Hello
I lurked on here 2012/13, then was an active member 2013/14. Long story short, my husband's failed business and health problems--plus my poor reaction to those bumps--created some stress in our marriage. We're good now
I quit the forum because it was becoming a distraction after we got through our initial crisis, but I continued working on a MAP on and off, updating every 3 months.
I won't fill out a complete triage, but here's some basic information: Both early 30s, married 9 years, higher than average number of kids between the ages of 6 weeks and 8 years. I'm at home with the children, home school the older ones, and tutor 3-5 hours a week. Husband is in a field that can demand a lot of hours, but he's doing waaay better at managing his time.
When the Captain and I first discussed our 'life goals' back in the day, before marriage and kids, before adulthood and reality knocked us around a bit, I said I wanted to be someone who is "joyful and wise."
That's still true, and hopefully I can remember that as a follow and adapt my MAP as our marriage and family grows and changes.
9w1/5w6 intp
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Comments
Had a baby, and 6 weeks post dinner and laundry are back to routine. This week I'm going to introduce daily exercise and getting the dishes done every day. Dishes are a long time red.
That's it.
If you want us to be unapologetically feminine, be unapologetically masculine.
I think you should fill out a complete triage to gain the help and direction you need.
Into Phase 3..
Those Who Dare......Win. "What gives you fear today...Gives you Strength tomorrow.."reds
yellows
greens
Other stuff: I found out about 6 months ago I had low iron (not anemic), but supplements and upping my iron-rich intake hasn't been a problem, so I'm just making note of it here, instead of putting it on my MAP. Sometimes it's hard to know when "fatigue" is a just the normal mom kind, and when it's a health issue. My bloodwork says my thyroid is fine, which was a concern. My asthma seems to have returned at the end of this pregnancy. I manage it fine, but it would be a good idea to have medicine on hand if I need it, especially as it gets colder
We were also in a bad car accident a few weeks after I delivered. That slowed down recovery, I think (then we got the stomach flu...). I didn't have to go to the hospital or ER, but my knee still has fluid on it, and I was sore for weeks.
yellows:
reds
yellows
greens
Relationship Comfort
reds
yellows
- I try to always be positive during the week (working on my weekend attitude)
- give lots of kisses and touch, eagerly snuggle and spend time husband and kids
- almost always ready for sex
- I'm very loyal (to all friends and relatives)
Goals: Some days we just seem really annoyed with each other, but not facing the reasons why. I would like to work on my beta toward dh (normal housewife stuff I severely suck at), but also feel more free to tell him when I'm upset. I would also like to put on paper how we spend our time together throughout the week (even if it says "free time" for a 2-hour block), so we don't have second-guesses or surprises, especially on the weekends. As for the kids, do more leading and initiating how the day goes instead of responding to a string of incidences. This means structuring the day more, which isn't my personality, but we need that to happen for the day to be peaceful.- lazy, passively wait for dh to lead--or show enthusiasm-- to do
anything (this is better, but still red)
- too much screen time; unorganized, wasted weekends
- need to rediscover some personal hobbies
yellows- self-conscious about my house, but not as bad as I used to be--could both
do better with the house AND not caring
- don't capitulate to stronger personalities (this also fits in my dhv category) when I want something a certain way, but well-intentioned people are offering "help". This isn't husband, but some other relatives.
greens: I know what I want to do and work toward as an individual, wife, and motherGoals Be self-disciplined and patient. I know what I want, I'm just incapable right now of realizing those goals because of my character flaws.
High Energy Sex
reds
yellows
Goals: More often as we're coming out of the new baby period. Exercise so able to do more without getting cramps or stiff.
Part of the reason I deleted my old account is I wanted to recommend the site to friends and acquaintances. I have, so people I actually know could be reading this.
Great job laying out your updated MAP, it looks like you have a good handle on the things you need to work on. Awareness of your own issues is always a good thing.
I went looking for my dreams outside of myself and discovered, it's not what the world holds for you, it's what you bring to it.
Anne Shirley - Anne of Avonlea
I walked every day this week, but didn't do the post partum exercises. I also did fair with dishes.
I wrote my meal plans and shopping list tonight and went over lessons/agenda for private tutoring tomorrow and teaching two classes on Tuesday.
Husband, baby and I are going out of state this weekend. I'm feeling anxious about it. It's an annual event with old college friends.
This week:
exercise daily
make hair appointment
go to bed at 10 every night (will make 11 tonight)
We start school this week. For this reason, I'll keep my extra projects and activities low maintenance.
Had a productive planning session (he initiated) today with the Captain about his 2 year professional plan, and how that will affect home life. I gave some practical advice that will help us both, I think.
This week: want to continue finishing what I begin (better 1 finished job than 10 unfinished...), and add to that: smile when I enter a room where someone is, even if I do it 45 times a day, just for the kids.
This Week's Monkeys:
-fix laptop/Skype volume problem
-clean out school shelf (again)
-dinner prep (chopping, etc) done by 1pm each day, or whole meal in the crockpot
Today:
-spend time with kids
-lay out clothes and prepare lunches for tomorrow
-sort laundry
SO, this week (1/2 week?) monkeys
1) reconfigure whole school setup so it doesn't end in a mess
2) put things away during school (better yet, kids put away) after finished. I know, super simple...
3)make appointment re: irregular mole
4) continue to make weekends positive. A particular situation that has caused tension for years between H and me has been easily resolved--hopefully that will help.
5) write out plan/timeline to move book/den to "toy" room, and open now den as another bedroom. Fun monkey. Yay!
Besides finishing what i start, I need to place things right away where I will use them next. Eg it would be good if I am not gathering all this crap from all over the house late Monday night for homeschool group on Tuesday (and then just dumping what I bring home Tuesday night in the mad rush to make dinner). So simple, but my thought process hasn't been trained that way I guess (by me, I mean...not blaming anyone)
our neighborhood had our annual huge alley garage sale, and I didn't buy anything. Actually, I put a bunch of stuff on the curb that night.
Marriage front going well. Productive fight/discussion/communicating on Sunday. Budget going awesome. Only walking right now in the morning, but that's a solid routine.
Oldest son is dealing with some tummy problems (treated some constipation a few weeks ago), and now he's regular, but has all this anxiety going to the bathroom. He's afraid he'll have to sit too long and will miss out on something fun. He spends more time being upset over it and needing moral support from me, than actually going.
I say all this because it's disrupting our morning routine, big time. He's doing a good job with diet and exercise.When he's playing he completely forgets, but during quieter times, or when he has to do something he doesn't like, that's all he thinks/worries about. He's not using it as a tactic, but is genuinely anxious. Any advice? I'm trying to be sympathetic, gentle and comforting, but I need to figure out how to help him get past this. (The pediatrician is happy with his soft, regular stools.)
In other news, our dog escaped the kennel...twice! We board him at a place out in the country, so he had a nice frolic and wasn't in too much danger. The owners were nice about it, and commented on his intelligence, and didn't charge us extra. We've been working on crate training and separation anxiety for 4 months now. We thought he was ready to be boarded, but maybe not. Or he was just up for the challenge (he climbed out the top of a 10ft kennel run, then figured out how to use his nose to unhook the clips on the cover of another run.). Usually relatives watch him, but they were unable to. Big source of anxiety for me: something Bad happening while under someone else's watch, but he wasn't forever banned from the kennel. The owners didn't seem especially astonished or upset.
Dog was boarded because we stayed at a cabin on a lake for a long weekend. One of the best Sundays in recent memory. Husband often is sucked into work stress by Sunday morning, but he didn't look at his email until Monday.
I forgot got how much I LOVE fishing. Older two (8 and 6) do, too, thanks to my dad. Actually, 5 and 4 year like fishing, just not waiting. So they show more interest when someone catches one. And 4 year old baits her own hook (worm or minnow). I'm going to get a license and start going along when my dad takes the kids out to the local lakes.
Had plans to sneak out for marital fun on the dock, but the layout of the cabin wasn't condusive to sneaking out at night (my parents came, then my cousins, too). We went canoeing, which was fun. I'm an awful rower.
I'm still practicing finishing what I start, and working on having efficient systems so I'm not gathering stuff scattered every which way. I'm also trying to anticipate and neutralize internal meltdowns (my own). I know I often get frustrated/upset before a trip (procrastinating packing+insane standards for how I want the house to be like when I return+Immense frustration for not being able to do everything at once=stressed out bitch). I also know at certain times of the day I also get overwhelmed or expect myself to do 9-10 things in an hour.. While making dinner. So today I had 1.5 hours between picking up littles at mil and getting husband at work.. I aimed to finish school with 2nd and 3rd grader, pick up living room, and nurse baby. Got it done! Kitchen still a mess, but satisfaction of completing what I intended to complete. Awesome.
This week's monkeys:
-order crawdads and owl pellets
-suck up my lower-middle class pride and get some estimates for taking care of the backyard jungle
-buy cushion and blankets for the couch/ottoman
-schedule October play dates
-reread the bra fitting thread on mmsl and try to translate it into nursing bras
I'm really glad you all got a relaxing weekend in!
Remember to play!
Do the right thing, whether anyone is watching or not.
Be married, until you are not.
Email address: angeline.greenwood@att.net
It's out in the country, next to a horse farm, on a dirt road. He never left the premises, but came when called. They weren't upset just said we probably should have told them he's an escape artist (duh).He knows how to open all kinds of gates, break padlocks, climb woodpiles, go under and over chain link fences, turn knobs with a combination of paws and mouth, open unlocked windows (the pulley kind) and break or tear through screens (once onto the roof)
Anyway, no big incidents all summer, thanks to a behaviorist, serious crate training, lots of doggy puzzles. We thought he'd be fine. (And he was happy and very tired when we picked him up) I think, though, we'll continue to have relatives watch him in our home or theirs