The Pregnant MAP

Angeline

Are you asking for permission to wait the recommended postpartum period before resuming sex?
Yes, it is perfectly acceptable to wait until you are ready to have sex.

growingafamily

A belated congrats! She was born on my niece's birthday.

Serenity

These days are tough, @Purple. The sheer exhaustion is just incredible. 

Something that helped us during post-partum when I really really was just too tired, and he really really needed it ...

He would basically just masturbate with my help. He'd do most of the work, but I would be cuddling into him, and sometimes he would grab my hand in his and direct it, or sometimes use various parts of my body.

It was actually kind of nice in a way. Cozy. It was fun to see his excitement, knowing that I didn't have to participate all that much. And as long as I was in there somewhere, he was happy. 

And then we'd feel all connected and snuggle up together and fall asleep. Fond memories. 

Purple

@Angeline, no, not sex. Its way way way too early for sex. He wants a HJ or BJ; there's no medical reason NOT to do one or the other. My question is... is he being pushy by asking for a HJ when all I want to do is lay down and sleep? Or is it reasonable for me to place sleep above his orgasm for now?

@growingafamily - I say its a great day to be born!

@Serenity - that's a good idea, I'm sure I can suggest that and he'll jump on it. He'd probably be happy for me to lay naked in front of him at this point, even if he still had to do 100% of the work and I just stayed mostly awake lol. I'm not out to torture him and force his balls to turn blue and fall off or anything, I just am only getting maybe 4 hours of sleep a night (and I'm one of those people who does best with 9)... and most nights are good to get a 2 hour block at all. Add in that this past week he's been back at work, and so I'm in charge of the baby and the 2 older kids and the dogs and the cooking, I've just got nothing left in me. I just keep telling myself its a phase and that it'll get easier, she'll sleep better, and we'll adjust! But for now... my god. He wants me to give him a BJ on top of all that? Do I LOOK like Superwoman??

Scarlet

I confess, I have fallen asleep while posing naked so dh could come on me.  I had worked a very long shift.  He was a very good sport about it. 

Sleep is a physical need.

Angeline

Cdr. Awesome and I do this too when we've both worked a lot of hours and are just beat. It does keep the connection going between us, and thankfully he loves it almost like a new kinky sex act, the chance to share something usually thought of as secret and private. 
I hope you're feeling better soon!

Purple

I'm having problems with anxiety, which is a whole new thing to me. Or, at least I THINK its new, but maybe all my tendency to just react to everything by stressing the fuck out is actually anxiety. The difference is that I've actually had a couple of anxiety attacks in the past week... Prior to this I hadn't had a panic attack in 15+ months.

My best guess is the anxiety is caused by crazy hormones and possibly a lack of sleep. Generally being overwhelmed by the housework and running around with the kids can't be helping.

I don't feel depressed, and I don't like the idea of using anti-depressants anyway. I feel like the best "cure" to the anxiety issues is to throw myself back into my MAP... return to feeling like I have control over myself and my life so that I stop feeling generally... claustrophobic.

MrsJon

@Purple ;  Sorry you are struggling right now.

I know you are crazy busy with the baby right now, but are you getting any exercise at all?
I know when I was struggling with PPD, what finally got me on a upswing was basic exercise, preferably outdoors, on a regular basis.

Can you put on a carrier or put Baby in a stroller and walk outside, say just a half mile, then turn around and come back. Do this in the warmest part of the day if the weather has already turned cold where you are.

I know it feels like that is one more thing to add to your list that you are overwhelmed with. The thing is though, that the exercise actually does the opposite, it gives you more energy.  The whole low energy, "I can't do anything" actually gets worse if you are sitting around the house.

Not trying to be critical at all @Purple ; I know Baby is tiny, still. Just try one thing, go out for a short walk and see if it helps.

Hugs and good luck to you.

frillyfun

Post-partum anxiety is definitely something that can happen.  Call your doctor, and get on it right away.  It can be treated, but you need help.  If it gets bad it's really a tough thing to get through.

I'm so sorry you're going through this Mamma.  Is there someone around that can come help you out a little?  If you don't have friends/family that can maybe look into a postpartum doula.

MrsJon

Completely agree with Frilly above. The thing is Meds in this type of situation are nothing to be afraid of, really they aren't. I went for years with unmedicated PPD and I was miserable.
 This is just situational and  you can wean off the meds usually fairly quickly. Do whatever you need to do to get through this time.  It won't last forever and does not commit you to a lifetime of meds.

Take care of yourself @Purple.

Purple

I walk down to get my son from school in the afternoons...maybe half mile total? Its probably 20-25 minutes of walking. I've only been back in charge of getting him from school since late last week, so only done this a couple times post-baby.

I have a woven baby wrap and a carrier I tie on, both safe for newborns. I don't like the tie-on carrier as well, but I love the wrap. Finally feeling like I remember how to use the wrap too, which will let me get out more. I don't have a stroller. I'm thinking of buying a buckled carrier for using around town, since that's faster/easier than a wrap... might get me out of the house more. The car seat I bought is too bulky and heavy to carry around.
 

I was going to wait until 6 weeks before resuming any type of workout program- but exercise before pregnancy was a great way to feel more relaxed, so I'm strongly considering starting at least some light yoga next week (4 weeks postpartum). More for my head than my body.

I also wanted to add - that the reason I'm not feeling that meds are the first step is because I think that coffee is causing problems for me. I was caffeine-free before pregnancy because due to apparent caffeine sensitivity, coffee makes me cranky and high strung. Then I started drinking it during pregnancy as it wasn't affecting me like it was before, but I told myself I'd quit after delivery. Here I am 3 weeks after delivery and instead of quitting or even cutting back, I'm drinking 2 or more cups a day, telling myself that I'm trying to compensate for the broken nights. I don't think its helping!

I also got on myfitnesspal yesterday and updated all my numbers. Not so that I can eat less, but because I keep realizing sometime in early or mid-afternoon that I've not had anything except coffee and maybe a glass of milk all day. So I'm going to try to track calories again as a way to encourage myself to eat more. I had this exact issue after both the last babies too - I don't think its depression related, I think its just because I have a newborn and 2 other kids and I just forget to prioritize myself and making food for myself feels like too much work so I just don't do it.

And getting help ... I need to talk to my husband about this one. He was doing a fantastic job with helping out, and then he went back to work and he dropped all the helpful around-the-house stuff. I've trained my 6 year old to help with laundry and the kids put dishes in the dishwasher etc, but I need more than that. So first step is to get my husband back to helping out at least a little bit - seriously, if he can even just cook dinner sometimes and help me meal plan, I'd be SO much better off.

Angeline

Someone mentioned on another thread, and it reminded me we did this sometimes - paper plates would sometimes be the only thing that kept me from bursting into tears at the thought of cooking dinner. Finding and making use of some strategic shortcuts like that might cut your workload. But hubs needs to step up, too. I so remember realizing it was 3pm and I hadn't gotten dressed, stopped to eat, orc even stopped to pee! Hope things setlle down soon

Purple

@Angeline ;
Anything I can throw in the dishwasher is fine, but I am going to have to cut myself serious slack on dinners. I'm not a very enthusiastic cook at the best of times... but right now I need more crock pot and less anything that needs much prep time or attention! But yes, I need solutions like that throughout the house!

I finally got the baby to accept a pacifier. So at least now more than just my boobs can fulfill her sucking needs! 

DH will be introducing a bottle to her on his days off next week. I'm hoping this offers more benefits than simply making me pump and adding pump/bottles to my dish load! I know it will eventually, I just can't imagine leaving her yet... gotta think long term!



The walk to school yesterday afternoon was amazing. It was calm weather, Baby was happily snuggled into my chest, and Kid2 found a massive pile of leaves to play in while we waited for his brother to get out of school.

Roses

If you're not eating, that's going to mess you up.  What's super easy?  Whatever the munchkins are having?  Protein shake or smoothie?
That could be part of the mental stuff.  Brains don't work well when we don't feed them, as you are well aware.  No blood sugar is not a good plan.  (Preaching to myself as well here.)

And congrats on the baby!  A girl, huh?  Is your husband ready for that?

sasha

I've never had kids so I have no earthly idea how hard it can be especially when they are so little... but I'm well aware and have heard about it often, so I'm sending every ounce of empathy and understanding I have your way. And a wish for very restful hours of sleep... that's got to be the hardest part... at least it would be for me. I don't think straight without enough and when that happens everything else starts to fall apart. Notes on the fridge as reminders about all the ways to take care of yourself might help when exhaustion erases your mental notepad?

Belated congrats on your new baby girl!! The image I have of her happily wrapped up on your chest while your son played in the leaves made me smile for you. Hugs!

Purple

@Roses, well yesterday's food journal indicates that I'm probably eating enough calories. That was my main concern because I know if I don't eat enough calories my milk supply could suffer. I felt yesterday that I ate less than is normal for these past couple of weeks and I still ended up with just under 2,000 calories total. So that's a relief at least! I just need to focus more on eating before mid afternoon.

I also eat a lot more consistently when H is home - probably because he is sure to eat on time (or he gets "hangry") so I am reminded that I need to eat too.

We'll be going grocery shopping on Friday, so I'll stock up on healthy snacks that I can eat while nursing.

Purple

My clothes all fit weird. Pre-pregnancy clothes are still too small, pregnancy clothes are all too big in the belly (and some are not big enough in the boobs ). The skirts I bought were all sized up to accommodate bump, and now that bump is baby... the skirts are too big. Pre-pregnancy skirts are too small. I literally don't fit into any of my jeans, not even maternity jeans from my last pregnancy. I'm not that much heavier, but they will not pull up over my hips.

So I am looking at my body in the mirror after a nice long shower today and I'm wanting to cry because I'm poochy and saggy and lumpy and everything fits weird... and you know what?

I refuse to hate my postpartum body this time.

I am about 5 pounds up right now from pre-pregnancy weight. I don't hate those 5 pounds. I also refuse to hate the extra weight that I put on before pregnancy, and I refuse to hate how my body looks right now. I will not hate the rounded stomach, or my bigger-than-ever hips, or my boobs that are frustrating me because they're so big I have to hunt for bras (I feel like I'd have better luck hunting dragons or unicorns, but I know that's not exactly true) and then pay way too much money for them.

I can't say I love my body right now. But I refuse to hate my body, because hating my body is hating myself.

frillyfun

Your attitude is awesome!  You made a person- your body is amazing.  It's strong, and healthy, and that is a blessing all by itself.  The aesthetics will come along, and you'll heal.  

I'm glad you're giving yourself some grace.

forestleaf

Old Navy yoga pants.  Awesome for postpartum.  Also, your body will gradually change back to normal.  Give it time.  You're done having babies so you've got nowhere to go but up!  

Hannelore

Your body is doing what it's supposed to do...healing up and single-boobedly feeding another person.  Plus it's probably still hot and sexy, just in that postpartum way.

I know many women have a particular type they want their body to be like, and I'm not a man or lesbian, so maybe my opinion is irrelevant, but I have truly seen very few "ugly" female bodies in real life--like maybe 10-12? And usually an unfortunate deformity or gross obesity is the factor. I think the female form in all it's variety is just so fleshy, so soft, so gorgeous. I think I've read a writer say "luscious."  

I know this forum emphasizes autonomy, and your body is yours, etc, but I love that my pretty, aging body gives so much to those I love--grows and feeds babies, provides and receives love and comfort and fucks from the husband, all that violent physical affection toddlers demand, presence to the sick child next to me, etc. 

(I know all about the "omg, everyone get away from me now thing," so I'm not saying I'm 'better" than you or more noble--just saying a) you're still hot, just differently than before and b) it helps me to broaden what it means to look in the mirror and my naked self--this body is pretty and my family loves it and needs it, and that core will be strong again in a year)

Congratulations! Sounds like everything is going well.