The Pregnant MAP

Purple

@Hamster_Free, thanks!!
I'm starting to feel like I might have this "prep for baby" thing under control - There's still a TON to do, but at least I'm finally getting started on it!! It doesn't all have to be done by the time we bring Baby home either - I think sorting out what does absolutely need done by then and what is lower on the priority list is something I should work on, too.

Pregnancy, for me, is an easy excuse for a lot of things. Avoiding dentists (lol), being lazy, slacking on housework, being bitchy, not wanting adventurous sex... its easy to blame all those things on pregnancy in one form or another. One thing I'm REALLY working on right now is to NOT blame pregnancy for everything. The baby is definitely causing the intense heartburn at night, but the baby is NOT causing the house to not get cleaned - that's just me being lazy. I don't think the baby is causing my bad moods either, I think that is the messy house! Ha - shame on me!

I'm trying to stop using Google as anything but a way to search for benign things. Like maternity clothes, shoes, hairstyles, or baby names. Yesterday I read about ways to discourage our dog from eating every hose and sprinkler that we try to bring into the yard. Its easier not to diagnose myself with stuff during pregnancy, as I don't want to do anything that might harm the baby - so its much easier for me to trust a professional.

But the other half of the issue for me is taking advice from people who have been in a situation that sounds somewhat like mine. Unless their advice is either super obvious or "see a professional", I have to stop listening to it. This is especially rampant in the fitness groups I'm in on Facebook. Weight loss seems to be an area where EVERYBODY is an expert. It is going to be a true challenge for me around December or so when I am ready to get back to exercising in earnest.

Hamster_Free

Sounds like you're facing all your hamsters head on, even if you have to prioritize which ones you tackle first.  Good for you, girl. 

Purple

We went on vacation last week! We had a good time, which is the whole point of course. We stayed with one of my sisters that I don't have a fantastic history with, as she and her husband can be very overbearing and judgmental. But I have to say that she seems to have really loosened up in the last couple of years, and we actually had a nice stay with no incidents at all! Yay for strengthening family bonds, I guess!

On the other hand - the sister I am usually the closest with was watching our puppy for us. She's done it before and had no issues, so I wasn't expecting any problems this time. Instead it wasn't working out (the puppy requires a definite alpha human or she starts acting out) and instead of just telling me this she sent me an angry text message that was designed to try to make me feel terrible about our status and our money and our nice things. We are not wealthy by any means, but my sister is poor and I suppose to her it seems like we are rolling in money.

Anyway - she basically said things that cannot be unsaid and she has since calmed down and apologized, but I'm sort of done. An apology doesn't fix everything, and I don't think she realizes the depth of her angry words here. I feel lied to about her willingness to help us out with things (like the dog or our kids, which is NOT a frequent thing) and she disrespected me in a venomous way that was actually very hurtful, as she and I are (were?) so close. She evidently views us as some rich snotty people with money that she doesn't think we earn or deserve, and she was downright mean to me about it. Her money issues are NOT my doing and NOT my responsibility. We have tried to help them out because we love them and hate to see them struggle, but I don't give things to people who are hateful towards me.

While this whole thing was painful for me to go through, and irritating to have to deal with during a vacation, it has shown me how much more I value myself. A tough way to find out, but I am happy to see that my tolerance for this sort of bullshit is at zero now, instead of bending and taking it because I didn't want to rock the boat. Nobody treats me like that and gets to brush it away when their anger is over just because they feel better for their explosion.

Perhaps with time I will feel ready to try to trust her again, but I can't do that right now.

Purple

Oh yes!
We have finally purchased a couple of things for this baby, AND I think we have the FIRST name sorted out. Middle name is not coming easily to me like it did for our boys, but I still have like 15-16 weeks at least, so I'm not too stressed.

We purchased a baby swing that plugs in, so I will not be taking the hand-me-down battery-eating swing that was offered to us. We had a chance to get hands-on with baby car seats and decided after playing with a couple that we like the Chicco better than the Britax that I was also considering, so I just need to get that ordered. I still have a crib, a changing table, and a handful of baby toys - so basically I think I just need to dig up my breast pump and start getting diapers and clothing bought/sorted.

In some sort of record timing, we were able to narrow it down to a first name in about 3 days, and after sitting on the name for a couple weeks, I'm feeling more and more confident that its the one we'll go with. We're still trying to pick out a middle name, but there is plenty of time for that and I know we'll find one that fits nicely! It took MONTHS to pick out our second son's name, so I was really worried about it this time - and if the next ultrasound shows that this is unexpectedly a boy... we might be completely screwed and just name the kid "THE FINALE" or something!!

I also bought a handful of new maternity tops this week, which is a big relief! I think maternity clothes are hideous, but I am loving having some clothes that fit and I have to admit they look cuter on than they do on the hanger lol. I have a large bump already, so it's nice to have a wider selection in my closet of clothes that actually keep me decent.

I strictly wear skirts now, and I'm merely going up a size instead of purchasing maternity ones. I need a couple more skirts to give me some variety and I need to purchase some more bras. No sexy bras for me - I'm a 38J bra right now and refuse to pay $50+ for bras that will only fit for a couple of months. So I'm going with a variety of sports bras. Hubby assures me he doesn't mind, he just likes that my nipples show through everything, even though this sort of embarrasses me

My hips/pelvis feel really good right now, so long as I keep up on my exercises. I see the physical therapist tomorrow, and I think I'll probably not see her again for a few weeks after that - as she just wants to keep an eye on me to be sure I don't develop the need for a support belt. Its amazing to be able to walk around as much as I want with no concerns beyond sore feet!

My only complaint now is that yesterday, out of nowhere, a circular varicose vein appeared on my calf. I know those happen during pregnancy, and I have some on my upper thighs - but this one is a deep purple and literally right on my lower calf. Out of the corner of my eye I thought it was a bruise but NO! Its hugely visible and ugly! WAHHHH. I'm going to have to ask my doctor what can be done about it (after pregnancy, obviously), because I am not eager to walk around with that huge ugly spider vein on my calf for the rest of my life!! They can appear on my thighs all they want, but not on my lower legs!

Purple

Discharged from physical therapy today! In 3 weeks I've gone from being barely able to walk to being able to walk as much as I like without any issues at all. There's no pain that comes on later, there's no pain that happens randomly while I'm walking, there's no limping or anything. I feel REALLY good!

There is evidently a decent chance that the pain will come back in the third trimester, as my body really loosens up and prepares for the birth. She told me that if I start getting to where I can't get the pain to go away by doing the exercises she showed me, that I just need to call them and they will get me a support belt.

I'm starting my walking back up now that we are home from vacation. Nothing extreme, especially as its so hot outside [to me, at least], but it feels good to get active again, even if it is only 15 minutes a day for now.

Purple

Some good things and a less good thing!

Good thing: I have filled a very large garbage bag with old, broken, and forgotten toys. As well as with clothes with holes, and old shoes!

Good thing: The living room is the cleanest its been in months! I just need to wash the windows. I showed the kids an imaginary line right at the entrance of the living room and told them ANY toy that crosses that line is getting thrown immediately into the garbage. I only had to throw away 2 or 3 toys (Matchbox car and a couple of Lego pieces lol) before they got the point. They have a large specified play area, there is no need for the rest of the house to be overflowing with their stuff on top of it!

Less good thing: My next ultrasound, which is supposed to confirm the gender that we're only like 80% sure of, was supposed to be in 3 weeks. Its been delayed by an extra 3 weeks (so 6 weeks away now) because my doctor is going to be gone. This is not a terrible thing, but only 3 more weeks to wait would have been much better.

...seeing the look on my MIL's face when I tell her we won't know the gender for sure until the end of August will make every last second of waiting worth it. She told me before my last appointment that I HAD to go in and DEMAND an ultrasound because SHE needs to know the gender. So I did nothing of the sort and now she can wait. We told her we're only 55% sure its a girl... so she's really suffering.

But here's another decent thing! I've still only gained something like 6 or 7 pounds, and I am 25 weeks in.

My pelvic pains are still doing wonderfully! I overdid it yesterday with too much lifting and pushing around heavy crap, so I was sore this morning. But a couple extra sets of my exercises have helped greatly and I know I'll be pain free by tomorrow.

JellyBean

I'm so happy for you!  There is nothing quite so satisfying as the look of a freshly-cleaned house.  Hopefully it will stay that way!  With little kidlets, well, good luck!

Good on you for getting your dental work done!  If you have a tooth that is so badly broken down that parts of it are chipping, you are much better off having the work done ASAP instead of waiting until after baby.  Even if your broken tooth is not painful, it is still a reservoir for zillions of pathogenic microorganisms that can easily enter your bloodstream.

I'm sorry about your varicose vein.  There is a chance it may resolve after the birth.  

Don't forget to post pictures of your new bundle of joy for us to ooooh and aaaah over!

Purple

@JellyBean ;
2 rambunctious boys (during the summer nonetheless, its not like this is the school year!) and three dogs means that there is always either toys or hair that needs cleaned up. We'll be down to 2 dogs probably before the 3rd child comes along, and while that's actually a terribly sad thing (our eldest dog has cancer) it'll be a relief in a lot of ways. At least my husband and I agree now that 3 dogs is too many!

The chipped tooth/cavity - that's basically what the dentist told me. He also said while its not too terrible or painful right now, the longer we wait to get it fixed, the more likely it is for it to abscess and I know that's not something I want to deal with. I called the doctor to make sure there's nothing I need to beware of, and then scheduled an appointment to get the tooth filled. That appointment is July 27 ... so just a week away now. I'm so ready for it to be fixed!

I forgot about the varicose vein! It has surprised me and is fading by itself already. THANK GOD. I thought I was imagining things at first, but its now about 1/4 of the ring left and its so pale it just looks like a bruise. Huge relief! I've never really been bothered by the marks left on me by pregnancy, but a dark purplish-red varicose vein on my calf was really bugging me!

I'll most likely share a picture of the baby after arrival. After all... MMSL is the reason our marriage survived what it did and even led to one last procreation

Purple

Got my tooth filled today, hooray! My lip is still numbed up, but I'm just so happy to have that done. Next dentist appointment is in January, for another cleaning and some x-rays.

I am now less than 100 days to my due date! And 5 days until third trimester, which is when things get really comfy and fun, of course. I'm already uncomfortable, as I'm carrying this one up high and all out front, so I feel front heavy and awkward. My pelvis still feels really good, but I'm waddling like a duck now and I can't reach my feet very easily anymore (which sucks, because I REALLY need to paint my toenails! Sounds like an excuse for a pedicure?)

My husband is getting 2 weeks off work in August, and we're talking about going camping and doing some fishing. We all LOVE fishing, but I'm more excited about the idea of getting away to somewhere much cooler, and being able to just sit around a campfire! Also, we can bring 2 of our 3 dogs with us if we go camping, and won't have to worry about inconveniencing anybody by having them watch the puppy.

Then school starts back up for kid #1, and kid #2 goes off to preschool in early September. I'm not sure if school is going to make everything go by that much faster, or if time will magically slow down because I'll suddenly have quite a bit of child-free time.

Purple

Purple

Third trimester officially starts today! Let the countdown begin!

Yellow: My sister and I are speaking again, although a little hesitantly on my end and it feels a little awkward still. She clearly just wants things to go back to the way they were, but I can't go there. Either way - the relationship will find a new normal, and I just have to stand my ground and hold my boundaries. I still have not actually seen her since all of the drama erupted during our vacation; all communication has been via text messaging. That's easier on me for now, and I'm not going to initiate anything in person for some time yet. I rather doubt I will see her at all until this baby is born, and I'm perfectly OK with that. I think I need that much space and time.

Yellow: I think I am making a new friend. She's a lady who's probably 3-5 years older than me, she's got 4 kids, one of which is very new. My son and her son are friends at school, and that's how we met. She seems really friendly and initiates contact with me - after things have settled down with her newborn, we've agreed to set up a playdate for our boys so that we can sit around and chat!

Green: My husband actually commented on the house and complimented me on how hard I've been working to try to stay caught up on things. Words of Affirmation are a top Love Language for me, so this made me beam! I didn't tell him that I'm just nesting and can't seem to help myself LOL

Red: Its an hour past my bedtime. (OK, maybe that's more like a yellow, lol)

Purple

This weekend, we installed a fire pit in our back yard. Well... "we" being my husband, who did all the hard work and heavy lifting while I watched helpfully from the sideline and held the measuring tape a few times. Of all the projects that we need to be working on, perhaps a fire pit was not the most productive use of our time... but it sure does look nice, and sitting out there with a lawn chair and a bottle of water (...sigh) watching the fire is REALLY relaxing. Next summer, I'll even be able to have a beer while sitting out there, so that'll be even better!

Last week I had to do the gestational diabetes tolerance test. I passed it in my first two pregnancies, but I always worry about it anyway! I have passed it, and I am grateful that I never have to do THAT again. That glucose drink is fucking nasty and I spent three hours after drinking it wanting to vomit, even though I was allowed to eat/drink again after an hour. I just couldn't! Gross! But at least its over with, I don't have to do the longer version of the test, and all is well! I'm also not anemic, which is good too of course!

These days they also have you get a DTaP shot at the start of the third trimester. I didn't have to do this in my last pregnancies, so it was new to me! I got that done last week as well, so its done and over with. Apparently I am overdue for a MMR booster too, but you can't get those during pregnancy so I'll be getting one shortly after delivery.

I've still not bought hardly anything for this baby. Just the baby swing and I picked up a little pink sleep suit for $5 haha. Yesterday one of my Facebook friends was giving away a bunch of newborn and size 1 diapers, so I jumped on that. Meaning - total, I have a swing, a single outfit, a half box of newborn diapers and a half box of size 1s, plus a diaper bag.

The next ultrasound is in 2 weeks exactly. I keep thinking that if we can just get a clear view of the sex, I'll be able to move ahead on everything else. But really... the car seat I want is green, why haven't I ordered it yet??? 

Hubby's birthday is in a few more days. He's getting a cake and a blow job. Plus a card from the kids. Its what he wants

Purple

SEX. Its been uncomfortable since the beginning of the pregnancy - hard to explain how, just hasn't felt nice, if that makes sense?? But we kept on doing it because sex makes me feel better - emotionally - and it is important for our bond... but mostly I do it for him, because he is trying very hard and its not his fault that pregnancy hormones tank my libido, and my pregnancy hormones certainly don't tank HIS libido. We're at like once every 8-10 days right now, which is a REALLY low frequency for us.

But yesterday it HURT. As in - he barely penetrated me and I screamed in pain and pulled away from him. We're down to doggy style as just about all that I can handle and that is even possible given his weight, my increasingly pelvic instability, and a baby making it so that I cannot move easily. We still managed to finish our session up yesterday, but it was HORRIBLE for me. I managed not to scream again, and he was gentle with me to try to minimize the pain, but owie.

Lubrication is not the issue - if I'm too dry on my own, we use lube. My cervix is not the problem - I think it might have caused some of the discomfort in the first trimester, but he was not even 'all in' yesterday when it hurt, and it hurt all around, not just the sensation of my cervix getting smacked. I do think the position we have to use is part of the problem, but I don't know of a workaround for that?

I don't know how handle this one. Half of me says to just suck it up and tolerate it, because at once every 10 days... that's not a whole lot of sex, really, and its not like he's dragging it out so that sex lasts for an hour.

The other half of me says its time to stop, because I'm obviously just too tender. But I have very little else to offer him sexually. He doesn't like HJs, and I am struggling to give BJs for all the same reasons that I'm struggling to put on socks or sit normally and eat a meal. The baby is WAY high up and I can't bend, lean or even sit upright - I have to recline or I can't breath. He's made big strides in a lot of areas, but his weight IS still a problem - and I WON'T do BJs on my knees. I never have. It feels humiliating for me and not in an exciting way. And his belly hangs down and my face smashes into it, and then I'm disgusted on top of humiliated. Anal sex and BJs on my knees are my two big Hard No's. 

Ugh. I just don't know what to do about this one. Is it terribly selfish to cut off sex? Is it just stupid to suffer through it for his sake? I just don't fucking know.

I feel like a failure of a wife today, that's for damn sure.

Angeline

What exactly, specifically hurts?

Angeline

Also, how many weeks are you?

RebuildingHusband

Yo Purple... Keep hanging in there. You're literally doing all you can. 

My W and I went through some rougher patches of pregnancy sex. She sucked it up a few times but honestly I called it off a few times mid-stride because I didn't enjoy seeing her hurt like that (and I usually enjoy some wincing and whimpering). I'd say bring it up with your H and see how he feels. There's other workarounds (mutual masturbation, laying on your side BJs, hell I nearly resorted to cutting a hole in the mattress for her preggo belly!) and I know that I captained us through them effectively. You may need to do a bit of your own captaining on this front but it shouldn't be made into a big deal.

Above all else, please remind yourself that it's not a conscious decision on your part to make the sex life difficult. It just is. 

redheaded_woman

You're NOT a failure wife hon....

You are growing a human!  

frillyfun

You're third trimester or close to it right?  As you get closer to delivery there's increased blood flow to the pelvis, and it might be what's making things more sensitive.  You could try massaging some evening primrose oil into your vagina/labia  before sex.  It might loosen up the muscles and make penetration easier.  It's good for everything when you're pregnant too.  If you're not third trimester use olive oil.

One position that works for us is:  woman on her back with the guy on his side- her legs over his pelvis.  I don't usually have to bend at the waist too much for that one, but with his size that may not be totally comfortable for you.  

A wedge might help position you better too.  They're a lot of fun after pregnancy...
http://www.amazon.com/Sleep-Better-Bed-Wedge-Pillow/dp/B002GKBG2S/ref=sr_1_3?s=hpc&ie=UTF8&qid=1439490688&sr=1-3&keywords=wedge+pillow

Sometimes pain is a good indication to stop too...I had a tough time being pregnant because I could never tell if I was being prudent, or a pansy.  Talk to your doctor.  Pelvic rest might be a good thing for you.

You're doing the best you can.   Offer up the hottest masturbation session you can muster if it's too painful.

Purple

@Angeline ;
I always struggle to describe pain... but it hurt all around, like I'm both tender in my vagina and like he was suddenly carrying a cock that is 4 times bigger than the hole he was trying to put it in, except it wasn't really a stretching pain, more of a sharp pain... and the pain was internal, IN my vagina, but it wasn't my cervix. He "bottoms out" every once in a while and I know how that feels. Now today everything (inside and out) just feels tender and almost bruised like I took a pounding, but he was really quite gentle with me.

I'm 28 weeks - will be 29 weeks on Sunday.

@RebuildingHusband, thank you. Its good to hear from a man's POV on this. He goes as long as he can between initiations, which I am grateful for - he's understanding that sex is "meh" at best for me, and he's wary of hurting me and of the aches and pains pregnancy causes anyway. He's gentle, and sex is over in about 5 minutes I'd say -- which is why I feel like I should just suck it up and grin and bear it. I feel guilty for having no drive, even though rationally I know that my hormones are responsible for the dead libido, but I just feel like its my fault that I don't want to fuck. I don't even masturbate much, though I tried for a while to masturbate to see if it would revive my libido... turns out I cannot orgasm right now, though I could in the first trimester. I won't even let him try to get me to orgasm anymore because its a lost cause and just makes me feel worse about sex.

@redheaded_woman Thanks for that!! Just gotta stop blaming myself I think.

@frillyfun, I'm thinking of trying laying on my side with him standing next to the bed, maybe. I can't lay on my back - if I lay flat, I can't breath - if I prop myself up, I can't get my legs up far enough for him to enter comfortably, nor spread them wide enough. Ha!

That's my problem though - I can't seem to separate myself enough to look at it and decide if I'm being a wuss or if I'm jumping to "cut off the sex!!" as the best solution.

Angeline

Well if I recall, you had at least one fully unmedicated birth, right?

In the last few weeks, everything gets softer and stretchier to allow that head to pass through the hips. Especially since you've already had significant hip pain, plus the fact that this is your third, you might be feeling things stretched to the limits. The thick band of connective tissue at the front of your pelvis stretches when you squat, certain sitting positions, etc., and it can be quite painful. Your body needs your hips to stretch, but in order to do that, it has to make everything loose.

On top of all that, your tissues get soft and tender, and the skin itself can be super tender. Bleeding gums, hypersensitive to the touch skin, and painful sex.

Maybe go see whoever helped you with the joint pain again, make sure you're getting enough fruits and veggies for vit. C, D, E, etc. to keep your skin and tissues healthy.

Finally, if it hurts, no you aren't a wuss or a bad wife. You're building a baby in there.

That said, IF YOU WANT TO, we can talk about some other positionsfor alternate activities. If you would, try and think about the knees thing. when your husband was being massively uncaring and disrespecting, I can see how that would add to it. But he's turned that around, right? Maybe, just maybe, that hurdle in your mind is something that you guys as a couple have risen above.

Barring that, what about a small stepstool? Or, as someone mentioned above, lying on your side on the bed, either side by side or him standing.

I was under the impression that part of the turnaround for you guys was him getting serious about his weight. If he hasn't, this is one of those natural consequences - he's too heavy, reducing the positions you can use for sex, and making it gross for you to do blowjobs. That's on him, not you.