Dating a high value woman - tips please

elgringo

I have been online dating for 2 months now and have been out with 8 different women. Last night I met number 8 for the first time for drinks. She showed up wearing a tight, low cut dress that showed off her amazing body. She had obviously taken the time to make herself look good and she was gorgeous. We had a delightful conversation that was full of laughter. This woman is a freelance writer who runs her own successful communications company. She is very smart, and we share many common interests including hiking. One thing in my advantage is she has a blog, some of which covers relationship advice. I was reading some of it this morning, and it is like I have the perfect playbook to win her over. And no i don't have oneitis. I have dated several women recently and this one has the qualities i am looking for. I had lined up dates with other women. I'm not sure if i should go ahead and keep the dates or cancel them. My goal has been to date multiple women until I found one that I really liked. But it has only been one date. Any advice you might have on how to proceed would be helpful. I don't want to blow it with this one.

fredless

I'm not single and have not been for many years so keep that in mind when reading my suggestions:

You absolutely must go into this 'relationship' with the knowledge that you are the prize.  Your life is awesome and you're going to invite her into your awesome life--not the other way around.

Regarding her blog--take whatever she has written with a grain of salt.  What women say and what actually attracts them are often two very different things.  Her actions are what you should focus on--not her blog.

And yes, you may say you don't have oneitis but you are ready to blow off other dates you have lined up after only one date with this woman.  For that reason, you should go out on those dates.  In addition, by doing so, when you are out with Ms. 8, you will have the knowledge that there are other women besides her. 

never_surrender

I have about 5 years of online dating under my belt and I'd say to read Athol's first book and keep your Alfa male status up. Don't be needy and you're a busy man. Keep your place nice and clean and swoop her off her feet of who you really are.  One thing I learned that really works is don't spend a lot of money on her right off the bat. That means no fancy dinners for a while etc... When she is buying you things she likes you and is trying to win you because you have high value. 

frillyfun

How many different guys is she talking about on this blog?  Is serial dating part of her identity?

Keep the other dates.

SaigoTakamori

Keep the dates.

Watch what they do, Not what they say.

elgringo

frillyfun said:

How many different guys is she talking about on this blog?  Is serial dating part of her identity?

Keep the other dates.

She is not talking about specific dates. It is more like general dating advice. Like, The 6 types of women to avoid, What women want from a man, etc. 

I have decided to keep the other dates. I went on one this afternoon. It was pretty lame but whatever. One thing number 8 told me is that she doesn't like texting and prefers that people call her. Which is sort of old school, but I like it.

LadyOrTheTyger

elgringo said:

frillyfun said:

How many different guys is she talking about on this blog?  Is serial dating part of her identity?

Keep the other dates.

She is not talking about specific dates. It is more like general dating advice. Like, The 6 types of women to avoid, What women want from a man, etc. 

I have decided to keep the other dates. I went on one this afternoon. It was pretty lame but whatever. One thing number 8 told me is that she doesn't like texting and prefers that people call her. Which is sort of old school, but I like it.

Probably keeps guys from texting her 127 times a day while she's trying to have a life.  I'm totally stealing this.  

Sherando

I hate talking on the phone. But I think texting is worse.  Too easy to say too much.  Too much room for misinterpretation allowing for either party to get butt hurt. 

I will also note that I get excited when I get a call from a guy I'm into.  Others get shunted to text only so I can deal with them when I feel like it.

Remus

Was the takeaway from this 'delightful conversations full of laughter'?  Was there a kiss or any other kind of physical intimacy?  Plans to see each other again, etc?  

She might be doing exactly what you are doing and dating a lot of men if she's such a catch so putting your eggs in her basket seems terribly premature.

thealphacodes

@elgringo- what @fredless wrote is fantastic advice.

"Be the prize." Your frame is "I don't want to screw this one up." Do your best to change that frame to, "I wonder if she's going to meet my expectations, both short and long term." She is qualifying to meet your wants/needs/desires....what a relationship with a woman means to you.

There are plenty of beautiful women...exciting, interesting, amazing women- you need to believe this with conviction. Shes not rare because she attractive. 

Be sure to control your frame as noted above, but within frame control be present. You don't need to be thinking about "not screwing up" impressing her or saying the right things. This is approval seeking, supplicative behavior and you'll sub communicate it regardless of your intent. Relax...take a moment to take in what she says in the above frame. 

Remember, you are an individual....no one can offer the experience that you can offer her. Think about that for a moment... there is only one you who can deliver a "you" experience. Just make sure the "you" experience is quality- the more you match her perception of value the more attraction she will have. 

"What a woman says she wants and what she responds to are two entirely different things." @fredless makes another excellent point. Another way to think of this is look at behavior, not words.

Keep your dates. Alphas have opportunity (preselection), and they certainly don't invest time/money/etc into anyone without having it reciprocated. If she's attractive she has plenty of opportunity, and so should you. This isn't about playing a game or "demonstrating" anything- it's about truly having options and not investing your very valuable time into something that doesn't return or indicate equal or greater investment. If she can't see my value, doesn't match my perceptions of attraction, or both- she automatically loses her sex rank. This is at any stage of the relationship.

It's important that you find out how she wants a man to make her "feel," not what traits she likes in a man. You'll want to get to her emotional drivers, perceptions of value/attraction. She may like a man that is tall, confident, good looking, intelligent, in shape, kind, etc- but each of these represent a deeper feeling.

How does she want to a man to make her feel? Some responses may be - valued, understood, heard, validated, loved, I want to feel like I can be a woman/myself without judgement, desired, certainty, etc. She'll have a criteria or set of primary indicators to meet those feelings, all of which can be subjective, but are equally important in understanding. 

elgringo

Remus said:

Was the takeaway from this 'delightful conversations full of laughter'?  Was there a kiss or any other kind of physical intimacy?  Plans to see each other again, etc?  

She might be doing exactly what you are doing and dating a lot of men if she's such a catch so putting your eggs in her basket seems terribly premature.

I ended up keeping the other dates and I did not have any real interest in the other women I met. Number 8 and I had a nice hug at the end of date. I don't go for a kiss on the first date. I save that for date #2. That's just how I roll. Number 8 and I have plans to meet on Sunday. We have been communicating by phone and ironically by text. She explained that she doesn't mind texting, she just likes to have phone conversations too. 

thealphacodes said:

@elgringo- what @fredless wrote is fantastic advice.

"Be the prize." Your frame is "I don't want to screw this one up." Do your best to change that frame to, "I wonder if she's going to meet my expectations, both short and long term." She is qualifying to meet your wants/needs/desires....what a relationship with a woman means to you.

There are plenty of beautiful women...exciting, interesting, amazing women- you need to believe this with conviction. Shes not rare because she attractive. 

Be sure to control your frame as noted above, but within frame control be present. You don't need to be thinking about "not screwing up" impressing her or saying the right things. This is approval seeking, supplicative behavior and you'll sub communicate it regardless of your intent. Relax...take a moment to take in what she says in the above frame. 

Remember, you are an individual....no one can offer the experience that you can offer her. Think about that for a moment... there is only one you who can deliver a "you" experience. Just make sure the "you" experience is quality- the more you match her perception of value the more attraction she will have. 

"What a woman says she wants and what she responds to are two entirely different things." @fredless makes another excellent point. Another way to think of this is look at behavior, not words.

Keep your dates. Alphas have opportunity (preselection), and they certainly don't invest time/money/etc into anyone without having it reciprocated. If she's attractive she has plenty of opportunity, and so should you. This isn't about playing a game or "demonstrating" anything- it's about truly having options and not investing your very valuable time into something that doesn't return or indicate equal or greater investment. If she can't see my value, doesn't match my perceptions of attraction, or both- she automatically loses her sex rank. This is at any stage of the relationship.

It's important that you find out how she wants a man to make her "feel," not what traits she likes in a man. You'll want to get to her emotional drivers, perceptions of value/attraction. She may like a man that is tall, confident, good looking, intelligent, in shape, kind, etc- but each of these represent a deeper feeling.

How does she want to a man to make her feel? Some responses may be - valued, understood, heard, validated, loved, I want to feel like I can be a woman/myself without judgement, desired, certainty, etc. She'll have a criteria or set of primary indicators to meet those feelings, all of which can be subjective, but are equally important in understanding. 

I did say that I don't want to screw this up. I guess its just because after meeting several different women that didn't do it for me I finally met one with real potential. But I am being myself and not worrying about trying to impress her. We make each other laugh and a good sense of humor is something I'm looking for in a partner. I am looking for red flags to see if there is anything that would be a deal breaker. Im also reading the primer for the 2nd time to bone up on my mack daddy skillz.

DarKeyes

Be a high value man. That's all you need to know, and you can't fake it (for long). Keep MAPPING.

thealphacodes

@elgringo -
It's great to hear you aren't coming from a supplicative frame- trying to gain approval. 

"I did say that I don't want to screw this up. I guess its just because after meeting several different women that didn't do it for me I finally met one with real potential."

Remember not to get anxious over "opportunity" with women. Like I said above, there are plenty of beautiful and amazing women. Don't attach too much emotional or physical interest to this one, without considering the possibilities of greater opportunity. The frame or state of mind you have is "finally met one with potential"....which leads to "gotta hold on to this one or make this count"....which generally leads to a performance or need to please or keep...ultimately displaying neediness. 
Nothing wrong with being into a girl, but there's certainly nothing wrong with being into many either. Keep your mind focused on the opportunities you have, and that you can create them at will. There is a huge difference between DHV and being HV...authenticity, experience, and intent play a much larger role in the latter.