Tinder and the Dawn of the “Dating Apocalypse”

TedD

"you're in the hook-up culture, or you're not."

The problem here is if you are NOT interested in hookup culture and you live in an area predominated by it, you either have to pick from the other pond, or you are gonna get very few nibbles in your own.

And I'll never understand what's so embarrassing about wanting a relationship.  Or anything more meaningful than a one night stand.  I've never chatted up a woman thinking she'd be a great romp for the night.  Sure, that means I've passed up lots of opportunities for casual sex.  But I've never wanted casual sex, so why lie about it?

The hard part about being honest is realizing that most of the people you engage with aren't on the same page.  But that's nothing to be embarrassed about.

Reborn

The hard part about being honest is realizing that most of the people you engage with aren't on the same page. 

yeah, I am finding this thread slightly depressing, as someone wrestling with the online dating world.  

According to things like the above brown-paper video, I ought to be winning, as a man who is in good physical shape, in my 50s, not obsessed with finding women 15 or 20 years younger than me, and looking for a stable, ongoing monogamous relationship.  (I've tried casual sex, and didn't think it was all that great.) 

The reality doesn't seem to be like that. 

LadyOrTheTyger

Dating is hard.  I don't care who you are.  Most of the people who say dating is easy are PUAs or have been out of it a long time.    Videos like the one above say things men want to hear, but I don't know many (any) men who are actually in the dating market who have found it to be reality.  Except maybe the OP in this thread.  

sf64

LadyOrTheTyger said:

Dating is hard.  I don't care who you are.  Most of the people who say dating is easy are PUAs or have been out of it a long time.    Videos like the one above say things men want to hear, but I don't know many (any) men who are actually in the dating market who have found it to be reality.  Except maybe the OP in this thread.  

@Reborn ;

I played around with on-line dating for a while and tried many of the sites.  They all have pros and cons.

But nothing can replace having true "game" and hunting in the real world.  Online dating takes out of play all of the non-verbal stuff that makes up maybe 90% of communication, especially in the early contact stage.

Most photos on dating profiles are WAY out of date.  They are designed to only show off the very best attributes and as a result are deeply discounted by both sexes.

In contrast, walking up to a table full of ladies, full of confidence, with a bit of swagger, and running some solid game... it's a totally different thing.  They can see you are in shape.  They can see you dress well.  They can hear your strong voice. They can see that glint in your eye.  You can 'neg' the prettiest one.  

For many people, on-line dating profiles offer a no-risk way of getting baby dopamine hits.  "Oh!  He winked at me!"  "I got 5 emails today!  I've still got it!" (or at least my photos for 10 years ago still have it.)

The real world is the happy hunting ground.

Remus

Reborn said:

The hard part about being honest is realizing that most of the people you engage with aren't on the same page. 

yeah, I am finding this thread slightly depressing, as someone wrestling with the online dating world.  

According to things like the above brown-paper video, I ought to be winning, as a man who is in good physical shape, in my 50s, not obsessed with finding women 15 or 20 years younger than me, and looking for a stable, ongoing monogamous relationship.  (I've tried casual sex, and didn't think it was all that great.) 

The reality doesn't seem to be like that. 

I wouldn't get too worked about that video.   It's been debunked numerous times: http://www.businessinsider.com/economics-of-sex-video-debunked-2014-2.  People and relationships are not a commodities market.

Remus

sf64 said:

LadyOrTheTyger said:

Dating is hard.  I don't care who you are.  Most of the people who say dating is easy are PUAs or have been out of it a long time.    Videos like the one above say things men want to hear, but I don't know many (any) men who are actually in the dating market who have found it to be reality.  Except maybe the OP in this thread.  

@Reborn ;

I played around with on-line dating for a while and tried many of the sites.  They all have pros and cons.

But nothing can replace having true "game" and hunting in the real world.  Online dating takes out of play all of the non-verbal stuff that makes up maybe 90% of communication, especially in the early contact stage.

Most photos on dating profiles are WAY out of date.  They are designed to only show off the very best attributes and as a result are deeply discounted by both sexes.

In contrast, walking up to a table full of ladies, full of confidence, with a bit of swagger, and running some solid game... it's a totally different thing.  They can see you are in shape.  They can see you dress well.  They can hear your strong voice. They can see that glint in your eye.  You can 'neg' the prettiest one.  

For many people, on-line dating profiles offer a no-risk way of getting baby dopamine hits.  "Oh!  He winked at me!"  "I got 5 emails today!  I've still got it!" (or at least my photos for 10 years ago still have it.)

The real world is the happy hunting ground.

Don't know if I agree with all of this.  If you are great at those sort of game moves, that's fine.  But some people are just better one on one than dealing with those sorts of public situations.  Last time I did online dating, every date I went on I was in complete control.  But to this day the idea of walking up to a table of unknown women sounds pretty terrifying.  You don't have to be good at everything to be a catch.

To do online dating, you need to have a clear plan, be focused, tackle it with strategy rather than just half-assing it, and be persistent.  You'll get out of it what you put into it.