Working on getting back into the dating pool.

HildaCorners

I noticed your first name snuck into the profile.

I am about as far out of your target market as is possible, so take my comments with a grain of salt.

I like to see the alpha/attraction qualities of a man in his profile. Have you seen Athol's videos? You should mention your top brands of attraction in your profile, these are the things that make a woman want to meet *you* and not just any man who will take them out.

Don't worry about relationship comfort ... not for casual dating. For casual dating, you want to project "I'm hot, I'm awesome, and we'll have lots of fun together."

My opinions about smoking are irrelevant ... if it's that important to you, mention it, but understand a lot of women will next your profile because of that. They'd next you in person anyway, so no loss.

Add a bit about what a woman will gain from dating you. "we'll have fun together" — what type of fun, what will you be doing? "We'll have fun discussing the latest climate change reports" is different from "we'll have fun riding my two dirt bikes" is different from "we'll have fun watching romcoms and cuddling."

If you have piercings, don't hide them with poor photos. This is another "next" item and you want to be up front about them.

If you're running a strong MAP, there will be women who find you awesome. You just have to connect with them.

jzoom

Big difference in smoking pipes and cigars than cigarettes. I'm not addicted and can regularly go long periods of time without smoking.

Not trying to hide the piercings, just the solo photos I have are from before weight loss and the rest have my ex in them. They don't seem like good choices. I'll have to work on the photos somehow.

I'll think about the "we'll have fun" stuff to flesh it out more.

jzoom

Would it come off terribly deceptive if I put not a smoker in the checkbook then explained the pipes and cigars in the body of the profile?

LadyOrTheTyger

jzoom said:

Would it come off terribly deceptive if I put not a smoker in the checkbook then explained the pipes and cigars in the body of the profile?

No

jzoom

I believe I have the text figured out much better now from all of the input. Just need to work on the photos.

I'll have to look into that Tinder thing...

EANx

jzoom said:

I believe I have the text figured out much better now from all of the input. Just need to work on the photos.

I'll have to look into that Tinder thing...

Your phone probably has a timer function, I know my Android does. Set aside 30 minutes to take a couple of sharp photos that don't look like selfies and you're good. Selfies have at least one hand missing or holding a stick, make sure both of yours are in the pic. 30 minutes because it will take a few test shots and experimenting.

HildaCorners

jzoom said:

Would it come off terribly deceptive if I put not a smoker in the checkbook then explained the pipes and cigars in the body of the profile?

Be honest.

If there is more than a Yes/No answer choice, answer the equivalent of "occasional smoker." If limited to Yes/No, answer Yes, but early in your profile say "I enjoy an occasional cigar or pipe, but can easily go without."

You are a smoker, but a non-addicted one.

If you don't mention that you smoke, lots of people will think you are deliberately deceiving them. Not just on the smoking, but on everything else.

Scarlet

I totally disagree.  The smoking question is about cigarettes.  Occasional cigars and pipes (or hookah, for that matter), are completely different.  No point in triggering people's filters for no good reason.  

growingafamily

jzoom said:

Would it come off terribly deceptive if I put not a smoker in the checkbook then explained the pipes and cigars in the body of the profile?

Nope. If people aren't reading your profile that's their problem, not yours.

My sister, when she was a single mom, used to check "no kids" then write in her profile that she had a daughter. Anyone surprised to find out she was a mom, she knew they didn't read her profile at all.

dalef

Scarlet said:

I totally disagree.  The smoking question is about cigarettes.  Occasional cigars and pipes (or hookah, for that matter), are completely different.  No point in triggering people's filters for no good reason.  

I would consider the question to be about any tobacco smoke (of course, that is one of my allergies).

Reborn

Scarlet said:

  No point in triggering people's filters for no good reason.  

Exactly.  Explain it in the profile. 

Scarlet

dalef said:

Scarlet said:

I totally disagree.  The smoking question is about cigarettes.  Occasional cigars and pipes (or hookah, for that matter), are completely different.  No point in triggering people's filters for no good reason.  

I would consider the question to be about any tobacco smoke (of course, that is one of my allergies).

With all due respect: 1) you're not on the market  2) you're not in the age range.

People who are looking at the OP's profile are going to be in a category of people who interpret that question as "are you or are you not a frequent cigarette smoker?"  And anyone who gets all bent out of shape because jzoom smokes an occasional pipe or cigar, is not worth one more second of his time, anyway. 

Remus

Scarlet said:

dalef said:

Scarlet said:

I totally disagree.  The smoking question is about cigarettes.  Occasional cigars and pipes (or hookah, for that matter), are completely different.  No point in triggering people's filters for no good reason.  

I would consider the question to be about any tobacco smoke (of course, that is one of my allergies).

With all due respect: 1) you're not on the market  2) you're not in the age range.

People who are looking at the OP's profile are going to be in a category of people who interpret that question as "are you or are you not a frequent cigarette smoker?"  And anyone who gets all bent out of shape because jzoom smokes an occasional pipe or cigar, is not worth one more second of his time, anyway. 

I agree with this.  Unless he smokes pipes and cigars a LOT, then its another story.

Also, if you do smoke (even pipes and cigars), and are with a non smoker, keep in mind that while you don't smell/taste it, the other person will.  Go out of your way to thoroughly wash your face around your mouth and brush your teeth/mouthwash after smoking if you anticipate some action.  Also, smoke outdoors if at all possible, or have one room in your own home for smoking .

For profile purposes, selecting non smoker then in your profile saying 'I enjoy the occasional pipe or cigar, but I do my best to be considerate of others when I do so' would probably be enough.

jzoom

I went with switching it to non-smoker and then explaining my passion for pipes and cigars.  Sometimes I do smoke them a lot and then sometimes I just don't have time.

I'm not changing this for a woman so if they are bent out of shape after reading my profile or give it a shot since it's not cigs and can't take it too bad.  In my house I smoke wherever I want, it's not getting designated to a specific area.

Whole thing is just making me want to find another smoker to date.


I uploaded the following two photos to my profile on PoF and OkCupid.  Thanks for the timer tip @EANx ;

EANx

I don't know about guys profile but those photos are better than the average woman has on hers. The rest of them can be random-quality action-shots.

never_again

Not like I've had a whole lot of success with online dating lately but...

I put smoking cigars and pipes in the same category as hunting.  It's a trigger for women and they'll automatically next you because there are Plenty of Fish in the Sea.

I smoke cigars and I hunt.  Neither are in my profile, though an astute woman could look at my Africa photos and see that I'm not exactly on a photo safari.  

When I meet a woman I'm up front about it - the cigars are a treat, not a habit (and life is too short to smoke a cheap cigar), and I explain my passion for hunting and the adventures I've had doing it.  Most women, even bunny-huggers, will respond to passion.  

Many women will admit to enjoying the smell of a good cigar.  Heck, I took a pack of Club cigars to a wine-tasting (and subsequent gathering around the fire pit) and they lined up to have one themselves.

The biggest secret to online dating is getting them to agree to meet you.  Once you're face-to-face prejudices fly out the window and you're working solely on attraction.  That's when you discuss your deepest passions.

jzoom

Not actually online dating but I had a small victory.  Check out MeetUp.com and found a nerd group meeting up for drinks and a live band this past Fri night.  From the small profile pics one good looking girl was going and just getting out would be good for me.  Get there and the girl is young and attractive.

I'm the best looking guy in this group and all the other guys are fawning over her from the get-go.  I'm more allow and cocky/funny, neg her about her job, and getting good reactions.  This is a group of nerds, socially awkward and such, and not used to loud live music.  One needs to go downstairs and she goes with...next thing you know all the other guys have followed her downstairs except for me.  When the main band comes on I go down and let them know but they never come back up.  When the host is ready to go (and it's getting a little later for me since I do have to work in the morning) I go down and they're still there.  More cocky/funny, get her number (even though everybody was supposedly passing numbers friendly but I don't ask for any of the guys numbers), ask her about dinner & movie on Sun but she was starting to get sick, and walk out with her.  I also touch her, which none of the other guys do and night ends well.

Sat I ask how she's feeling, it's worse, I try a sexual innuendo and get silence.  Sun I check in on her and she's no better.  I make a joke about "playing charades lol" because she doesn't have to talk since she had lost her voice.  She says no thank-you and I say the lol meant it was a joke.  She says she knows and she was joking but her sense of humor must be dry.  I reply, "then we have to work on getting you wet".  I get a stern reply of I should stop because she doesn't respond well to strangers believing that's appropriate.

I just let her hang for awhile, then just move on with the conversation like it never happened, considering this is all text and I couldn't think of anything else to say.  We get onto a subject of her rock climbing and eventually get around to "if you behave I might take you" and I reply "behave?".  I get a "you know what I mean".  I just leave it hanging for awhile then go, "we will have a good time, just have to find a day we are both free."  Talk about that a little and then she's heading to bed to sleep off the sickness.


What I'm stuck on is the text shit tests there.  I really just had no good reply.  I thought about what I would've done in my younger days and it would've been a lot of apologizing and saying how I didn't mean to offend her.  I opted for silence over that.

LadyOrTheTyger

She's not into you.  She showed that clearly from the moment when she left to go downstairs with the other guy.  But we women for some reason are incapable of saying, "I'm not into you," so we do the things she's doing.  Like when you "let her hang for a while". .  .. and then you had to be the one to pick up the conversation again.  Twice


On to the next one.

EANx

LadyOrTheTyger said:

She's not into you.  

No matter the gender, someone that's into you will do what they can to be near you.

jzoom

Interesting.  We did leave it as she would let me know when she isn't sick anymore so that we can coordinate a time to go out.  I had already decided to leave it that way, that if she was serious she would get in contact with me and if not then I wasn't reaching out further.

Good practice I guess and just learn from it.