Working on getting back into the dating pool.

jzoom

While I want to leave the door open to reconciling my ex-gf I know I can't be chasing her and being a beta orbiter.  I know I have to get back out there and move on.  I posted a profile on PoF and welcome input to tweaking it.

http://www.pof.com/viewprofile.aspx?profile_id=108643026

LadyOrTheTyger

To me, the whole thing reads like you view women as a hassle and hope we don't bother you.  Could you maybe take a slightly more positive tone?   

jzoom

@LadyOrTheTyger ; I edited it a bit but wanted to keep the same essential message.

LadyOrTheTyger

That's definitely less negative and a step in the right direction.  It's still bland though.  It doesn't tell me anything besides that you own a motorcycle.  If you don't want to put a lot into your bio that's okay but you need some killer photos to compensate.  

jzoom

Yes, I do need more photos. Most I have right now have my ex-if in them or of me before I lost weight.

I'm not sure what else to put in the body though.

LadyOrTheTyger

What makes you, you?  What are your passions, your hobbies?  How will my life be different if I date you?  The only way you can DHV in online dating is with your story or your photos.  At least one needs to be on point.  

EANx

jzoom said:

I'm not sure what else to put in the body though.

Details. So far, you could have saved words and simply said "I want to get laid".

"and look to relax and have fun whenever I do have some downtime"

Doing what? The girl that likes you is probably not the one that likes me because we probably have different hobbies.

"I'm looking for a woman who takes care of herself"

Nuke this line, replace it with something else. Too many women will self-disqualify. Insinuate it by showing how active you are, how much time you spend mountain biking, hiking, etc. The couch potatoes will generally self-disqualify and those who are genuinely active will react more favorably.

You don't bait a hook the same way for each fish and you don't write a profile the same way for each woman. What do you want? If you want to socialize and get laid then say that (just not in those words). There really are attractive women who just want a fun time for a while, you just need to write a better profile to attract them, where are your interests and areas of expertise? Be an interesting and intriguing guy and the hot chicks will come running.

JellyBean

I'm all for moving on and dating and getting laid after a breakup. May I suggest you aren't ready. You've been through a very tumultuous time and your MAP is all over the place. You will probably benefit from taking a few months off from dating and spending some time doing some serious self-reflection/therapy/coaching. 

jzoom

Edited again. Though I've avoided putting "I go to work days Mon-Sat and work a part time job overnight Tue & Wed nights. I'm exhausted and usually sit with my dog watching TV or a movie until I fall asleep. I like going to comic book stores, wandering around the mall even though I don't have enough disposable income, and while ID live to do more outdoor activities during the summer I just don't usually have the time or energy after work. Plus I have to do some grown up chores on my one day off."


I'm wanting to get out and just casually date so I'm NOT just sitting at home. So that innit stuck with remnants of oneitis.

I am also getting back into the swing of going to the gym.

LadyOrTheTyger

Much better. 

Was "Lay Vegas" a Freudian slip?

jzoom

I wish, fucking auto-correct.

Cowboy

I haven't seen many profiles at all, but most of the ones my friends have asked me to look over have been downright awful. I'm not a chick, and I didn't see the earlier drafts, but I thought this was actually one of the better ones.
I would think the pictures are a good choice:  you're doing something active, with a motorcycle, no less...you're in a suit...and, well, then there's your dog.
FO's, do the pictures help?

LadyOrTheTyger

The wording now is good.  I like it.  There are more photos now than when I looked before too.  I don't need to see your dog but it doesn't hurt either; pet pictures are a neutral for me.  The motorcycle pic and suit pic are both good.  

jzoom

Thanks for the input on the profile. I'm going to work on getting more photos but they may end up being selfies (I know, not the best) just so I can show off the weight loss and improved wardrobe.

forestleaf

I just see three photos.  The one of you in the suit makes it look like you have an earring in your left ear?  Plus it's out of focus.  You need a better photo.

And TBH, the two things that would probably turn me off are the smoking and the "nothing serious."  It just makes it sound like you're scared of commitment.  Re: the smoking, it this something you hope to quit?  It's good that you're honest about it.

Angeline

Cautious about commitment is sensible and expected, and not at all unusual. The dating market is not the marriage waiting room.

jzoom

I have earrings and a nose ring, they're not going anywhere. I know it's out of focus but it's the best solo photo I have at the moment.

Well, it is nothing serious right now so I'd rather be honest. I enjoy smoking and have absolutely zero intent to stop.

DaddyOh

Just know that with the rings and smoking, you're limiting your "fish pool".

Recently I did not hire an applicant for a full time gig because he smoked. It shows a lack of discipline. 

jzoom

I understand that they can limit chances, however, they are part of who I am.  I've had piercings since I was 18 and I've been smoking pipes and cigars since I was 18.

Pipes and cigars are one of my interests, hobbies, and passions so I'm not giving that up over a woman.

Also, I don't understand how smoking shows a lack of discipline.

Remus

I can't believe I'm writing this, but maybe Tinder is a better choice for you?

You just need a couple of good pics and a line of text.  I think its a better option for just 'getting out of the house and having some fun'

Angeline

jzoom said:

I understand that they can limit chances, however, they are part of who I am.  I've had piercings since I was 18 and I've been smoking pipes and cigars since I was 18.

Pipes and cigars are one of my interests, hobbies, and passions so I'm not giving that up over a woman.

Also, I don't understand how smoking shows a lack of discipline.

It's the not being able to stop that is lack of discipline. Your decision. I could not have quit a day before I did it, because I enjoyed it.

And for everyone else, anyone who's ever dated and smoked knows it limits your dating pool, because people say it, right in their profiles, "no smokers". @jzoom has stated emphatically that the smoking is a hobby, and tbh even women who hate smoking sometimes don't mind cigars and pipes. Give it a rest, please.

I'd also like to try to talk you out of bad selfies.  Surely you know someone who can take some photos of you. @Remus is a great example of someone who got professional photos (which were GREAT) and got really good results.