Trapped by a Beta Male

SoSoFeminine

Hello everyone

I'm a 29 year old woman.  Attractive, in shape, educated, good job.  Unfortunately lately I keep attracting passive Beta Males.  The guy I have been seeing for about 3 months started out pretending to be something he wasn't.  He acted fairly assertive and pursued me hard.  It wasn't until fairly recently that he began to show his true colors.  Now he is passive, effeminate, clingy and repulsive to me.  The thing is I just can't seem to get rid of him.  Help!

Tennee

Don't fool around here - honesty is the best policy

"This isn't working for me, see ya"   I mean, don't be horrid, but don't fiddle around either.   Next.  That's it. 

Scarlet

Stop seeing him.  Do you typically have trouble breaking it off?

A triage would be helpful.  Welcome to the forum!

Tennee

Angeline

Perhaps you're being facetious, but trapped is a silly word to use.

The only trap is your own squishy behavior in not standing up for yourself.

Being truthful is not the same as being mean, or being bitchy. If so, you're doing it wrong. You can be fair, kind and still not waffle around.

LadyOrTheTyger

"I don't want to see you anymore.  I'm breaking up with you.  I'll leave your house slippers and tooth brush at X location.  I wish you all the best."

HildaCorners

I see two issues here.

1) How to break it off with a squishy guy. You've gotten lots of good advice here, use it.

2) How to attract stronger men.

The second is important, and you'll need to do some self-analysis and probably some improvement. Athol has a great book on this, The Mindful Attraction Plan or MAP, as we call it). Though the book focuses more on marriages, it's also useful for singles like us ... because we need to improve ourselves, too.

Part of your improvement is to take on the traits that stronger men are attracted to in a woman. <over exaggeration here> For example, if you're a ball-busting construction worker, swear like a longshoreman, and your idea of dressing up is wiping the mud off your steel toed boots, you're repelling all the men who like femininity and want to lead the relationship. <end over exaggeration> You don't have to become someone you aren't, but you have to explore the sides of yourself than strong men like.

Rico

"Welcome to Dumpsville.  Population: You"

fredless

Rico said:

"Welcome to Dumpsville.  Population: You"

or alternatively...

Remus

I think some details about how he was at first, how his behavior changed, when it changed, what is your dynamic between the two of you, etc.  The more information the better we can see if this is something you are doing, or bad luck.

dalef

The question may be why do you turn the men you date into betas.

LadyOrTheTyger

dalef said:

The question may be why do you turn the men you date into betas.

If a man can be made "passive, effeminate, and clingy" by a woman within 3 months, he wasn't much of a man to begin with.  

He probably read some Game articles on the internet and was playing a part.  

Remus

Last comment.  If you are wondering why we are all asking you to look at yourself, rather than saying 'yeah, girl, we hear you!' its because this is a site dedicated to people making themselves better, and thus attracting a better sort of person.  So please don't take the comments the wrong way, and if that appeals to you, then welcome.

dalef

LadyOrTheTyger said:

dalef said:

The question may be why do you turn the men you date into betas.

If a man can be made "passive, effeminate, and clingy" by a woman within 3 months, he wasn't much of a man to begin with.  

He probably read some Game articles on the internet and was playing a part.  

But she says this happens with many men she dates. (I had some relationships along those lines, except I didn't get effeminate or clingy, the women saw me as passive alpha asshole). I think the difference is some men effeminate and clingy worked with their mom; my mom would never care, so I wound up wandering off to read or watch TV, or both.

Scarlet

@dalef That still doesn't mean she's changing the men she meets.  It means she's picking men who are weak.  

Men are not betaized by women, nor vice versa.  We are all affected by relationship dynamics but we are still our own agents.  That's the whole point of the MAP, really, to recognize and harness the power we have in our own lives. 

LHK

Maybe we should wait for the OP to return with an update rather than waste a bunch of time and energy on guessing about what is going on.

LHK