Culture. Live your life - Beatrice
    ============================
  • JellyBeanJellyBean Sunny SoCalGold Women Posts: 5,054
    edited June 2015
    @betalove I am glad you are here seeking to improve your life and marriage. 

    Nearly everyone here wants to be helpful and wants to see all the other forum members succeed and have wonderful lives. Lots of us want to help you. I want to help you. It is hard to continue engaging with you because you come across as defensive and spiky when faced with suggestions you look at things differently. 

    You will find that fewer people will want to help you if you continue to respond to their well-meant --if challenging-- comments to you with reflexive defensiveness and scorn. 
    Enneagram type 9w1
    AngelineHildaCornersRorschach
  • betalovebetalove USASilver Member Posts: 122
    @JellyBean ;I wasn't trying to be scornful and defensive. I was trying to get my point across as succinctly as possible so we wouldn't have to revisit it again. Because it's not something I'm going to do because I don't see it as contributing to the problem. I do see how I came across that way. Maybe there is no hope for me if I don't have a go plan. I don't plan on going. None of this is worth me going for. Not from my perspective. Thank you for taking the time to try to help me.

  • soa2005soa2005 United statesSilver Member Posts: 631
    "The stay plan is the same as the go plan". Actively running a map does not mean that you plan to leave your spouse. Running a map will lead to a better quality of life for you. A by product of running a map is that people around you tend to respond positively to the "better" you.

    In your last thread people gave some solid advice as starting points for your map. 
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