It's possible to be "alpha" without being outgoing/ extroverted/ overtly friendly.
You don't have to completely change your natural personality to show confidence.
Confidence comes in many forms and not all of them have to be talkative.
You're absolutely right. The reason I'm combining the two is that I'm an odd sort of duck - a shy extrovert. I love people. I love making people laugh. I feel energized by social interactions.
But I have a lifetime habit of assuming that people won't like me, don't notice me, and won't respect me because I'm just not that awesome. This produces a lot of awkward/orbiting/insecure/unfriendly behavior which in turn (I'm pretty sure) produces "va-clangs" wherever it appears.
So - thanks partly to @Tennee and @Angeline - my MAP includes both trying to build awesome, AND trying to practice being friendly with everyone, to overcome my insecurity.
"James Bond doesn't have bad days." - Tennee
"The goal is to turn women on, NOT sex. If you become good at turning women on, sex can be assumed." - Tanooki
"..my MAP includes both trying to build awesome,
AND trying to practice being friendly with everyone, to overcome my
insecurity. "
And that is how the new normal will get normalized. Talk to everyone. Make a joke. Make 'em laugh. Say hello. Raise your eyebrow and say something witty to the SR9 hottie in line with you. Whatever. Interactions with strangers, when you have the opportunity, are zero-risk situations. Practice, practice, practice...
"Fall down seven times, stand up eight" Japanese Proverb
"The turnaround is tremendous. And I'm lifting weights, eating better, and tackling projects. I have all this great energy without a vampire sucking my life force. He's a lot stronger standing on his own two feet, as well." - Scarlet
I agree it's better NOT to compete, and not to feel the need to. (As said or implied by pretty much everyone here.)
[Bolded emphasis added by myself.]
I'm going to spotlight this because this is the key takeaway imho. The OP seems to get it now, I think. But, for anyone else reading the thread, this is the most important thing to grasp, and a non-trivial number of guys here seem to fail this one -- feeling the need to seize control in a situation like this is ultimately a DLV. It shows signs of weakness because you're not confident in who you are and feel compelled to bring people down to your level in some sort of attempt to gain status over them.
Moreover, what truly melts panties, imho anyway, is when another guy is doing that and you're able to disarm him without being drawn into his invented competition. Women can sense the douchebag alpha attempts to wrest control over a group and are totally enamored with the other guy who's able to manage the situation deftly, without conflict or cowering.
[As a complete aside, I personally think this is where Roissy missed a great opportunity to expand upon his 'amused mastery' concept in dealing with other men. It's a perfect tactic for this, but I think he narrowed his definition and explanation unnecessarily and missed a prime opportunity to avoid "games of one-upsmanship", as I call them, where two or more dudes feel the inexplicable compulsion to be the single AMOG, presumably out of some implicit or inferred zero sum game.]
I get better as the years go by, but dealing with big, loud, dumb guys gives me a flash of PTSD from my junior high school days. As someone who was nerdy, smart, skinny, and shy, I always had the toughest time dealing with these guys.
It's fine now. But there is a bit of the junior high kid in my head stressing out a little.
Comments
him: "you guys are having way too much fun"
me<laughing along>: "hard not to on such a nice day. you folks enjoying yourselves?"
============================
Fuck Culture. Live your life - Beatrice
You're absolutely right. The reason I'm combining the two is that I'm an odd sort of duck - a shy extrovert. I love people. I love making people laugh. I feel energized by social interactions.
But I have a lifetime habit of assuming that people won't like me, don't notice me, and won't respect me because I'm just not that awesome. This produces a lot of awkward/orbiting/insecure/unfriendly behavior which in turn (I'm pretty sure) produces "va-clangs" wherever it appears.
So - thanks partly to @Tennee and @Angeline - my MAP includes both trying to build awesome, AND trying to practice being friendly with everyone, to overcome my insecurity.
M.A.P. - http://marriedmansexlife.vanillaforums.com/discussion/13574/pen-and-swords-map
And that is how the new normal will get normalized. Talk to everyone. Make a joke. Make 'em laugh. Say hello. Raise your eyebrow and say something witty to the SR9 hottie in line with you. Whatever. Interactions with strangers, when you have the opportunity, are zero-risk situations. Practice, practice, practice...
How will you live well today?
One Hour Call 12-Week Guided MAP
"The turnaround is tremendous. And I'm lifting weights, eating better, and tackling projects. I have all this great energy without a vampire sucking my life force. He's a lot stronger standing on his own two feet, as well." - Scarlet
I'm going to spotlight this because this is the key takeaway imho. The OP seems to get it now, I think. But, for anyone else reading the thread, this is the most important thing to grasp, and a non-trivial number of guys here seem to fail this one -- feeling the need to seize control in a situation like this is ultimately a DLV. It shows signs of weakness because you're not confident in who you are and feel compelled to bring people down to your level in some sort of attempt to gain status over them.
Moreover, what truly melts panties, imho anyway, is when another guy is doing that and you're able to disarm him without being drawn into his invented competition. Women can sense the douchebag alpha attempts to wrest control over a group and are totally enamored with the other guy who's able to manage the situation deftly, without conflict or cowering.
[As a complete aside, I personally think this is where Roissy missed a great opportunity to expand upon his 'amused mastery' concept in dealing with other men. It's a perfect tactic for this, but I think he narrowed his definition and explanation unnecessarily and missed a prime opportunity to avoid "games of one-upsmanship", as I call them, where two or more dudes feel the inexplicable compulsion to be the single AMOG, presumably out of some implicit or inferred zero sum game.]
"You guys were having too much fun"
"Damn right!"
dalef said:
It's fine now. But there is a bit of the junior high kid in my head stressing out a little.