Love Language Questions

DarKeyes

I think wife's love languages are Quality Time and Gifts. Her version of quality time is not so much really intimate moments together, as just having me around and available. She doesn't like it when I leave the house after she is asleep, for example. I'm OK at gifts, but would like to take this up a notch. What are some things I can do for wife that would be meaningful for her in one of these two areas?

My love languages are Touch and Acts of Service. 1> How can I get these met (legitimately) outside of the marriage (so I'm not dependent on wife) and 2> what are some non-sexual ways of getting these met from wife?

growingafamily

I once read a book on the Love Languages for Singles, it basically was all about the non-romantic relationships in your life and how the love languages play out in them. You could read the book, or maybe there's stuff on line about it. I can't remember it all as it was years ago but touch was things like a firm hand shake, or someone putting a hand on your shoulder for a second while talking to you.

John3

The leaving home after she goes to sleep thing may have nothing to do with love languages.  My wife can't sleep until everyone (kids included) are back in the house and everyone is settled down.  If I tell her that I'm going to wait up for our oldest (who is pretty reasonable about when he comes home, but he is 24) then she can sleep.  But her first question when she wakes up with be "what time did DS get home?" She describes it as needing to have the nest full again.  When DS is off to school, or when I'm traveling, that's ok.

DarKeyes

Thank you, @growingafamily. Is this the book you were referring to?

http://www.amazon.com/The-Five-Love-Languages-Singles/dp/1598595474

Thank you, @john3. I'm pretty sure that this is a love language for the wife. She's just happier when I'm "around," and unhappy when I'm not, even if she's asleep or doesn't want to engage with me, she just wants to know I'm there. Not the traditional Quality Time, but it seems to be her variant of it.

Thanks in advance to others who comment.

growingafamily

Yeah I think so, though that's audio and I read the book.

The reviews are saying it's aimed at dating and opposite-sex friendships and not much on same-sex friendships, though. Like I said I read it a while ago and I seem to remember quite a bit of non-romantic stuff in it. Like boss-employee, etc.

DarKeyes

Thanks, @growingafamily, I appreciate the reference!

Angeline

@DarKeyes - physical, contact sports like martial arts/Krav Maga/wrestling will help fill your touch needs, and you might get fun and friends out of it too.

dalef

There is also a love languages at work book; don't remember the name right off.

DarKeyes

Elise said:

What about massages for touch? Not the happy ending kind, but the regular spa type. Also do you hug your family and close friends? Not sure how that would rate in your family but we all hug a lot. 

I am gifts and acts of service LL girl, and I will say it truly can be the little thoughtful things. So, just a few ideas: if she mentions she is out of something, as innocuous as say shampoo, and you go buy the exact type she had before and liked, that is a great gift. If she had a bad day, getting a single flower or a bar of dark chocolate/ run her a bubble bath and deliver a glass of wine to her would help hit this LL and make her feel RC.

Same with getting picking up a nice coffee and bringing it home or to my office if I am working late (or even just making me a cup of coffee on the weekends or weekdays before work) would be awesome to me. Seeing something and just thinking she would love it and buying that for her would ping both fronts. Making or picking up my favorite dinner would be a win. That's all that pops in my mind quickly. 

Thank you very much, @elise. I appreciate this.

BTW, what is "RC"?

Also, I keep seeing "ETA," what is that, too?

DarKeyes

Thank you, @dalef, I will look for it.

@Angeline, there is a martial arts gym, I will check that out.

Athol_Kay

DarKeyes said:

Elise said:

What about massages for touch? Not the happy ending kind, but the regular spa type. Also do you hug your family and close friends? Not sure how that would rate in your family but we all hug a lot. 

I am gifts and acts of service LL girl, and I will say it truly can be the little thoughtful things. So, just a few ideas: if she mentions she is out of something, as innocuous as say shampoo, and you go buy the exact type she had before and liked, that is a great gift. If she had a bad day, getting a single flower or a bar of dark chocolate/ run her a bubble bath and deliver a glass of wine to her would help hit this LL and make her feel RC.

Same with getting picking up a nice coffee and bringing it home or to my office if I am working late (or even just making me a cup of coffee on the weekends or weekdays before work) would be awesome to me. Seeing something and just thinking she would love it and buying that for her would ping both fronts. Making or picking up my favorite dinner would be a win. That's all that pops in my mind quickly. 

Thank you very much, @elise. I appreciate this.

BTW, what is "RC"?

Also, I keep seeing "ETA," what is that, too?

RC is probably Relationship Comfort

ETA is internet slang for  Edited To Add

DarKeyes

Thanks!

318JimmyNow

Don't know if these are everywhere but in my area the male salon is getting very popular.  You can get a hair cut, straight razor shave with hot town, head face massage, and a male manicure which also involves a hand and forearm massage.  All of this is performed by a staff of attractive young women and you can even get a beer and a cigar while your waiting.

I liken this to methadone for those of us in sexless/intimacy empty marriages.  Just wish they didn't cost so much but well worth the money.  Fills up the touch tank nicely.

HildaCorners

I'm a Touch person too, and don't get enough.

Fortunately my teen son still likes to hug his Mom, but that's only a small amount of touch. One of my 127 former mothers-in-law insisted her son give her foot massages; I found this weird and a bit perverse.

I find a good bath/shower can also help offset the need for touch to an extent. When I lived in the Silicon Valley, I was a regular at Watercourse Way, where I could pay $20 and get an hour of private sauna/hot tub/cold plunge. Wonderful!  I wish there was a similar place in my current area.

ImTheMan

I second the massage. I get a sports massage once a month and feel good after that. A plain massage from your wife with no other motive is a good idea too, if you lead I'm sure she'll reciprocate. Also my kids (esp DS) are still tiny and are super cuddly.

CountryDude

I think my partner's love languages are Quality Time and Gifts too, lol.

What are you other love languages, by the way?

SaigoTakamori

@CountryDude

Google: 5 love languages.  
There is a test you both can take to define further.

CountryDude

SaigoTakamori said:

@CountryDude

Google: 5 love languages.  
There is a test you both can take to define further.

Thanks

So I got:

12 Physical Touch
8   Quality Time
5   Words of Affirmation
3   Acts of Service
2   Receiving Gifts

I expect my GF is:

Quality Time
Acts of Service
Receiving Gifts
Words of Affirmation
Physical Touch