How to handle Friends after an affair

124

Comments

  • DireWolfDireWolf USASilver Member Posts: 112
    @Angeline during the times I laid down consequences it didnt happen.  But I am at a point that if this is something that keeps coming up, she needs to do what she wants.  Am tired of being blamed.  
  • AngelineAngeline planting seedsCategory Moderator** Posts: 14,501
    edited July 2015
    And yet you are still there. So you have taught her that you will cave on standing up for yourself if you fear her leaving.
    "Speak your truth." - Scarlet
    Remember to play!
    Do the right thing, whether anyone is watching or not.
    Be married, until you are not.

    Email address: angeline.greenwood@att.net
    soa2005JellyBeanWinterBen
  • AngelineAngeline planting seedsCategory Moderator** Posts: 14,501
    So why is it that you fear her leaving you? why aren't you working to be awesome? with the side benefit that maybe you learn you can do better? The main benefit of course is being awesome.
    "Speak your truth." - Scarlet
    Remember to play!
    Do the right thing, whether anyone is watching or not.
    Be married, until you are not.

    Email address: angeline.greenwood@att.net
  • DireWolfDireWolf USASilver Member Posts: 112
    Yep.  Which right now I am. (In a custody dispute 5 years later and the change in my kids life could hurt that).  But still dont want to be trampled on.) and they love her.  :(
  • AngelineAngeline planting seedsCategory Moderator** Posts: 14,501
    One of these days, a triage would be helpful.
    "Speak your truth." - Scarlet
    Remember to play!
    Do the right thing, whether anyone is watching or not.
    Be married, until you are not.

    Email address: angeline.greenwood@att.net
    JellyBean
  • DireWolfDireWolf USASilver Member Posts: 112
    I dont think I have caved in the pasr. Actually kicked her out for two months in the past for violating my relationship boundaries.   Right now, feel between a rock and a hard spot.  She knows I will follow through, but also Knows I need her now due to my ex wanting to move my kids away.  We have 50/50 right now. 
  • DireWolfDireWolf USASilver Member Posts: 112
    Is it wrong if she blames all that she isnt happy on me, I finally say, do what you want and lets see how it works? 
  • DireWolfDireWolf USASilver Member Posts: 112
    Btw.  I have done a call with Athol which was perfect for what I needed at the time, and I would highly recommend.   However I trying to save every penny for a legal battle right now. My last one cost over 30k.   :(. And my ex's family has unlimited resources.  :(
  • DireWolfDireWolf USASilver Member Posts: 112
    Angeline said:
    One of these days, a triage would be helpful.
    Understand, and I did one in the Men's Gold Section, was a Moderator, not sure if you have the ability to see, but I am fine if you do :)  I was trying to keep private due to the legal issues, hope you can understand.  
  • DireWolfDireWolf USASilver Member Posts: 112
    Angeline said:
    So why is it that you fear her leaving you? why aren't you working to be awesome? with the side benefit that maybe you learn you can do better? The main benefit of course is being awesome.
    I am awesome.. and so is she for 95% of things.. yes, there are things I can work on, and am.. but.. 
  • BlackwulfBlackwulf Leading the pack. Silver Member Posts: 1,782
    If you have in the past said you would be done if she has a relationship with her friend and you haven't starting down the road of ending it, then it is on you.  You have telegraphed you are weak on boundaries and she can do what she wants.  
    JellyBeanBensoa2005
  • DireWolfDireWolf USASilver Member Posts: 112
    @Blackwulf are you suggesting tomorrow I start a move out plan?  My first mediatio with ex is next Wednesday? 
  • BlackwulfBlackwulf Leading the pack. Silver Member Posts: 1,782
    No, I would confront her about it and spell it out that you don't think this person is a good influence on her and that she has the option of being with you or not.  The problem is though she likes these women and identifies with them.   To combat the identification you have to be seen as higher value.  

    If you have room to move her out of the bedroom and into another then I would do that.   
    soa2005
  • DireWolfDireWolf USASilver Member Posts: 112
    Shit.   Too late.  I told her that based on her decisions and how she knew that that I felt about F1. That it was an ender, but F2 wasnt.  And that she acknowledged that but still did it,  at this point I didnt see a future, although we would discuss tomorrow. (Half day for me) and her kids are gone at 17:00.   I understood her relationship with F1 and hoped she could understand that I was being true to what she knew and has always been the same.  Then she went to work. :)
  • DireWolfDireWolf USASilver Member Posts: 112
    yep.  I am there tonight. Lol
  • DireWolfDireWolf USASilver Member Posts: 112
    Yep.  Add that to the shit from my ex...  Victom puke!   Sorry all.  Bad night. :(
  • DireWolfDireWolf USASilver Member Posts: 112
    Honestly.   I  feeling...  I was happy single, granted under different circumstances, but had good friends, good Family, and a great relationship with my kids.    I am ready to say fuck it all.   But am held back by the idea that if she has changed... Would be making a
    huge mistake.   Sorry all.  
  • AngelineAngeline planting seedsCategory Moderator** Posts: 14,501
    No moderators can't see into the other gender specific rooms. Only Athol, Jen and Serenity can do that.
    "Speak your truth." - Scarlet
    Remember to play!
    Do the right thing, whether anyone is watching or not.
    Be married, until you are not.

    Email address: angeline.greenwood@att.net
  • DireWolfDireWolf USASilver Member Posts: 112
    @Angeline,  ok.  Sorry.  
Sign In or Register to comment.