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  • twodogstwodogs USASilver Member Posts: 359
    @generalzod there wasn't really a theme, it was just stuff you'd find on the front page of most porn sites
    My triage (midway down the page)


  • twodogstwodogs USASilver Member Posts: 359
    It's been a while but I want to give an update.  I started TRT (testosterone cypionate and HCG) 2 weeks ago and I already feel much better.  I have the energy and motivation to make it to the gym every day I'm supposed to go.  I've also been in a better mood and less grumpy.  It's helped me get along much better with my wife.

    We average sex about every 14-15 days and yesterday was the first time since starting on Test Cyp and HCG.  I never had any sexual issues (other than not getting it enough) before but I have felt much more sexually aggressive the past week or so.  I controlled things in bed yesterday and she said "Ow!" a few times so I had to slow it down a bit.  Better than her wishing I was going at it more aggressively I guess.

    So here's where I need some feedback.  I tried something new to see how my wife would react, and it didn't go well.  She's never been interested in me sexually so this was probably too soon.  I created a logo out of the BDSM (something I'd like to get into very mildly, but she has no interest) for a Bureau of Naughtiness.  I used an old typewriter font to type her a letter (attached).  Here's all the stuff, and below is the result:


    Here's the envelope I made.  I sealed it with red wax.




    Here's the letter:




    Here's the logo I taped on the box with my clippers:





    Here's my "counterfeit ID" that I laminated using shipping tape to try to make it look official.






    So I put the letter under her pillow.  I was going to put it on the front door mat but I thought the next part would freak her out if I did that.  I got a Google Voice number and saved it to her phone as "Bureau of Naughtiness."  I sent a text saying something like "Your next mission is detailed in a letter under your pillow.  You have 24 hours to prepare.  Good luck, agent."

    She got the text when she went to take a shower on Saturday night and just sent back to my phone "You're crazy and you have too much time on your hands."  I went the STFU and stick to the role route and never said a word about it.  Neither did she.  Fast forward to Sunday night.  I'm leaving for the gym.  I always shower at home after the gym by this time I had packed a bag and already put it in the car while she was in the other room.  As I'm leaving she said "I think I want a rain check on our do it."  I laughed and said, "Oh you do?"  Then I left.  In hindsight I should have said no rain checks.  This is typical for her though.  Probably more than half the time we have scheduled sex she backs out.

    So I go to the gym still hoping that since I didn't agree to a rain check she'll be ready for me when I come home.  I come home at exactly 10:30 and she's in bed eating popcorn and watching a show on Netflix.  She stays up until about 1 a.m. watching it.  Never says a word to me.

    The next afternoon when the kids are napping she says "Well if you want a do it we should probably do it now before one of them wakes up."  Then she does her starfish thing, with the exception of complaining that I was breathing on her and saying she hates that, and then saying "Ow!" a few times because I was being too rough.  Afterwards she said something about the letter and said, "You didn't really think I'd do that stuff did you?  There's zero chance I would ever do that.  I don't know why you'd even think I would."

    So was it too soon?  Is it likely just not the kind of thing she'd ever be into?  She's very bossy so part of the issue may have been giving her orders, but I was hoping that would turn her on and spice things up.  I feel like I'm doomed to duty sex every 2-3 weeks (adding on a few days to that gap each year).  
    My triage (midway down the page)


  • SerenitySerenity Senior Moderator** Posts: 11,358
    edited January 12
    You're still talking to her about sex ... just in written form.

    You're going to need to take smaller steps for a while as you focus on building attraction. I think you'll find that you make quicker progress now that your T levels are optimal.
    Serenity said:
    Stay away from talking to her about sex right now. There's no upside and a heck of a lot of downsides to it.

    I know it's frustrating when you're not getting the sex you want, but try to just focus on your Map. Her reactions are going to trail your actions by a few months. 

    AngelineTenneeLeticia
  • twodogstwodogs USASilver Member Posts: 359
    @Serenity I know.  It's easier said than done and I keep thinking I can break her out of her shell but I need to STFU about it.  I at least didn't complain at all about it.  I just said i think it'd be fun to spice things up a bit.  

    Does not talking about sex also mean not initiating?  If so, how long should I let it go on?  I could see a situation where until I've initiated 10-15 times and been rejected she wouldn't have sex.  She definitely wouldn't just offer it up on her own if I wasn't trying.  It's more of a "I've said no so many times I"m starting to guilty" type of thing.  But I have been completely outcome independent.  She even got made about a month ago and slammed her toothbrush down and I said, "Relax, it's nothing to get mad about.  If you're not in the mood right now that's fine."  Then I went to the gym.  When I came back she apologized.
    My triage (midway down the page)


  • SerenitySerenity Senior Moderator** Posts: 11,358
    @twodogs  I would want to take a look at all your threads before I commented specifically, but in general, initiating when she's red is a -1.

    If she's always red, you've got to figure out where the blockages are. And if she's giving you 'martyr sex', it's actually diminishing her attraction.

    Have you watched the videos, yet? The Chain of Seduction stuff is ground-breaking when it comes to understanding where things are breaking down.

    And good call on not complaining. Progress.  :)

    twodogs said:

    Does not talking about sex also mean not initiating?  If so, how long should I let it go on?  I could see a situation where until I've initiated 10-15 times and been rejected she wouldn't have sex.  She definitely wouldn't just offer it up on her own if I wasn't trying.  It's more of a "I've said no so many times I"m starting to guilty" type of thing.  But I have been completely outcome independent.  She even got made about a month ago and slammed her toothbrush down and I said, "Relax, it's nothing to get mad about.  If you're not in the mood right now that's fine."  Then I went to the gym.  When I came back she apologized.

  • twodogstwodogs USASilver Member Posts: 359
    Thanks for the advice.  Nope, haven't watched those but I'll do that.
    My triage (midway down the page)


    Serenity
  • CartB4HorseCartB4Horse Southwest USASilver Member Posts: 4,155
    I'm on board with this thread, just out of time to read thru the rest.

    @twodogs, good job starting out on your journey.  Although long, each step brings small rewards and makes you a better man.

    Put back on course via a 'One Hour Call' with Athol.  Seriously worth 10 times the cost, but don't tell him that....

    “Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” - Victor Frankl 

    twodogs
  • DonaldDouglassDonaldDouglass Scottsdale Member Posts: 21
    @twodogs, I want to know where this went. Did you build attraction and climb out of the no sex / initiate but rejected rut?
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