As people bring things up you jump all over them, sometimes doing things and sometimes not.
^^^ QFT. Not beating on you my man, but this is an absolutely spot-on observation. And I'm putting it first before you chase lifting down the rabbit-hole. I'm not saying to not lift, quite the opposite. Just make sure this is one of the Monkeys - not the focus-du-jour. Soon, lifting will become just another part of the day.
Now, on to lifting:
Knowing RBH as I do, his routine is going to have lots of core, compound lifts peppered throughout it. These are the foundation of strength: Deadlift, Back Squat, Barbell bench press, Barbell over-head press, Barbell Row, and Pull-ups/Chin-ups. These are the 6 bad-boys that build your core strength and power - everything emanates from these.
You can certainly substitute - Dumbbell Military press vs. BB OHP, etc. I use DBs frequently in my 4-day split. But if I can use a BB with pates, I do it a lot.
I think SL 5X5 is a tremendous place to start. Its simple, consists of 5 of the 6 core compounds above, and is an easy A/B 3 Xs a week routine to follow.
And start slow and low man. Hell do air-weight body motions for a couple times at home first - get your form down. Have Cart Jr. watch / film you, and switch off. Form, FORM, FORM!!! Get this right, then go low with weights - don't worry about squating 3 plates in 3 weeks crap - low and slow.
Get your form right, and get started. And watch how rapidly y'all build up strength and muscle. From there, expand to more complicated things.
Not saying RBH's routine can't work right out of the gate - it can. But, especially for Cart Jr, knowledge is power. Following a routine is one thing - and a good thing. But understanding why Squats do what they do, etc. - that knowledge forms the foundation for a lifetime of lifting.
I wish I'd read Rippetoe's book when I was 17, because it would have given me a foundation much earlier to build on.
"Fall down seven times, stand up eight" Japanese Proverb
Oh, as for a gym - mandatory equipment: barbells, lotsa and lotsa plates, racks - plural. DBs up to 100, 120 is better. I don't use anything above that, but you can find gyms with DBs that are insane. Personal preference.
"Fall down seven times, stand up eight" Japanese Proverb
Any progress on the family's 'state of the union' address? (Finances, chores, the familes goals?)
Don't get sidetracked into the minutiae of exercise - just do it and fine-tune from there! Maybe the two of you would benefit from a 12-week boot camp style challenge? (Tons of them on offer where I live.) And it'll get your basic fitness level up while you figure out your strengths and weaknesses and then go from there?
@MissD - My wife and I talk about finances much more frequently now that we have (ever) in the past. It's been hard for me to have some of these conversations due to Nice Guy issues but it is getting easier.
Chores are getting taken care of. Not exactly how I'd like them but everything gets done with all four of us helping out. DD has taken over most of the Laundry Detail, son does the lawn work and taking out trash cans, both kids help with cleaning up after the dogs and other items as they come up and get delegated.
Put back on course via a 'One Hour Call' with Athol. Seriously worth 10 times the cost, but don't tell him that....
“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” - Victor Frankl
Thank you for posting that again Angeline, I re-read the posts and realize they are both spot on.
@Tennee - I completely agree with what you wrote. I'd read an article regarding Rippetoe and the basic core excercises. I've also downloaded an app that has Strong lift 5x5 and think Jr. and I will start there, work on core strength and form, let the weight build up over time. Besides, I want to be able to walk the next day!
Put back on course via a 'One Hour Call' with Athol. Seriously worth 10 times the cost, but don't tell him that....
“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” - Victor Frankl
I've been there before, went at it like an 18 year old and, well, could hardly walk....
I won't do that this time. Nice and slow, work on form, nail it and add weight gradually. I don't need to lift a ton in the next month or so.
Put back on course via a 'One Hour Call' with Athol. Seriously worth 10 times the cost, but don't tell him that....
“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” - Victor Frankl
I'm going to do something I haven't done in the three plus years I've been here.
Fitness, Food and Health:
Drink water, not Diet Coke. Get consumption up to 8 glasses of water while at the office, hold DC's to no more than two a day. Coffee is already at two travel mugs a day, in the morning. Food is off right now but weight under control at 175 lbs. I'll look into this more as weight lifting comes on board over the next few weeks. I've been eating light during the day and then having a good dinner at night as a way of keeping my weight under control.
Money and Material Stuff:
Work has leveled out except for a new bump in the road that I'm working on resolving today. Continue to gain momentum with my income, close sales per my business plan. I won't go into too much detail online as I want to keep what I do under wraps.
Display High Value:
Hmm, thinking about this one. I do lead and my wife defers to my judgement on a regular basis. If I can do something that shows High Value while being an AoS it could be great.
Building Relationship Comfort:
I haven't been doing squat on this and I can see signs that it is needed. Not sure if taking care of stuff around the house counts here but I have been doing that for a long time and my wife recently said that she's noticed. This area needs some attention.
Personality and Preferences:
I'm going to inject something that I can do for me, something that I enjoy. Maybe weight lifting can do this for me but I don't want to head that way for a minute and then drop it. Someone up there ^^ said that I tend to do that sort of thing (rightfully so).
High-Energy Sex:
That comes last. One thing I can do right now is make sex possible. My OI is solid, I don't have Covert Contracts and my problem lies in not initiating enough, being too passive.
Put back on course via a 'One Hour Call' with Athol. Seriously worth 10 times the cost, but don't tell him that....
“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” - Victor Frankl
Work has leveled out except for a new bump in the road that I'm working on resolving today. Continue to gain momentum with my income, close sales per my business plan. I won't go into too much detail online as I want to keep what I do under wraps.
Does Mrs.C know about this bump and your plans to address it?
This very well be my own experience talking, but financial security is hug. I suspect you could garner yourself a lot of 'points' in several categories by tackling this straight on - and sharing, inviting input from her.
Not just this 'bump', but laying out a solid plan (ideas?) for 6 months from now, 1, 5, 10 years, retirement etc.
And for me, the 'plan' doesn't involve unnecessary risks like playing on the stock market. Just saying...
Diet - Limit Diet Coke intake, no more than 3 per day during the week. Find something better to drink, water works. Also, drink more water, at least 8 glasses while at the office.
Work - I filled in wifey on most of whats going on with work and told her I am actively looking for a new job. Part of what is happening (speed bump from last week) is a major claw back where my company is charging me a large sum of money. I'm fighting this now with my managers assistance but don't know how it will turn out. Monkey in this regard is to look for a new job while continuing to keep my head in the game here.
DHV/RC - Take DD shopping for a gift from her to her mom. At the same time I can pick up something for both DS and my wife. On a second trip, take son so he can pick up some stuff for wifey, DD, his mom and his Grandmother (mom's mom whom he lives with the other 50% of the time).
Put back on course via a 'One Hour Call' with Athol. Seriously worth 10 times the cost, but don't tell him that....
“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” - Victor Frankl
I found out yesterday about the forum shutting down. Very sad to see it go after all that it has done for me.
I found NMMNG and soon after this forum. Bought and read the books and started MAPing. This forum and Athol's work not only gave my marriage a chance, it gave ME a chance.
I'll MAP on. I believe 2017 will be full of movement, either good or bad.
Thank you Athol and everyone here for all your help. I hope we meet again on our journey.
Put back on course via a 'One Hour Call' with Athol. Seriously worth 10 times the cost, but don't tell him that....
“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” - Victor Frankl
@nubby - I sent her a message, hopefully I'll be over there soon!
Also, I can be reached at CartB4Horse180 at gee mail dot com. Drop me a line anyone!!
Put back on course via a 'One Hour Call' with Athol. Seriously worth 10 times the cost, but don't tell him that....
“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” - Victor Frankl
Put back on course via a 'One Hour Call' with Athol. Seriously worth 10 times the cost, but don't tell him that....
“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” - Victor Frankl
Work has leveled out except for a new bump in the road that I'm working on resolving today. Continue to gain momentum with my income, close sales per my business plan. I won't go into too much detail online as I want to keep what I do under wraps.
Does Mrs.C know about this bump and your plans to address it?
This very well be my own experience talking, but financial security is hug. I suspect you could garner yourself a lot of 'points' in several categories by tackling this straight on - and sharing, inviting input from her.
Not just this 'bump', but laying out a solid plan (ideas?) for 6 months from now, 1, 5, 10 years, retirement etc.
And for me, the 'plan' doesn't involve unnecessary risks like playing on the stock market. Just saying...
@MissD - Your point was spot on. My 'bump' was/is more of a crater that I may not be able to get out of. I was avoiding telling my wife about it; I was afraid of her reaction.
This morning I told her everything, all the gory details about what happened at work. I also told her what my plan was, what I was doing to work thru this. I can't believe how well I handled this.
I also uncovered a HUGE RED, one of @nubby proportions. I am afraid of my wife. I've been pretending not to be, trying to fool myself. NMMNG all over this and I intend on hammering away at my new Elephant.
Put back on course via a 'One Hour Call' with Athol. Seriously worth 10 times the cost, but don't tell him that....
“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” - Victor Frankl
You've also been telling me to stop drinking. Look how long that took.
Now is the (past the) time to slay this 'new' beast.
It goes so much deeper than the Nice Guy being afraid of his wife, it includes being dis-honest with her to cover up anything I feel she wouldn't like. I've been a liar for a very long time, lying to her as well as myself.
Put back on course via a 'One Hour Call' with Athol. Seriously worth 10 times the cost, but don't tell him that....
“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” - Victor Frankl
I think most alcoholics are constantly afraid of letting people around them down, with big imagined catastrophic reactions, when often those people are not nearly that judgmental. They expend 10 times more energy to to hide and avoid discovery of fuckups than just fixing them.
This over the top avoidance can be seen in people who grew up with an alcoholic parent as well. You might want to do some reading about Adult Children of Alcoholics, but like with the sexual addiction book and websites, don't let reading about and identifying with a "syndrome" replace actions to eliminate the behavior.
Athol's "Jury" blog post should be required reading every so often. Just don't get carried away with the weather report thing - "you're not my jury and you're not my jury ..." If they have to live with the consequences of your action, then yeah, they kinda get a seat on that jury.
Anger or frustration with you when you've actively screwed something up, such as drunk driving, is to be expected. You earned that. But by believing and acting as if that will be the reaction to everything, even stuff outside your control like layoffs, you are assuming bad intentions. Trying to delay or hide news that impacts your spouse just compounds this. Those two angry states are not the same.
This would definitely be something to pick apart with a counselor.
"Speak your truth." - Scarlet Remember to play! Do the right thing, whether anyone is watching or not. Be married, until you are not.
Comments
Now, on to lifting:
Knowing RBH as I do, his routine is going to have lots of core, compound lifts peppered throughout it. These are the foundation of strength: Deadlift, Back Squat, Barbell bench press, Barbell over-head press, Barbell Row, and Pull-ups/Chin-ups. These are the 6 bad-boys that build your core strength and power - everything emanates from these.
You can certainly substitute - Dumbbell Military press vs. BB OHP, etc. I use DBs frequently in my 4-day split. But if I can use a BB with pates, I do it a lot.
I think SL 5X5 is a tremendous place to start. Its simple, consists of 5 of the 6 core compounds above, and is an easy A/B 3 Xs a week routine to follow.
And start slow and low man. Hell do air-weight body motions for a couple times at home first - get your form down. Have Cart Jr. watch / film you, and switch off. Form, FORM, FORM!!! Get this right, then go low with weights - don't worry about squating 3 plates in 3 weeks crap - low and slow.
Get your form right, and get started. And watch how rapidly y'all build up strength and muscle. From there, expand to more complicated things.
Not saying RBH's routine can't work right out of the gate - it can. But, especially for Cart Jr, knowledge is power. Following a routine is one thing - and a good thing. But understanding why Squats do what they do, etc. - that knowledge forms the foundation for a lifetime of lifting.
I wish I'd read Rippetoe's book when I was 17, because it would have given me a foundation much earlier to build on.
How will you live well today?
How will you live well today?
Chores are getting taken care of. Not exactly how I'd like them but everything gets done with all four of us helping out. DD has taken over most of the Laundry Detail, son does the lawn work and taking out trash cans, both kids help with cleaning up after the dogs and other items as they come up and get delegated.
Put back on course via a 'One Hour Call' with Athol. Seriously worth 10 times the cost, but don't tell him that....
“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” - Victor Frankl
@Tennee - I completely agree with what you wrote. I'd read an article regarding Rippetoe and the basic core excercises. I've also downloaded an app that has Strong lift 5x5 and think Jr. and I will start there, work on core strength and form, let the weight build up over time. Besides, I want to be able to walk the next day!
Put back on course via a 'One Hour Call' with Athol. Seriously worth 10 times the cost, but don't tell him that....
“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” - Victor Frankl
I've been there before, went at it like an 18 year old and, well, could hardly walk....
I won't do that this time. Nice and slow, work on form, nail it and add weight gradually. I don't need to lift a ton in the next month or so.
Put back on course via a 'One Hour Call' with Athol. Seriously worth 10 times the cost, but don't tell him that....
“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” - Victor Frankl
Fitness, Food and Health:
Drink water, not Diet Coke. Get consumption up to 8 glasses of water while at the office, hold DC's to no more than two a day. Coffee is already at two travel mugs a day, in the morning.
Food is off right now but weight under control at 175 lbs. I'll look into this more as weight lifting comes on board over the next few weeks. I've been eating light during the day and then having a good dinner at night as a way of keeping my weight under control.
Money and Material Stuff:
Work has leveled out except for a new bump in the road that I'm working on resolving today. Continue to gain momentum with my income, close sales per my business plan. I won't go into too much detail online as I want to keep what I do under wraps.
Display High Value:
Hmm, thinking about this one. I do lead and my wife defers to my judgement on a regular basis. If I can do something that shows High Value while being an AoS it could be great.
Building Relationship Comfort:
I haven't been doing squat on this and I can see signs that it is needed. Not sure if taking care of stuff around the house counts here but I have been doing that for a long time and my wife recently said that she's noticed. This area needs some attention.
Personality and Preferences:
I'm going to inject something that I can do for me, something that I enjoy. Maybe weight lifting can do this for me but I don't want to head that way for a minute and then drop it. Someone up there ^^ said that I tend to do that sort of thing (rightfully so).
High-Energy Sex:
That comes last. One thing I can do right now is make sex possible. My OI is solid, I don't have Covert Contracts and my problem lies in not initiating enough, being too passive.
Put back on course via a 'One Hour Call' with Athol. Seriously worth 10 times the cost, but don't tell him that....
“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” - Victor Frankl
****Start light, and focus on form.****
that can't be emphasised enough.
This very well be my own experience talking, but financial security is hug. I suspect you could garner yourself a lot of 'points' in several categories by tackling this straight on - and sharing, inviting input from her.
Not just this 'bump', but laying out a solid plan (ideas?) for 6 months from now, 1, 5, 10 years, retirement etc.
And for me, the 'plan' doesn't involve unnecessary risks like playing on the stock market. Just saying...
After 6 - 12 months on 5X5, Cart will be ready for more advanced territory
How will you live well today?
Diet - Limit Diet Coke intake, no more than 3 per day during the week. Find something better to drink, water works. Also, drink more water, at least 8 glasses while at the office.
Work - I filled in wifey on most of whats going on with work and told her I am actively looking for a new job. Part of what is happening (speed bump from last week) is a major claw back where my company is charging me a large sum of money. I'm fighting this now with my managers assistance but don't know how it will turn out. Monkey in this regard is to look for a new job while continuing to keep my head in the game here.
DHV/RC - Take DD shopping for a gift from her to her mom. At the same time I can pick up something for both DS and my wife. On a second trip, take son so he can pick up some stuff for wifey, DD, his mom and his Grandmother (mom's mom whom he lives with the other 50% of the time).
Put back on course via a 'One Hour Call' with Athol. Seriously worth 10 times the cost, but don't tell him that....
“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” - Victor Frankl
I found NMMNG and soon after this forum. Bought and read the books and started MAPing. This forum and Athol's work not only gave my marriage a chance, it gave ME a chance.
I'll MAP on. I believe 2017 will be full of movement, either good or bad.
Thank you Athol and everyone here for all your help. I hope we meet again on our journey.
Put back on course via a 'One Hour Call' with Athol. Seriously worth 10 times the cost, but don't tell him that....
“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” - Victor Frankl
Also, I can be reached at CartB4Horse180 at gee mail dot com. Drop me a line anyone!!
Put back on course via a 'One Hour Call' with Athol. Seriously worth 10 times the cost, but don't tell him that....
“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” - Victor Frankl
Put back on course via a 'One Hour Call' with Athol. Seriously worth 10 times the cost, but don't tell him that....
“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” - Victor Frankl
This morning I told her everything, all the gory details about what happened at work. I also told her what my plan was, what I was doing to work thru this. I can't believe how well I handled this.
I also uncovered a HUGE RED, one of @nubby proportions. I am afraid of my wife. I've been pretending not to be, trying to fool myself. NMMNG all over this and I intend on hammering away at my new Elephant.
Put back on course via a 'One Hour Call' with Athol. Seriously worth 10 times the cost, but don't tell him that....
“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” - Victor Frankl
Remember to play!
Do the right thing, whether anyone is watching or not.
Be married, until you are not.
Email address: angeline.greenwood@att.net
You've also been telling me to stop drinking. Look how long that took.
Now is the (past the) time to slay this 'new' beast.
It goes so much deeper than the Nice Guy being afraid of his wife, it includes being dis-honest with her to cover up anything I feel she wouldn't like. I've been a liar for a very long time, lying to her as well as myself.
Put back on course via a 'One Hour Call' with Athol. Seriously worth 10 times the cost, but don't tell him that....
“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” - Victor Frankl
This over the top avoidance can be seen in people who grew up with an alcoholic parent as well. You might want to do some reading about Adult Children of Alcoholics, but like with the sexual addiction book and websites, don't let reading about and identifying with a "syndrome" replace actions to eliminate the behavior.
Athol's "Jury" blog post should be required reading every so often. Just don't get carried away with the weather report thing - "you're not my jury and you're not my jury ..." If they have to live with the consequences of your action, then yeah, they kinda get a seat on that jury.
Anger or frustration with you when you've actively screwed something up, such as drunk driving, is to be expected. You earned that. But by believing and acting as if that will be the reaction to everything, even stuff outside your control like layoffs, you are assuming bad intentions. Trying to delay or hide news that impacts your spouse just compounds this. Those two angry states are not the same.
This would definitely be something to pick apart with a counselor.
Remember to play!
Do the right thing, whether anyone is watching or not.
Be married, until you are not.
Email address: angeline.greenwood@att.net