She deleted the links? Bullshit. She's probably trying to get you to confess without evidence. Don't get pissed about it. I think the best response is to calmly tell her she must be mistaken and to show you what she's talking about next time. And drop it.
Why would she delete the links? She deleted just those links or cleared the history? Just does not seem like normal behavior unless there's missing context I'm not aware of.
I haven't gone back and checked your triage but was your porn use a CMN? Mine was.
Put back on course via a 'One Hour Call' with Athol. Seriously worth 10 times the cost, but don't tell him that....
“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” - Victor Frankl
Last night my w was late night busy in the kitchen with her business things. Usually on such occasions I just retire to bed as successrate is almost zero. I however initiated, and despite some resistance/reluctance took her from behind, right in the kitchen.
Afterwards she mentioned feeling used. I replied: that may a man not use his wife? Her reply was: not if it is only for his own pleasure. As it seems she got no enjoyment.
A little time later however she sat with me and cuddled for a bit.
How to handle remarks like this please? I may mention that the last time we had s was more than a week ago.
The way you respond to remarks like that is to either cocky-funny/A&A them ("anytime babe" "you're welcome") or completely ignore them. Trying to discuss them is a recipe for disaster. Seriously, don't.
Her actions (cuddling) indicate that she actually liked it quite well. She probably doesn't intellectually like the *idea* of it, but her body and sexual side found it arousing. That's not an uncommon dilemma, even for very sex-positive women. What turns us on in the moment doesn't always line up with we think we should like. It doesn't really matter what she says here, watch her actions.
I've been meaning to pipe in here but things have been a bit busy for me lately. The thread I'd have you look at is Dealing with huge discrepancies in SR. That thread is over two years old, but I still find myself going back to it. Things have gotten better for me since then. She's lost nearly 100lbs going from morbidly obese to merely obese. I'm 10lbs lighter and in even better shape than I was then.
I do not envy your situation. If it is anything like mine (and it sounds extremely similiar) you have a difficult and frustrating path ahead of you. But you can make it work, though patience will be the key. Even now, with the amazing progress she has made, part of me still wants to cut bait and go after what I want now, while I am still young enough to enjoy it, rather to work and wait on getting her fit and healthy.
"A woman may forgive you for being a dick, but she will never forgive you for being a pussy."
Welcome back! Would you like to update us on what happened?
_____________________________________________________________________________ If you want us to be unapologetically feminine, be unapologetically masculine.
I suffered some more financial setbacks. These I suspect are causing the W to feel insecure.
She had to leave a part time position to do it full time, in order to support me/us. As a result her part time business was drastically scaled down. Actually she is financially contributing better, with more time available to herself, than with the part time job + part time business. It was also a step she had long been considering, as the part time business was draining her. Now she is kinda holding it against me for having to work full time???
There was a period not too long ago, where another setback drove us together. Unfortunately not for long, but it was nice while it lasted. We actually had sex!
Her weight is came down a dress size, but only because she enrolled in a kind of beauty competition. She is still the second largest of the lot. When the competition is over in a month or 2`s time, historically she is gonna slide again.
I know I do not sound very enthusiastic about the W, we are strangers in the same house.
During this time I had pursued a PA and EA. The PA I stopped, it made me sick.
That's it for now, I know I should be working on myself instead of moping about W. Just it is heavy bearing almost all the responsibility at home, leaving very little time pursueing my own things.
Last night we had a date night, 1st one in a very
long time, initiated and organized by myself. Part of my strategy to captain
our marriage back on track.
We dropped off the kids, and had an enjoyable evening. Nice
place, nice food. Chat turned towards “us”. And she started running down her
list of problems with me. I think I held frame, but at the end she was in
tears.
Anyway, we left the place in not a very good mood. On the
way to the kids, she asked me how many times I had been on porn the last couple
of months. Instead of lying, I was honest and told her that I don`t know. That
did not go down well, and getting home blowing off, she spoke of divorce
because “I clearly am choosing other women over herself”.
This morning she was very cold and distant. However I
apologised for my hurting her, and honestly said that I really do not want to
do porn.
I am not sure how to handle this right now. I am not sure if
she was dead serious about divorce. I do know that I will still be captaining
this, although without a FO at this stage.
Comments
Don't get pissed about it. I think the best response is to calmly tell her she must be mistaken and to show you what she's talking about next time. And drop it.
I do not think she is lying. Nonwithstanding our faults and issues, I trust her with my life.
Just does not seem like normal behavior unless there's missing context I'm not aware of.
Put back on course via a 'One Hour Call' with Athol. Seriously worth 10 times the cost, but don't tell him that....
“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” - Victor Frankl
Last night my w was late night busy in the kitchen with her business things. Usually on such occasions I just retire to bed as successrate is almost zero.
I however initiated, and despite some resistance/reluctance took her from behind, right in the kitchen.
Afterwards she mentioned feeling used. I replied: that may a man not use his wife? Her reply was: not if it is only for his own pleasure. As it seems she got no enjoyment.
A little time later however she sat with me and cuddled for a bit.
How to handle remarks like this please? I may mention that the last time we had s was more than a week ago.
Sorry, not sure. May be coming from her because she was slightly pissed off by something I did.
I am not going to overanalyze her response, I do think I may be making progress on my own frame, NMMNG, and less orbiting.
Still pondering on how to handle remarks like that.
We have a date night tonight and the texting between us suggests something sexy too....
Watch this space.
Her actions (cuddling) indicate that she actually liked it quite well. She probably doesn't intellectually like the *idea* of it, but her body and sexual side found it arousing. That's not an uncommon dilemma, even for very sex-positive women. What turns us on in the moment doesn't always line up with we think we should like. It doesn't really matter what she says here, watch her actions.
I've been meaning to pipe in here but things have been a bit busy for me lately. The thread I'd have you look at is Dealing with huge discrepancies in SR. That thread is over two years old, but I still find myself going back to it. Things have gotten better for me since then. She's lost nearly 100lbs going from morbidly obese to merely obese. I'm 10lbs lighter and in even better shape than I was then.
I do not envy your situation. If it is anything like mine (and it sounds extremely similiar) you have a difficult and frustrating path ahead of you. But you can make it work, though patience will be the key. Even now, with the amazing progress she has made, part of me still wants to cut bait and go after what I want now, while I am still young enough to enjoy it, rather to work and wait on getting her fit and healthy.
How do I go about changing this into a MAP
I need to.
G
How will you live well today?
A bit busy now, but will MAP soon
Some gains already, but without a proper plan you`re just a boat going nowhere.
G
I am kinda back
Not in a good place, trying to work on myself, but struggling.
But that's why I am here, to get to a better Gnusmas.
Not really good at expressing myself, sorry all.
Keep going!
Would you like to update us on what happened?
If you want us to be unapologetically feminine, be unapologetically masculine.
@Maria
What happened? A lot, and not much.......
I suffered some more financial setbacks. These I suspect are causing the W to feel insecure.
She had to leave a part time position to do it full time, in order to support me/us. As a result her part time business was drastically scaled down. Actually she is financially contributing better, with more time available to herself, than with the part time job + part time business. It was also a step she had long been considering, as the part time business was draining her. Now she is kinda holding it against me for having to work full time???
There was a period not too long ago, where another setback drove us together. Unfortunately not for long, but it was nice while it lasted. We actually had sex!
Her weight is came down a dress size, but only because she enrolled in a kind of beauty competition. She is still the second largest of the lot. When the competition is over in a month or 2`s time, historically she is gonna slide again.
I know I do not sound very enthusiastic about the W, we are strangers in the same house.
During this time I had pursued a PA and EA. The PA I stopped, it made me sick.
That's it for now, I know I should be working on myself instead of moping about W. Just it is heavy bearing almost all the responsibility at home, leaving very little time pursueing my own things.
M
Some shit hit the fan yesterday.
Last night we had a date night, 1st one in a very long time, initiated and organized by myself. Part of my strategy to captain our marriage back on track.
We dropped off the kids, and had an enjoyable evening. Nice place, nice food. Chat turned towards “us”. And she started running down her list of problems with me. I think I held frame, but at the end she was in tears.
Anyway, we left the place in not a very good mood. On the way to the kids, she asked me how many times I had been on porn the last couple of months. Instead of lying, I was honest and told her that I don`t know. That did not go down well, and getting home blowing off, she spoke of divorce because “I clearly am choosing other women over herself”.
This morning she was very cold and distant. However I apologised for my hurting her, and honestly said that I really do not want to do porn.
I am not sure how to handle this right now. I am not sure if she was dead serious about divorce. I do know that I will still be captaining this, although without a FO at this stage.
Please let me have your insights.
My MAP: http://marriedmansexlife.vanillacommunities.com/discussion/14002/samson-map#latest
Personality type: “The Logician” (INTP-A)
Enneagram 9w1